A radical change has taken place over the last few months. It may sound strange given the fact that I work from home, but I have NEVER been a home body. In fact, I highly doubt there were a handful of days in my life when I stayed home the entire day and wasn’t feverishly ill. Not even as a brand new mom. It just isn’t who I am.
However, the shift into hermit mode began about the time the kids started school in the Fall. They went off to school and I stopped doing activities outside of my home and socializing with my friends. Sure I take and pick-up the kids from school, go to the grocery store, go to church, run errands, and occasionally socialize without any hesitation, but more than ever I am hanging out at home. Since this is so foreign to me, I can’t help but analyze the possible underlying reasons. At first, I figured I just needed a break. The exhaustion of the last few years had really caught up to me. I cut myself some slack and decided to be a little closed off. I was still opening up to friends on the phone so what was the big deal?
Now, after almost four months, I realize that I am getting worse not better. I had a few holiday gatherings that I enjoyed this month (including a QUICK trip to Miami for a company Christmas party), but most days I just stayed home. I didn’t think I would be like this during the kids’ break from school. I just haven’t felt like going out and they have seemed fine with it. I must admit that we do go on walks and bike rides. We’re not locked in the house all day every day.
As if becoming a hermit isn’t bad enough, I have even started semi-enjoying a few activities that I have never been too fond of. The most shocking one is sewing. I had not even plugged in my sewing machine in over two years. Suddenly, I have been making lots of projects and not hating it. The other shocking activity is reading. In the middle of December, I started reading Hunger Games (years after everyone else). In four days, I finished all three books in the series. Then I went into Amazon and downloaded several free books onto my Kindle (hand-me-down from my sister). Not that I hate reading novels, but I have never liked it enough to devote more than a day or two of the year to reading them.
Last week and today, I have had a chance to reflect on the last few months and the coming months and I realize that mainly I feel completely defeated. 2011 was a really hard year. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea why, premonitions do not usually spell things out. Having said that, I also see that a million little/huge great things happened that help me get by often at the last minute. I still feel beat down with no end to the tough times in sight. Despite that, I am full of hope. This is not an engulfing depression that makes me suicidal. It is just about being a hermit, which continues to persist. Perhaps, this is a passive way to deal with the issues I am facing. By hiding out, I am hoping they will just get bored and go away (all emotion and no logic). I guess on the bright side, it is never a bad thing to catch up on reading and my sewing skills definitely needed/still need improvement.
On to a new year with hopes that the future will be so bright, I’ll be able to block out some of 2011.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
The Spirit of Christmas
In the LDS church, everything is done by the congregation. Basically, nobody gets paid and we are all expected to pitch in. They ask different people to fill different rolls, some of which carry huge responsibilities. When I moved here, I actually was kind of bracing myself to see what they would want from me. Fortunately, I was asked to be a party planner for our church’s women’s group. That means that about five times a year, I help plan a party/dinner/gathering.
Two weeks ago, we had a nice Christmas dinner to put on. Usually, 40 to 60 women attend. The leader of the party planners invited us over to her house last month to figure out the details. We discussed the menu, invitations, decorations, and who our speaker would be. The other planners had not lived in this area for very long. They were suggesting names of men who attend church with our congregation. I sat there thinking it would be nice to have a woman from another congregation. I thought of the perfect person and suggested her name. She was one of my mom’s friends and she LOVES Christmas, but I have only seen her in passing for the past 20 years. We all decided to tell her our plans for the dinner and let her run with whatever she wanted to talk about. I wasn’t in charge of making the phone call, so I didn’t know whether she agreed or not. I didn’t find out until just a few days before that she had agreed.
When she arrived at the dinner that night, I hugged her and sat by her while we ate. I remembered why I admired her. She is very smart, intuitive, and full of love. I had no idea what she would talk about, but was completely blown away by her approach. Her topic was sad things that have happened at Christmastime that changed who you are as a person. She started with a story about herself.
She grew up in a family with eleven kids. She was right in the middle, actually #5. One Christmas when she was about seven, she awoke to find very few presents under the tree. Her family took turns passing out a present and watching the person open it. When all the presents were gone, she sat there quietly trying to conceal her sadness because there wasn’t even one gift for her and she didn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings. Her mom suddenly noticed and had a look of panic on her face. Her mom took her by the hand and led her to where she kept the fabric. She had her pick whatever fabric she wanted and told her that she planned to make a dress for her.
Our speaker asked if others had stories to share. Another lady told us about a Christmas when she was in her early 20s where she grew up in Guatemala. Her fiancé had called off their wedding and dumped her without explanation two months before this particular holiday. She had spent the last two months crying in her room and moping around their house. On Christmas Eve, her mother insisted that she get dressed and help with food preparations in the kitchen. She complied, but did so with a bad attitude until she noticed two children sweeping out her family’s garage. Immediately, she could see that they were very poor and must have come from a different part of town. They were trying to earn a tiny amount of money for their family. She suddenly lost all of her self-pity. She fixed a plate of food and cookies to give to them. The kids were so tickled by the thought of bringing food to their family. They were even more thrilled to try cookies for the first time.
This was exactly the Christmas message that I needed to hear. I had been feeling pretty depressed about not being able to splurge on Christmas this year. It was nice to be reminded that the spirit of Christmas is felt in the heart.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Jordan's 4th Birthday
Jordan is officially four years old. To celebrate, we decided to have a reindeer birthday party. What could be better than combining a birthday and a Christmas party? We invited our close friends and had an amazing time. I decided to share some of the themed items:
Invite:
Reindeer Noses
Rootdeer
Cupcakes
Bean Bag Toss
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving Post 2011
I, Freckle Face Girl, remember:
1. I am thankful for my kids and the opportunity to be their mom. A while ago, I was in a class where the teacher asked us to think about what we were born to do. I realized that I was born to be a mom. That doesn’t mean that I am perfect (far from it), but I am passionate about it and I truly feel it is one of the aspects that helps to define me.
2. I am thankful for my job. I started working for this company almost 10 years ago. Life certainly has changed since then, but they continue to give me a pay check as well as moral support.
3. I am thankful that I work from home. At times it is tougher than working in an office, but it also allows me to live closer to the type of lifestyle I think is best for me and my kids. I realize that not many people are this lucky.
