Decade Recap

The other day, I read Crazy Bloggin Canuck's post that was about her Decade in Review. I liked the idea, so I am copying it. Here goes:

2000: Living in Miami, long term relationship with Arab boyfriend I met while living in the Middle East, went to Jamaica for friend’s wedding

2001: started the year off with lasik surgery, broke-up with Arab boyfriend, moved to a small apartment, went to Houston for mom's wedding to step-father, started working on a huge project in the Bahamas, moved to the Bahamas for work, met my (now) ex-husband there, spent the holidays at Paradise Island and experienced Junkanoo

2002: moved back to Miami, visited a good friend in NYC and had job interviews there, started dating ex-husband, got a new job with the company I am still working for, got engaged during the holidays

2003: got married in Miami, honeymoon in Jamaica, week long executive training at Dartmouth, spent the holidays in Texas attending my brother’s wedding

2004: worked, traveled for work, experienced lots of hurricanes, and saved money for a house

2005: bought our first house, found out my mother-in-law had terminal lung cancer, 2 weeks later found out my dad had terminal brain cancer, a week later found out I was pregnant, experienced several hurricanes, went to Texas for Thanksgiving and last time to see dad, a week later he died, spent the holidays with in-laws

2006: Lexi was born at the beginning of the year, worked from home instead of taking maternity leave, a month later husband lost his job, scrambled to get him a job, went back to work and had my sister be our nanny, put our house on the market, mother-in-law died that summer, sold our house that Fall and moved to South Beach, spent the holidays in San Diego with my family

2007: was on TV on the Today show while watching a morning concert on South Beach the weekend of the Superbowl, found out I was pregnant that Spring, husband lost his job in the summer, sent him to Houston to find a job, quit my job and moved to Houston that summer, went to husband’s granny’s birthday party in Virginia, gave birth to Jordan (early) the beginning of December, flew father-in-law to Houston to spend Christmas with us.

2008: potty trained Lexi, got kidney stones, received a call from my old boss offering me to work part-time from home, bought a house, joined Facebook, went to my family reunion at the Grand Canyon in the Summer, survived hurricane Ike, and bought my own mommy vehicle at Christmas time.

2009: knew this was going to be a crazy year and that divorce was coming, felt insane so took a trip to San Diego to visit mom for 6 weeks, realized I should consider her offer to move here, went back to Houston to discover marriage situation was worse, filed for divorce, husband lost his job, scrambled to help him find a job, put the house up for rent, completed divorce, moved to San Diego, and spent the holidays with my family.

Perhaps, this little idea just made me tired. That, or it is getting late.

Lasting Love

For a while, I have been thinking that long lasting love is so wonderful. Isn't the idea of sharing your life with someone amazing? What could be better than growing old with someone and knowing most of the people in each other's lives and all of their stories? Believe me, I am all about adventure and crazy shenanigans in life. However, when it comes to romance and love nothing could be better than stability. Perhaps, that ultimate dream kept my marriage together for longer than it should have been. This week, we finally watched “Up.” What a cute story and it just happens to go along with this theme.

Anyway, when I saw this article: How to Make Romance Last, I had to laugh and do a quick post.

I am already in my upper 30s, so spending most of my life with someone isn't possible. I guess I can still dream of meeting a great guy someday and spending half of my life with him.

Serial Matrimony-ist

Like many of you, I saw the news about the 107 year old woman that was on her 22nd husband and was expecting him to leave her. If that happens, she plans to get married again for companionship. (article)

Being newly divorced, this story is extra bizarre to me. Right now, marriage seems very unappealing.  Perhaps because divorce is a very difficult thing to go through. All break-ups usually involve a range of emotions, but bringing expensive lawyers into the mix just makes it worse. I'll be paying for it for a while. Right now, getting married is the last thing I want to do. In fact, I am not even interested in dating. I guess I admire a woman that can go through that many divorces and still look forward to marriage.

Husband Free

The court date is set for tomorrow morning. I kind of feel like it is already over especially since Steve has pretty much been missing since we signed the papers on Thursday. He comes in late at night and disappears by mid-morning. He doesn't call or answer his phone all day. Then, he apoligizes for it every morning before he goes off & does it again. It is not like I am even getting mad at him for it, but I hate it.

I am so sad that the kids are missing out on their last few days with him. Plus, there is a LOT of things we still need to do like moving and wrapping things up on the house. I have had to turn to friends for help. As the time for the big move keeps clicking down, I am getting very nervous about how all this can happen without him & his truck. So many questions and what ifs. I guess I'll know by Friday.

