During the Day

My kids asked me what I do during the day when they are in school. They know I have a full time job, but they seem to think I'm lonely or bored or something. I decided to make a little video to show them. ☺

Being a Single Mom

People often say to me, "it must be so difficult being a single mom" or something close to that.  I usually say that it is a lot easier than being married was.  Of course, I feel like my divorce was about kicking the frat boy out of the house.  To be fair, he did contribute financially and helped around the house.  He was great at organizing and cleaning the garage.  In fact, he has done it a hand-full of times in the last few years.  He just loves doing it and he doesn't have a garage of his own.

Like most women, I did most of the housework, child care, shopping, and errands.  None of that changed because of the divorce, which by the way was 5 years ago (can you believe it?).  There has been a few downsides though, including:

1. I guess the biggest impact has been financial.  I'm not getting a lot of child support. I chose to have the amount lowered because I knew he would struggle.  He tends to go through at least a couple of weeks of unemployment every year, so I don't always get it either.  At least, he has good intentions.  

2.The second biggest impact has been house repair things.  He is a fairly handy person and he knew a lot of people who can do some of the things he couldn't.  I never had to worry about those issues.  My house is only 8 years old, but little things tend to need repairs like the faucet on my kitchen sink or cheap light fixtures that had to be replaced.  My ex still helps me with some things, but sometimes I have to wait months until he gets around to it.  I have a home warranty so appliances and my a/c are covered.  My step-father and mom come for a month in the winter so they help with a few things.  When my brother visited, he also did quite a bit.  

3. The third thing I have noticed is the problems that come up that are a bit overwhelming.  It would be nice to share the impact with someone else.  Like last December, the transmission on my car was breaking down.  I had just paid off the car and was excited to keep it another 5 years.  Sadly, I didn't have $5k to fix it.  Those kinds of problems remind me that I am all alone in this, which isn't fun.

It isn't all bad though.  The last few weeks, I have heard quite a few comments that has me thinking that there are a lot of controlling spouses out there.  One friend said, "My husband would never let me buy that."  It was only a $30 item and they are not struggling at all.  A friend of a friend said, "My husband keeps the thermostat in our house at 78 degrees so I am used to being hot."  Both times I managed to politely smile while biting my tongue.  Another friend told me about her sister-in-law that seems like a nightmare of a wife.  Marriage is tough. 

Fortunately, I am an extremely independent person.  I think that makes being a single mom much easier.  I like making all the decisions on my own.  I can compromise, but isn't it nice when you don't have to? All the money, even though there isn't much, can be spent on things that I think are important.  Activities and vacations are all decided by me.  I don't have to watch a movie, tv show, sporting event, or even do something that doesn't seem worth it to me.  Most of what I do revolves around the kids, but that is what I choose.  I have realized that this is the perfect time to appreciate my independence.  So what if I haven't been on a date in years?  I can't afford a babysitter anyway.  ☺

Emotional Roller Coaster

This was the first weekend that my ex has taken the kids for more than one night since June.  In fact, over the past few months (years really) he often misses taking them all together even when he promised them he would come.  That is just part of who he is.  We are all used to it.  To be honest, I have really enjoyed that about him.  Sometimes when I think about the bad things in the marriage, I would at least be happy that he isn't a pushy dad.   I like to think that I may have missed the mark when it came to him as a husband, but he is the kind of ex husband I prefer.   

I always put my kids first.  Maybe giving them a little more of their own time is a good thing, but I don’t like to.  Family time is number one on my list.  Other than school, they are RARELY in the care of someone else.  I was even like that when I lived in California.  I hardly ever left them with my mom.  If there is a choice, I consistently choose to be with them.  I just like it that way. 

Needless to say, this was a very emotional weekend for me.  I think I got a total of 3 hours of sleep last night.  The rest of the time, I cried my eyes out.  I went to church today very exhausted with puffy eyes.  I felt overwhelmed by these emotions.  Lots of concerned people asked me about the kids in a polite way.  It was difficult to talk about them though.  I am good at keeping it together in those situations, but on the inside I was dying.  I think it is even worse that their dad has them again next weekend and for Christmas.  Fortunately (for me), my ex’s fiance will be out of town, so he’ll probably bring them over for a bike ride or something on the weekend.  He already said he would like to be over here for Christmas Eve & Christmas day, which is a huge relief for me.  I am also thrilled that he doesn't have any vacation time or he would have them all week.  If we played by the book, he could have them from the 21^st to the 28^th without me seeing them even once.  Typing that makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart and knots in my stomach. 