4. I am thankful that my kids go to fantastic schools and have great teachers. Most importantly, they are happy.
5. I am thrilled to be raising my kids in an area where their influences are mostly positive. I am amazed that elementary aged kids here only know “bad” words to be things like stupid, duh, and shut-up.
6. I am thankful that my mom has been such a great support my whole life, and especially over the last few years. Beyond her moral support, she continues to pay my health insurance and do whatever she can for me and the kids.
7. I am thankful for my family and glad that drama is not part of the dynamics. It isn’t because we are not bursting with personality. We just believe everyone is crazy, so we don’t get offended easily/at all.
8. I am thankful for the many wonderful friends I have made in my life and the ability to stay connected to them. I am also glad for friends that treat us like family and invite us to spend holidays (Thanksgiving) with them.
9. I am thankful that I attend a church with great people who are kind, compassionate, fun, smart, and continually working to improve themselves.
10. I am thankful for the many wonderful ways that my impossible prayers have been answered. One or two were even mind-blowing.
11. I am thankful for the opportunities to help others. It is amazing how those simple acts inspire someone to pay it forward or come back and return the favor years later (see #10).
12. I am thankful that this year is coming to an end. Before this year even started, I had a premonition (link to post) it was going to be tough and it truly has been. Now, I am just hoping something will brighten up next year. – So far, I have received no premonitions either way…
13. Maybe it is cheesy to end it like this, but…. I am thankful to be single so that I don’t have to share the master suite. I just LOVE having my own walk-in-closet and bathroom.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Christmas Card Time
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Goodbye to my Aunt
My dad died of brain cancer almost exactly six years ago. Today, his younger sister lost her battle with breast cancer. He was 56. She was 54. The worst part is that my grandparents have now lost 3 of their 5 children. His older brother died last January. It doesn't matter how old you are or how old your children are, losing them is a nightmare.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Holiday Shirt
I don't think it is any secret that I love holidays & getting festive. Sadly, this year I am suffering from a lack of funds. However, thanks to inspiration from pinterest, lots of ribbon and glue already owned, and a mother who always had sewing and craft projects going on – I am trying a new craftier phase of life. I even spent most of my Saturday working on several projects. My poor sewing machine had not been plugged in for 3 years.
I am posting the above Christmas tree shirt that I made for Lexi. Most of my other projects will be Christmas presents, so those I’ll have to keep under wraps. I liked how this one turned out. It was insanely easy. I simply used ribbons, fabric glue, fray check, and scissors. I think it would be even better to use non-traditional Christmas colors like soft pink and blue, perhaps I’ll try that next year.
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
Halloween Costumes
This year, I didn't have the time, energy, or money to devote to coming up with new costumes, so I convinced the kids that we should be the same thing as last year. They dressed up on Friday and Saturday for church trunk-or-treating. We all got dressed up last night to go to a friend's house for a Halloween party. Of course, I was the only adult dressed up. That either means that I am insane, immature, or just too much fun... you decide.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Decorating Pumpkins
This year, I decided that I didn't feel like carving pumpkins. Actually, I should say this week has been crazy hectic with work. I barely survived getting by on minimal activities and very little sleep. However, holidays must go on, right? I decided that we should do some kind of pumpkin decorating activity one evening. I pulled out my hot glue gun and bin full of ribbons and this is what we came up with. The kids picked out the ribbons for their pumpkins. Jordan wanted bats and spiders. Lexi wanted skulls and polka-dots. We used these as our decorations for trunk-or-treat. Maybe next year things will be a little easier and we can go all out.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Zillions of Distractions
Tonight, I have been looking at faces that are painted up for day of the dead. I have been interested in doing that to my face for Halloween for several years. I even watched a tutorial. I don't think it will happen this year, but definitely a motivation for next Halloween.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Americans Can Cook
Every afternoon (3:30 pm), Jordan and I stand outside of Lexi’s school to pick her up. There are four moms at that exit that walk their kids home on a daily basis, so we have casually talked every day for the past six weeks. For some strange reason, I am the only US born mom and consequently the only one without an accent. One is from France. One is from Venezuela. The third one is from Bolivia.
Last week, the one from France brought each of us a bundle of fresh basil from her garden. The next day, they were all curious about how we each used our basil. The French one’s father was a chef, so she regularly cooks with fresh basil. The one from Venezuela teaches gourmet cooking classes for parties at people’s homes. She planned to use her basil for one of the parties. The one from Bolivia was still thinking about how she would use it, but had thought about using it in a cream cheese mix for various different things. They all looked at me with curiosity. I told them I was going to make a homemade margherita pizza (posted a picture above as proof). They were surprised that I knew how to cook since I am an “American.”
Isn’t that funny that they thought that? Is it because Americans eat out a lot? Maybe they just think we stick to meat and potatoes, which I know a lot who do. I happen to be better at foreign dishes. To be honest, I love all things Italian. Indian, Arabic and Japanese rank high on my list of dishes too. We hardly ever go out to eat, so I have to keep it interesting. I don’t know how Americans got that reputation or if it is wide-spread, but perhaps it is time we show them that we can cook.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Contemplating Complete Forgiveness
I have something I have been thinking about posting for several weeks, but I am not sure how much I am ready to reveal or honestly even deal with. One thing I know is that I don’t want to spell it out, but I think it will be completely obvious who this is about. Never-the-less, here it goes…
What happens when there is someone who plays a significant role in your life that over the course of several years gets wrapped up in something that drastically hurts themselves, you and definitely damages your relationship? What happens when this builds to the point where most of the ties must be severed in order to keep your sanity? What if you take time to at least generally forgive the person and are able to talk to them in an honest and kind way? What if after a certain amount of time, they ask for complete forgiveness and would like to TRY to restore that relationship? Not only that, but they are showing remarkable improvement through the help of a therapist and religious studies. What if that person is going out of their way to prove they are an asset in your life without expecting anything in return?
These are the basic questions I have been contemplating for the past few weeks. In general, I believe that I am a very forgiving person that doesn’t hold grudges. I honestly believe that everyone deserves a second chance if they are willing to work for it. Sadly, we are all foolish at times and take things for granted. I wish I could say that I am perfect. Sometimes, we get our best lessons in life by learning the hard way. Those lessons transform us into a much better person.
