Too Much Drama

When your kids are driving you crazy, watch this video and remember - It could all be worse!

Being a Single Mom

People often say to me, "it must be so difficult being a single mom" or something close to that.  I usually say that it is a lot easier than being married was.  Of course, I feel like my divorce was about kicking the frat boy out of the house.  To be fair, he did contribute financially and helped around the house.  He was great at organizing and cleaning the garage.  In fact, he has done it a hand-full of times in the last few years.  He just loves doing it and he doesn't have a garage of his own.

Like most women, I did most of the housework, child care, shopping, and errands.  None of that changed because of the divorce, which by the way was 5 years ago (can you believe it?).  There has been a few downsides though, including:

1. I guess the biggest impact has been financial.  I'm not getting a lot of child support. I chose to have the amount lowered because I knew he would struggle.  He tends to go through at least a couple of weeks of unemployment every year, so I don't always get it either.  At least, he has good intentions.  

2.The second biggest impact has been house repair things.  He is a fairly handy person and he knew a lot of people who can do some of the things he couldn't.  I never had to worry about those issues.  My house is only 8 years old, but little things tend to need repairs like the faucet on my kitchen sink or cheap light fixtures that had to be replaced.  My ex still helps me with some things, but sometimes I have to wait months until he gets around to it.  I have a home warranty so appliances and my a/c are covered.  My step-father and mom come for a month in the winter so they help with a few things.  When my brother visited, he also did quite a bit.  

3. The third thing I have noticed is the problems that come up that are a bit overwhelming.  It would be nice to share the impact with someone else.  Like last December, the transmission on my car was breaking down.  I had just paid off the car and was excited to keep it another 5 years.  Sadly, I didn't have $5k to fix it.  Those kinds of problems remind me that I am all alone in this, which isn't fun.

It isn't all bad though.  The last few weeks, I have heard quite a few comments that has me thinking that there are a lot of controlling spouses out there.  One friend said, "My husband would never let me buy that."  It was only a $30 item and they are not struggling at all.  A friend of a friend said, "My husband keeps the thermostat in our house at 78 degrees so I am used to being hot."  Both times I managed to politely smile while biting my tongue.  Another friend told me about her sister-in-law that seems like a nightmare of a wife.  Marriage is tough. 

Fortunately, I am an extremely independent person.  I think that makes being a single mom much easier.  I like making all the decisions on my own.  I can compromise, but isn't it nice when you don't have to? All the money, even though there isn't much, can be spent on things that I think are important.  Activities and vacations are all decided by me.  I don't have to watch a movie, tv show, sporting event, or even do something that doesn't seem worth it to me.  Most of what I do revolves around the kids, but that is what I choose.  I have realized that this is the perfect time to appreciate my independence.  So what if I haven't been on a date in years?  I can't afford a babysitter anyway.  ☺

Birthday Post

My mom has a Pinterest board that features people laughing or smiling really big.  She tells me that looking at these photos makes her happy.  There is an infectious cheery feeling that comes from seeing others elated.  I think it is a type of happiness that we need more of.  That is why I decided to post the picture above.  It isn't the kind of picture that I like to share.  My eyes are closed and I look pretty silly, but it is undoubtedly a special moment.  My kids are around me and I am talking to one of my best friends.  I think that is why my mom snapped the photo. It was taken 3 days ago at Lexi's birthday party.

My birthday is today.  I'm 41 now.  That age neither depresses nor excites me.  It is just a fun day with lots of people giving me well wishes.  I honestly believe that life goes better when people are sending positive thoughts your way.  It is a day when I truly love Facebook, which isn't something that I have felt lately.  FB has been a messenger of sadness for the past few weeks for many different friends.  Today, I choose to cherish the good times spent with the many people that have carved a place in my heart.  I feel loved and full of love.

Steam Punk Halloween

Lexi and Jordan decided to dress up as Steam Powered Giraffe for Halloween.  Lexi dressed up as a Walter Girl (like Aunt Paige) and Jordan was The Spine.  Very few people in Houston know what steam punk is so explaining their costumes was difficult.  Everyone (even teenage boys) thought they were awesome anyway.  The costumes weren't that tough.  I guess the toughest part was Lexi's dress, which my mom made.  

