Better as an Old Friend

I have lived in this town several times in my life.  The first time my family moved here, I was only 16.  I had a whole year of high school here and made quite a few friends that I am still close to.  At least a handful of friends fit into this category. I love them dearly along with their spouses, kids and parents.  We go through phases where we see each other quite often and talk on the phone.  Then we'll go through phases where we don't communicate very much for a few weeks or months.  I have already put in the time and effort with my old friends so we can pick up right where we left off.  It is comfortable and we know each other's history.  I love sharing life with them.  I love knowing where they came from and seeing the progress and how well they handle the trials in life.  When we talk, they know that I am not that strange or only what I am right now.  They can see phases in life or why I am the way I am.

I also have other friends that I made during that time period that I am not really close with (mostly old church friends), but that I am thrilled to run into around town.  It is fun to catch up and even share an occasional activity.  Both types of these long term friends hold a special place in my heart and I feel like I am good at being their friend.  

On the other hand, we've lived here (this time) for the past 3 1/2 years and I've made quite a few new friends.  I think they are wonderful and I like them a lot, but I just don't feel like I am able to be a good friend to them.  At first, I wondered if it is because I feel so deeply for my old friends that it is strange to like the new ones.  It actually took a while for me to realize that some of the new people I spend time with are actually "friends." Now that I see that, I understand that relationships just take work.  

Sadly, I am stretched too thin as it is. In order to develop a friendship, it takes time and effort. The new friends want to talk more and hang out several times a week. I feel like I am being a little rude because I am just too busy.  Whenever we talk on a deeper level, it turns into a whole long conversation explaining the back story.  I don't mind sharing or listening, but it really isn't as easy as it is with my old friends.  Many of them are fairly new to this area and they are wanting to find people to do things with.  That is also difficult for me because I don't have money for extra things like going to lunch.  I also work full time and many of them are stay-at-home moms.  

I feel very fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life.  I just hope that I am not failing them or making them feel like I don't care.    

Leaps of Faith

When I got out of college, I took huge leaps of faith several times. Twice I decided to move to a different city (Denver & Miami) where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know where I would live and didn’t have a job. I just packed up my car and hit the road. I was quite nervous about whether or not it would work out, but I have moved almost every year of my entire life so I just went for it.

It is one of the things about me that my friends laugh at/half admire/think is insane. Getting older has slightly decreased my desire to do that, but it is clearly still part of who I am. This recent move back to Texas wasn’t completely into the unknown. First, I am still working for the company that I started with in 2002. Second, I knew that I would be moving back to my house. Unpacking has been easy since I mostly just put things where I had them before. Third, I know my way around town. Not only did I live here for two years before going to California, but my family has lived here off and on since we moved here when I was in high school. This feels like home for me. Fourth, I have lots of close friends here many of whom feel like family. There is nothing like having a long history/friendship with people. All of these points lead me to be being truly happy.

However, life is never completely perfect. I have had to get use to sharing custody. Not that there is anything wrong with it or that it has been difficult, but I am a little over protective as a mother in some ways. I think I have been doing a pretty decent job of sharing though. Unfortunately, my main concern is our financial situation. I am currently only working part-time for my company. With the very slow (practically stopped) economy in Florida, that is all they need from me. I have decided that the best way to cover the bills is to do a little consulting on the side. I know I am great at my job, but I just have to find clients. That is why I have been absent on my blog. Basically, I’m busy with another one of my leaps of faith. I just pray that this one goes as well as all the others have.

Underlying Stress

My life is full of stress right now. Not necessarily the bad kind though, except that lots of stress makes sleeping tricky and keeps issues nagging somewhere in the back of my brain – always looming and attacking. I have been told that I have a great ability to hide stress well, which seems like a bit of a paradox when I have also been told that all of my emotions show up on my face. I guess it has more to do with the fact that I don’t complain and can easily carry on in life even when I am under pressure.

One thing I can’t do, when stressed, is blog. I am just too busy going over everything in my head and tend to be private about that until I solve it internally. Right now, my biggest concern is money (future money), which is such a boring topic really. Do we ever really have enough of it? I never do. Somehow, I always get by though.

My stress this time has more to do with moving back to Texas than anything. I’ll just say that my current income doesn't quite cover the bills much less leave money for important things such as food, gas, etc. Something big has to happen, which could be my boss hiring me full-time, keeping my part-time job and doing consultant work on the side, getting a new job that would take me away from home/kids, winning the lottery (too bad I don’t buy tickets), or another option that hasn’t yet presented itself. Of course, the first two are probably my preference. I have ideas of what I can/want/would be willing to do.  In three months, I’ll be back in Texas and dealing with this head on, so for now I am just lulling over the scenarios and dreaming of easy answers.

Excuse #2 for Not Dating

Excuse #2:

California is just a pit stop in my life.  Ok, so it is two years in limbo land.  I don't plan to stay here and really have no desire to make strong ties with anyone.  I realize that two years is a long time for a pit stop, but there it is...  I see it as temporary.

Along that note - This morning, I got a call from my tenant in Texas.  They are looking for a house and would like to know if I would be willing to let them out of their lease early (6 months left).  I would LOVE to, but the timing isn't right at all for me.  I am sure that my company isn’t ready to talk about full time yet.  I want it & they want it.  How torturous is that? 

