Happy New Year & Goodbye Shopping!

It is that time of year again, when many people make resolutions. I always like to spend at least a few moments to review the previous year, think about the upcoming year, and re-set my priorities. This year, I don’t have much to rehash, but I am looking forward to possible big changes this summer.

I am planning to move back to my house in Texas. Now, I wish I knew how or if it will all work out, but that is my plan. My tenant’s lease ends on July 31st. I would really like to get Lexi enrolled in kindergarten there, which starts the middle of August. My dream/ideal situation is for my company to put me back on full-time in September. I can enroll Jordan in the same place that Lexi was going before we left. He would start right after Labor Day. Sounds like a great plan, but I know life often takes us in different directions. I still really want this one though.

While my company is doing ok, the economy in Florida has been suffering. There are not a lot of contracts out there. I am desperately praying we win one so that they don’t have to worry as much about agreeing to the full-time. My other option is to look for a job, but I am hoping I don’t have to go that route.

In order to make this transition easier, I realize that I am going to need money. Most situations in life are easier with money, right? Knowing that, I have decided that it is time to become an extreme penny pincher. I have never been very good at it, but I am certainly going to try.

So, here is to a New Year of penny pinching for the greater good!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! I just love this time of year.  Spending time with family and a general sense of cheer just make life seem a bit better. 

We don't have anything too exciting planned this year. Unlike last year, no family members are coming to stay. Since we're living with family, we still get the benefit of spending the holidays with loved ones.  We have also tried to help a few people who are less fortunate than we are this year. 

I had planned to hold back on shopping, but as usual I kept finding things that I knew Lexi and Jordan would love. On top of that, my sister and mom enjoyed getting things for them. They will be very spoiled come Christmas morning. It will certainly be fun seeing their excitement.

Holiday Cheer

I took the kids with me to the post office this morning to send off a few packages. As expected, the line was out the door and there were only two clerks.  I had prepared Lexi and Jordan as well as myself for the long line.  We didn't mind so much, but everyone else was grumpy and complaining loudly. 

After about 15 minutes of waiting, Jordan started singing, "We wish you a Merry Christmas!"  He sang it fairly loud and quite cheerfully.  Quite a few people around us cracked a smile.  It reminded me that "the best way to spread holiday cheer is singing loud for all to hear." Thanks Buddy the Elf.

San Diego Snow

Lexi and Jordan just love snow, pretty much like all kids, especially ones that rarely get to experience it.  Today, in fact, Jordan saw a snowball fight on television and was very excited to have one.  I had to explain that we would not be having one today.  He was quite sad and questioned why.  Well... I explained that we don't have any snow and the temperature actually made it all the way to 80 degrees.  In stead, we made snow flakes to hang up. 

Now He is Three

Jordan's birthday was yesterday.  He is actually three now.  The funny thing is that every day he jumps on the scale and ranges between 31 and 33.  Whenever I tell him his weight, he would turn to be and say "No, I am two!"  Yesterday though, he was 31.4.  He said, "Yeah, I AM 31." 

Favorite Black Friday Activity

Last night, I decided to give shopping on Black Friday a try.  I had done it once before back when I was married and we went to spend Thanksgiving with his Grandma, Aunt and cousins.  His three cousins are all girls about my age and they love to go to Kohls every year.  We got up early and got there about 4 or 5 am, whenever it opened that year and were able to go right in.  We were able to get one cart and we would take turns standing in line while the rest of us would gather items.  Later, we went to Panera Bread for breakfast.  It was actually quite fun.

Sadly, my experience this year was nothing like that. First, I decided to go to Toys-R-Us at 10pm when they opened. Second, I couldn't get anyone to go with me. My mom and sister are still suffering from jet lag from their trip to Egypt and have been going to bed around 7:30 or 8pm every night. I probably should have picked Walmart at 5 or 6am and they would have been up for it.