For these reasons, I hope that when he gets married and moves across town, he’ll go back to his usual ways.  I know that isn't nice and it is better for them to have an involved father, but it makes me happier.  If he doesn't, I’m sure I’ll start thinking about moving far away again.  Yes, I am a bit selfish like that, but notice I said start thinking about moving away.  I don’t have the money and I love living here.  I’ll also be dreaming about how nice it would be if he moved away.  His fiance has lots of family here and her own little business, so I doubt that will happen. 

In the last post, I wrote that I am feeling positive about the future.  I am also feeling deeply saddened about the possibility of spending less time with my kids.  No matter what, divorce is awful especially when you have kids.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  I can only imagine how bad it is when exes can’t stand each other.  

Not In Pre-school, But Fine

When people find out that Lexi isn't in pre-school this year, they give me judgmental looks. I just tell them that I am teaching her how to read and that she gets to play with the kids at the YMCA every day. She also has Jordan to play with. I’m almost tempted to tell people that I am homeschooling her just to see if that is more acceptable.

I’ve been wondering, when did pre-school become the norm? It wasn’t normal when I was a child, at least not in Utah.  I am not saying it is a bad thing.  In fact, I think pre-school is wonderful, but I can't afford it this year.  If I had the money, I'd like her to attend at least twice a week.  However, I feel that it is optional and not necessarily better. 

Another mom at the YMCA doesn’t have her son in pre-school either. She asked me what are some of things I worry about that Lexi might have problems with when she gets to kindergarten. I don't really have any.  She mentioned that she heard that standing in line and raising hands was an issue for some non-pre-schooled kids. Seems too simple to worry about that for any child.  I already know that Lexi doesn’t have a problem with either of those.

A good friend in Texas had complained about being judged for not enrolling her kids in kindergarten, which is odd because she was a teacher before she became a stay-at-home mom. In addition to a tight budget, her decision also had to do with the fact that she just wanted to spend as much time with her kids as she could. All moms know that kids grow up too quickly.  Lexi wasn’t even two when my friend told me about feeling judged. I didn’t see what the big deal was at the time and frankly, I still don’t.

My friend even taught her two oldest kids to read very well before they started kindergarten. They have been the top readers in their classes.  She told me about the lesson manual she used and warned me that it requires a lot of patience and can be grueling at times, but that the rewards were worth it.  I have been working on it with Lexi this year mainly because she is ready and needs a challenge. Yesterday, she completed her 55th lesson out of 100. I made a little video so everyone can see her progress. Here she is reading part of the story that was in her lesson that we did later:




Yes, she plays it up for the camera.  Here is a photo of the story:

Gift of Sanity

Last year for Christmas, my mom gave the kids & me a membership to the YMCA.  Little did I know at the time, that it would be the best gift ever for reasons I wouldn't have guessed. 

Sure I was excited about working out more; I envisioned a fantastic goddess-like body that hasn't materialized.  I was also thrilled that the kids would get to interact and play with other kids in playcare, while I worked out.  The YMCA allows for kids to be in their care for two hours a day while the parents are on the property.  I must be honest and admit that sometimes my main motivation for going is for the kids' social lives.  There have even been times that I wanted to go mainly for my workout.

Lately though, it has been very clear that going there is the key to my sanity.  Not only am I a single mom, but I am a full-time single mom.  I don't share custody (because he is in Texas).  My kids are not in a mothers' day out program or pre-school.  I don't have a babysitter.  There is a RARE occassion where my mom will watch them after I put them in bed so that I can run a quick errand or even less often while I go to a movie with my sister.  For the most part though, I don't get any breaks.  My mom is certainly willing, but I realize that she works too hard to have the energy for silly/loud kids. 

As for "me time," I have come to consider me time the time when I am in the shower pretending that I can't hear them arguing and the time that they are in bed sleeping and I am working for my company.  Good thing I like my job.         

