Christmas Love

This Christmas has been completely amazing in so many unexpected ways.  First of all, I didn't think I would be able to spend it with my two favorite people in the world.  This year, their dad was scheduled to have them for Christmas.  Fortunately, my ex brought them over first thing this morning and we all spent the day together.

I also believed it would be a sad little Christmas because I just couldn't manage to spend money on presents.  Even with help, I am struggling to pay bills this month.  I know I am pretty verbal on the blog about financial struggles, but in real life I keep it pretty quiet.  It is just part of my life and we manage somehow.

This month, the spirit of Christmas must have swelled in the hearts of people (my boss, friends, family, & church members) because they came out of the woodwork to shower us with gifts and acts of kindness. Their generosity was so overwhelming that I often shed a tear.  My mom did too whenever I told her about another person who went out of their way to do something for us.  The gifts weren't only for my kids either.  I can understand how people would want to make sure kids have a good Christmas, but I can't believe how much people gave and thought about me.  Of course, I would have been thrilled if Lexi and Jordan were the only ones spoiled, but I was too.

In the end, I realize it really is the thought that counts.  The wonderful gifts they gave us showed me how much love and kindness there is in the world, especially where we live.  How amazing it is to have love in this world.  More than anything, this all makes me wish I could afford to do grand things for them and others.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!  I am so excited that I get to spend Christmas with my kids.  I hope everyone has as many kind things happen to them as I have had this month.  It truly is the most wonderful time of the year!

Me Moments Winner

I just found out today that I am the winner of the Me Moments Basket from Dayngr Girl, who can now be followed at: dayngrzone.com.

The beauty basket is part of the marketing promotion for the movie Playing for Keeps, here is the clip from youtube:

2012 Christmas Cards

I think I mention every year that I like to get my Christmas cards together and out the door in the very beginning of December.  That did not happen this year.  In fact, I struggled to get the motivation to do them at all.  I took the above picture in my backyard on Thanksgiving.  I dragged the kids out there, set up my point & shoot camera on a kitchen bar stool, and had to keep reminding the kids to look at the camera while the timer kept snapping pictures.  It was definitely not a thrilling experience.  I didn't even know if we would end up with one decent picture.

The one above turned out ok, so I made it black & white and ordered a stack of them from mpix.

That is where my little amount of motivation pretty much halted.  I decided to stop complaining to myself and do the essential Christmas cards - great grandparents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and my office in Miami.  Once I mailed those off and looked at the stack of pictures left over, I realized I should make a little more effort.  There isn't a lot I can do for Christmas this year for financial reasons, so I wanted to at least send these out.  I decided just to simplify.  I got a box of Christmas themed cards from Hobby Lobby (half-price sale).  I printed a simple message on the inside rather than personalized ones.  I stuck the above picture on the front and called it good.  This isn't my usual effort, but it was nice to do send them off like I typically do.  

One of my friends once told me that she doesn't like sending Christmas cards or Christmas letters because some people think you are bragging.  For the past few years, when I am sending out cards, I think about that and laugh.  I doubt anyone thinks that I am bragging about my life.  While I have many blessing and things I am happy about, I have very little to boast about.     

December Projects

This month, I ended up doing quite a bit of sewing and other projects.  The strange part is that I didn't take very many pictures.  In fact, I only took pictures of a few of the things I made before giving them or sending them off as gifts.  I made matching pjs for the kids to wear to Jordan's birthday party at the beginning of the month.  I also made pj pants for Jordan and a snowman skirt for Lexi.  I even sewed the dish towels below.

This year, I am very thankful that I started sewing a year ago and can manage a few projects.  I hope to develop this talent even more next year.  I guess that means many of my friends and family will be suffering through more of my homemade gifts.  ;)

Emotional Roller Coaster

This was the first weekend that my ex has taken the kids for more than one night since June.  In fact, over the past few months (years really) he often misses taking them all together even when he promised them he would come.  That is just part of who he is.  We are all used to it.  To be honest, I have really enjoyed that about him.  Sometimes when I think about the bad things in the marriage, I would at least be happy that he isn't a pushy dad.   I like to think that I may have missed the mark when it came to him as a husband, but he is the kind of ex husband I prefer.   