I arrived at Toys-R-Us right at opening time to find an overly crowded parking lot and a line that wrapped around the entire building. In fact, the end of the line was directly in front of the door. I had to follow it all the way around. The first half of the circle went rather quickly, which gave me false hope. That was when they let in the first 300. Then about every 15 minutes, we moved up in line. They were letting 50 people in every time 50 had left. I kept waiting thinking that it couldn't take THAT long. Plus, Jordan's birthday was on my mind (Dec 1st). I thought that this was a good opportunity for me to shop for the kids without them. It ended up taking exactly two hours to get in the front door. I was still optimistic at that point. It was only midnight. I decided to grab a few things as well as a gift for Jordan and head home. As I was winding through the store, I noticed the extremely long line for the registers. I couldn't believe it, so I asked how long it was taking. I was told about an hour and a half to two hours. That is when I put my stuff down and headed right home, because I knew I was defeated.

From these experiences, I have learned that going with a fun group and making it more of a social outing is the only way that Black Friday should even be considered (for me anyway). From now on, I'll save my shopping for less busy times.

This brings me to my usual Black Friday activity, which is working on Christmas cards. I just love sending them out at the beginning of December. I planned to work on them today, but Lexi was also excited about making cards this year. I helped her make some for her friends. I'll have to start working on mine tomorrow. If any of the regular blog readers want to get on my list, just send me your contact info at: frecklefacegirl01@hotmail.com.

Truly Blessed

My favorite holiday is here again.  Mostly, I love the food and spending time with family, but it is also a wonderful time to remember all of the things that I am thankful for like:

1. Healthy and happy kids
2. A great job that I can do from home
3. Generous family members
4. Amazing friends
5. Dreams of a better future that we seem to be moving closer to all the time

I would like to wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you get to spend it with people you love.

Not In Pre-school, But Fine

When people find out that Lexi isn't in pre-school this year, they give me judgmental looks. I just tell them that I am teaching her how to read and that she gets to play with the kids at the YMCA every day. She also has Jordan to play with. I’m almost tempted to tell people that I am homeschooling her just to see if that is more acceptable.

I’ve been wondering, when did pre-school become the norm? It wasn’t normal when I was a child, at least not in Utah.  I am not saying it is a bad thing.  In fact, I think pre-school is wonderful, but I can't afford it this year.  If I had the money, I'd like her to attend at least twice a week.  However, I feel that it is optional and not necessarily better. 

Another mom at the YMCA doesn’t have her son in pre-school either. She asked me what are some of things I worry about that Lexi might have problems with when she gets to kindergarten. I don't really have any.  She mentioned that she heard that standing in line and raising hands was an issue for some non-pre-schooled kids. Seems too simple to worry about that for any child.  I already know that Lexi doesn’t have a problem with either of those.

A good friend in Texas had complained about being judged for not enrolling her kids in kindergarten, which is odd because she was a teacher before she became a stay-at-home mom. In addition to a tight budget, her decision also had to do with the fact that she just wanted to spend as much time with her kids as she could. All moms know that kids grow up too quickly.  Lexi wasn’t even two when my friend told me about feeling judged. I didn’t see what the big deal was at the time and frankly, I still don’t.

My friend even taught her two oldest kids to read very well before they started kindergarten. They have been the top readers in their classes.  She told me about the lesson manual she used and warned me that it requires a lot of patience and can be grueling at times, but that the rewards were worth it.  I have been working on it with Lexi this year mainly because she is ready and needs a challenge. Yesterday, she completed her 55th lesson out of 100. I made a little video so everyone can see her progress. Here she is reading part of the story that was in her lesson that we did later:




Yes, she plays it up for the camera.  Here is a photo of the story:

Gift of Sanity

Last year for Christmas, my mom gave the kids & me a membership to the YMCA.  Little did I know at the time, that it would be the best gift ever for reasons I wouldn't have guessed. 

Sure I was excited about working out more; I envisioned a fantastic goddess-like body that hasn't materialized.  I was also thrilled that the kids would get to interact and play with other kids in playcare, while I worked out.  The YMCA allows for kids to be in their care for two hours a day while the parents are on the property.  I must be honest and admit that sometimes my main motivation for going is for the kids' social lives.  There have even been times that I wanted to go mainly for my workout.