On the other hand, there is that saying - fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There is a certain amount of distrust and self protection that exists to help us survive. Where is the balance in all of this? I guess it is just a matter of taking things VERY slowly and seeing if it is possible to build enough trust. Life is so complicated.
What happens when there is someone who plays a significant role in your life that over the course of several years gets wrapped up in something that drastically hurts themselves, you and definitely damages your relationship? What happens when this builds to the point where most of the ties must be severed in order to keep your sanity? What if you take time to at least generally forgive the person and are able to talk to them in an honest and kind way? What if after a certain amount of time, they ask for complete forgiveness and would like to TRY to restore that relationship? Not only that, but they are showing remarkable improvement through the help of a therapist and religious studies. What if that person is going out of their way to prove they are an asset in your life without expecting anything in return?
These are the basic questions I have been contemplating for the past few weeks. In general, I believe that I am a very forgiving person that doesn’t hold grudges. I honestly believe that everyone deserves a second chance if they are willing to work for it. Sadly, we are all foolish at times and take things for granted. I wish I could say that I am perfect. Sometimes, we get our best lessons in life by learning the hard way. Those lessons transform us into a much better person.
On the other hand, there is that saying - fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There is a certain amount of distrust and self protection that exists to help us survive. Where is the balance in all of this? I guess it is just a matter of taking things VERY slowly and seeing if it is possible to build enough trust. Life is so complicated.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Burning Up
It is certainly time to pray for some REAL rain for Texas. We are burning up. I am glad that I live in an area where there isn't an active fire. However, we have fires to the west of us and fires to the north. Sadly, there are choking clouds of smoke everywhere. I am tired of smelling and breathing it. We even had ashes falling around our house on Monday evening. The weather has finally gotten a little cooler and now the smoke forces us to stay inside.
On Sunday, my son started announcing to people that a hurricane is coming. I don't know why. We hadn’t been discussing it or anything. I am simply hoping for a very wet tropical storm, one that lingers for several days and soaks everything.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Divorce Talk
A few weeks ago, I realized that so many of my posts focus on divorce and being single. Not that it is a bad topic, but I decided that I was a bit tired of the whole thing. I wanted to mix it up a little.
However, the bizarre thing about this status is that somehow it inspires people to open up and share their marriage struggles and thoughts of divorce. Plus, meeting other divorcees happens naturally. I end up hearing and talking a lot about the whole divorcee way of life. While it is quite interesting and really opens my eyes up to how fortunate I truly am, I wonder what the deeper meaning in all of this. Life is so complicated with a million different answers and directions as well as insane reasoning behind decisions and feelings.
When it comes to others, mainly I just listen without judging. I believe it is important to look at situations from diverse angles and consider all options. I bring up many different points good and bad without stating my opinion. Ultimately, relationships are so personal that only each individual can figure out what they truly want to do or are ready to do.
Through all these various discussions, I have realized that only the most fortunate people survive a divorce with a relatively small amount of money being paid to lawyers, without hateful feelings, and being able to maintain a friendship not to mention mutual respect. Life is far from easy and divorce is horrible, but I consider myself a rare lucky divorcee.
However, the bizarre thing about this status is that somehow it inspires people to open up and share their marriage struggles and thoughts of divorce. Plus, meeting other divorcees happens naturally. I end up hearing and talking a lot about the whole divorcee way of life. While it is quite interesting and really opens my eyes up to how fortunate I truly am, I wonder what the deeper meaning in all of this. Life is so complicated with a million different answers and directions as well as insane reasoning behind decisions and feelings.
When it comes to others, mainly I just listen without judging. I believe it is important to look at situations from diverse angles and consider all options. I bring up many different points good and bad without stating my opinion. Ultimately, relationships are so personal that only each individual can figure out what they truly want to do or are ready to do.
Through all these various discussions, I have realized that only the most fortunate people survive a divorce with a relatively small amount of money being paid to lawyers, without hateful feelings, and being able to maintain a friendship not to mention mutual respect. Life is far from easy and divorce is horrible, but I consider myself a rare lucky divorcee.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
First Day of School 2011
Lexi's first day of kindergarten was yesterday. She was quite excited about it and had a great day. I had no doubts that it would be good. Both she and I were more than ready for this day. The only one that got a little emotional was Jordan and that was back at home when he was missing her.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Lexi's Reading Lessons
We finally finished Lexi's 100th reading lesson. Remember back in November when I posted her 55th reading lesson? Well, we got up to 74 and stalled. I had too much work and it was quite grueling to keep her focused and interested. The lessons went out the window. When we got back to Texas, Lexi’s friend (daughter of my friend) was close to finishing the 100 lessons. That gave Lexi the motivation she needed to nag me to do them.
I decided the best way to do it would be to start over again. We finished the first 20 lessons in one afternoon. Getting up to the first 50 lessons went quickly. Lexi remembered all of the sounds and sped through them. After that, we rarely did more than one lesson a day, but we kept up with it. We both really wanted to finish before school starts. Also, she has been excited for the ice cream party that I promised her from the beginning.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Kids Talk
Today is the two year anniversary of the divorce. Emotionally, I am in a much better place and so is my ex. I know it was absolutely the right decision, even though breaking up a family is so difficult and shouldn’t have to happen ever. However, life has a way of helping people grow, heal and move on.
This week, I saw an article about dealing with your ex getting a new girlfriend. One of the author’s suggestions was encouraging your kids not to talk about the other parent’s life or your life. I think that advice is sad.
First of all, I can’t imagine discouraging my kids from sharing anything that affects their lives. I want them to feel like they can talk to me about anything and everything. Perhaps, that is one of the reasons my kids are non-stop talkers. I don’t want them to keep things from me. I hope by getting in this habit, they’ll come to me with everything especially during the teenage years or if anyone ever does anything to them that I NEED to know about.
Secondly, I don’t want them to feel guilty or bad about a person that is hopefully a positive influence in their lives. I wouldn’t discourage them from talking about their teachers or friends’ moms. Their dad’s girlfriend or their step-mom would be a significant part of their lives, especially since they spend every other weekend with him and most likely her.
