Freckle Face Hermit

A radical change has taken place over the last few months. It may sound strange given the fact that I work from home, but I have NEVER been a home body. In fact, I highly doubt there were a handful of days in my life when I stayed home the entire day and wasn’t feverishly ill. Not even as a brand new mom. It just isn’t who I am.

However, the shift into hermit mode began about the time the kids started school in the Fall. They went off to school and I stopped doing activities outside of my home and socializing with my friends. Sure I take and pick-up the kids from school, go to the grocery store, go to church, run errands, and occasionally socialize without any hesitation, but more than ever I am hanging out at home. Since this is so foreign to me, I can’t help but analyze the possible underlying reasons. At first, I figured I just needed a break. The exhaustion of the last few years had really caught up to me. I cut myself some slack and decided to be a little closed off. I was still opening up to friends on the phone so what was the big deal?

Now, after almost four months, I realize that I am getting worse not better. I had a few holiday gatherings that I enjoyed this month (including a QUICK trip to Miami for a company Christmas party), but most days I just stayed home. I didn’t think I would be like this during the kids’ break from school. I just haven’t felt like going out and they have seemed fine with it. I must admit that we do go on walks and bike rides. We’re not locked in the house all day every day.

As if becoming a hermit isn’t bad enough, I have even started semi-enjoying a few activities that I have never been too fond of. The most shocking one is sewing. I had not even plugged in my sewing machine in over two years. Suddenly, I have been making lots of projects and not hating it. The other shocking activity is reading. In the middle of December, I started reading Hunger Games (years after everyone else). In four days, I finished all three books in the series. Then I went into Amazon and downloaded several free books onto my Kindle (hand-me-down from my sister). Not that I hate reading novels, but I have never liked it enough to devote more than a day or two of the year to reading them.

Last week and today, I have had a chance to reflect on the last few months and the coming months and I realize that mainly I feel completely defeated. 2011 was a really hard year. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea why, premonitions do not usually spell things out. Having said that, I also see that a million little/huge great things happened that help me get by often at the last minute. I still feel beat down with no end to the tough times in sight. Despite that, I am full of hope. This is not an engulfing depression that makes me suicidal. It is just about being a hermit, which continues to persist. Perhaps, this is a passive way to deal with the issues I am facing. By hiding out, I am hoping they will just get bored and go away (all emotion and no logic). I guess on the bright side, it is never a bad thing to catch up on reading and my sewing skills definitely needed/still need improvement.

On to a new year with hopes that the future will be so bright, I’ll be able to block out some of 2011.

The Spirit of Christmas

In the LDS church, everything is done by the congregation. Basically, nobody gets paid and we are all expected to pitch in. They ask different people to fill different rolls, some of which carry huge responsibilities. When I moved here, I actually was kind of bracing myself to see what they would want from me. Fortunately, I was asked to be a party planner for our church’s women’s group. That means that about five times a year, I help plan a party/dinner/gathering.

Two weeks ago, we had a nice Christmas dinner to put on. Usually, 40 to 60 women attend. The leader of the party planners invited us over to her house last month to figure out the details. We discussed the menu, invitations, decorations, and who our speaker would be. The other planners had not lived in this area for very long. They were suggesting names of men who attend church with our congregation. I sat there thinking it would be nice to have a woman from another congregation. I thought of the perfect person and suggested her name. She was one of my mom’s friends and she LOVES Christmas, but I have only seen her in passing for the past 20 years. We all decided to tell her our plans for the dinner and let her run with whatever she wanted to talk about. I wasn’t in charge of making the phone call, so I didn’t know whether she agreed or not. I didn’t find out until just a few days before that she had agreed.

When she arrived at the dinner that night, I hugged her and sat by her while we ate. I remembered why I admired her. She is very smart, intuitive, and full of love. I had no idea what she would talk about, but was completely blown away by her approach. Her topic was sad things that have happened at Christmastime that changed who you are as a person. She started with a story about herself.

She grew up in a family with eleven kids. She was right in the middle, actually #5. One Christmas when she was about seven, she awoke to find very few presents under the tree. Her family took turns passing out a present and watching the person open it. When all the presents were gone, she sat there quietly trying to conceal her sadness because there wasn’t even one gift for her and she didn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings. Her mom suddenly noticed and had a look of panic on her face. Her mom took her by the hand and led her to where she kept the fabric. She had her pick whatever fabric she wanted and told her that she planned to make a dress for her.

Our speaker asked if others had stories to share. Another lady told us about a Christmas when she was in her early 20s where she grew up in Guatemala. Her fiancé had called off their wedding and dumped her without explanation two months before this particular holiday. She had spent the last two months crying in her room and moping around their house. On Christmas Eve, her mother insisted that she get dressed and help with food preparations in the kitchen. She complied, but did so with a bad attitude until she noticed two children sweeping out her family’s garage. Immediately, she could see that they were very poor and must have come from a different part of town. They were trying to earn a tiny amount of money for their family. She suddenly lost all of her self-pity. She fixed a plate of food and cookies to give to them. The kids were so tickled by the thought of bringing food to their family. They were even more thrilled to try cookies for the first time.

This was exactly the Christmas message that I needed to hear. I had been feeling pretty depressed about not being able to splurge on Christmas this year. It was nice to be reminded that the spirit of Christmas is felt in the heart.

Jordan's 4th Birthday

Jordan is officially four years old.  To celebrate, we decided to have a reindeer birthday party.  What could be better than combining a birthday and a Christmas party?  We invited our close friends and had an amazing time.  I decided to share some of the themed items:

Invite:

 Reindeer Noses

Rootdeer

Cupcakes

Bean Bag Toss