I always put my kids first.  Maybe giving them a little more of their own time is a good thing, but I don’t like to.  Family time is number one on my list.  Other than school, they are RARELY in the care of someone else.  I was even like that when I lived in California.  I hardly ever left them with my mom.  If there is a choice, I consistently choose to be with them.  I just like it that way. 

Needless to say, this was a very emotional weekend for me.  I think I got a total of 3 hours of sleep last night.  The rest of the time, I cried my eyes out.  I went to church today very exhausted with puffy eyes.  I felt overwhelmed by these emotions.  Lots of concerned people asked me about the kids in a polite way.  It was difficult to talk about them though.  I am good at keeping it together in those situations, but on the inside I was dying.  I think it is even worse that their dad has them again next weekend and for Christmas.  Fortunately (for me), my ex’s fiance will be out of town, so he’ll probably bring them over for a bike ride or something on the weekend.  He already said he would like to be over here for Christmas Eve & Christmas day, which is a huge relief for me.  I am also thrilled that he doesn't have any vacation time or he would have them all week.  If we played by the book, he could have them from the 21^st to the 28^th without me seeing them even once.  Typing that makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart and knots in my stomach. 

For these reasons, I hope that when he gets married and moves across town, he’ll go back to his usual ways.  I know that isn't nice and it is better for them to have an involved father, but it makes me happier.  If he doesn't, I’m sure I’ll start thinking about moving far away again.  Yes, I am a bit selfish like that, but notice I said start thinking about moving away.  I don’t have the money and I love living here.  I’ll also be dreaming about how nice it would be if he moved away.  His fiance has lots of family here and her own little business, so I doubt that will happen. 

In the last post, I wrote that I am feeling positive about the future.  I am also feeling deeply saddened about the possibility of spending less time with my kids.  No matter what, divorce is awful especially when you have kids.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  I can only imagine how bad it is when exes can’t stand each other.  

Treat of the Season

This month I have had NO desire to bake or cook.  That isn't a good thing to happen to someone like me during December.  Fortunately, I have managed to be motivated by this little quick treat.  I saw the instructions for something very similar on Pinterest, but that was about as far as I got until a kind lady from church gave me a bag full of the treat made with pretzels, Hershey kisses and M&Ms.  They were a huge addictive hit for the kids and me.  I decided to make some with Rolos instead of kisses.  YUM!  The best part is that my little kitchen helper, Jordan, loves to help unwrap all of the Rolos.  

If you want to make them, use a cookie sheet to spread out the pretzels with either Rolos or Kisses on top.  Put in the oven at 350 degrees for ONLY 2 minutes.  Pull them out and press M&Ms on top of each one.  Cool and then you've got a tasty treat.  

Forgiveness Process

This past month has really thrown me for a loop.  When you truly believe that you have completely forgiven someone, it is shocking to suddenly find out that there is more baggage there to clear out.  In a way, I am glad that I have had a chance to dig in and figure this out.  This has been the main topic on my mind, so posting has become difficult.  I wasn't sure I should put it out there, but I am an open book and perhaps it will help someone else.  

Basically, it comes down to the fact that my thoughts and nightmares have been haunted by the past.  Flashbacks of horrible instances and many difficult to forgive acts in my marriage have been taunting me.  A good night of sleep has become a rare thing.  Almost every night, I manage to get to sleep, but right around 3 am, I am jolted awake by a nightmare.  This leads me down a path of thoughts and worry that doesn't allow me to rest again for several hours.  Of course, being tired has made me even sicker of the whole issue.  I decided to just be patient with myself and talk it out to many friends.  This is all part of the torture of divorce and tearing up a family.  All actions have consequences even when you weren't the main one at fault. 