Few Small Steps

My posting is going down the tubes.  Mainly, I just don't think I have anything interesting to say.  When I think of a topic, I see a post from another blogger about it.  The topic is often covered better than I could have written.  As far as my life is concerned, I don't have anything terribly interesting happening.  That is both nice and depressing for someone who has always thrived on change.  I guess I could update with news on a few of the good things that have happened.

1. Both of my kids are in school -  This may seem like nothing, but after a horribly trying summer....it is best!!!  I can't tell you how happy I am to get a break.  I didn't have ANY this summer.  They didn't even have play-dates from the end of June until right before school started.  Most people escape the summer heat for that time period and our friends certainly did. I was working a LOT of hours, which made it worse.  I thought I was feeling extremely frazzled.  Once school started, my sanity started coming back.  I realized frazzled wasn't nearly a strong enough word for it.  I LOVE my kids, but I need some time to get things done and just breathe.  I also need to know that their brains are being stimulated and they are happy. 

2. Working Full Time - Near the end of the summer, my boss called to talk about going full time.  I worked a lot of hours this summer, but was still getting my regular part-time salary.  The part about being desperately poor and not having benefits wasn't a good thing either.  He gave me benefits and a salary bump.  The salary bump wasn't quite as much as I need, but he promised to revisit that topic in January when some of the money from the contracts we won over the summer starts flowing in. 

There you have it.  Not much, right?

Bummer Summer

Do I only get on blogger to complain?  Sadly, it appears so.  It is not that this has been a horrible summer, but it certainly hasn't been a great one.  Mostly, that is due to the fact that I just don't have any money to take a vacation.  Last summer, my mom paid for us to come to California to visit for a whole month.  It was great.  My mom & step-dad are now retired.  They are living in an RV while renovating a home in Montana.  The summer before that we had just moved back to Texas, so we were happy to stick around here. 

In addition to not taking a vacation, I have had more work that usual for summer.  My busy time of year is January through May.  This year, I was slammed with work during that time.  In fact, I did more in that time than I have done in a year for the last few years.  The summer even started off with one of the gigantic killer proposals that I do about once a year.  It ends up being anywhere from 200 to 300 pages.  We were mostly stuck at the house for two weeks while I worked on it.  We were all thrilled when it was over.  On the bright side, my company has had lots of success with these pursuits.  Hopefully, that means that a little more $ will trickle down to this single mom. 

Another thing sucking up my time and money are house issues.  I remember hearing that houses start falling apart when they hit 20 years.  Lots of things need to be replaced then.  This summer has been about repairing things, which means that at 7 years little issues come up.  First, my a/c needed more freon, just like it did last summer (guessing next year they'll discover a leak).  My clothes dryer has to be reset 2 times to get clothes dry and 3 times for towels.  I'm choosing to ignore this problem for now.  The pilot light on my water heater would also not stay on.  On the bright side, I am quite skilled at re-lighting it now.  A repair man tried to say it was because it was in the attic and it is hot up there.  Nice theory, but everyone in Houston has their water heater in the attic and not everyone has to re-light it every day.  Finally, he returned a week later to replace a little wire and it is working now. 

Our summer fun has included the kids being in a week long VBS at a local Baptist church, Tuesday morning movies at the brand new theater near our house, multiple trips to the library every week, and lots of time at our community pools (many are like water parks).  These all have one thing in common - they are free.  The pools would be really fun if I hasn't flying by the seat of my pants and could line it up enough to invite friends.  It isn't easy scheduling life around work.  When things seem to be easing up, I suddenly realize we can go do something RIGHT NOW.  We basically jump in the car and go.  Thankfully, my kids seem to be getting along with each other better than ever.  They still argue and bug each other, but they are also playing and enjoying their time together more. 

We only have 4 weeks until school starts.  I guess I need to figure out a few activities that we can do to pump up this summer a bit.  Hmmm.... this will take a lot of thinking since most outdoor activities aren't enjoyable in this heat.   

Christmas Love

This Christmas has been completely amazing in so many unexpected ways.  First of all, I didn't think I would be able to spend it with my two favorite people in the world.  This year, their dad was scheduled to have them for Christmas.  Fortunately, my ex brought them over first thing this morning and we all spent the day together.

I also believed it would be a sad little Christmas because I just couldn't manage to spend money on presents.  Even with help, I am struggling to pay bills this month.  I know I am pretty verbal on the blog about financial struggles, but in real life I keep it pretty quiet.  It is just part of my life and we manage somehow.