Lately though, it has been very clear that going there is the key to my sanity.  Not only am I a single mom, but I am a full-time single mom.  I don't share custody (because he is in Texas).  My kids are not in a mothers' day out program or pre-school.  I don't have a babysitter.  There is a RARE occassion where my mom will watch them after I put them in bed so that I can run a quick errand or even less often while I go to a movie with my sister.  For the most part though, I don't get any breaks.  My mom is certainly willing, but I realize that she works too hard to have the energy for silly/loud kids. 

As for "me time," I have come to consider me time the time when I am in the shower pretending that I can't hear them arguing and the time that they are in bed sleeping and I am working for my company.  Good thing I like my job.         

Back to the point, going to the Y means that I have a 2 hour break.  I don't have to worry because they are well cared for and I am easy to find if anything should go wrong.  It is nice and quiet during the time I go, which is 10 am to noon, when only other moms and senior citizens are there.  Plus, exercise gets my blood pumping and reduces my stress.  I can feel a huge difference in my ability to be patient and handle the constant chatter on days that we go.  Thanks to the YMCA I have survived this last year and I know I'll be ok for the half of next year that I'll be living here.  

National Cemeteries

Veterans Day evokes a lot of national pride for most citizens of the US and reminds us to be thankful to the soldiers that fought for our freedoms.  For me, National Cemeteries really bring that reverence home.  My mother and grandmother (her mother) have instilled in me a general appreciation for cemeteries.   We used to spend Memorial Days driving around to various cemeteries to drop flowers off at the graves of deceased loved ones. 

It wasn't until 2005 that I grew to have an additional appreciation for National Cemeteries.  That was the year that my dad passed away and was laid to rest in the Houston National Cemetery.  The grounds and ceremonies are an amazing tribute to the soldiers.  I have also visited the National Cemeteries in Arlington and South Florida.  They are all impressive and humbling. 

Several weeks ago, I started thinking about when I took my kids to visit my dad's grave in December of 2008, which was three years after he died.  If we were living there, we would definitely go this year too.  I think it is a tradition that I will start as soon as we move back.  What a wonderful way to kick off the month of December and also teach my kids a great lesson in life.  Here is a photo I took then:

Values Wheel

The other day, I read a magazine during my warm-up at the gym that had interesting advice.  A psychologist was trying to explain to women how they can determine if I guy is relationship worthy.  I agree that women can get twitterpated & forget the important things when it comes to love.  She suggested that women should sit down and draw two circles, one inside the other. 

In the inner circle, there should be a list of things she absolutely can't live without in a relationship.  If a guy has the qualities in the inner circle and there are lots of mutual romantic feelings, he is relationship worthy.  The outer circle should be a list of things that would be nice or a bonus.  I think mainly that outer list is there because women like to give a guy they like the benefit of the doubt.  It may be a way of acknowledging things that you like, but don't NEED. 

I decided to make a Values Wheel.  I came up with a few things for the inner & outer circles:

I actually think the outer circle should be created once you have someone you are thinking seriously about and just want to add their traits that you like.  To be honest, I just think these kinds of tasks are more like fun little quizzes than actual decision assistance.

Let the Christmas Prep Begin

It seems like a lot of people like to complain about Christmas decorations and shopping happening earlier and earlier every year. Not me. I just love October, November, and December. I happen to like Halloween and Thanksgiving décor though, so I’ll wait until the beginning of December to start putting up the Christmas ones. There are a few Christmas things that I do like to start doing in November though – listening to Christmas music, preparing Christmas cards, and shopping.

The Christmas music has more to do with teaching my kids the songs. This year, I think we might go caroling at my mom’s work (the retirement home). Lexi and Jordan know quite a few songs, but it doesn’t hurt to get them down pat and learn a few more. I may even make a video of them singing to post on here in December.

As for the Christmas cards, I just like to send them off the beginning of December. In order to do that, I need to get a decent picture this month. That is the toughest part.  To make it easy, I will just order photo cards that I can pick up at the store. Next, comes addressing and stamping all of them. This whole process has to start this month in order for them to go out the first part of December. Now that I think about it, I’ll probably be putting that off this whole task for at least a week or two.