My ex tells everyone that he is 100% responsible for what happened.  I would probably put it at around 95%.  I wasn't willing to hit bottom with him.  He had to hit that on his own after the divorce.   He has come a long way, but he has a ways to go.   

This morning, I didn't wake up until 5 am.  The best part was that I felt completely happy (tears of joy kind of happy).  I am actually thrilled that life gives people second chances.  I know the road is going to be difficult for him and his soon to be new wife, but I want to see them succeed and thrive.  I hope they can do that together. 

As for me, I am feeling very positive about the future.  I don’t know what it has in store, but working through the past only means things will get better.  Also, this little exercise in shedding burdens has made the scale my best friend.  Losing 10 lbs a month before my 40^th birthday means I am lighter physically as well as spiritually.  

Back to Me

I know that I have had a few posts about whether or not I should go back to using my maiden name.  Suddenly, this week, it feels right to do it.  For a while, I wrestled with wanting to share a name with my kids.  I wanted less confusion.  I have been using my maiden name for my work and Facebook, but my married name for personal life.

Recently, my ex has met and become very close to what seems to be the love of his life.  That is huge, since everyone else he has dated, he wouldn't even call a girlfriend.  They are even discussing the possibility of marriage in the next few months.  They introduced their kids to each other the weekend before Thanksgiving.  He has talked to me quite a bit about her and she seems good for him and very nice.  Lexi definitely likes her.  

To be frank, this new development has brought on a range of different emotions for me and even flashbacks of all of the crap that went on between us.  None of my feelings or emotions led to wanting to get back together not even for a second.  The worst feelings were about being a little angry that he gets to be happy now.  I know I was a great wife and 90% of our problems were caused by his issues.  He knows that too.  That little anger/pity-party for me kept re-occurring, but was fleeting every time because:

1. I have always wanted him to find someone first.  Before his mom died, she asked me to take care of him.  Even though the divorce broke a lot of the responsibility I felt for him, there was a part of me that still checked up on him.  Plus, I am often the only one he would talk to.  He has very little contact with his old friends.  When he gets down in the dumps, he completely shuts himself off from most people even me at times.  I know that if I moved on with my life, it would crush him even more.

2. I am where I need to be in my life and I am still making no efforts to date.  A lot of that has to do with being the best parent I can be.  I give all of myself to the kids and try to manage work, the house, finances, friendships, church, etc.

Other feelings include relief because I know he is happier.  When he is happier, things go better in his life and he is a good dad.  At times, I feel really worried for her and them.  He and I have had a few long telephone conversations this week.  I was open and honest with him and he told me he would share it all with her.  I have always said he has a great heart and infinite potential to be an amazing husband.  He has also come a LONG way in the last year or two.  I hope they are very happy and I am even looking forward to meeting her.

I just explained all of that to get to my main point.  I realized on Monday that I want to use my maiden name in my personal life too.  I will answer to either name and it will not bother me, but I suddenly feel like I am getting back a piece of me.  A weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and is sort of being transferred to her.  It brings a bit of unexpected peace.  

Happy Thanksgiving!

Last week, I decided to go back and read my Thanksgiving post from last year.  I realized that my list of things that I am thankful for is exactly the same this year too.  Actually, I'd just get rid of the the last one.  While part of me realizes that it is just a great list, my heart sunk because I feel stuck in a sad little loop of my new life as a poor single mom.  I allowed myself to have a little pity party one day and then that was it (ok a few additional moments of despair here & there).

Today, I choose to smile because I am simply tired of feeling hopeless and sorry for myself.  Life goes on and I am thankful for all that I do have, but mostly I am thankful for wonderful people.  I feel blessed to have extraordinary kids, a fantastic family, amazing friends, and an exceptional boss.  Without them, I really would be hopeless.