This month, the spirit of Christmas must have swelled in the hearts of people (my boss, friends, family, & church members) because they came out of the woodwork to shower us with gifts and acts of kindness. Their generosity was so overwhelming that I often shed a tear.  My mom did too whenever I told her about another person who went out of their way to do something for us.  The gifts weren't only for my kids either.  I can understand how people would want to make sure kids have a good Christmas, but I can't believe how much people gave and thought about me.  Of course, I would have been thrilled if Lexi and Jordan were the only ones spoiled, but I was too.

In the end, I realize it really is the thought that counts.  The wonderful gifts they gave us showed me how much love and kindness there is in the world, especially where we live.  How amazing it is to have love in this world.  More than anything, this all makes me wish I could afford to do grand things for them and others.

Emotional Roller Coaster

This was the first weekend that my ex has taken the kids for more than one night since June.  In fact, over the past few months (years really) he often misses taking them all together even when he promised them he would come.  That is just part of who he is.  We are all used to it.  To be honest, I have really enjoyed that about him.  Sometimes when I think about the bad things in the marriage, I would at least be happy that he isn't a pushy dad.   I like to think that I may have missed the mark when it came to him as a husband, but he is the kind of ex husband I prefer.   

I always put my kids first.  Maybe giving them a little more of their own time is a good thing, but I don’t like to.  Family time is number one on my list.  Other than school, they are RARELY in the care of someone else.  I was even like that when I lived in California.  I hardly ever left them with my mom.  If there is a choice, I consistently choose to be with them.  I just like it that way. 

Needless to say, this was a very emotional weekend for me.  I think I got a total of 3 hours of sleep last night.  The rest of the time, I cried my eyes out.  I went to church today very exhausted with puffy eyes.  I felt overwhelmed by these emotions.  Lots of concerned people asked me about the kids in a polite way.  It was difficult to talk about them though.  I am good at keeping it together in those situations, but on the inside I was dying.  I think it is even worse that their dad has them again next weekend and for Christmas.  Fortunately (for me), my ex’s fiance will be out of town, so he’ll probably bring them over for a bike ride or something on the weekend.  He already said he would like to be over here for Christmas Eve & Christmas day, which is a huge relief for me.  I am also thrilled that he doesn't have any vacation time or he would have them all week.  If we played by the book, he could have them from the 21^st to the 28^th without me seeing them even once.  Typing that makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart and knots in my stomach. 

For these reasons, I hope that when he gets married and moves across town, he’ll go back to his usual ways.  I know that isn't nice and it is better for them to have an involved father, but it makes me happier.  If he doesn't, I’m sure I’ll start thinking about moving far away again.  Yes, I am a bit selfish like that, but notice I said start thinking about moving away.  I don’t have the money and I love living here.  I’ll also be dreaming about how nice it would be if he moved away.  His fiance has lots of family here and her own little business, so I doubt that will happen. 

In the last post, I wrote that I am feeling positive about the future.  I am also feeling deeply saddened about the possibility of spending less time with my kids.  No matter what, divorce is awful especially when you have kids.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  I can only imagine how bad it is when exes can’t stand each other.  

Treat of the Season

This month I have had NO desire to bake or cook.  That isn't a good thing to happen to someone like me during December.  Fortunately, I have managed to be motivated by this little quick treat.  I saw the instructions for something very similar on Pinterest, but that was about as far as I got until a kind lady from church gave me a bag full of the treat made with pretzels, Hershey kisses and M&Ms.  They were a huge addictive hit for the kids and me.  I decided to make some with Rolos instead of kisses.  YUM!  The best part is that my little kitchen helper, Jordan, loves to help unwrap all of the Rolos.  

If you want to make them, use a cookie sheet to spread out the pretzels with either Rolos or Kisses on top.  Put in the oven at 350 degrees for ONLY 2 minutes.  Pull them out and press M&Ms on top of each one.  Cool and then you've got a tasty treat.  

Overwhelmed with Gratitude

As my kids lie sleeping tonight, I am overcome with gratitude for the kindness of church members.  I haven’t exactly kept it a secret that I am struggling financially.  On the other hand, I am rather independent and truly feel that for the most part we are doing fine.  When anyone asks, I usually say we’re getting by.  Of course, I constantly pray to have our needs met and for us to make ends meet.  This way of life is stressful to say the least. 