Back to the point, going to the Y means that I have a 2 hour break.  I don't have to worry because they are well cared for and I am easy to find if anything should go wrong.  It is nice and quiet during the time I go, which is 10 am to noon, when only other moms and senior citizens are there.  Plus, exercise gets my blood pumping and reduces my stress.  I can feel a huge difference in my ability to be patient and handle the constant chatter on days that we go.  Thanks to the YMCA I have survived this last year and I know I'll be ok for the half of next year that I'll be living here.  

Waiting Game

Ellen has a great stand-up show where she talks about how crazy life can be and that we should embrace procrastination. The idea can make some mom’s cringe and feel like they aren’t doing their best, but in many instances it is a great strategy. Lately, I have accomplished a few things that I had put off doing and found that the procrastination turned out to be the ideal approach.

First (and probably the best one) is all about potty training Jordan. Lexi wasn’t a tough child to potty train, but there were some upheavals and changes in our lives during that time that caused setbacks (a return to accidents). Since everyone claims that potty training boys is so much harder, I was not looking forward to the process with Jordan. I decided that I was going to wait until he was three. A few friends that did that said it was easy. I started Lexi right at two.

The first time Jordan went in the potty was at Christmas (a little after he turned 2). I have been able to get him to go right before his baths for months. He has been showing more and more of the signs that he is ready. Finally, a month ago it became too obvious that he was more than ready even though he will not be three for two more months. I put a pair of big boys on him and haven’t looked back. He only had three accidents (half accidents since he stopped himself) and two of them were outside. I believe this easy success has to do with his personality, his knowing exactly what to do from watching Lexi, and from me waiting until he showed ALL the signs of being ready.

Second, I started teaching Lexi to read last summer. She was doing fairly well, but it was taking a lot of patience on my part. Several of my friends had described the need for this kind of patience when teaching a child to read. Unfortunately, too much was going on last year for me to muster it. I just put the lessons away. I decided to start again a few weeks ago and have been completely pleased with her progress. It is so easy for her and me now. She is jumping way ahead of me and loving every minute of her lessons. If I decide to teach Jordan to read in the future (rather than relying on pre-school or school), I will definitely wait until he is four and a half. I know that is what made the difference.

Third, Jordan has been sleeping in a crib until today. Should I admit that online? I have felt guilty for not transferring him to a toddler bed the minute he turned two, but I just never made it a priority. I have a few excuses like the fact that he started climbing out of his crib very early. He has had absolutely no problem getting in or out. Also, my mom and step-dad both said they slept in a crib until kindergarten.

When Jordan was a baby, I had planned to buy a toddler bed exactly like Lexi’s for him. I love that her bed and the crib match perfectly. When I went looking for the same little bed for him, I couldn’t find it. I started dragging my feet and hating the options. Last week while watching House Hunters, I saw a nursery where they had converted the crib to a toddler daybed. Suddenly, I remembered that his crib did that. In this case, waiting was the key to getting a better solution. Today, Lexi has a toddler daybed and Jordan has a toddler bed. The kids get cute little matching beds and I didn’t have to pay any money.

So, as Ellen said, “Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution!”

Fighting for Moms

Before I start, I need to say that this post has nothing to do with my ex-husband or lots of great fathers…. 


The number one reason, that my cousin’s divorce has stressed me out and turned me off of men is the custody battle. In California, there seems to a huge movement to view fathers as equally capable of taking care of kids (which I know that quite a few are). Like lots of ideals, the drive to force this equality often comes at the expense of people who don’t deserve to be penalized. In this case, it is the mothers. This topic really gets my blood boiling. While I can appreciate the role of a good father, I can’t stand the fact that great mothers have to give up 50% or more custody of their kids.  I mainly see it as a way to rip out a mother's heart.  Many men seem to fight for custody so that they don't have to pay child support.  I wish California judges & lawmakers would wise-up.  Here are some reasons:

**What does it take to make a baby? For a man, it simply involves sex during a fertile time. I am guessing that most men don’t even have baby making on their mind during this act. In fact, they do it hundreds of thousands of times without resulting in a baby. For a woman, it involves sex, pregnancy (9 months of discomfort and often many horrible symptoms), and many sleep interrupted nights to feed the baby (usually a task mainly handled by moms).

