5K Miracle

On Saturday, I ran a 5k.  I know lots of people do this and I have done it in the past, but I am in complete shock that I did.  I stopped running several years ago.  Every time I tried, I could push myself to 20 minutes and then I'd be hobbling around for the next few days.  My knees have been a huge problem.  I decided it was time to give up on running.  So how did this 5k happen?

There was a Blood Drive/Fun Run activity through a regional area at church (a.k.a. Stake).  My ex decided he wanted to take the kids for the day (VERY RARE OCCURRENCE).  Since I wasn't sure that he would actually come, I decided that we would go to the activity and run/walk the 1 mile if we felt like it.  I also planned to donate blood.  That morning, the kids went with their dad and I headed to the church.  I felt silly doing the 1 mile without the kids, so I decided just to give blood.  When I got there, I found out that they were not able to schedule the blood donation portion.  I basically had nothing to do and no real reason to be there.  Several different people told me that I had a few minutes to sign up for the 5k.  For no real reason, I just did.  I pinned the number on and went to the back of the group (about 250 people).  I had no strategy or plan other than realizing I'd be limping for the next few days.  I thought I'd regret it.

The race started and I had my phone in one hand and my car keys in the other.  That shows how unprepared I was. I just started running and weaving around all of the strollers/families with kids.  Right before the first mile was done, I heard someone I was passing say "Hi Stephanie."  I looked back and it was an acquaintance/friend from church.  I quickly decided that I liked her pace and would just start running next to her.  She is really into yoga and even teaches it, but has been running the last few weeks to prepare for this.  We chatted and stayed together.  I think running with her made both of us continue on without any breaks.  Our official time was 32 minutes and 11 seconds.  It isn't a great time, but I am happy about it.

I am most happy about my knees.  I haven't had one ounce of pain.  This is incredible!!!  I can't say the same about my thigh muscles though.  They are quite mad at me.....  I guess I can start doing this more often.

Christmas Love

This Christmas has been completely amazing in so many unexpected ways.  First of all, I didn't think I would be able to spend it with my two favorite people in the world.  This year, their dad was scheduled to have them for Christmas.  Fortunately, my ex brought them over first thing this morning and we all spent the day together.

I also believed it would be a sad little Christmas because I just couldn't manage to spend money on presents.  Even with help, I am struggling to pay bills this month.  I know I am pretty verbal on the blog about financial struggles, but in real life I keep it pretty quiet.  It is just part of my life and we manage somehow.

This month, the spirit of Christmas must have swelled in the hearts of people (my boss, friends, family, & church members) because they came out of the woodwork to shower us with gifts and acts of kindness. Their generosity was so overwhelming that I often shed a tear.  My mom did too whenever I told her about another person who went out of their way to do something for us.  The gifts weren't only for my kids either.  I can understand how people would want to make sure kids have a good Christmas, but I can't believe how much people gave and thought about me.  Of course, I would have been thrilled if Lexi and Jordan were the only ones spoiled, but I was too.

In the end, I realize it really is the thought that counts.  The wonderful gifts they gave us showed me how much love and kindness there is in the world, especially where we live.  How amazing it is to have love in this world.  More than anything, this all makes me wish I could afford to do grand things for them and others.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!  I am so excited that I get to spend Christmas with my kids.  I hope everyone has as many kind things happen to them as I have had this month.  It truly is the most wonderful time of the year!

Overwhelmed with Gratitude

As my kids lie sleeping tonight, I am overcome with gratitude for the kindness of church members.  I haven’t exactly kept it a secret that I am struggling financially.  On the other hand, I am rather independent and truly feel that for the most part we are doing fine.  When anyone asks, I usually say we’re getting by.  Of course, I constantly pray to have our needs met and for us to make ends meet.  This way of life is stressful to say the least. 

Now, I am about to admit something that I am quite embarrassed about, but it is necessary for the post.  I hate to say it, but my kids have been sleeping in toddler beds all this time.  Jordan is about to turn 5 and he is really tall for his age.  Lexi is going to be 7 in a few months.  They have completely outgrown the little beds (a while ago), but I didn't know what to do.  I struggle to buy the essentials, so even looking around at garage sales or thrift stores wouldn't help. 

Last Sunday, two men from church that come to check in on us every month (a.k.a. Home Teachers) asked their usual question, “Do you need anything?”  As usual, I said, “We’re fine.”  This time, they broke it down.  “What about food?”  I said no.  “What about clothes?”  I said no.  Then, they asked, “What about furniture?”  Suddenly, I felt a spark (you could call it a light bulb moment).

I wanted to approach the topic without any urgency, so I said, “If you happen to know of anyone that has twin beds that they are giving away, we could use them.”  I explained that the kids were still sleeping in toddler beds and that we were ok, but that it would be nice if we could get a twin bed or two in the next few months.