Thirdly, kids are constantly trying to understand the world and life. Every new situation creates questions. They want to understand what things mean and how things work, especially relationships. Questions like: What will happen if they get married? What if they have a baby? How will that baby be related to me? Will that baby be related to you, mom? Will my dad still love me? Etc. Kids naturally ask questions and probably feel more comfortable asking the person who answers most of their questions, which in my experience is their mom.
I guess this point in the article struck a nerve because I am dealing with this currently. My ex has a special woman in his life that the kids spend time with. In fact, most of the time they are with him, she is too. I haven’t met her yet, but she seems like a great person and is really getting attached to the kids. I am sure that she is good for him and the kids. Since my kids are TALKERS, I have heard all about her and him and them and answered all kinds of questions. Sure, it sometimes causes moments of insecurity or self-doubt (when I think about it later after they are asleep), but overall I feel like it is a positive thing.
Then again, I am able to listen and answer from an emotionally stable place and with a level head. My point is that advice columns can be wrong. Before taking advice, think about it from all different angles and potential outcomes.
This week, I saw an article about dealing with your ex getting a new girlfriend. One of the author’s suggestions was encouraging your kids not to talk about the other parent’s life or your life. I think that advice is sad.
First of all, I can’t imagine discouraging my kids from sharing anything that affects their lives. I want them to feel like they can talk to me about anything and everything. Perhaps, that is one of the reasons my kids are non-stop talkers. I don’t want them to keep things from me. I hope by getting in this habit, they’ll come to me with everything especially during the teenage years or if anyone ever does anything to them that I NEED to know about.
Secondly, I don’t want them to feel guilty or bad about a person that is hopefully a positive influence in their lives. I wouldn’t discourage them from talking about their teachers or friends’ moms. Their dad’s girlfriend or their step-mom would be a significant part of their lives, especially since they spend every other weekend with him and most likely her.
Thirdly, kids are constantly trying to understand the world and life. Every new situation creates questions. They want to understand what things mean and how things work, especially relationships. Questions like: What will happen if they get married? What if they have a baby? How will that baby be related to me? Will that baby be related to you, mom? Will my dad still love me? Etc. Kids naturally ask questions and probably feel more comfortable asking the person who answers most of their questions, which in my experience is their mom.
I guess this point in the article struck a nerve because I am dealing with this currently. My ex has a special woman in his life that the kids spend time with. In fact, most of the time they are with him, she is too. I haven’t met her yet, but she seems like a great person and is really getting attached to the kids. I am sure that she is good for him and the kids. Since my kids are TALKERS, I have heard all about her and him and them and answered all kinds of questions. Sure, it sometimes causes moments of insecurity or self-doubt (when I think about it later after they are asleep), but overall I feel like it is a positive thing.
Then again, I am able to listen and answer from an emotionally stable place and with a level head. My point is that advice columns can be wrong. Before taking advice, think about it from all different angles and potential outcomes.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Lack of Television Obsession
My life seems to revolve around taking care of the kids, work, cleaning the house, cooking and a little sleep. Even my social life has more to do with entertaining the kids than simply being me time. Fortunately, I get to hang out with friends that have kids that are friends with my kids. So, I kill two birds with one stone. I love that. One thing, this current lifestyle leads to is the lack of opportunity to indulge in television watching. That means I should to stick to quality programs when I get the rare moment.
When I was in California, I caught a few episodes of Glee, Bones, Lie To Me, and a few others that I quite liked. However, I always end up missing most of the episodes in a season even if I think the show is amazing. This tendency helped lead to my decision to not get cable. Instead, we have a Wii so we can watch Netflix. I also watch on my computer. If I have time for a movie, I mostly like cheesy chic flicks. I try to watch one when the kids are out with their dad when I am not terribly busy working.
Somehow, while searching for something interesting but not so long, I stumbled across a tv show that sounded very out of the ordinary. It is called Obsessed. It is a reality show, but not the staged contest kind that I dislike. It is more like a documentary. I have only watched about 4 episodes, but it is fascinating. Actually, it is fascinating, creepy, desperately sad, completely insane, and then full of hope and moving on. Each episode is about two different people living with extreme cases of OCD. They discuss and document their issues and then go through 12 weeks of face-your-fears type of therapy.
I have always enjoyed biographies and real life stories, especially ones where people open up and lay it all on the line. Not only are these people sharing the darkest part of their lives, but they are finding manageable solutions to something that has plagued them for years. Although, I am easy going and can’t see any real similarities to their problems, it is inspiring to watch them tackle an issue head-on and then transform.
When I was in California, I caught a few episodes of Glee, Bones, Lie To Me, and a few others that I quite liked. However, I always end up missing most of the episodes in a season even if I think the show is amazing. This tendency helped lead to my decision to not get cable. Instead, we have a Wii so we can watch Netflix. I also watch on my computer. If I have time for a movie, I mostly like cheesy chic flicks. I try to watch one when the kids are out with their dad when I am not terribly busy working.
Somehow, while searching for something interesting but not so long, I stumbled across a tv show that sounded very out of the ordinary. It is called Obsessed. It is a reality show, but not the staged contest kind that I dislike. It is more like a documentary. I have only watched about 4 episodes, but it is fascinating. Actually, it is fascinating, creepy, desperately sad, completely insane, and then full of hope and moving on. Each episode is about two different people living with extreme cases of OCD. They discuss and document their issues and then go through 12 weeks of face-your-fears type of therapy.
I have always enjoyed biographies and real life stories, especially ones where people open up and lay it all on the line. Not only are these people sharing the darkest part of their lives, but they are finding manageable solutions to something that has plagued them for years. Although, I am easy going and can’t see any real similarities to their problems, it is inspiring to watch them tackle an issue head-on and then transform.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Two Months In Texas
Today marks the two month anniversary of our return to grand ol Texas! Yeehaw! What’s not to love???? Overall, I can say that I am thrilled to be back, but it hasn’t been all dreamy easy. Basically, it is a mix of inner peace/pure happiness and worry/adjusting.
Adjusting hasn’t been an issue for me specifically. In fact, right as we were first pulling in I felt like I’d never left. Two years flew by. Everything is familiar and my friends all look the same. Their kids had grown up a lot, but that didn’t take long to get used to. My house feels normal too. Mostly, I just put things back the way they were. The sad part is that the house needs quite a few minor repairs and I just have to be patient while I get other things going so I can get to it. Lexi & Jordan have been trying to adjust though. They have loved being back, but they get sentimental now and then when they think about their grandparents or my sister.