Now, I am about to admit something that I am quite embarrassed about, but it is necessary for the post.  I hate to say it, but my kids have been sleeping in toddler beds all this time.  Jordan is about to turn 5 and he is really tall for his age.  Lexi is going to be 7 in a few months.  They have completely outgrown the little beds (a while ago), but I didn't know what to do.  I struggle to buy the essentials, so even looking around at garage sales or thrift stores wouldn't help. 

Last Sunday, two men from church that come to check in on us every month (a.k.a. Home Teachers) asked their usual question, “Do you need anything?”  As usual, I said, “We’re fine.”  This time, they broke it down.  “What about food?”  I said no.  “What about clothes?”  I said no.  Then, they asked, “What about furniture?”  Suddenly, I felt a spark (you could call it a light bulb moment).

I wanted to approach the topic without any urgency, so I said, “If you happen to know of anyone that has twin beds that they are giving away, we could use them.”  I explained that the kids were still sleeping in toddler beds and that we were ok, but that it would be nice if we could get a twin bed or two in the next few months.

They called me on Friday to ask if I would be home on Saturday.  They had two twin beds for me.  Apparently, they had sent out an e-mail to all of the men/families in the congregation (a.k.a. ward) letting them know someone was in need of twin beds.  One of the men responded.  His wife had seen the e-mail and wanted to give the matching twin beds from their guest room.  They felt that the beds could be put to better use.  I am pretty sure they used them for visitors and were just being generous.  They certainly don’t know me well enough to feel any kind of obligation or duty.

I am quite overwhelmed by their kindness.  First of all, these are very nice beds with perfect mattresses and they were not cheap at all.  Even if I was financially ok, I would not have been able to afford these.  I know that the family who gave them to me did it out of pure goodwill. 

The charitable acts didn't stop there.  I didn't have any sheets or blankets that were twin sized, but I wasn't about to say anything.  I decided that we would just make do with the queen sized ones that I have in my linen closet for now.   I was telling my second mom/friend about the beds.  She asked me about sheets and I admitted that we would have to make do.  She went right to work going through her closets to pull out sheets and blankets for me.  She came up with two sets of sheets for Lexi’s bed and a blanket.  She also found a blanket that was still in the package for Jordan.  It was even his favorite color, orange.  She didn't have any sheets to match for Jordan, so she actually went out and bought a set. 

I sit here thinking about how completely amazed and grateful I am for the compassion that we've been shown this weekend.  It is truly like Christmas here.  My kids are thrilled and we've all learned something about great acts of kindness.  I definitely hope to either re-pay them or pay it forward as soon as possible.  

Pretending to sleep

Halloween Costumes 2012

After my last post, I hope you didn't think Lexi was the only one who got a fun costume.  Jordan has been talking about being a vampire for a whole year.  I made his cape and pants.  My mom bought his vest in Romania when she was there last month.  It is a little difficult to see, but it has leather and is lined with fur.  

As usual, I got in on the fun too.  I decided to be a character from Pride & Prejudice & Zombies:

Jordan's 4th Birthday

Jordan is officially four years old.  To celebrate, we decided to have a reindeer birthday party.  What could be better than combining a birthday and a Christmas party?  We invited our close friends and had an amazing time.  I decided to share some of the themed items:

Invite:

 Reindeer Noses

Rootdeer

Cupcakes

Bean Bag Toss

First Day of School 2011

Lexi's first day of kindergarten was yesterday. She was quite excited about it and had a great day.  I had no doubts that it would be good.  Both she and I were more than ready for this day.  The only one that got a little emotional was Jordan and that was back at home when he was missing her. 

 

Lexi's Reading Lessons

We finally finished Lexi's 100th reading lesson. Remember back in November when I posted her 55th reading lesson? Well, we got up to 74 and stalled. I had too much work and it was quite grueling to keep her focused and interested. The lessons went out the window. When we got back to Texas, Lexi’s friend (daughter of my friend) was close to finishing the 100 lessons. That gave Lexi the motivation she needed to nag me to do them.