Parenting Class/Exception to the Rule

The divorce is moving along. We had to attend a Children Cope class on Saturday. Neither of us really wanted to go. I felt like it was one more thing we had to deal with in the little amount of time I have left. However, we both decided to make the most of it. This is a semi-mandatory class that is aimed at getting divorced/separated parents to understand the importance of co-parenting. Mainly, it is about putting aside your differences and communicating for the benefit of the children.

There were about 40 – 50 people in the class and only two couples. Most of the (outspoken) people had horror stories about fighting with their ex. They had also been separated for a while (1 – 2 years). Sitting in the class, I started to REALLY appreciate that we are pretty much the exception to the rule when it comes to divorce.

1. We don’t hate each other.
2. Even in this situation, we probably fight less than average married couples.
3. We are still living together.
4. We actually enjoy spending time together.
5. It is easy for us to discuss our kids.
6. People are still saying we look so HAPPY together.

I don’t want to make our divorce sound like a piece of cake. It is very difficult emotionally. Right now, we are just at a stage when I am in the acceptance phase of grieving and Steve is in the denial phase. I am horrible at being angry and quite good at forgiving and moving on. I am worried that Steve will probably move into the angry and depression phase once we are gone. The thought makes me sad for him. Then again, it is all part of dealing with it.

Today, we met with the lawyer to sign the final decree papers. They are going to call me with the court date soon. Next week will be a BIG week. Sometime between Monday & Wednesday, I have to go to court for the hearing. My sister is flying in on Tuesday. Steve’s birthday is on Thursday. Friday, I hand the keys to our place over to the tenant & head out to California. It is enough to drive anyone CRAZY! You'll have to excuse my scattered thoughts, those are the only kind I have lately.

Lightning Speed

Our place was listed on the MLS on Thursday night, so things were completely crazy this weekend. It turns out that keeping it spotless isn't nearly as bad as having to evacuate every time someone wants to see it, especially around nap time. We had a showing on Saturday, two on Sunday, and three on Monday. Apparently 5 out of the 6 wanted it, which means that we should have asked for a little more. Perhaps another $50 a month. Oh well. We took the first good applicant. The realtor is running a credit & criminal background check. We should have a report by tonight. The future tenant wants to move in on August 1st, so we have approximately 3 weeks.

While this is very good news, it has also added a whole new level of stress. This makes it all very real. We have to start packing. Plus, Steve still doesn't have a job and doesn't know what he is going to do at the end of this month. That makes us both very nervous, but him more so of course. I am just glad we'll have someone giving us enough money to make our mortgage payments.

The job hunt is going fairly well considering the poor economy. Steve is great at networking and talking to anyone and everyone. He also has an amazing gift of being able to talk to strangers. I am hitting the e-mail and internet side hard. He has two companies that are interested in hiring him. Unfortunately, one of them THINKS they'll have a project for him the middle of August. The other one wants him if they get a project. Basically, the search continues...

Absolutely Immaculate

Everyone has a different standard of what they think an acceptable level of cleanliness for their house. In my mind, immaculate is the goal. In reality, I just don't have the time, energy, or motivation to keep up with my standards. Since my idea of clean for my own house is so high, I feel strange inviting people over because I never feel like it is as clean as I want it to be. However, when I visit friends or other people's houses, I am quite comfortable with a normal amount of clutter and mess. Why am I so hard on myself? I don't know. It is silly.

Today, I finally met with the realtor. It took me a while to set up the appointment because I wanted to get the house somewhere near my high standard. Steve and I have been working on it. There is still a little more deep scrubbing I want to do, but the first thing she said was "It is sooooo clean!" That is the good news. The bad news is that I have to keep it like this until it rents, which she thinks will take 30 to 40 days at the most. A completely clutter free house that is sparkling clean for that long without kids is tough. With two little ones, it is going to be a nightmare.

Should I hope & pray that we find renters quickly? The money and peace of mind would be nice, but I can't decide. I am not ready (emotionally) to pack up and go to California right away. I want the kids to spend as much time with their dad as possible (one nice thing about him not having a job). I also have to be in town for the court date. Hmmm ... we'll just take it as it goes and see what happens.

A New Low

Steve lost his job today. Sounds like a fun new development in our little saga, right? Now, I am dealing with filing for the divorce, terrible work deadlines, updating and sending out his resume, trying to get the house ready to put on the market to rent even faster, wondering if I'll default on a mortgage payment if finding renters takes too long, thinking about life with only my little salary coming in (no child support), worrying about health insurance for me and the kids, and trying to maintain some level of normalcy for the kids. I also heard that someone I considered a grandfather to me (my great uncle) died this week.

Does anyone have a shovel? I don't think this hole I am in is quite deep enough.

My brother warned me that divorce (even ones for good reasons) brings about huge amounts of negative karma. I guess he was right. I didn’t even mention that I was involved in a hit and run a week ago.