Another issue is money. Isn’t it always though? Money is extremely tight (actually slipping back a little), but promising. In addition to my job, I have two clients that keep me jumping. Once those take off, I am looking forward to the cash flow improving. They both seem quite happy and I know I will be able to work better once school starts and there are more moments of quiet around here.
I guess another topic is my social life, which involves friends. I love being around old friends. I have quite a few here. There is just something too special about someone who knows you over more than two decades. They know my family and who I really am. It is comforting and still fun.
My love life is exactly where I want it to be, which is essentially nowhere with a little twist. The kids and I have gone on three play dates with that guy and his kids that I mentioned in the last post. He is SOOOO nice. He doesn’t want to date yet because his divorce isn’t finalized, which I think is the right thing to do. Plus, he is clearly suffering from heartache in the emotional rollercoaster of divorce. He wants and needs a friend just as much as I do. Although I am sad he is going through this, I am very comfortable with our platonic friendship that involves a little flirting. I quite enjoy talking to him too. I think this friendship is therapeutic for both of us.
Not bad or boring for two months of my life. In one more month and a few days, my little Lexi will be starting kindergarten. More adjustments with life moving onward.
Adjusting hasn’t been an issue for me specifically. In fact, right as we were first pulling in I felt like I’d never left. Two years flew by. Everything is familiar and my friends all look the same. Their kids had grown up a lot, but that didn’t take long to get used to. My house feels normal too. Mostly, I just put things back the way they were. The sad part is that the house needs quite a few minor repairs and I just have to be patient while I get other things going so I can get to it. Lexi & Jordan have been trying to adjust though. They have loved being back, but they get sentimental now and then when they think about their grandparents or my sister.
Another issue is money. Isn’t it always though? Money is extremely tight (actually slipping back a little), but promising. In addition to my job, I have two clients that keep me jumping. Once those take off, I am looking forward to the cash flow improving. They both seem quite happy and I know I will be able to work better once school starts and there are more moments of quiet around here.
I guess another topic is my social life, which involves friends. I love being around old friends. I have quite a few here. There is just something too special about someone who knows you over more than two decades. They know my family and who I really am. It is comforting and still fun.
My love life is exactly where I want it to be, which is essentially nowhere with a little twist. The kids and I have gone on three play dates with that guy and his kids that I mentioned in the last post. He is SOOOO nice. He doesn’t want to date yet because his divorce isn’t finalized, which I think is the right thing to do. Plus, he is clearly suffering from heartache in the emotional rollercoaster of divorce. He wants and needs a friend just as much as I do. Although I am sad he is going through this, I am very comfortable with our platonic friendship that involves a little flirting. I quite enjoy talking to him too. I think this friendship is therapeutic for both of us.
Not bad or boring for two months of my life. In one more month and a few days, my little Lexi will be starting kindergarten. More adjustments with life moving onward.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
No Feminine Allure
Out of the people that I know who read my blog, I am not sure there are many that have experienced what I feel like revealing tonight. Sadly, when someone has gone through a rather long spell without any type of romantic connection, they begin to see themselves as non-attractive. I realize that it sounds like I am referring to some steamy passionate entanglement, but I am really talking about ANY type of interaction like flirting.
Logically speaking, I understand that I have chosen to spend the last (almost) year as close to nun-hood as possible. It isn’t the first time. Well, I take that back. I highly doubt that I have ever shunned the dating scene for an entire year. I was 30 when I got married, so the single life is something that I am thoroughly familiar with. I took quite a few breaks (several months long) back in the pre-marriage days. Breathers can be nice.
In many ways, choosing the life of a quasi-nun can feel very liberating and can be a time of great introspection. There are a lot of things that need my focus right now and I barely feel like I am keeping up. Sometimes, one more thing gets thrown into my life and it feels overwhelming.
Plus, I absolutely don’t like the whole fakeness of first dates and chit chatting with strangers who may or may not want to spend the rest of their lives being in love. It’s just not at all appealing right now. Granted, there isn’t an abundance of single men in any of the activities or hang-outs that I spend time at. In fact, mostly I see lots of moms. I rarely see any men (married or not). Truthfully, my chances of even bumping into single men are pretty low. I live in the suburbs. I only do kid/family-friendly activities. I work from home so I don’t even see my colleagues or meet many new people.
On a highly depressing note, living a nun-ish life leads a girl to feel like no normal guy could possibly be interested in her. I wonder if I am even capable of getting a guy’s attention, assuming that I would actually find one that I am interested in. I’ve forgotten how to flirt, if I ever really knew. For the sake of this rambling post, let’s pretend somehow I could get his attention. Then, what? My life is consumed by my kids and work. I would have to dig deep to even remember other interests in an attempt to carry on even one fascinating conversation.
Alas, this circle of self doubt and complete disinterest in dating will continue for the time being. Mostly, I know that it is best for me right now. However, I’d just love a little flirtatious smile or harmless wink from a half-way handsome single man near my age to signal that perhaps just maybe I still got it.
**Update: After writing this post last night, I took the kids to the pool today and happened to get what I wished for. There were a few dads there. One who was holding a baby & had two other kids started talking to me. I thought that his wife was probably on one of the beach chairs. He asked, "What do ya'll do for a living?" I told him that I am divorced and then about my work. I asked him what he does & he said that he is currently going through a divorce. Our kids played and we had a nice time. He shared a few things, but said it was hard to talk with the kids. I was friendly, but not divulging much. Before he left, he politely asked for my number to see if we could schedule a play date for the kids. Pretty harmless, right? How could someone refuse that? -- I don't know if we'll ever get together. It would be nice to have a friend. The best part of this was finding out that I am not repulsive.
Logically speaking, I understand that I have chosen to spend the last (almost) year as close to nun-hood as possible. It isn’t the first time. Well, I take that back. I highly doubt that I have ever shunned the dating scene for an entire year. I was 30 when I got married, so the single life is something that I am thoroughly familiar with. I took quite a few breaks (several months long) back in the pre-marriage days. Breathers can be nice.