In reality, I just want to do the shopping. Unfortunately, funds are a little low this year.  I have been given a great coupon for this weekend though. It is for 30% off of Gap, Banana Republic, & Old Navy for as many times as I want to use it. I know someone who works for the Corporate Headquarters and they do this every year. The best part is that 5% of the purchases goes to the charity she picked, which is Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I love that one.

Shopping, Christmas cards, and Christmas music… how I love it all even in November.

Munchkin Houses

Have I mentioned that we are living on a small mountain?  It is a rather famous little mountain in San Diego for several reasons, but the main one is because there is a huge white cross on the very top that is a Veterans Memorial.  I posted a picture here: http://frecklefacegirl.blogspot.com/2009/08/views-near-our-house.html. 

There is a lesser known attraction on the mountain as well.  It is more of an Urban Legend.  I first heard the story about four years ago, when I came out to La Jolla to visit my mom.  She told me all about the "Munchkin Houses."  According to the legend, several little people that starred in the Wizard of Oz used their earnings to build small houses on Mount Soledad.  I immediately liked the story.  It just sounds cool, but I was skeptical because I had read a story about how the little people didn't get paid very well from the movie.  She even took me to see the houses:

They really are cute houses with small doors, steps, and gates. Supposedly, according to the legend, there were four original houses, but a few of them have been renovated for regular sized people. I decided to look it up on the internet recently. I read that it is just an Urban Legend.

That is probably true, but there has to be more to the story. It also said that the houses don't have smaller features. That part of the fact finding is wrong. Perhaps, they were not built for little people, but the doors, steps, gate, and a few other things are definitely not normal sized. It also says that the houses sit down from the road making them look smaller. That isn't true either. In fact, the second picture definitely shows that this one is quite higher than the road. I took this picture sitting in my vehicle, which is a crossover and fairly high off the ground.

While the story is interesting, the best part about the houses is how unique they are. I happen to like architecture, but these houses are special. They have inspired a whole Urban Legend for heaven sakes.

Turkey Day

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday.  It is fun to get together with family or friends or both and just enjoy each others' company.  Of course, munching on great food is always nice too.  I even love hosting it.  This year, we don't have any exciting plans, but we are still looking forward to it.  Lexi and Jordan talk about Turkey Day all the time. 

Today, I wanted to give Lexi something to do that was quiet during Jordan's nap.  I handed her some paper and told her to draw a turkey.  I had no idea what it was going to look like.  We haven't been drawing or coloring turkeys this year.  A little later I went to see her drawing and was blown away.  She even drew a hat!  Some times I can't believe that she is still only four. 

Just Posting

This year, my blog has clearly been neglected. Too bad this isn't one of those situations where I can blame it on someone else. Not that I am into that, but knowing I could would be cool. Unfortunately, I have simply lost interest for the most part and for no tangible reasons. However, this month has been different. Some of you may be wondering if I joined the NaBloPoMo (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Well, I haven't.

For years, I have seen other blogs, which I follow, join and I have enjoyed their frequent posts. I always thought that there wasn't any way I could produce that many topics in one month. I also wondered if I would even have the motivation to try. Besides, I am not a blogger that comes up with a fascinating topic and adds lots of creative/humorous insight. I wish I could be like that. My posts are basically about a bunch of drivel on this and that. Sometimes, I don't even like my blog because I feel like I am much more pessimistic or negative on here than I really am. Perhaps, I just get inspired by negativity, which frankly sucks.

Anyway, see... blah, blah, blah about this and that. I guess this proves my point. If I keep up with my little quest of posting almost every day this month, you can be sure that there will be more randomness chatter about this and that. - Don't say you haven't been warned.

Sister Wives

Those of you who have read my blog for a while might remember that I liked the show Big Love.  I was fascinated by it at least for the first season and most of the second.  Sure there were times, when some of the topics bothered me, but it was all part of the drama. 