Reactions to Divorce Announcement

One of the most difficult things about divorce is telling everyone the news. In general, I just don't bring it up. I've tried to share the news with some friends and family. When it comes to acquaintances though, I can't seem to throw it out there. It seems to start a conversation that shocks and saddens those around me. This is one of those times when I wish a busy body would spread it around for me. Here are a few of the comments I've heard:

...But, you have such a beautiful family.

Why? He loves you and the kids so much.

God hates divorce because it breaks up the family.

I bet he’ll win you back after a year.

That tall gorgeous guy?

You’ll find somebody and get married again soon.

Are you on birth control? (by an older man, who I am not comfortable discussing these things with)

It is good to do it while the kids are so young.

Couples need to wait until they have been married for twenty years. It gets easier after that.

...But, you two work so well together.

That is SOOOOO shocking. I just can't believe it.

I should say that most friends have said, "I am sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help you?" I know it isn't easy hearing news like that, which is probably why it is difficult to share it. I am confident that my decision is the right one, but I know it affects more people than just our immediate family. I also feel sorry for everyone else.

Another Break

On Monday, Steve's boss asked if he would go to San Antonio to work on a project for the next 4 weeks. He'll be working 12 hour days, 7 days a week. He left yesterday. Lexi and I cried and cried as we said good bye and for a little while after he left. He was quite emotional too. Even though it was a sad departure, this little trip is quite a blessing for us both.

Yesterday, Steve and I went to the lawyer's office so he could sign some papers, basically acknowledging that he knows about the divorce proceedings. It was a heart wrenching experience for both of us. This process causes huge emotional swings and very little sleep. On a positive note, we had several good conversations on the phone and text messages during his drive. That helps me to believe we will be able to continue to be good friends.

I am actually so happy that he got to do this business trip for his sake. At the very least, he will have a chance to get some sleep in a quiet hotel room. Perhaps, he will even get to feel like a normal person again instead of a crazy guy stuck on an emotional roller coaster.

The separation also gives me a chance to work on getting our house ready to show for renters without feeling so guilty. I know all the preparations are hard for him to watch. Taking junk to storage and charity will be emotionally easier for me without him watching or helping.

Oh yeah, I should mention that we are planning to go visit him at least once during his trip. We both want him to spend as much time with the kids as possible.

The Plan: Moocher

When I went to California, I had one main purpose – to get a break. I didn’t have anything else in mind. In fact, I was only planning to be there for two weeks. It wasn’t until we were on the road headed there that I decided it would be nice to stay longer. Two weeks didn’t seem like enough. During our visit, my mom had mentioned that we were welcome to move there. I kind of laughed it off. She even said she was really going to miss the kids. I told her to “be careful what you wish for.”

I came back to Texas knowing that moving to California was an option, but one that I kept in the back of my mind. Unfortunately, things were worse here. It was obvious right away. I realized that I needed to start the divorce process faster than I had planned. California is the BEST option.

With all the changes that the kids are going through, my main goal is to find a way to avoid daycare. Their lives will be disrupted enough without having me go back to working full time (plus) and sticking them in day care all within a short time period. I want to minimize the impact on them as much as possible.

My plan is to put our place up for rent, pack a few things, and drive us out to California. I’ll keep working part time from home, pray that Steve pays child support, and basically mooch off my mom for the next year.

There is one thing that I have realized...even during this rough period in my life, I have many things to be thankful for. First, I love my kids more than life itself. They make all this completely worth it. Second, I am glad that I have a great place to go so that I have this option. I realize that my mom & step-father are making a huge sacrifice for us. Third, I have had many wonderful friends go way out of their way to be there for me. Fourth, problems can always be worse (or get worse) so I am thankful that things aren't worse at this time. Fifth, my company sent me a laptop, which just makes me happy.

Weekend of Meaningful Dates

This is probably a good weekend to have lots of emotional breakdowns. Today is my dad's birthday. He has been gone for about three and a half years. Then, tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. Given the news I announced in my last post, you can guess that I am not celebrating either day. In fact, I am slightly happy that I haven't been getting a lot of sleep, have way too much to do and think about, and have a huge workload for the week. However, I do hope Steve and I make time to do something fun with the kids.

That brings me to the other thing that I am thankful for... we are not fighting. Most divorces probably involve lots of shouting matches, name calling, and hate. Ours is mostly about sadness and an agreement to remain friends. I truly hope we continue to pull it off. I think we both prefer for it to go like this, plus it makes it much easier on the kids.