In many ways, choosing the life of a quasi-nun can feel very liberating and can be a time of great introspection. There are a lot of things that need my focus right now and I barely feel like I am keeping up. Sometimes, one more thing gets thrown into my life and it feels overwhelming.
Plus, I absolutely don’t like the whole fakeness of first dates and chit chatting with strangers who may or may not want to spend the rest of their lives being in love. It’s just not at all appealing right now. Granted, there isn’t an abundance of single men in any of the activities or hang-outs that I spend time at. In fact, mostly I see lots of moms. I rarely see any men (married or not). Truthfully, my chances of even bumping into single men are pretty low. I live in the suburbs. I only do kid/family-friendly activities. I work from home so I don’t even see my colleagues or meet many new people.
On a highly depressing note, living a nun-ish life leads a girl to feel like no normal guy could possibly be interested in her. I wonder if I am even capable of getting a guy’s attention, assuming that I would actually find one that I am interested in. I’ve forgotten how to flirt, if I ever really knew. For the sake of this rambling post, let’s pretend somehow I could get his attention. Then, what? My life is consumed by my kids and work. I would have to dig deep to even remember other interests in an attempt to carry on even one fascinating conversation.
Alas, this circle of self doubt and complete disinterest in dating will continue for the time being. Mostly, I know that it is best for me right now. However, I’d just love a little flirtatious smile or harmless wink from a half-way handsome single man near my age to signal that perhaps just maybe I still got it.
**Update: After writing this post last night, I took the kids to the pool today and happened to get what I wished for. There were a few dads there. One who was holding a baby & had two other kids started talking to me. I thought that his wife was probably on one of the beach chairs. He asked, "What do ya'll do for a living?" I told him that I am divorced and then about my work. I asked him what he does & he said that he is currently going through a divorce. Our kids played and we had a nice time. He shared a few things, but said it was hard to talk with the kids. I was friendly, but not divulging much. Before he left, he politely asked for my number to see if we could schedule a play date for the kids. Pretty harmless, right? How could someone refuse that? -- I don't know if we'll ever get together. It would be nice to have a friend. The best part of this was finding out that I am not repulsive.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
What's My Name?
Today, two different people asked me my last name and I couldn't answer. Does that seem like a dumb blonde thing or what? Fortunately, both of them knew both of the last names I go by, but wasn't sure which one I preferred. Sadly, I don't know which one I prefer either and I've been divorced for 2 years.
On the one hand, I am probably leaning more towards my maiden name. I am living in a place where quite a few people know my family so I'm classified as one of them anyways. Plus, I've been using that name for work this entire time. I started working for my company before I got married and it seemed like such a hassle to make the change, especially since I am marketing person who has lots of contacts. It would affect my e-mail, business cards, etc. Technically, it is not only my last name, but now it is officially my middle name. My parents didn't give me a middle name. When I got married, I made my maiden name my middle name. My first name, maiden name & last name are on all my documents (drivers license, passport, social security, etc). Going back to only using my maiden name also signifies in my mind that I am single and completely in charge of my own life. In a way, it is liberating but only in my mind.
On the other hand, there is a small part of me that thinks sharing my married name with my kids makes us feel more like a family. I don't want them to feel even a little alienated by the divorce. I wonder if by deciding to officially stop using our last name, it would send a signal that I am rejecting the name that is part of who they are. Of course, that is probably over thinking it, but you get my point. Also, I just don't want the hassle of officially changing it. What a pain that can be.
I've mentioned this topic of divorcing and last names before but mainly from view of the guy's new wife. As far as I know, my ex isn't very close to that next step. It would feel strange to share a last name with my ex if he has a new wife.
I guess on this one issue, I am still in limbo. For now, I tell people that I'll answer to either name, but I just don't know what I want. There may be a perk to being undecided. It will be so much tougher for people to gossip about me when half of the people know me by one name and the other half know me by another.
On the one hand, I am probably leaning more towards my maiden name. I am living in a place where quite a few people know my family so I'm classified as one of them anyways. Plus, I've been using that name for work this entire time. I started working for my company before I got married and it seemed like such a hassle to make the change, especially since I am marketing person who has lots of contacts. It would affect my e-mail, business cards, etc. Technically, it is not only my last name, but now it is officially my middle name. My parents didn't give me a middle name. When I got married, I made my maiden name my middle name. My first name, maiden name & last name are on all my documents (drivers license, passport, social security, etc). Going back to only using my maiden name also signifies in my mind that I am single and completely in charge of my own life. In a way, it is liberating but only in my mind.
On the other hand, there is a small part of me that thinks sharing my married name with my kids makes us feel more like a family. I don't want them to feel even a little alienated by the divorce. I wonder if by deciding to officially stop using our last name, it would send a signal that I am rejecting the name that is part of who they are. Of course, that is probably over thinking it, but you get my point. Also, I just don't want the hassle of officially changing it. What a pain that can be.
I've mentioned this topic of divorcing and last names before but mainly from view of the guy's new wife. As far as I know, my ex isn't very close to that next step. It would feel strange to share a last name with my ex if he has a new wife.
I guess on this one issue, I am still in limbo. For now, I tell people that I'll answer to either name, but I just don't know what I want. There may be a perk to being undecided. It will be so much tougher for people to gossip about me when half of the people know me by one name and the other half know me by another.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Who’s your Daddy?
Don't you just love when your kids say something so ridiculously funny when they have no idea what they are saying? Tonight, I overheard this conversation between Lexi and Jordan:
Lexi, "Jordan, you have to shake what your momma gave you."
Jordan, "No, the mailman gave me this."
At this point, I am thinking... the mailman gave him something? ...and sounds like I had an affair with the mailman and he is Jordan's real dad. I just had to walk into the other room to see what he was talking about.
I asked him what the mailman gave him. Jordan pointed at his shirt. I guess when I order things online, it is really the mailman that gives it to Jordan.
Lexi, "Jordan, you have to shake what your momma gave you."
Jordan, "No, the mailman gave me this."
At this point, I am thinking... the mailman gave him something? ...and sounds like I had an affair with the mailman and he is Jordan's real dad. I just had to walk into the other room to see what he was talking about.
