Today is the one year anniversary of my divorce. Mostly, I am happy but I feel a little sad today. I guess remembering how hard it is to finally give up on something that you believed in and invested years in brings me down a little. So... I am sharing the latest music video that makes me smile. It is Jason Mraz's song "I'm Yours."
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Inspired by a Comment
This morning, I got a comment from an Anonymous Source. It was back on a post from January (It's Not You, It's Me), but it sounds like the comment was about several posts. I typed my response and realized I should probably make it a post too.
Anonymous said...
Just want a guy friend to hang out with and talk to? Are you serious? Do you understand anything about men? Apparently not, given the one track mind comment. You only care about jewelry, purses, and shopping correct? What could you possibly offer a man in terms of an exclusively platonic relationship?
Children need their fathers in their lives. Especially male children. This entire argument re nine months of pregnancy, bonding, etc? What a bunch of crap. Do you know why children, if asked if they would prefer their moms to their fathers, would choose the mom? It's because the fathers are the ones that enforce the rules and the discipline. The moms happily leave all that heavy lifting to the dads so they can be the refuge and provide the succor.
Guh.
My Reply:
Thank you for your comments. I actually find differing opinions refreshing. I found it interesting that assume that I am only into shopping, jewelry, and purses. I like sports, hiking, camping, and lots of guy stuff. I happen to have lots of guy friends (including my ex), just not here in California. I guess they would have to come up with things I have to offer in a platonic relationship.
As for the fathering comments (which I am guessing were inspired by a post titled Fighting for Moms), I realize that I failed to make it clear in that post that I was mainly upset about situations when custody is given exclusively to the father when their mother was the main one that had been taking care of them. This happened to my cousin because California believes it should be 50/50. Also, stay-at-home moms who can't afford an attorney have a HUGE disadvantage. Her and her ex-husband were moving to different states so custody was going to be with one or the other. The one with all the money despite STRONG evidence of abuse won in the end. Yes - I am still very angry about it.
Further, I have seen lots of moms go way out of their way to put their kids first in life. However, I haven't seen many dads make their kids their TOP priority, but there are some. I strongly believe that those moms who do an amazing job with their kids should get primary custody, even if the kids have a great dad. This wasn't about cutting dads or men out of their lives. It was about who is going to be the primary caregiver for kids that have to suffer through divorce. Obviously, I am pro-mom (of course excluding those who don't want it or have issues).
I don't agree with your comments on discipline, at least not in every family. When I was a kid, even though my parents were married, my mom did everything for us including discipline. My father was heavy handed when he did enforce rules. I don't expect anyone else to discipline my kids. I am happy to say that people often comment about how well behaved they are, so I know that I am doing something right - all by myself.
Anonymous said...
Just want a guy friend to hang out with and talk to? Are you serious? Do you understand anything about men? Apparently not, given the one track mind comment. You only care about jewelry, purses, and shopping correct? What could you possibly offer a man in terms of an exclusively platonic relationship?
Children need their fathers in their lives. Especially male children. This entire argument re nine months of pregnancy, bonding, etc? What a bunch of crap. Do you know why children, if asked if they would prefer their moms to their fathers, would choose the mom? It's because the fathers are the ones that enforce the rules and the discipline. The moms happily leave all that heavy lifting to the dads so they can be the refuge and provide the succor.
Guh.
My Reply:
Thank you for your comments. I actually find differing opinions refreshing. I found it interesting that assume that I am only into shopping, jewelry, and purses. I like sports, hiking, camping, and lots of guy stuff. I happen to have lots of guy friends (including my ex), just not here in California. I guess they would have to come up with things I have to offer in a platonic relationship.
As for the fathering comments (which I am guessing were inspired by a post titled Fighting for Moms), I realize that I failed to make it clear in that post that I was mainly upset about situations when custody is given exclusively to the father when their mother was the main one that had been taking care of them. This happened to my cousin because California believes it should be 50/50. Also, stay-at-home moms who can't afford an attorney have a HUGE disadvantage. Her and her ex-husband were moving to different states so custody was going to be with one or the other. The one with all the money despite STRONG evidence of abuse won in the end. Yes - I am still very angry about it.