When the new reality show about polygamy came out recently on TLC, I was mildly interested.  I don't really get into many television shows, but I figured that I would watch and episode or two of Sister Wives.  However, I can't bring myself to watch even a minute of it.  I happened to catch an interview that they did on the Today Show before any of the episodes aired.  The whole thing just made me sick to my stomach.  I can't even watch the interview again.

Unlike the majority of Americans, I have seen several polygamists.  There are quite a few of them in Southern Utah.  In fact, on our way back from visiting friends last February, we happened to see 4 young wives in the restroom at the outlet mall in Saint George, Utah.  They are easy to spot because they really do dress like the women on the compound of the Big Love show.  They have big poufy hair, braids, and traditional dresses.  Even Lexi noticed that there was something unusual about them.  We exchanged polite smiles.  The ones on the compound are raised that way and are used to being so different. 

I have also known of a few that try harder to blend in with the general population.  They dress normal, don't live in compounds, and have regular jobs.  Whether they live on a compound or not, even in Utah, they are considered weird.  I actually have a tougher time understanding why the women living more normal lives would agree to be a sister wife.  After watching the Sister Wives interview on the Today Show, I just can't see how any woman could find it appealing.  The worst part though was when he talked about falling in love with one woman and then another and then another and then another.  He made it sound like he just had to have these women because he fell for them.  Please!  It sounds like he has a hormonal problem.  I am definitely skipping this one.

**I should note that polygamy is no longer practiced by members of the LDS church (aka Mormons).  When someone decides to become a polygamist, they are usually excommunicated.

Roots of Envy

Lately, quite a few friends have shared news with me that made me feel happy for them and GLAD it wasn’t me. Of course, my two recently divorced friends that got re-married were on the list. When one of them shared the news, the only thing that popped into my head was… “You actually have to plan a wedding for a second marriage? What a pain!” Thankfully, I kept that to myself.

The other bit of good news was from a friend that is pregnant and about to have her third. She has two sons, one six months younger than Lexi and the other one is a little younger than Jordan. I would have thought that this might bring about feelings of envy since I wanted three kids, but no. Mainly, I was glad not to be pregnant. That really is such a miserable and uncomfortable state. In the last year, I have come to realize that I am quite happy with my two kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I am just hoping that if I find a Mr. Right, that he will have a few young kids of his own.

Neither of these news flashes brought about feelings of envy, but there was some news from a friend about two months ago that hit hard. This friend had been offered a dream job with a ridiculously large salary in Italy. I would LOVE to live in Italy and quite a few other countries. I spent several days stuck in the pit of horrible envy (not the hateful kind, just the depressed & wished that was me kind).  Probably the worst part of it all was that the move wasn’t even wanted. How could that be? I just don’t get it.

To sum this up, marriage and pregnancy are not going to make me feel envious, but a life altering experience in a foreign country will. I guess some things never change.

Feeling Old

It is funny what things make a person feel old.  For the past several months, it has been the fact that someone I knew from Jr High, Shawn Lindsay, was running to be a State House Representative in Oregon.  It makes me feel even older than knowing that my 20 year high school reunion is next summer.  He won yesterday, so I can't continue to pretend that he was just way too young for this type of thing.

Predatory Dating

Since my divorce, I have come across several chics in similar situations that are handling it quite differently. I like to call their approach to being single – predatory dating. It is the way I describe people (mostly women) that make getting married a number one priority.

I know 4 chics that got divorced about the same time or a bit after I did. Most of them had very valid reasons for getting divorced, which makes me a little sad with the whole marriage thing.  All four of them have decided that they were going to get married again ASAP. It is like they are on some crazy mission. Two of them have succeeded so far. Another one is in a relationship with "the one." The last one, whose divorce wasn't finalized until the beginning of this summer, is dating up a storm. She goes out 3 - 5 times a week with different guys. I am guessing that it is only a matter of time for her.

I realize that predatory dating isn’t completely odd. Everyone knows someone that likes to jump from relationship to relationship with little down time. I honestly hope it works for all of them, but I worry that being in a hurry could lead to rash decisions. Like they say, “Permanent decisions should not be made on temporary feelings.” With such a deliberate agenda, how can they be sure that they are not making the same mistakes?

