Emerging as Myself

This week, I read an article in a magazine about Botox that inspired a whole train of thought and an extremely strange analogy. Yes, I am weird. I am not in any way an expert of Botox. In fact, I have never even seriously thought about getting it and I only know a few people who have had it. Mainly, I just like reading studies about almost anything. This particular one said that although Botox only works for a few months, many patients who do it a few times in four months happen to see results up to 20 months. Their conclusion was that paralyzing the muscle actually gives the skin time to repair itself.

Now, for the strange analogy – for the past few weeks I have been thinking about how I am feeling more alive than I have in a long time. About a year ago, I posted about losing myself here: Lost My Spit Fire

I know that besides going through divorce, coming to California to live with my mom has been difficult for me, personally. No, not in any of the ways one might easily guess. My mom works full time and is laid back. She doesn’t meddle at all or even try to pry into my life much, just in a caring helpful way. My problem is that I am a fiercely independent person. I prefer to take care of myself, handle everything by myself, and I never ask for help. I am the one that helps others. I was even the main breadwinner for most of my marriage. Deciding to move here was not easy for me. However, I knew it was the best decision for me because I could continue working part-time and still be able to take care of my kids full-time. That felt significantly important to me. (I am not saying that it would be the best choice for anyone else or even for me at a different point in my life.)

Many changes have occurred since then. Recently, I have realized that it is time for the next phase of life. Preparing to go back to being completely self-sufficient is giving me a breath of fresh air. Although money will be extremely tight for a while, I am thrilled to know that I will be back on my own. As I look back on these past almost 2 years, I now realize that being here was enormously beneficial for me. Yes, I felt a bit paralyzed like I wasn’t moving forward or really doing anything with my life other than being the kind of mom that I wanted to be. Yet, just like Botox, being paralyzed allowed me to heal. I am genuinely at peace, more confident, appreciative of my current situation, and even, dare I say, incredibly cheerful.

Brother's Wedding

This weekend, my youngest brother is getting married. Sadly, the kids and I will not be attending. They live in the middle of nowhere Montana, which means that buying three plane tickets to their miniature airport would be very expensive. A long road trip isn't in the cards either. I just have too much work to take that much time off. This is always my busiest time of year. Plus, we'll be driving half way across the US soon enough when we head back to Texas in two months.

Having said all that, I really do wish I could be there. Family events are always a wonderfully hectic time and I am mainly sad that my kids will miss out on the fun. We are still making efforts to be part of the wedding and get into the spirit of it all.  Last week, Lexi decided that we should draw pictures of them getting married. Her masterpiece is above. As for my art work, I chose to dig deep and really get to the heart of their characters. I call it “Normal Girl marries the Mad Hatter.” - (remember that big sister = master taunter)

To be fair, I am posting a real picture of them.  I wish them the best.  The kids are excited to get another aunt!

By the way, none of my family members read my blog.  They are vaguely aware it exists, but they just aren't blogging people. 

Loving the Green Today

St Patty's Day is always a big deal for us.  My mom is half Irish and always had to make it fun.  Of course, we're celebrating it this year in silly little ways.  Last night, I made sure the kids had green pjs so they would wake up and not get pinched.  I guess that means I can't pinch them either.  This morning, I had them help me make green tinted oatmeal, which left me with a green index finger for the day.  We'll find other little ways to celebrate, but sadly I have a huge deadline tomorrow morning.  I've been working practically around the clock and have not had time or energy to devote too much to this day, but you can bet we're wearing our shamrocks & enjoying it. 

Incredible & Edible

This afternoon, the kids & I happened to come across a display of cakes created by a local cake decorating club.  We were all amazed.  I just had to take pictures to show them to my mom & sister.  As I was looking through them, I decided to share them on my blog too.  All I can say is WOW!