A Few of My Spring Sewing Projects

After the post about being poor, I realized I should say that we're doing just fine when it comes to clothes and food.  I am doing a little consulting work whenever I can.  I feel lucky to live in an area where the cost of living is quite low.  When it comes to saving money, I do most of my cooking from scratch and I am sewing.  Of course, sewing can be expensive, but I watch for good sales.  Several of the stores around here have had patterns on for $0.99.  They also have sales on fabric.  Here are a few of the projects I have done.  Other projects are presents that I shouldn't post like my gift for Mother's Day to my mom. 

Lexi's Easter Dress

PJs I made for Lexi's friend

My Easter skirt



A Little Therapy

I just came back from my first and possibly last session of therapy.  That sounds a little negative, but I think it just might have accomplished what I wanted it to.  Let me back up…

A week ago, my ex-husband called to ask me if I would go to therapy with him.  I was quite surprised given the fact that we’ve been divorced almost 3 years.  The two years I was in California, the kids and I saw my ex twice.  Even for the past year, it has been sporadic.  For a while, he regularly picked up the kids.  Back in September, October & November, we were hanging out together with the kids.  For the first month, I actually toyed with the idea of something more (Contemplating Complete Forgiveness).  He had made very impressive leaps to change and I wasn’t sure if I owed it to him or myself to at least consider it.  By the beginning of October, I completely realized that I just didn’t have ANY feelings for him.  We were even bickering more than we had our entire 6 years of marriage. 

By December, we were hanging out less and less.  When his company asked him to start working in different cities in Texas he sounded thrilled.  I felt so relieved, actually ecstatic.   Once again, I would have the space I had been craving.  The kids and I didn’t see much of him for January, February, and March.  When he was around and wanted to, I would have him spend his time with the kids and I did my own thing (usually clean the house and catch up on work – How exciting am I?).    

In April, he asked me if we could have a “talk.”  I said sure.  He came over one evening and after the kids were in bed, he told me that he is now completely committed to the kids and me.  I felt like I had to break-up with him again.  I clearly told him that I just want to move on with my life.  Quickly, he became an emotional wreck and said goodbye.  Later, he called saying that he felt like he was losing me all over again.  He was crying and really didn’t want an honest response from me, so I listened. 

His next step was to ask me to see a therapist with him.  He wanted someone to help us communicate.  I am not at all against therapy, but I had to smile considering that he is always the one that doesn’t want to hear bad news.  He asked me about a therapist that he has been seeing for years (mostly whenever I asked him to).  The therapist knows my mom & sister really well.  I agreed to one session in an effort to provide closure for him. 

It went really well as far as I am concerned.  I am sure he is crushed, but he was finally able to listen to me say that it is over for me.  I sincerely hope he can move on.  He has come a LONG way in improving himself, even farther than I had ever dared to hope.  I am sure he’ll be able to find someone that can love him, appreciate him, and build a life with him, but… it will not be me.  

Signs of Life

There is a peach tree in my backyard. The previous owners planted it, but never got to enjoy it. When we bought the house, it was still very young. I think I was only vaguely aware that it was a fruit tree when I moved to California. When I came back last year, I was pleasantly surprised to see how much it had developed. Sadly, it was struggling from the harsh drought we had last year. It still managed to produce quite a bit of small peaches all of which were eaten by birds and insects. Through the fall it lost all of its leaves and looked like a big dead stick. I figured that it was pretty normal for peach trees, but I couldn’t help but worry that it just might have suffered too much from the drought. I wondered if it would make it.

This last year has been a killer for me too. When I started planning to move back, I knew it was going to be difficult/impossible financially. To be perfectly blunt, my salary and child support together barely cover the bills (and some months not even that). Meaning, there is NOTHING left over for food, gas, Jordan’s pre-school, clothes, oil changes, doctor appointments, or even health insurance (my mom pays for mine – the kids are on their dad’s). I also knew that no matter how crazy it was going to be that it was the right move for us. It has been an incredibly frustrating and stressful year. Many times when I have felt like I am in the darkest pit, someone completely unexpected has thrown a Hail Mary to me that allowed me to keep one toe still in the game. While I am extremely appreciative and astonished that I have made it this far as well as I have, I am beat down and tired.

In January, I started looking for another job and truly exploring other options. I quickly got some great interviews and even offers. I had to politely refuse. Overall, it wouldn’t be to our benefit. Paying $15,000 a year to daycare, plus worrying about child care options for all of the expected overtime and travel actually means I would still be desperately poor. Why would I want to be away from my kids and not even better off financially?

For now, I am kindred spirit with the winter version of the peach tree. I want to believe that there is hope for renewal and joy. I have no choice, but to continue living on a prayer.