Happy for my Cousin

I have been very grateful this month that others have gone out of their way to help us.  Whenever I catch the news, I am often saddened by the cruel or horrendous acts that people have done.  This month, I want to remember that there are many who are filled with loving hearts.  My cousin posted this clip of her son & family on Facebook:

Lifetime Friendships

One of my close friends had his 40^th birthday party this weekend.  I must admit that it is nice to get together with people in my age range before my big birthday hits.  It helps me realize that it is not such a big deal and that I’m very lucky to be living somewhere that I have so many wonderful friends.  I spent most of the evening catching up with another friend’s wife.   

By the end of the party, a group of us ended up standing around talking for a while.  Several of the guys got sentimental and appreciative of our long lasting friendship.  Sometimes I can't believe how many great friends I have had for over 20 years. Now, I can skip closer to my birthday feeling even happier for friendships that span a lifetime.  

Lice Prevention Fanatic

A little over a year and a half ago before I moved back to Texas, one of my good friends here quickly became a lice expert.  She would treat it, but it kept going around her school and coming back again.  She ended up doing a lot of research on the internet and driving herself half insane trying to completely rid her family of this problem.  I remember her horror stories too well. 

For some strange reason, I started talking about lice two weeks ago to another friend.  We were talking about how horrible it would be.  Like me, she has long hair and so does her daughter.  She commented that she would probably go to a specialist and pay the $500 for them to get rid of it.  I didn't know that was an option, but realistically, it is not an option for me to pay that kind of money.  I was just glad that I hadn't heard of any cases. 

Last Monday, I decided to shave Jordan’s hair.  I had been thinking about letting it grow a little since winter is coming, but I pulled out the clippers and buzzed it off without even thinking about it.  On Thursday, I was so glad I did.  I got a note from his school saying a child had lice.  All the kids were checked, but they wanted us to keep an eye out.  Suddenly, I was so thankful to have a son that is too energetic to cuddle or lie down where other kids have been lying.  Good thing, they don’t have nap time for his age at pre-school. 

My alert level was definitely kicked up another notch this weekend when a friend whose kids attend a neighboring elementary told me that her daughter got lice last week.  She said that the best treatment is olive oil in a shower cap for about an hour and using a flat iron.  The chemical shampoo sold at the store is not only very harsh, but the lice have become resistant to it.  She also recommended tea tree oil.  I already use tea tree shampoo for the kids, so I didn't think too much about it.  She lent us one of her flat irons in case we would need it. 

I made sure to wash Lexi’s hair with tea tree shampoo last night.  Another good practice that I already do is that I RARELY let Lexi go to school with her hair down or even in a pony tail.  I was feeling pretty safe.

This evening, I took the kids on a walk.  We saw one of my neighbors/friends and I asked her how she was doing.  She said, “Horrible!”  Then, she proceeded to explain that she just noticed her daughter in 4^th grade came home with lice.  I told her about the olive oil and cap.  As my kids and I walked home, I decided to kick up my lice prevention a notch. We headed to the grocery store and bought 2 bottles of tea tree oil (one for us & one for my neighbor).  My kids will get a little drop on their necks every morning.  Lexi will also not only have a braid; her hair will be up in a bun.  I'll have to get creative.  I have cautioned her about hugging other kids and laying her head on their shoulders.  Sadly, this is no time to be affectionate.    

Veterans' Day 2012

It is coming up on 4 years since I last went to the cemetery that my dad is buried in.  Lexi had early dismissal from school on Friday, so I decided that it would be the perfect time to head up there.  Even the weather was nice - sunny and warm.  I definitely wanted to avoid going there this weekend or even tomorrow.  Since he is in a Veterans' Cemetery, I knew it would be packed.

My kids never met my dad.  Lexi was born almost 2 months after he passed away.  I probably would have enjoyed the peace and quiet of visiting the cemetery by myself, but I think it is vital for kids to understand their connections to family members both alive and deceased.  It is also essential for them to get a glimpse of the numerous graves of soldiers that truly cared about this country.  I am sure the significance of the moment did not sink in fully, but kids (and adults) learn bit by bit.  I hope they are gradually building a realization that they will come to appreciate one day.         