I decided the best way to do it would be to start over again. We finished the first 20 lessons in one afternoon. Getting up to the first 50 lessons went quickly. Lexi remembered all of the sounds and sped through them. After that, we rarely did more than one lesson a day, but we kept up with it. We both really wanted to finish before school starts. Also, she has been excited for the ice cream party that I promised her from the beginning.

Kids Talk

Today is the two year anniversary of the divorce. Emotionally, I am in a much better place and so is my ex. I know it was absolutely the right decision, even though breaking up a family is so difficult and shouldn’t have to happen ever. However, life has a way of helping people grow, heal and move on.

This week, I saw an article about dealing with your ex getting a new girlfriend. One of the author’s suggestions was encouraging your kids not to talk about the other parent’s life or your life. I think that advice is sad.

First of all, I can’t imagine discouraging my kids from sharing anything that affects their lives. I want them to feel like they can talk to me about anything and everything. Perhaps, that is one of the reasons my kids are non-stop talkers. I don’t want them to keep things from me. I hope by getting in this habit, they’ll come to me with everything especially during the teenage years or if anyone ever does anything to them that I NEED to know about.

Secondly, I don’t want them to feel guilty or bad about a person that is hopefully a positive influence in their lives. I wouldn’t discourage them from talking about their teachers or friends’ moms. Their dad’s girlfriend or their step-mom would be a significant part of their lives, especially since they spend every other weekend with him and most likely her.

Thirdly, kids are constantly trying to understand the world and life. Every new situation creates questions. They want to understand what things mean and how things work, especially relationships. Questions like: What will happen if they get married? What if they have a baby? How will that baby be related to me? Will that baby be related to you, mom? Will my dad still love me? Etc. Kids naturally ask questions and probably feel more comfortable asking the person who answers most of their questions, which in my experience is their mom.

I guess this point in the article struck a nerve because I am dealing with this currently. My ex has a special woman in his life that the kids spend time with. In fact, most of the time they are with him, she is too. I haven’t met her yet, but she seems like a great person and is really getting attached to the kids. I am sure that she is good for him and the kids. Since my kids are TALKERS, I have heard all about her and him and them and answered all kinds of questions. Sure, it sometimes causes moments of insecurity or self-doubt (when I think about it later after they are asleep), but overall I feel like it is a positive thing.

Then again, I am able to listen and answer from an emotionally stable place and with a level head. My point is that advice columns can be wrong. Before taking advice, think about it from all different angles and potential outcomes.

Who’s your Daddy?

Don't you just love when your kids say something so ridiculously funny when they have no idea what they are saying?  Tonight, I overheard this conversation between Lexi and Jordan:

Lexi, "Jordan, you have to shake what your momma gave you."
Jordan, "No, the mailman gave me this."

At this point, I am thinking... the mailman gave him something?  ...and sounds like I had an affair with the mailman and he is Jordan's real dad.  I just had to walk into the other room to see what he was talking about.

I asked him what the mailman gave him.  Jordan pointed at his shirt.  I guess when I order things online, it is really the mailman that gives it to Jordan.

Easter Dress

Even though I love holidays, Easter Sunday wasn't that thrilling for me this year.  I have a huge proposal due today and it needed lots of attention this weekend.  Of course, we did the whole bunny thing.  The kids woke up and found their baskets.  Then we got ready for church.  After church, they went to a party/picnic with my mom, step-father & sister, while I worked.  The highlight for me that day was wearing my new Easter dress which I got courtesy of Tropic of Me and Family.  Winning something is SO exciting!  Thanks Holly!!!

Sunday in my City

One of my favorite blogs, Relish My Relish, has a Sunday tradition. She calls it Sundays in my City. She posts pictures of an activity her family experienced. Apparently, she belongs to an Australian blogging group and they all do it. It is an interesting way to see some of the great attractions from Down Under.  Today, I am going to copy that idea and share a San Diego gem. 

As my time in California grows short, I realize that there are many sites/activities/adventures we are going to miss. The La Jolla Cove will definitely be on the top of the list. I decided to head there this afternoon with the kids.  We walked around, looked at the seals, listened to the sound of the ocean, climbed trees, and had a good time.  I should probably admit that there is one thing I have not and do not plan to do in California and that is get in the ocean.  Ten years of living in Florida has completely spoiled me as far as ocean temperatures go.  Anything below 80 degrees is just torture.  The temperature of the water here was 60 degrees today, which is beautiful to look at and that is about it.