Further, I have seen lots of moms go way out of their way to put their kids first in life. However, I haven't seen many dads make their kids their TOP priority, but there are some. I strongly believe that those moms who do an amazing job with their kids should get primary custody, even if the kids have a great dad. This wasn't about cutting dads or men out of their lives. It was about who is going to be the primary caregiver for kids that have to suffer through divorce. Obviously, I am pro-mom (of course excluding those who don't want it or have issues).
I don't agree with your comments on discipline, at least not in every family. When I was a kid, even though my parents were married, my mom did everything for us including discipline. My father was heavy handed when he did enforce rules. I don't expect anyone else to discipline my kids. I am happy to say that people often comment about how well behaved they are, so I know that I am doing something right - all by myself.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Ring by Cartier
I have seen this ring, pictured above, in quite a few of the magazines. I think it is beautiful. I decided to find out how much it costs, despite the fact that I don't have any money or anywhere special to wear it. I went on Cartier's website and they require an e-mail address for prices. Since I had to sign up to find out, I thought I would share in case any of you were wondering too....
$26,700
That makes it about the same price as my car. Oh well... My mom said that it would make a nice wedding ring. Too bad I don't know any wealthy outstanding guys that are falling over themselves to marry me. Oh & that I on my anti-dating kick, which pretty much ensures that I will not be finding someone in the near future. To be honest though, I can't imagine having enough money to think that spending that amount on a ring is worth it. There will always be someone who needs help. Anyway, I think it is beautiful.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
My Divorce Disease
According to a study I read about tonight, divorce is contagious. If you haven't seen it, you can read an article about it for yourself:
Is Divorce Contagious?
I doubt anyone will be surprised by their thoughts on the matter, but I HOPE that my divorce doesn't rock the foundation of any marriages. When my parents got divorced, the negative reaction from quite a few people from church disappointed me. My family had been faithfully going there for almost 10 years. Once they split, several adults (near my parents' ages) treated us like we had a disease. I literally saw a former friend of my mom's obviously go way out of her way to avoid my brothers and me right after she had seen us. I was about 25 years old. I guess some people think the kids can spread the disease too. I saw her several times again when I was in Texas and she still clams up and has NEVER said one word to me since. Weird, right? Perhaps, I should have gone out of my way to announce my divorce to her last year. hahaha.
I must admit that as news of my divorce spread there was a lot of sympathy for me and sadness for the situation. Discussing details of the extreme stress, financial burden, general future worries, dealing with lawyers, and all that goes along with the ordeal probably opened some of my friends' eyes to the fact that divorce is NOT as easy as many assume it is (even smooth ones like mine). There are many reasons it is considered one of the top stressors someone can experience in life. The stereo type that a lot of people do it simply because they fall out of love is probably an urban legend - or perhaps that kind of laid back attitude makes for a boring and stressless divorce. Most of my close friends in Texas that were there for me through this seem to have very solid (ideal) marriages and seeing me deal with this turned them off of divorce. -at least I hope it did.
However, there were friends (not in Texas) and a couple bloggers that reached out to me to say their marriages were on the rocks too. Some of them said they admired my strength for pulling out. In fact, a friend who got divorced a few years ago said that to me recently. She said she would still be with her "bum of a husband" if he had not walked away.
If divorce really is a disease, it is a HELLISH one that should be avoided any way possible. Fortunately, I didn't have a long drawn out, ridiculously expensive, no holds barred, full-on battle. Those kinds are normal though and should be enough to scare most bickering couples away. If you have a friend or sibling going through a divorce, remember to ask them about the things that will scare you away from catching anything harmful.
Is Divorce Contagious?
I doubt anyone will be surprised by their thoughts on the matter, but I HOPE that my divorce doesn't rock the foundation of any marriages. When my parents got divorced, the negative reaction from quite a few people from church disappointed me. My family had been faithfully going there for almost 10 years. Once they split, several adults (near my parents' ages) treated us like we had a disease. I literally saw a former friend of my mom's obviously go way out of her way to avoid my brothers and me right after she had seen us. I was about 25 years old. I guess some people think the kids can spread the disease too. I saw her several times again when I was in Texas and she still clams up and has NEVER said one word to me since. Weird, right? Perhaps, I should have gone out of my way to announce my divorce to her last year. hahaha.