More Cousins for Lexi & Jordan

My brother, Chris, and his wife, Julia, are expecting twins as you can see in the picture above.  They have been married for over a year and have had trouble getting pregnant.  Fortunately, they went to a fertility clinic in Salt Lake and are expecting two.  That makes 11 grand-kids for my mom.  Currently, the youngest grand-child is about 7 months younger than Jordan.  When you have to wait a while (about 5 years) until another one (or 2) comes, it is even more exciting.

Just Vote

Since it seems like the whole world is taking to Facebook to express what they are thankful for as well as presidential candidates, I'm going to dedicate this post to both topics.  For the record, I voted 2 weeks ago in the early voting.  It is off of my To Do List.  Voting early has made it easier for me to ignore all of my strongly politically opinionated Facebook friends.

This year, I am thankful to be living in a state that is clearly not a swing state.  When I lived in Florida and California, the months leading up to a presidential election were torturous.  Getting bombarded by political ads, mailers, hand-outs, signs and is rather horrific. 

Several years ago, I got to see local political corruption at its worst.  I witnessed it at the City of Miami Beach.  It left me sick to my stomach for a few months.  Ever since then, I have an aversion to the whole system although I recognize that Miami is known for their corruption and it shouldn't taint my view of all politics.  Don’t get me wrong, I see the value of the government and I appreciate what they do.  I just hate politics – even office politics. 

This year, I am happy I live in Texas.  We all know who is going to win here, so the candidates don’t even bother to campaign to Texans.  Maybe they do a little, I don’t have cable or even local television channels.  Almost all of the bumper stickers and signs that I've seen have Mitt’s name on them.  I haven’t even received anything in the mail. 

I don’t consider myself a Republican or a Democrat.  I like to look at the issues and vote for the candidate I like best.  A few months ago, I took one of those online matching tests that identifies which candidate lines up with your views best.  It was back before the Republicans had picked their candidate.  The results were that 77% of my views were shared by Mitt Romney and 75% of my views were in line with Obama all of the other Republican candidates were a distant 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th, etc.  I just laughed, so much for Romney & Obama being polar opposites. 

I think that is as far as I want to go with my political talk.  I am not here to convince you to vote for either candidate.  I believe that we give too much credit to the office of president.  Whoever wins will not have nearly as much power as we believe they will unless congress sides with them.

This post isn't over yet, I do want to mention our celebrity sighting.  It has been a while since I posted one of these:

Photo from Oprah's Magazine

My kids happen to be rooting for Mitt Romney, because he goes to church with my mom in La Jolla, California.  He is there almost half of the year.  My mom, the kids and I have been around him and his family.  First of all, his hair really is that thick.  He also LOVES his grand-kids more than you hear/read about in interviews. They sit in his lap at church and adore him.  He is very cute with them.  I’d say more than most men in his generation.  He is very funny and personable.  

People often talk about his handsome sons.  It is true, they are.  However, the thing I remember the most was how absolutely GORGEOUS his daughter-in-laws are, especially the mom of the two on the far left (one standing & one waving).  Sadly, I can't tell you her name.  I am better with faces.  She is a complete knock-out.  In fact, she is so perfect that you would expect her to be the biggest snob you've ever met.  I was pleasantly surprised by how genuinely nice she is.  She, her husband and kids ended up living in the Romney's La Jolla house for one summer while we were living in California.  Her sons were in the nursery at church with Jordan so I saw and talked to her quite a few times.  

By the end of today or maybe in a few days, we'll know if Lexi & Jordan can say they met the president.  

Overwhelmed with Gratitude

As my kids lie sleeping tonight, I am overcome with gratitude for the kindness of church members.  I haven’t exactly kept it a secret that I am struggling financially.  On the other hand, I am rather independent and truly feel that for the most part we are doing fine.  When anyone asks, I usually say we’re getting by.  Of course, I constantly pray to have our needs met and for us to make ends meet.  This way of life is stressful to say the least. 