Knowing Me, Knowing You

Tomorrow, I am going in to sign a contract to get the divorce process started. I don't think the internet is the place to go into details. I'll just say that I have a VERY good reason. Divorcing someone, especially someone that you are still in love with and they are still in love with you, is EXTREMELY difficult (much more than I even imagined). However, you can only give someone a million chances before it makes you insane.

I am not trying to make light of it, but since I am on an ABBA kick and I am TIRED of being emotional:
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we're through
(this time we're through, this time we're through
This time we're through, we're really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

Bathroom Conversation

Hubby: What do you use that sandwich making thing for?

Me: Um....You mean my flat iron (pointing to it)?

Hubby: Yeah

Me: It straightens my hair so it isn't wavy.

Hubby: Don't women want curly and wavy hair?

Me: (I suddenly get a flash back to the late 80s & early 90s, when big bangs and perms were the in thing.) Curly hair is fine, but a little wave is annoying.

Just Surviving

This year, I am not making any resolutions. I make a few every year even if they are just silly things. I don't feel like I can do it this year though. I can't even go into what is stressing me out or much about all the other factors that just add to that. I'll just say that life is difficult and somehow I have to find the way to make some major changes. I think it is appropriate to say that 2009 is about surviving. It is about living life in the moment and cherishing the wonderful blessings I do have. It is also about being strong and knowing I can plow through it.

I am sure that I am not the only one trying to get through this year. Economic issues have put a lot of people in survival mode. Lets hope we can all get through whatever it is we are battling with as soon as possible. How is that for a resolution?

Lady in Red

Last week, the Today Show had a quick segment on attracting guys. They got hung up on the first suggestion and basically only talked about how guys are very turned on by the color red. Apparently, they've discussed this before back in October because when I googled it, this is what I found: The woman in red really drives men crazy.

I decided to test it out. For our little New Years Eve party with friends, I put on a red top (not sexy). Other than that, I was dressed and made up in my typical fashion. When I walked down the stairs, Steve said, "Whoa, you look great." I had to smile because I haven't heard that from him in quite a while. I guess it really does work. By the way, he has no idea. I can use it on him whenever I want. hahaha.

He Surprisingly Changed His Mind

About three weeks ago, my husband was reading a book to Lexi and announced that he was thinking it would be nice to have another baby. I was absolutely stunned to hear those words come out of his mouth, because he has always been set on two. In fact, the entire time I was pregnant with Jordan, he made sure to tell everyone that he was done and that he wanted a vasectomy. So…his little announcement wasn’t taken too seriously. I figured that the next time both kids are screaming, he would change his mind. My response to him was that if we are going to have another one, we’d better not wait long because I am not getting any younger.

The entire time I was pregnant this last time, I knew that I did NOT want to be pregnant again. I even fantasized about mailing my maternity clothes to my sister-in-law. As soon as Jordan was born, I wanted another one though. This last year, I have been mostly on the fence. I’d say I have been in the 50 – 75% range of wanting another baby. Until Steve’s announcement, I would have said that he was mostly against it. To my surprise, he now has decided that he really wants us to have another one. He is even telling other people (family and friends).

For now, I’ve decided that I will not be ready to even think about “trying” until after my birthday, which is in January. At that time, I will be 36 years old and it might not be easy or happen quickly. We’ll see. In the spirit of thinking of a third, I decided to google the idea this morning. I found this amusing site: http://www.havingthreekids.com. It made me laugh.

Seven Year Itch

Seven years ago today, I met Steve. I can't say that it has all been easy. In fact, the first half of this summer was particularly rough. I spent a lot of time thinking about kicking him to the curb and of course he just adored my absolute perfectness. What's not to love, right?

A few years ago, I read an article about a study on couple's arguing. The main point of it was that people who have been married for 50 years still argue about the same things they did when they were newlyweds. Basically, you can yell at him for 50 years about leaving his socks all over the house and it will do NO GOOD. Overall, I find that kind of depressing. All those years of arguing and nothing ever comes of it. I think the seven year itch is just about getting a bit tired of the same old arguments. I also know that you can let yourself get worked up over things or just mellow out and let things go. Give them a few months and problems always seem less dramatic.

The point is that it has been seven years of mostly good and that is what counts. Since he is great at helping me around the house, I will continue to pick up socks and simply smile about it because I love him for now.

**For the record, I am way too laid back to worry about his socks. In fact, I have only jokingly mentioned it to him once.

Family Photos

What could be easier than posting a few photos we had taken about 3 weeks ago? Nothing...so here they are. Yes, I am feeling lazy. Lazy enough that I haven't even mailed any to my family yet.

My Football Fans

We went to a football party on Friday to watch Texas A&M against the University of Miami. Since Steve doesn't have many Canes fans here, I thought it would be nice for the kids to go in support of his team. Should I mention that I hope our kids go to Texas A&M?