I found this interesting quote:

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~Aristotle

There is no question for mothers, who have about 9 months of carrying the little guy or girl. The bonding begins quite early for moms.

**What about the number of possible off-spring? Men are physically capable of producing 100s of babies in their life time. Average women can only reproduce during an approximately 20 - 25 year span and at most have 5 – 8 babies. (Mrs. Duggar is not normal.) Most women in the US will have 1 – 3. For great moms, they become the most valuable people in her life.  I have learned that it is NOT easy to share them with anyone including grandparents, teachers, friends, etc. 

I can also come up with lesser reasons why the bias should favor moms…

**Does equality in parental duties really exist? How many studies have shown that even when there are 2 working parents, the woman still does the majority of the housework and parenting tasks? I am not saying that men can’t do it, just that mothers tend to go out of their way to make sure things run smoothly while many men are happy to step back. I have been told by quite a few divorced fathers here in California (that have 40% or more custody) that they didn’t do nearly as much as they do now. …hmmm

**What about adding the little touches that mom's usually handle? I can’t count how many times I have seen a cute little kid with mismatched clothes and messy hair and realized that they were with their dad that day. I am not going to say that kids must look cute all the time, but they should be put together most of the week. Dressing for success is important for school too. People are treated according to how they present themselves. Quite a few men don’t seem to think that this is worth the effort. Let’s face it, dressing kids often involves an argument and so does brushing girls’ hair. I know this seems like a lame reason, but it used to really bother me when I saw what my sister looked like after spending the weekend with my dad.

**Is it even what the kids want?  Most people I know have a closer bond with their mothers.  I would like to know how many people out there would have picked their fathers if their parents split up while they were young.

I am not suggesting that kids shouldn't spend time with their dads.  A good or great father is a wonderful thing for a kid to have.  I just think that 50% is way too much.  If you agree and you are a woman, avoid divorce in California.  If you are a man & disagree, I guess this is the state for you. 

Anyway, my arguments are not well though-out. This is mostly an emotional response to seeing the agony of a great mom (my cousin) who has to fight to keep her kids when her ex is anything but a good father. 

Mother's Day 2010

Brighter Side of Life

Life is still going quickly in the same direction. Since there are no updates and nothing new to complain about, I decided to post a picture of the kids. They sure make life seem a lot brighter.

Easter with my Mom

This Easter I learned a very important thing.... Easter should always be spent with mom. I was completely spoiled. It started off with a surprise Easter basket that Lexi found when she was looking for hers. I can't even remember the last time I got an Easter basket probably the last time I lived with her. It contained a Sees chocolate egg, a chocolate bunny, and bath products. Simply Heavenly! Besides the basket, we had lots of fun activities for the kids. Then, in the evening, we sat down for a wonderful Easter dinner that I didn't cook.

Hmmm... I could get use to this life. Soon, my mom will realize that spoiling me makes me never want to leave & then she'll wise up. :)

He Surprisingly Changed His Mind

About three weeks ago, my husband was reading a book to Lexi and announced that he was thinking it would be nice to have another baby. I was absolutely stunned to hear those words come out of his mouth, because he has always been set on two. In fact, the entire time I was pregnant with Jordan, he made sure to tell everyone that he was done and that he wanted a vasectomy. So…his little announcement wasn’t taken too seriously. I figured that the next time both kids are screaming, he would change his mind. My response to him was that if we are going to have another one, we’d better not wait long because I am not getting any younger.

The entire time I was pregnant this last time, I knew that I did NOT want to be pregnant again. I even fantasized about mailing my maternity clothes to my sister-in-law. As soon as Jordan was born, I wanted another one though. This last year, I have been mostly on the fence. I’d say I have been in the 50 – 75% range of wanting another baby. Until Steve’s announcement, I would have said that he was mostly against it. To my surprise, he now has decided that he really wants us to have another one. He is even telling other people (family and friends).

For now, I’ve decided that I will not be ready to even think about “trying” until after my birthday, which is in January. At that time, I will be 36 years old and it might not be easy or happen quickly. We’ll see. In the spirit of thinking of a third, I decided to google the idea this morning. I found this amusing site: http://www.havingthreekids.com. It made me laugh.