I asked him what the mailman gave him. Jordan pointed at his shirt. I guess when I order things online, it is really the mailman that gives it to Jordan.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Leaps of Faith
When I got out of college, I took huge leaps of faith several times. Twice I decided to move to a different city (Denver & Miami) where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know where I would live and didn’t have a job. I just packed up my car and hit the road. I was quite nervous about whether or not it would work out, but I have moved almost every year of my entire life so I just went for it.
It is one of the things about me that my friends laugh at/half admire/think is insane. Getting older has slightly decreased my desire to do that, but it is clearly still part of who I am. This recent move back to Texas wasn’t completely into the unknown. First, I am still working for the company that I started with in 2002. Second, I knew that I would be moving back to my house. Unpacking has been easy since I mostly just put things where I had them before. Third, I know my way around town. Not only did I live here for two years before going to California, but my family has lived here off and on since we moved here when I was in high school. This feels like home for me. Fourth, I have lots of close friends here many of whom feel like family. There is nothing like having a long history/friendship with people. All of these points lead me to be being truly happy.
However, life is never completely perfect. I have had to get use to sharing custody. Not that there is anything wrong with it or that it has been difficult, but I am a little over protective as a mother in some ways. I think I have been doing a pretty decent job of sharing though. Unfortunately, my main concern is our financial situation. I am currently only working part-time for my company. With the very slow (practically stopped) economy in Florida, that is all they need from me. I have decided that the best way to cover the bills is to do a little consulting on the side. I know I am great at my job, but I just have to find clients. That is why I have been absent on my blog. Basically, I’m busy with another one of my leaps of faith. I just pray that this one goes as well as all the others have.
It is one of the things about me that my friends laugh at/half admire/think is insane. Getting older has slightly decreased my desire to do that, but it is clearly still part of who I am. This recent move back to Texas wasn’t completely into the unknown. First, I am still working for the company that I started with in 2002. Second, I knew that I would be moving back to my house. Unpacking has been easy since I mostly just put things where I had them before. Third, I know my way around town. Not only did I live here for two years before going to California, but my family has lived here off and on since we moved here when I was in high school. This feels like home for me. Fourth, I have lots of close friends here many of whom feel like family. There is nothing like having a long history/friendship with people. All of these points lead me to be being truly happy.
However, life is never completely perfect. I have had to get use to sharing custody. Not that there is anything wrong with it or that it has been difficult, but I am a little over protective as a mother in some ways. I think I have been doing a pretty decent job of sharing though. Unfortunately, my main concern is our financial situation. I am currently only working part-time for my company. With the very slow (practically stopped) economy in Florida, that is all they need from me. I have decided that the best way to cover the bills is to do a little consulting on the side. I know I am great at my job, but I just have to find clients. That is why I have been absent on my blog. Basically, I’m busy with another one of my leaps of faith. I just pray that this one goes as well as all the others have.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Easter Dress
Even though I love holidays, Easter Sunday wasn't that thrilling for me this year. I have a huge proposal due today and it needed lots of attention this weekend. Of course, we did the whole bunny thing. The kids woke up and found their baskets. Then we got ready for church. After church, they went to a party/picnic with my mom, step-father & sister, while I worked. The highlight for me that day was wearing my new Easter dress which I got courtesy of Tropic of Me and Family. Winning something is SO exciting! Thanks Holly!!!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday in my City
One of my favorite blogs, Relish My Relish, has a Sunday tradition. She calls it Sundays in my City. She posts pictures of an activity her family experienced. Apparently, she belongs to an Australian blogging group and they all do it. It is an interesting way to see some of the great attractions from Down Under. Today, I am going to copy that idea and share a San Diego gem.
As my time in California grows short, I realize that there are many sites/activities/adventures we are going to miss. The La Jolla Cove will definitely be on the top of the list. I decided to head there this afternoon with the kids. We walked around, looked at the seals, listened to the sound of the ocean, climbed trees, and had a good time. I should probably admit that there is one thing I have not and do not plan to do in California and that is get in the ocean. Ten years of living in Florida has completely spoiled me as far as ocean temperatures go. Anything below 80 degrees is just torture. The temperature of the water here was 60 degrees today, which is beautiful to look at and that is about it.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Lucky for Me
At church, there are a few young families that have one or both of the spouses in the military. Recently, a mom that is about my age had her husband deployed. The thing that makes her story unique is that they have quite a few very small children. In fact, they have a daughter Lexi’s age (5), a son Jordan’s age (3) who has down syndrome, and twins (boy and a girl) that are almost one. She is a SAHM that has her hands full even when her husband is around to help.
One of her personality traits that seems to help her get through (clearly survive emotionally) is her ability to share her babies. They are often passed around and are quite comfortable with strangers. I have realized that my over protective tendencies do not make me a very good at this, so I admire it in others. I also recognize what a wonderful gift to be able to share with others. It is amazing the amount of happiness that comes from cuddling, rocking, and caring for a baby even if only for an hour or so. Sometimes I see women who are not able to get pregnant, or women who have all their children grown, or women whose kids are just a little older find this pure joy from loving on her babies.
Today, I got that honor. Normally, I am hesitant about offering to do that for someone I don’t know well. Not because I don’t want to help, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about an acquaintance doing it. However, it was the last class at church, Relief Society, which is the class for adult women to attend. She is the chorister for the two songs that are sung. It was coming time for the opening song and she looked a little flustered, so I held out my arms. She got a huge smile on her face and handed me her daughter and apologized for the baby’s crankiness. Suddenly, I was full of love. I bounced her sweet baby then stood up and rocked with her for a few short minutes before she fell asleep. I got to spend the class cradling a baby and felt so lucky the whole time. I was sure to let her know that I would be happy to help ANYTIME!
One of her personality traits that seems to help her get through (clearly survive emotionally) is her ability to share her babies. They are often passed around and are quite comfortable with strangers. I have realized that my over protective tendencies do not make me a very good at this, so I admire it in others. I also recognize what a wonderful gift to be able to share with others. It is amazing the amount of happiness that comes from cuddling, rocking, and caring for a baby even if only for an hour or so. Sometimes I see women who are not able to get pregnant, or women who have all their children grown, or women whose kids are just a little older find this pure joy from loving on her babies.
