It seems like I was doing so well at posting back in November and December. Christmas hit & bam, that was it. I didn't even let ya'll know that my ex called off his wedding right before Christmas. He still spends quite a bit of time with her, as far as I know, but they aren't getting married.
My ex & I were doing fairly well at being friends in December. Now, we are back to our normal post-divorce selves. That means that sometimes we talk and seem to be friends and sometimes we are pulling back and looking for distance. We also get easily offended or annoyed with each other. I know that quite a few married couples do that, but we never did. In fact, in a way, it is quite amusing for me to experience it now.
When we got divorced, I knew it would change our dynamics. He seems to feel hurt or rejected at times and I often feel like he is a bit in my way and that I need to move on with my life. This is mostly all in our heads. It isn't like we hang out or talk all the time. We're probably like every other divorced couple, well except the ones who desperately wish the other was dead. I don't know why I am writing about this. It is actually a small part of my juggling act.
I still have all of the normal things going on - housework, kids, life, friends, family, work, some consulting work, church, etc. It just seems like all of those things have been on steroids lately. Maybe not friends - I hardly see any of them anymore. Spending time with friends and enjoying life was on my New Year's Resolutions (guess that has been a failure). Work and consulting work have kicked up a huge notch, which sadly isn't leading to more money for the time being. This is just my busy time of year for work. My consulting work is probably pro-bono since it is for a friend that most likely will not pay in the end. I agreed to help her because she is also a single mom and a lot of people have bent over backwards to make my life better. This is paying-it-forward.
It hasn't been all work the last few months, my mom and step-father were visiting us for several weeks. It was quite nice, but meant that some of my free time went to spending time with them. Not a bad thing, but one more thing keeping me busy. On the other hand, they handled most of the grocery shopping and food preparation. They also entertained the kids a lot. Maybe they actually made it so I had a little more time for work. :S
I know this is all blah, blah, blah. I feel like whenever I do see a friend and they ask me how things are going, I don't have much of an update. I've been in a bit of a holding pattern since I moved back to Texas. I am still not dating anyone (or even trying to). I am still working for the same company that I've been with for 11 years. I am still poor, but managing to get by with a little help here & there.
Has anything changed???? Um... I did pay the last tuition payment for Jordan's pre-school. He is all registered to start kindergarten in the fall, which makes me both thrilled for him and sad for me.
Mainly, I feel like I am drowning, but somehow I keep surviving. The longer this goes on, the more I get exhausted though. Perhaps, I should call it a night and hit the sack a little early. I will pretend that life will be easier soon. Hopefully, I'll believe that.