Now, I am about to admit something that I am quite embarrassed about, but it is necessary for the post.  I hate to say it, but my kids have been sleeping in toddler beds all this time.  Jordan is about to turn 5 and he is really tall for his age.  Lexi is going to be 7 in a few months.  They have completely outgrown the little beds (a while ago), but I didn't know what to do.  I struggle to buy the essentials, so even looking around at garage sales or thrift stores wouldn't help. 

Last Sunday, two men from church that come to check in on us every month (a.k.a. Home Teachers) asked their usual question, “Do you need anything?”  As usual, I said, “We’re fine.”  This time, they broke it down.  “What about food?”  I said no.  “What about clothes?”  I said no.  Then, they asked, “What about furniture?”  Suddenly, I felt a spark (you could call it a light bulb moment).

I wanted to approach the topic without any urgency, so I said, “If you happen to know of anyone that has twin beds that they are giving away, we could use them.”  I explained that the kids were still sleeping in toddler beds and that we were ok, but that it would be nice if we could get a twin bed or two in the next few months.

They called me on Friday to ask if I would be home on Saturday.  They had two twin beds for me.  Apparently, they had sent out an e-mail to all of the men/families in the congregation (a.k.a. ward) letting them know someone was in need of twin beds.  One of the men responded.  His wife had seen the e-mail and wanted to give the matching twin beds from their guest room.  They felt that the beds could be put to better use.  I am pretty sure they used them for visitors and were just being generous.  They certainly don’t know me well enough to feel any kind of obligation or duty.

I am quite overwhelmed by their kindness.  First of all, these are very nice beds with perfect mattresses and they were not cheap at all.  Even if I was financially ok, I would not have been able to afford these.  I know that the family who gave them to me did it out of pure goodwill. 

The charitable acts didn't stop there.  I didn't have any sheets or blankets that were twin sized, but I wasn't about to say anything.  I decided that we would just make do with the queen sized ones that I have in my linen closet for now.   I was telling my second mom/friend about the beds.  She asked me about sheets and I admitted that we would have to make do.  She went right to work going through her closets to pull out sheets and blankets for me.  She came up with two sets of sheets for Lexi’s bed and a blanket.  She also found a blanket that was still in the package for Jordan.  It was even his favorite color, orange.  She didn't have any sheets to match for Jordan, so she actually went out and bought a set. 

I sit here thinking about how completely amazed and grateful I am for the compassion that we've been shown this weekend.  It is truly like Christmas here.  My kids are thrilled and we've all learned something about great acts of kindness.  I definitely hope to either re-pay them or pay it forward as soon as possible.  

Pretending to sleep

Blog Neglect

Looking over my blog the last few days, I have realized how sadly neglected it has become.  There are always a million excuses.  I could point at the fact that I am just really busy with taking care of the kids, working, taking care of the house, church, and spending a little time with friends.  Sometimes I think that nothing too exciting has been going on, so I have nothing to say.  However, when I get together with friends or acquaintances, I managed to talk a lot (as in running my mouth too much).  Perhaps, I get too much quiet downtime and I need a little bit of an outlet. 

In light of that, I have decided to give this blog a lot more attention over the next month or so.  Hopefully, posting will become more of a habit.  Here is to at least a month of more posting, whether my rambling thoughts are boring or not.  

Halloween Costumes 2012

After my last post, I hope you didn't think Lexi was the only one who got a fun costume.  Jordan has been talking about being a vampire for a whole year.  I made his cape and pants.  My mom bought his vest in Romania when she was there last month.  It is a little difficult to see, but it has leather and is lined with fur.  

As usual, I got in on the fun too.  I decided to be a character from Pride & Prejudice & Zombies:

Peacock Costume

This year, Lexi wants to be a peacock for Halloween.  I looked at the options online and decided I would make a tutu for her costume.  There were several examples on Pinterest, but none that were exactly what I wanted.  I knew I wanted a multi-colored puffy tutu and I liked the idea of felt feathers.  I was basically left on my own to wing it.

