My 15 Year Old Self

This morning a friend on Facebook, that I've known in real life for decades that happens to be a lot younger than me (15+ years younger), posted a picture of herself when she was 15 years old. She wondered if her 15 year old self would approve of her so far. She married pretty young and has 3 sweet little kids. Her oldest is in kindergarten. Her husband has a good job and their house is quite nice. She felt pretty sure that her 15 year old self would be pleased. I smiled at the thought of her doing that and went on with my day.

About an hour ago, a mutual friend who happens to be somewhere in between our ages, followed in her footsteps. However, her life has been quite different. She also married young. In fact, she married her high school sweetheart, who turned out to be abusive to her and their kids. She is now re-married to a wonderful guy, but she is still dealing with the abusive ex's behavior towards the kids. I think it is safe to say that she feels she has been raked over the coals. Her conclusion was that her 15 year old self would be scared to death, but would be proud of her current self.

Because both of them did this little exercise, I wondered about my 15 year old self. It was quite a long time ago for me. I know that I thought I knew a lot more about life than I actually did. I pretty much knew everything. What a fun age! Well, I would NEVER have guessed that I would end up living in Texas, being divorced, being a single mom, having a career where I worked from home on my computer, and basically a million more things in life.

Even though life is a huge messy ball of twine, I am actually happier now than I was then. Mainly, that is because I simply crave independence. I couldn't wait to move out and be on my own. Now that I think about it, being a single mom is about the most independent you can be. I don't have to compromise or ever check with anyone about their opinions.

Many parts of life could be better. I always wanted kids, lots of kids. I feel blessed to have 2 amazing ones. They are a huge part of my happiness. Of course, I dreamed of my own knight-in-shining-armor who I would live happily ever after with. I still do. ..Maybe one day that will come true and I will even happily compromise on many things. My 15 year old self can just continue dreaming.      

Modern Chivalry

My dating life is about as boring as EVER.  ...yes, that means that I am NOT dating at all. If I ever find someone that peaks my interest, I'll definitely make time for him. However, checking out a million random guys in an effort to find a good date seems like a gigantic process with little reward. For now, I am leaving it up to destiny/fate/a PURE miracle or to a time when I change my mind about that.

The one thing that I have noticed over the (almost) 6 years as a single mom is that guys from the past like to make contact and catch up. I am beginning to believe that guys are more nostalgic than women and that they just might have better memories than we give them credit for (better than I do anyway). When it comes to this, Facebook has really changed the world. I would never have guessed that a guy I was casual friends with over 20 years ago would private message me to "catch up."

I am not sure what to make of it, but I have noticed their similarities:

1. None of them live anywhere near me (not even in this huge state of Texas or a surrounding state).
2. They are all on their second marriage.
3. They all had AWFUL first marriages - their ex-wive's fault of course.  They shared a few stories & I believe them.
4. They all seemed happy in their second marriage, but haven't bragged about their current wife.
5. They remember much more about me than I remember about them.
6. They considered us closer friends that I did.
7. They told me that they saw my picture and I still look the same/am beautiful.
8. They all told me that they had a crush or really liked me back in the day.
9. These catch-up sessions seem to last a few weeks and then taper off.

Only one or two suggested anything inappropriate. Mostly, they have been really respectful and genuinely kind. I am wondering if this is modern chivalry. They must know that divorce can blow self-esteem out of the water. I certainly don't fish for compliments or go out of my way to make it known that I am single. They probably notice that I use my maiden name.  This catching-up could be their good deed and a way for them to share their woes for a little therapy. I like to remind them to spoil their current wife.

I HEART Mark Zuckerberg

Can I mention (just one more time) that I LOVE Facebook? I was able to catch up with another dear friend that I haven't seen in 17 years! She is even coming to town at Christmas & we might be able to meet up. I am so excited...I could just FREAK out! I guess this is the month when I declare my undieing love for someone I consider a KID - Mark Zuckerberg. He was born 11 years after me, but I am that thrilled about Facebook. **Yes, I completely realize how much of a dork this makes me.**

Social Networking

A few years ago I had a conversation with a friend about blogs, MySpace, and Facebook. I had a blog and she had joined MySpace. She told me that blogs seemed like too much effort. She also mentioned that very few people our age were on MySpace. After that, I have never really thought about social networking sites again. Since there was nobody for us to network with, what was the point?

That changed about 2 months ago when a friend of a friend sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I was quite surprised that she had my e-mail address, so I joined mainly to be nice. Oh yeah, I was also a little curious. I was immediately surprised by how many of the people I knew that had accounts. I had no idea what the next few months had in store for me.

As I have mentioned here before, I have moved A LOT in my life. I have made and lost touch with so many friends that I can’t even begin to count (or come up with names for the searches). I have really enjoyed finding and being found by friends. I have been able to reconnect with friends I had while living in Qatar 11-12 years ago. Just this week, two friends from different high schools and different states found me. I haven’t talked to either of them in over 17 years. I feel like I am just seeing the tip of the iceberg here and I am a bit sad that I didn’t know this before.

I am guessing that everyone who is into blogging and is reading this is thinking - duh! Over ten years ago, I was very frustrated that so many of my friends hadn’t jumped on the e-mail bandwagon. Now, I am very late in joining this movement.

A few friends have told me that they are afraid of losing their privacy. For that, I must say that you pick and choose your “friends.” I currently have two requests from people I don’t know and who will not be gaining access into my profile. On top of that, like a blog, you are responsible for the content in your own profile. Don’t share anything that you feel iffy about (perhaps your home address). I honestly feel like I put more of my personality and opinions into this blog.

If more people my age (mid-thirties) and older would just admit that it was great, then the rest of us would have joined sooner. Here I am admitting, actually declaring that I am on Facebook and there are LOTS of people (who are much older than high school or college kids) to network and reconnect with. To be honest, the older you are the more friends that you have and want to keep in touch with. It should be more for us (the over 30 crowd).