Birthday Boy/Party Pooper

Today, my little baby boy turns one. I really can't believe it. We had a party for him last night and the picture pretty much sums up how it went. Everyone had a great time, except for him. He has TWO teeth coming in. When the party started, he decided that he needed to cling to me. He wasn't too happy when anyone gave him attention. He'd turn the other way and fuss a little. About an hour into the party, he fell asleep. I took him to bed and let him sleep for a half an hour while the adults socialized and the kids played. I woke him up to open presents and eat cake. Of course, he wasn't exactly enthusiastic for either. As the last few guests were heading out, he choked on a piece of apple. I rushed him to the sink and he puked. Sounds like a fun party, right? Despite how it sounds, the rest of us had a great time.

Cute Kids vs Cute Mom

It is amazing how little extra time it takes to make kids look especially cute. For a girl, a regular routine includes bathing, dressing, combing their hair, and pulling it back with a hair band or clip so that it doesn’t hang in their face. Making sure they look especially cute only involves putting cute clothes on them and adding a matching bow to their hair, which takes about additional 3 seconds. For a boy, all that needs to be done to be extra cute is putting cute clothes on them. No additional work is involved.

For me, a regular routine involves taking a shower, getting dressed, applying a little make-up, and throwing my hair up in a clip. If I have somewhere special to go or want to look better for some reason, that involves showering earlier so my hair will dry a bit more before styling it, which takes half an hour for this humid climate. I also have to try on several outfits to find one that is the most flattering for my less than perfect body. All in all, I probably need an extra HOUR to get ready.

By now, you have probably realized that my kids always looked put together and me – not so much. I am not trying to say that I am a slob or anything, just that the extra effort (full make-up and salon styled hair) isn’t part of my daily routine. I have met quite a few stay-at-home moms around here that don’t have my philosophy though. They obviously make the effort to look their absolute best every day (with too much make-up for my taste).

I wouldn’t be mentioning this on my blog, except that their kids look like little ragamuffins. Why would anyone buy expensive designer clothes for themselves and Kmart special for their kids? I always thought a family should be on the same or similar budget. It isn’t about spending money though; it is about picking out cute clothes. Why would a mom have perfectly styled hair when the kids look like they rolled out of bed? I should note that I am talking about kids under the age of 3.

Maybe it is just me. I put in enough effort to look presentable and take a few additional seconds to make sure my kids look cute. It is just so easy.

Who’s Your Daddy?

For some strange reason (most likely to get a little bit of a rise out of her parents), Lexi enjoys pointing at random men and asking, “Is that my dad?” She does it whether Steve is with us or not and in a perfectly serious mode. Of course, I prefer that she asks when he is with us. It can be quite embarrassing at times.

Like...when Lexi, Jordan, and I were at the Galleria mall having lunch. She pointed right at our waiter, who was Mexican (no signs of blonde genes), as he approached our table and blurted out, “Is that my dad.” Of course, I kindly reminded her that her dad was in a work meeting. I had to make sure that the waiter heard my response.

Lexi even does it to Steve. Yesterday, we were sitting on the steps at the water park when a family walked by. She pointed at the dad and asked Steve, “Is that my dad?”

He looked at me and just said, “I hope not!”

Then, I just had to say, “I am sure that guy wasn’t in Miami at the time.”

I must admit that it is kind of funny, even though strangers may feel sorry for the poor girl who must have a tramp for a mom.

Single Moms

The last few weeks my husband has been working A LOT. He is overseeing 12 projects. 11 of them are going on in the day and 1 is happening at night. Theoretically, he should not be able to leave work at all because he is supposed to be there when things are happening. The other 2 guys that do the same thing he is doing have 3 - 5 projects. He doesn’t have the workaholic personality, but he is good at what he does and he gets excited about the idea of new projects, so he is given too many.

Because my husband is gone all the time and the fact that Sunday is Father's Day have me thinking about single moms. Lately, I have been feeling like one (who has a boyfriend that she sees once in a while). I guess I can't say that I feel exactly like one because most single moms don't get to stay home or work part-time from home. I am lucky about that, but I also don't get ANY breaks - well except when they nap. Fortunately, they both go down from about 1:30pm to 4:30pm. That is my only me time, which I have to use to get work done. Did I mention that working from home is tougher than dropping the kids off at daycare & going to work? It is when I have a tough deadline.