I started off with 2 yards each of different colors of tulle, elastic for the waist band, and 8 rolls of ribbon (4 colors).  I cut the tulle into 24" strips and sewed a piece of contrasting ribbon on each end.  Then, I folded it in half and scrunched it up to sew onto the elastic.  I went around making a pattern out of the tulle - purple, aqua, green, and teal.

Then, I was tired of this project, so I put it away for a week.  (Just sharing a little truth)  Soon, Halloween was drawing near, so I decided to make the feathers.  Yesterday, I sat at my computer and drew up a pattern using CorelDraw.  It allowed me to play with different shapes and to see what the pieces would look like stacked up.  Once I was satisfied, I printed the sheet out & cut them up.  This is what I made:

I knew I wanted the littlest circle to have a pie shape cut out, but I decided not to bother drawing it on the computer.  I pulled out my felt sheets and cut out the pieces.

Then, I had to sew them of course.  I am sure that gluing  or hand stitching them would have worked, but I prefer to use my machine.  I used a wide zigzag stitch:

Front

Back

As you can see, I also sewed a ribbon on.  I attached a feather to each end of the ribbons (two feathers for each ribbon) and then tied them to the tutu.  

Here is the final result:

Mom's 60th Birthday

My mom's 60th birthday was this month.  I'd like to say that we had a big party to celebrate the event, but I can't.  Most of her kids saw her this summer at the family reunion though.  I wanted all of us to do something extra special, which isn't easy without money.  I knew we'd have to go with sentimental.  The only thing I could come up with was a project I call "Letters to Margie."

I am posting the letter that we sent out to all the contacts we could round up explaining the project:

Basically, we wanted them to write a letter to her.  They could e-mail it to me or send in by regular mail.  I planned to put it in a binder for her to read.  This project is much easier with Facebook.  I  was able to get a letter from an old high school friend and a college friend.  It was also easier because I am living here where many of her close friends from 20 years ago are.  I contacted family too.  Of course, my 3 brothers and sister contributed great letters.  Our kids did art projects and little letters too.  It turned out to be quite a fun project.  Here is the binder cover I made for the project:

I sent it and made her wait for my sister to come over before she could open it.  She loved the gift and of course wept tears of joy.  Here she is looking through the binder with my sister:

This wasn't her only gift though.  Right now, she happens to be on an Eastern European tour with her husband.  They are going to exciting sites like Count Dracula's Castle in Romania.  They keep posting pictures on Facebook and seem to be loving it.  

California Trip & Fam Reunion

Our trip to California and our trip within a trip (family reunion in northern Utah) was pretty great in many ways and a little difficult in a few others.  That is pretty much how life is meant to be I suppose.  The family reunion was amazing, but mainly because I LOVE being around my siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles.  Lexi and Jordan hadn't seen their first cousins (my brothers' kids) in two years.  Plus, they had second and third cousins there.  That alone was worth the trip.  They got to play, run, ride wave runners, get know each other and have a blast.  How often do your kids get to know their second and even third cousins?  Not enough as far as I am concerned.  We even got to stop in Utah and stay at one of my dearest friend's house two times (on the way up & on the way back).  I just love being around her.  My mom even tried to convince me that I should move up there.  I seriously considered it for a few days, but the reality of not liking cold weather, not having enough money to move anywhere, and that the schools really are better in Texas made me rethink this temporary moment of insanity.

Our time in California was nice too, except that it was a difficult month for my mom.  Her work brought in a new head director, who wanted to bring in his own team.  He started cutting the department heads, one of which was my mom.  That brought a level of sadness and relief to her as well as me.  She has been helping me financially, but I know her job was overly stressful.  She also had major surgery scheduled RIGHT after we got back from Utah.  She was in the hospital for a little while and then recovery time.  I am guessing that it is easier to relax and recover without little ones running around, but she has had plenty of practice since she had five kids of her own.  One other thing that happened was that my baby sister moved out of my mom's house.  She got an apartment with our step-sister.  I helped her move, especially since my mom wasn't supposed to be lifting ANYTHING.