Today, I got that honor. Normally, I am hesitant about offering to do that for someone I don’t know well. Not because I don’t want to help, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about an acquaintance doing it. However, it was the last class at church, Relief Society, which is the class for adult women to attend. She is the chorister for the two songs that are sung. It was coming time for the opening song and she looked a little flustered, so I held out my arms. She got a huge smile on her face and handed me her daughter and apologized for the baby’s crankiness. Suddenly, I was full of love. I bounced her sweet baby then stood up and rocked with her for a few short minutes before she fell asleep. I got to spend the class cradling a baby and felt so lucky the whole time. I was sure to let her know that I would be happy to help ANYTIME!
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Summer of Fun
I have been so swamped with work lately that I haven't really had time to think about moving back to Texas. Now, I realize it is five and a half weeks away and there is so much to do (including lots of work still). However, I am full of excitement. I have decided that this summer is going to be GREAT with lots of pool time. Plus, our weekdays will have themes to ensure that it will be a blast even when it isn't. We are going to have:
Manic Mondays (cleaning, running errands, & grocery shopping)
Taco Tuesdays (make some type of Mexican food for dinner)
Wacky Wednesdays (some very silly/high energy fun activity)
Themed Thursdays (pirate day, princess day, dragon day, etc)
Freaky Fridays (not quite sure what yet)
I realize that labeling things doesn't necessarily make them fun, but they sound better and sometimes that counts for a lot. My kids are already looking forward to it.
Manic Mondays (cleaning, running errands, & grocery shopping)
Taco Tuesdays (make some type of Mexican food for dinner)
Wacky Wednesdays (some very silly/high energy fun activity)
Themed Thursdays (pirate day, princess day, dragon day, etc)
Freaky Fridays (not quite sure what yet)
I realize that labeling things doesn't necessarily make them fun, but they sound better and sometimes that counts for a lot. My kids are already looking forward to it.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Emerging as Myself
This week, I read an article in a magazine about Botox that inspired a whole train of thought and an extremely strange analogy. Yes, I am weird. I am not in any way an expert of Botox. In fact, I have never even seriously thought about getting it and I only know a few people who have had it. Mainly, I just like reading studies about almost anything. This particular one said that although Botox only works for a few months, many patients who do it a few times in four months happen to see results up to 20 months. Their conclusion was that paralyzing the muscle actually gives the skin time to repair itself.
Now, for the strange analogy – for the past few weeks I have been thinking about how I am feeling more alive than I have in a long time. About a year ago, I posted about losing myself here: Lost My Spit Fire
I know that besides going through divorce, coming to California to live with my mom has been difficult for me, personally. No, not in any of the ways one might easily guess. My mom works full time and is laid back. She doesn’t meddle at all or even try to pry into my life much, just in a caring helpful way. My problem is that I am a fiercely independent person. I prefer to take care of myself, handle everything by myself, and I never ask for help. I am the one that helps others. I was even the main breadwinner for most of my marriage. Deciding to move here was not easy for me. However, I knew it was the best decision for me because I could continue working part-time and still be able to take care of my kids full-time. That felt significantly important to me. (I am not saying that it would be the best choice for anyone else or even for me at a different point in my life.)
Many changes have occurred since then. Recently, I have realized that it is time for the next phase of life. Preparing to go back to being completely self-sufficient is giving me a breath of fresh air. Although money will be extremely tight for a while, I am thrilled to know that I will be back on my own. As I look back on these past almost 2 years, I now realize that being here was enormously beneficial for me. Yes, I felt a bit paralyzed like I wasn’t moving forward or really doing anything with my life other than being the kind of mom that I wanted to be. Yet, just like Botox, being paralyzed allowed me to heal. I am genuinely at peace, more confident, appreciative of my current situation, and even, dare I say, incredibly cheerful.
Now, for the strange analogy – for the past few weeks I have been thinking about how I am feeling more alive than I have in a long time. About a year ago, I posted about losing myself here: Lost My Spit Fire
I know that besides going through divorce, coming to California to live with my mom has been difficult for me, personally. No, not in any of the ways one might easily guess. My mom works full time and is laid back. She doesn’t meddle at all or even try to pry into my life much, just in a caring helpful way. My problem is that I am a fiercely independent person. I prefer to take care of myself, handle everything by myself, and I never ask for help. I am the one that helps others. I was even the main breadwinner for most of my marriage. Deciding to move here was not easy for me. However, I knew it was the best decision for me because I could continue working part-time and still be able to take care of my kids full-time. That felt significantly important to me. (I am not saying that it would be the best choice for anyone else or even for me at a different point in my life.)
Many changes have occurred since then. Recently, I have realized that it is time for the next phase of life. Preparing to go back to being completely self-sufficient is giving me a breath of fresh air. Although money will be extremely tight for a while, I am thrilled to know that I will be back on my own. As I look back on these past almost 2 years, I now realize that being here was enormously beneficial for me. Yes, I felt a bit paralyzed like I wasn’t moving forward or really doing anything with my life other than being the kind of mom that I wanted to be. Yet, just like Botox, being paralyzed allowed me to heal. I am genuinely at peace, more confident, appreciative of my current situation, and even, dare I say, incredibly cheerful.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Brother's Wedding
This weekend, my youngest brother is getting married. Sadly, the kids and I will not be attending. They live in
Having said all that, I really do wish I could be there. Family events are always a wonderfully hectic time and I am mainly sad that my kids will miss out on the fun. We are still making efforts to be part of the wedding and get into the spirit of it all. Last week, Lexi decided that we should draw pictures of them getting married. Her masterpiece is above. As for my art work, I chose to dig deep and really get to the heart of their characters. I call it “Normal Girl marries the Mad Hatter.” - (remember that big sister = master taunter)
To be fair, I am posting a real picture of them. I wish them the best. The kids are excited to get another aunt!
By the way, none of my family members read my blog. They are vaguely aware it exists, but they just aren't blogging people.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Loving the Green Today
St Patty's Day is always a big deal for us. My mom is half Irish and always had to make it fun. Of course, we're celebrating it this year in silly little ways. Last night, I made sure the kids had green pjs so they would wake up and not get pinched. I guess that means I can't pinch them either. This morning, I had them help me make green tinted oatmeal, which left me with a green index finger for the day. We'll find other little ways to celebrate, but sadly I have a huge deadline tomorrow morning. I've been working practically around the clock and have not had time or energy to devote too much to this day, but you can bet we're wearing our shamrocks & enjoying it.
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