Not an IT Girl

I have disappeared from the blogging world for the past two weeks because I remembered how much I hate computers. For the most part, they are fine or even great, but when it comes to IT stuff...YUCK! I have been working on getting hooked up to the servers at work. I ordered a static IP, had to changed modems, fought with getting the firewall installed, and spent a million hours talking to tech support. Everything is finally doing what it should and I am praying that I don't have to go through all this again when we move.

Speaking of that, we have a contract on the new place. Yippee!! We are supposed to close around April 15th. I have also realized just how wonderful our realtor is. She is doing everything, even stuff I should be taking care of. Maybe some people prefer to be more involved, but with everything going on right now...I love it!

Put an Offer

Besides being slammed with work this week, taking care of kids, trying to clean the house, etc., we realized that the time for our lease is drawing near and we needed to get serious about buying a place. Fortunately, one of the places that we have had our eyes on recently was put up for sale. Even better, they had an open house last Saturday. The place has some perks we didn't even know about like a $4500 air and water filtration system. I have spent the last few days working with a mortgage broker, looking at several of the places we were interested in, coordinating with the realtor, and finally making an offer (this morning). We are very excited about the place.

The only potential problem could be the timing. The sellers are about to have twin boys. They are due at the end of July, but will probably come the middle of June, which is when we are interested in closing. They would like to close sooner. Seeing that they just put their house on the market, that seems odd to me, but they are fairly young and might not have thought this out completely or are not exactly sure what babies (especially twins) and selling a house entails.

We'll find out this evening what they decide. While we want this one, there is one almost exactly like it (same floor plan) that will be on the market tomorrow. We got a sneak peek this morning and it is very nice too. I told the realtor that we would just go for that one if this doesn't work out. They are both just around the corner from us.

A Month Later

It has been about a month since we moved here and I can honestly say that is feels wonderful, yet incredibly normal. Miami has quickly become a strange dream for me. I guess that is what happens when you move to a place that you have lived before. It is like coming home.

My husband loves it here too. This was a big change for him since he moved to Florida when he was 2 years old. Fortunately, he is overly friendly and fits right in with everyone. He has a great job, but a long commute. After his mother’s death last year, he had been suffering from depression. A new start seems to have been a breath of fresh air for him. He is just a happier person, which makes everything in life easier.

For me, being a Stay at Home Mom is even better than I imagined. Besides the obvious best part of spending time with Lexi, it is nice to feel a sense of freedom. There are a million different things (hobbies) I have wanted to do for years and could never find the time for. I still haven’t had a chance to start on many, but the possibility is thrilling. I have also been able to enjoy cooking again.

Lexi seems to be developing faster than ever. She is a complete chatter box in English. She has become a little water bug with all of our trips to the community beach club and water park. She has mastered the stairs when she wants to (she likes hold my hand on the way down so she run/jump). There are a few outfits that she likes to strip out of. It is fun when we are in public and I look down to see her shirt is half way off and she is announcing that she is “nakey.” I guess there are probably a million things I am leaving out, but you get the idea.

We have also been quite the social butterflies. There are so many activities going on that we have had to turn down a few. Overall, life is much better for us here.

One Last Room

We have been in our new place for about 3 weeks. Unpacking most of the stuff went fairly quickly (first week), but one last room remains full of bins. Regrettably, it is the master bedroom. Every day, I plan at least a small attack on the room, but once I start looking at all of the stuff I lose interest and think of other things that need to be done. I also tell myself that I just need my husband to move a bookcase for me, so I can unpack and put the stuff on there. Truthfully, most of the stuff will not be going on the bookcase. I am not sure if that is an excuse or a way to organize things in my mind. It is horrible to have the bedroom as a junk room. Next week, it will definitely be at the top of the list. A month of living like this is just too too too long.

Made it to YeeHaw!

Quick update: we're here and loving every minute of it. Sometimes when you want something too much, it becomes a let down. That is not the case here. It is wonderful (except for the unpacking, which is nearing completion). Now, I'm off to run a million errands.

Thinking about the Differences

Will Miss about Miami:
1. The Beach
2. The view from the MacArthur Causeway
3. Abundant amount of interesting/bizarre characters on the Beach
4. The idea of bumping into fellow Miami bloggers whose sites I read
5. The uniqueness and special cultural mix of Miami


Will Not Miss about Miami:
1. Rude/suicidal drivers
2. Going into work everyday
3. The stench of the alleys on Miami Beach (not exactly pleasant for a pregnant woman)
4. Blatantly corrupt politics (they should at least attempt to hide it from the public)
5. The high cost of living


Looking Forward to in Houston:
1. Spending more time with Lexi
2. Being around old friends that have little kids
3. Cooler Winters (hot chocolate appropriate weather)
4. More types of international cuisine
5. Living in a brand new place
6. Lower cost of living
7. Friendly drivers
8. Blue Bell Ice Cream
9. Jogging Trails
10. Life in Suburbia


Things that will not Change:
1. Steamy summers
2. Hot Rain

Counting Down

19 days until my sister, a.k.a Nanny McPaige, arrives
23 days until we head out of here
16 days of work/daycare
3 more weekends in Miami

Can you guess what is on my mind?