We ended up spending quite a bit of time at the San Diego Zoo.  My mom renewed our annual passes.  My sister's boyfriend's band (Steam Powered Giraffe) had a contract to play 4 shows a day for 70 days straight this summer.  If we wanted to see much of her, we had to go there.  We got to see quite a few of their 20 minute concerts.  They are singing musical automatons.  Here is a picture of the kids with my sister and The Rabbit.

Yes, they are quite different, but the steam punk movement is spreading like wildfire and they have catchy songs, several of which my kids are still singing.  Here is one (double click for full screen):

  

3 Year Divorce Anniversary

Yesterday, at lunch, I realized it has been exactly 3 years since the divorce.  Of course, I made a celebratory announcement to my family.  In many ways, it seems like it happened long ago and this is the natural path of my life.  I have admitted many times that financial aspects have been and still are extremely difficult.  At this point, that has more to do with sticking with the same job and working from home, which is a topic on its own. Honestly, I don't mind being a divorcee, single mom, or whatever titles/roles that have evolved.

About a month ago, I was talking to another divorcee/single mom in my neighborhood.  She is coming up on her one year divorce anniversary.  We talked about how getting divorced throws your whole life, goals, future plans, dreams and ideas into a tailspin.  Most girls grow up with an image of how their adult lives will be.  Perhaps they want to go to college, get married, have a career, have 2 - 4 kids, live in a single family home, drive a certain vehicle, be a stay-at-home-mom, join the PTA, and/or just about anything.  One thing they don't want to think about is divorce.  When that happens, it is like a bomb goes off for your dreams.  At least that is what happened to both of us.  I was thrilled to be coming out of the whole thing with my two kids, but everything else lost its appeal.  There was no interest in hobbies, goal making, or career moves.  I functioned and kept going on just fine and often felt happiness.  However, now that I think about it, it sounds like underlying depression.

My friend asked me when this stage ended.  I wanted to tell her that it went away quickly.  I am not sure that it is completely gone.  I am interested in many things and hobbies.  I look forward to the future.  I just wish I had a little glimpse into it to know if some of these hardships are now just a part of my life or if I can move past these and on to bigger/better things.  Only time will tell.

June Sewing Projects

Sewing had almost disappeared from my life this month.  At the end of last month/beginning of this month, I decided to organize my fabric and sewing stuff.  I put it all into clear little bins.  Once it was nice and neat, I lost my desire to sew.  Every time I looked at it, I didn't want to pull it all out and create a mess.  Perhaps, I was also a little burned out from all that sewing last month.  It took almost the entire month for me to feel inspired again.  

I guess it was more than "feeling inspired."  It took an outside motivation. Now that we are going to California and then on to our family reunion, I realized a few days ago that I needed to bring something for the auction.  My aunt came up with the idea for an auction before our first family reunion, which was 4 years ago.  She thought it would be great for everyone to bring an item to auction.  The money would be used for our next family reunion.  It helps pay for some activity, food or whatever.  

The only auction item idea I could come up with was a skirt.  We have LOTS of kids/little girls in the family.  Many of them are close to Lexi's age.  Yesterday, I pulled out my fabric and wanted to do something slightly different.  I liked the hot pink and black fabric, but wanted the skirt to pop.  I decided to try the binding on the bottom.  After making it, I felt my auction item needed more.  Hair bows would be perfect. About that time, I got an e-mail saying that Old Navy was going to have a sale on their flip flops today.  Suddenly, I knew I had to buy some & put bows on them too.   

To be honest, I am not sure the skirt/bows combo will sell.  There are quite a few seamstresses in my family and most of them are probably better than I am.  I don't mind though.  That is why I made it a size 7.  Lexi can have it & will love it if nobody else does.  After looking at it a few times today, I decided that I should make another skirt with the binding for Lexi.  You know...in case she doesn't get to keep the one above.  I went patriotic.  See below.  

Now, I can put my sewing away and head to California.  Maybe, I'll get a chance to ask my mom to teach me some skills.  Who knows?