I must admit that as news of my divorce spread there was a lot of sympathy for me and sadness for the situation. Discussing details of the extreme stress, financial burden, general future worries, dealing with lawyers, and all that goes along with the ordeal probably opened some of my friends' eyes to the fact that divorce is NOT as easy as many assume it is (even smooth ones like mine). There are many reasons it is considered one of the top stressors someone can experience in life. The stereo type that a lot of people do it simply because they fall out of love is probably an urban legend - or perhaps that kind of laid back attitude makes for a boring and stressless divorce. Most of my close friends in Texas that were there for me through this seem to have very solid (ideal) marriages and seeing me deal with this turned them off of divorce. -at least I hope it did.
However, there were friends (not in Texas) and a couple bloggers that reached out to me to say their marriages were on the rocks too. Some of them said they admired my strength for pulling out. In fact, a friend who got divorced a few years ago said that to me recently. She said she would still be with her "bum of a husband" if he had not walked away.
If divorce really is a disease, it is a HELLISH one that should be avoided any way possible. Fortunately, I didn't have a long drawn out, ridiculously expensive, no holds barred, full-on battle. Those kinds are normal though and should be enough to scare most bickering couples away. If you have a friend or sibling going through a divorce, remember to ask them about the things that will scare you away from catching anything harmful.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Leveling the Playing Field
While it may seem like lately I have it out for men, quite the opposite is true. I actually tend to get along better with guys. I grew up with 3 brothers, several of my close friends are guys, and I work in a male dominated industry. I also find the hot ones highly attractive (had to throw that in).
Like most modern women though, I do have a feminist tendencies. I hate the idea of the glass ceiling and that women get $0.75 on the dollar working the same jobs. Don't we all?
This topic has been on my mind this week because of an article I read in a magazine at the gym. I found it very fascinating and have spent several days trying to find it online. Here is the link:
The End of Men
I will not lie; there are many points in the article that I enjoyed reading. In spite of this, I think there are assumptions in the article that stretch the subject farther that it deserves. Mainly that the point seems to be in the battle between the sexes, women have so much momentum that they will quickly topple the competition. The competitive female in me thinks it sounds like justice after centuries of being viewed as the lesser gender. However, in reality, I prefer equality.
Plus, the whole idea of the article isn’t that men are taking on the roles that were traditionally female. It is that women are handling it all and men are falling by the wayside. That idea not only makes me a little sad for the men missing out on life and essentially becoming obsolete, but very tired for any woman who tries to take on that much responsibility.
Fortunately, I don’t see that men are so stuck in their ways. In fact, I think every new generation is moving closer to dropping the traditional roles. My dad’s generation was vastly better than his dad’s generation. My brothers have actually impressed me with their fathering and household roles. In general, I see the walls come tumbling down, which helps both genders. This makes me all the more thrilled to see how my own kids’ lives will be affected by this movement.
Like most modern women though, I do have a feminist tendencies. I hate the idea of the glass ceiling and that women get $0.75 on the dollar working the same jobs. Don't we all?
This topic has been on my mind this week because of an article I read in a magazine at the gym. I found it very fascinating and have spent several days trying to find it online. Here is the link:
The End of Men
I will not lie; there are many points in the article that I enjoyed reading. In spite of this, I think there are assumptions in the article that stretch the subject farther that it deserves. Mainly that the point seems to be in the battle between the sexes, women have so much momentum that they will quickly topple the competition. The competitive female in me thinks it sounds like justice after centuries of being viewed as the lesser gender. However, in reality, I prefer equality.
Plus, the whole idea of the article isn’t that men are taking on the roles that were traditionally female. It is that women are handling it all and men are falling by the wayside. That idea not only makes me a little sad for the men missing out on life and essentially becoming obsolete, but very tired for any woman who tries to take on that much responsibility.
Fortunately, I don’t see that men are so stuck in their ways. In fact, I think every new generation is moving closer to dropping the traditional roles. My dad’s generation was vastly better than his dad’s generation. My brothers have actually impressed me with their fathering and household roles. In general, I see the walls come tumbling down, which helps both genders. This makes me all the more thrilled to see how my own kids’ lives will be affected by this movement.
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