They called me on Friday to ask if I would be home on Saturday.  They had two twin beds for me.  Apparently, they had sent out an e-mail to all of the men/families in the congregation (a.k.a. ward) letting them know someone was in need of twin beds.  One of the men responded.  His wife had seen the e-mail and wanted to give the matching twin beds from their guest room.  They felt that the beds could be put to better use.  I am pretty sure they used them for visitors and were just being generous.  They certainly don’t know me well enough to feel any kind of obligation or duty.

I am quite overwhelmed by their kindness.  First of all, these are very nice beds with perfect mattresses and they were not cheap at all.  Even if I was financially ok, I would not have been able to afford these.  I know that the family who gave them to me did it out of pure goodwill. 

The charitable acts didn't stop there.  I didn't have any sheets or blankets that were twin sized, but I wasn't about to say anything.  I decided that we would just make do with the queen sized ones that I have in my linen closet for now.   I was telling my second mom/friend about the beds.  She asked me about sheets and I admitted that we would have to make do.  She went right to work going through her closets to pull out sheets and blankets for me.  She came up with two sets of sheets for Lexi’s bed and a blanket.  She also found a blanket that was still in the package for Jordan.  It was even his favorite color, orange.  She didn't have any sheets to match for Jordan, so she actually went out and bought a set. 

I sit here thinking about how completely amazed and grateful I am for the compassion that we've been shown this weekend.  It is truly like Christmas here.  My kids are thrilled and we've all learned something about great acts of kindness.  I definitely hope to either re-pay them or pay it forward as soon as possible.  

Pretending to sleep

Lucky for Me

At church, there are a few young families that have one or both of the spouses in the military. Recently, a mom that is about my age had her husband deployed. The thing that makes her story unique is that they have quite a few very small children. In fact, they have a daughter Lexi’s age (5), a son Jordan’s age (3) who has down syndrome, and twins (boy and a girl) that are almost one. She is a SAHM that has her hands full even when her husband is around to help.

One of her personality traits that seems to help her get through (clearly survive emotionally) is her ability to share her babies. They are often passed around and are quite comfortable with strangers. I have realized that my over protective tendencies do not make me a very good at this, so I admire it in others. I also recognize what a wonderful gift to be able to share with others. It is amazing the amount of happiness that comes from cuddling, rocking, and caring for a baby even if only for an hour or so. Sometimes I see women who are not able to get pregnant, or women who have all their children grown, or women whose kids are just a little older find this pure joy from loving on her babies.

Today, I got that honor. Normally, I am hesitant about offering to do that for someone I don’t know well. Not because I don’t want to help, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about an acquaintance doing it. However, it was the last class at church, Relief Society, which is the class for adult women to attend. She is the chorister for the two songs that are sung. It was coming time for the opening song and she looked a little flustered, so I held out my arms. She got a huge smile on her face and handed me her daughter and apologized for the baby’s crankiness. Suddenly, I was full of love. I bounced her sweet baby then stood up and rocked with her for a few short minutes before she fell asleep. I got to spend the class cradling a baby and felt so lucky the whole time. I was sure to let her know that I would be happy to help ANYTIME!

Change of Heart

Last November after a particularly rough week or so, my kids asked me if we could go to church. I had grown weary of searching for inexpensive ways to entertain them. This actually sounded like a good idea. The LDS church is an entire three hours on Sunday. The first hour, the whole congregation meets together. After that, they split up into classes and there is a huge program just for kids. Not only would my little ones be entertained, but I would get about 2 hours of a break, which I desperately needed.

Now, I know that is not the most honorable motivation for attending church, but as I have learned with the gym… it is not so much what gets you to go, but the actually going that is the good part. Should I even be admitting that? Probably not, but I am.

A funny thing happened that day; I realized that it wasn’t so bad. It isn’t that I ever hated going to church. However, when you are not going it is easy to think of all the reasons that you don’t want to go or don’t even like it. In fact, I enjoyed the serenity that the little break gave me.

I decided that we would attend throughout December too. There were two motivations for that – a healthy break from the kids and my love of Christmas songs/hymns. In that month, I quite enjoyed my experiences there from simple things like adult conversations, hearing about others overcoming their various struggles (simple and complex), seeing truly happy families/couples, as well as religious doctrine. I have always enjoyed studying religions.

This experience carried over into January, but instead of going mostly for the break, I was actually enjoying it. I still had some of my reservations though. One day, the class conversation sparked several personal and happy memories. My heart was immediately softened and I began to listen with more of an open mind. While, I realize that I do not understand some of the trivial things that had bothered me before, I do know following my true heart usually leads me in the right direction. Besides, no matter what, when someone is working on improving their spirituality and inner peace good things happen. I am certainly better off today than I have been in a while. I also have a better understanding of many aspects of my life.