Rambling, rambling, rambling...where was I going with this? Oh yeah, single moms should be able to get gifts and celebrate Father's Day as well as mother's day. It is hard work. By the way, that is my excuse for my latest little on-line shopping sprees. I just want to make sure I get myself the perfect gifts the kids needed stuff too. Don't worry, I did find something for my hubby. I guess I'll give it to him next time I bump into him. :)

Just Add More

I had a follow up doctor appointment for the kidney stones yesterday. I wasn't surprised to find out that mine are solely caused by the fact that I do not drink enough liquids. However, I was surprised when he told me that I also need to be drinking a LOT of lemonade. Apparently, the citrus is good for the kind of stones (calcium) I had. Good thing I like lemonade and it is also nice for the horrible heat wave we are experiencing in Texas. Sadly, I was hoping the remedy would be lots of ice cream.

I also took Jordan to the doctor today. He is 6 months old now (sniff, sniff). He is 28.25" long (93rd percentile) and 15 lbs & 13 oz (30th percentile). Yep - very tall & very skinny. When I mentioned that he still isn't sleeping through the night despite the fact that I am feeding him breakfast & dinner, she told me that he needs more food. She wants me to start feeding him lunch & yogurt for snacks. On top of that, I guess I am supposed to continue breastfeeding.

For the past few weeks, I have been thinking about my dad's eating habits and skinniness. He used to eat 4 - 5 heaping plates of food for each meal and his ribs were all very visible. I wondered if this trait had been passed down to Jordan....this one trait that I wish I had gotten. How could this be inside me & not be something I possess? I also thought about how expensive our food bill is going to be in the future. I guess this is part of having a boy in our family. My husband, father-in-law, and brother are also known for being big eaters (nothing like my dad though). People are always commenting about how much they can put away. Jordan was bound to join the club.

One thing is for sure, I am going to be making lots of trips to the grocery store for lemonade & baby food.

May Day

When too many things are going on in life, it is easy to fall behind or feel like you are slipping. This month is going to be one for the books. Besides getting everything ready to close on the new place in the middle of May, packing, taking care of kids, coming up with Mother's Day Presents for our grandmas, and trying to figure out how to do something at least a little special for our 5th anniversary while moving, I have quite a few deadlines for work.

Oh, & did I forget to mention that my sweet little boy is nowhere near getting close to sleeping through the night? He still wakes up every 2 - 3 hours starving despite the fact that I have been feeding him cereal for breakfast plus cereal & veggies for dinner, which is more than I was feeding Lexi at this age. I mentioned this problem to a friend who told me that her pre-term son was the same way (BTW- he was bottle fed). They just can't get enough to eat. She told me the answer is banana flakes, but they are only sold through medical supply companies. Unfortunately, I can only find them by the case. I am not sure that I want to spend over $100 just to see if this will work. ...not yet anyway.

Needless to say, I am looking forward to the end of this month. Not only because I am hoping most of these issues will disappear but because the beach club and water park in our community will open. It is always nice to have a SUPER fun activity to wear the kiddos out at. -Happy May!

Time To Run

Last Friday, in my quest to buy an interesting present for a friend's birthday, I dragged my kids to some cute little boutiques in the old part of town. I had Jordan in his carrier and let Lexi roam free. Even though this is not my preferred way to shop, little boutiques don't tend to keep the aisles clear for strollers.

In the first store, Lexi had to point at everything and make comments. By the time we made our way around the store, the ladies at the register were snickering. They told me that she is quite the talker. I just laughed & said, "Yes, she is non-stop!"

We went into the second place & it was pretty much the same thing, except that they had several breakable items so I had to keep reminding her not to touch. There was a group of well dressed women (baby boomer age) having a meeting in the middle of the store. I think they owned it. I did my best to keep the volume of Lexi's chatter down with no amount of success. Somehow, I found a gift and got us all to the front. As we were leaving, Lexi turned to the ladies to say good bye and make this announcement, "I have caca in my panties!" They all stared at me over their posh reading glasses even though Lexi had given them a HUGE smile.

It is one of those moments when you realize the best thing to do is politely nod and say, "With that, it is time to go." I am glad that I don't have any reason to go back there for a while!

Randomly Spewing

There are various things/topics I have been considering for posts, but it isn’t always easy to remember any of them when I sit down at the computer. I also don’t usually have two hands free to type with. Fortunately, I am somewhat proficient at typing with one hand thanks to working at home during the first few months after Lexi was born. This morning, my mind is in a daze so I’ll just spit out some of the random ideas.

1. Recently, I was in a group of women that highly recommended the book Twilight as well as the rest of the series. They seem to worship the writer. I just smiled and listened because I hardly ever find time for reading. Several days later, one of them handed me a copy of the book to read. I picked it up and was completely engrossed. It is one of those books that draws you in. I know that means it is a great book, but that just makes me want to get the experience over more quickly. Thankfully, I finished reading it and can try to catch up on things like blogging and cleaning. Perhaps, I will wait to read the next book in the series when Jordan is sleeping through the night.

2. Last night, I caught a news clip on 20/20 about a family I used to babysit for when I was 14 years old. The wife had and affair and decided to confess to her husband. He went insane and started spreading lies about the affair with everyone they knew. Then he asked his brother-in-law to find a hitman. Of course, he went to the police & they set him up. They taped the meeting and showed it on tv. I was surprised to catch the clip because it aired several years ago.

3. (On that same topic) When I heard what the husband was saying and saw the intense way he easily lied, it reminded me of my parents’ divorce. Not that my mom cheated on my dad, but he became obsessed with telling everyone they knew ridiculous lies and making himself believe them. Now that I have moved back here, I see their friends quite often. I have been privileged to hear more about his insanity. Apparently, he actually told people that she was an internet porn star. In the Mormon community, that is a HUGE insult. I have to admit that it made me laugh. At the time, she was a 45 year old mother of 5. It is sort of a compliment.

4. I think girls make worse toddlers. They seem to hit the terrible twos earlier and harder. On the plus side, they are easier to potty train.

5. It must be difficult to come home to a cranky wife that has been dealing with a toddler that is just sick enough to be whining about everything. An evening meeting and bad traffic probably help the situation by prolonging the torture. Of course, nothing happened to make the think of this... but he did say he would be home on time tonight.

Sleeping Single

When you think of married couples, you don't picture them sleeping separately. The funny thing is that for us, procreation leads to sleeping apart. It started with Lexi. We quickly realized that we would both be better off in different rooms. Steve felt that getting a decent amount of sleep would help him to function at work. I liked being near the tv or computer so I would have something to do during late night feedings. Babies are sweet, but waking up in the middle of the night to sit in a dark and silent house is just not fun. I wanted something to keep me from nodding off. For the first few months, I slept in the guest room or on the couch.

When Jordan was born, there was no question that we would do the same thing. It started the first night we brought him home from the hospital. There were a few nights of being together at Christmas due to guests filling up the place. Other than that, my husband and I live as roommates. We hang out and talk for an hour or two after Lexi is in bed and then part with a simple kiss. It is starting to feel like we have been doing this a long time even though Jordan is almost 3 months old.

With Lexi, I was back in the bedroom right before the 3 month mark. Her sleep time started lengthening more and more, so it wasn’t bad. Then, she began sleeping through the night right at 3 months.

Even though I have used the exact same methods with Jordan, he still wakes up STARVING every 3 - 4 hours. I try to slip in the pacifier to coax him into sleeping longer and it works for half an hour or so. Maybe I shouldn't complain because once I feed him, he goes right back to sleep. I tried giving him formula one night to see if that would hold him over for longer, but it was worse. He woke up & screamed for 2 hours. That is a big deal for a baby who doesn't cry much. I guess since he was early, I should be thinking that this is more like 2 months.

For now, my hubby & I are roommates. He has nobody to snuggle with, but he can sprawl out on the bed. He can also get some much needed sleep so he can have the energy to help clean, cook, and take care of the terrible two year old. I'll just continue to carry on with sleep deprivation. Fun times!