I guess jumping back into it might be healthier than going the other way like I am doing. I just can’t get excited about dating. How do single moms (especially full time moms like me) find the time or energy to even put themselves out there?

Trick-or-Treating 2010

We took pictures before heading out the door for trick-or-treating last night.   As you can see, we dressed in an Alice in Wonderland Theme.  I love doing themes, but I know it will not be too long before Lexi and Jordan will want to do their own thing.  For now, I'll enjoy it. 

Last Names

When I got married, I knew that I wanted to take on his last name. Mostly, it was because I wanted us to have kids. There is a streak of feminism running through me, but I am not whole heartedly attached to my own name. I did keep my maiden name for work though and used it for my middle name since I wasn't given one by my parents.

When I got divorced, it felt right to keep my married name because I share it with the kids. It seems easier than explaining why our last names are different. I didn't really think about it again until I read letter sent to an advice column. It was from a divorced woman who kept her married name for her child. Her ex-husband was getting re-married and his fiancé hated that she kept the name. This gave me something to think about, even though I personally feel the new fiancé should only request and not demand something of an ex-wife. It sounds like she’ll want the kid out of their lives next. However, I agree that it is odd to share the bond of a last name.

Anyway, the advice in the column was to take on her former maiden name.  It said that if she wanted to share a name with her son, she should have him hyphenate his name. I am not sure I agree with that. What a pain for the kid! I don’t really know what the answer to this problem is, but it is interesting to think about. What do most divorced women do?

Halloween JibJab

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

What could be better on a rainy day than playing around with JibJab and laughing with the kids?  We even cast my brothers in the Monster Rap. 

Halloweenie Time

Remember back when I used to have a new design for every holiday?  Well, I still LOVE holidays, but I'm in a horrible funk when it comes to my blog.  Whenever I sit down, I seem to forget the topics I've come up with.  So... for now, I'll say that we're doing well.  We're out doing lots of fun things.  We have our Halloween costumes and are excited to wear them.  I am still trying to balance working at home and entertaining kids.  I am still NOT dating, but I'm trying to remember why people think it is fun to date.  More and more, I am realizing that being a single mom has quite a few advantages.  There really isn't anything new to report, but soon I'll try to get to one of the topics swirling around in my head.

Waiting Game

Ellen has a great stand-up show where she talks about how crazy life can be and that we should embrace procrastination. The idea can make some mom’s cringe and feel like they aren’t doing their best, but in many instances it is a great strategy. Lately, I have accomplished a few things that I had put off doing and found that the procrastination turned out to be the ideal approach.

First (and probably the best one) is all about potty training Jordan. Lexi wasn’t a tough child to potty train, but there were some upheavals and changes in our lives during that time that caused setbacks (a return to accidents). Since everyone claims that potty training boys is so much harder, I was not looking forward to the process with Jordan. I decided that I was going to wait until he was three. A few friends that did that said it was easy. I started Lexi right at two.

The first time Jordan went in the potty was at Christmas (a little after he turned 2). I have been able to get him to go right before his baths for months. He has been showing more and more of the signs that he is ready. Finally, a month ago it became too obvious that he was more than ready even though he will not be three for two more months. I put a pair of big boys on him and haven’t looked back. He only had three accidents (half accidents since he stopped himself) and two of them were outside. I believe this easy success has to do with his personality, his knowing exactly what to do from watching Lexi, and from me waiting until he showed ALL the signs of being ready.

Second, I started teaching Lexi to read last summer. She was doing fairly well, but it was taking a lot of patience on my part. Several of my friends had described the need for this kind of patience when teaching a child to read. Unfortunately, too much was going on last year for me to muster it. I just put the lessons away. I decided to start again a few weeks ago and have been completely pleased with her progress. It is so easy for her and me now. She is jumping way ahead of me and loving every minute of her lessons. If I decide to teach Jordan to read in the future (rather than relying on pre-school or school), I will definitely wait until he is four and a half. I know that is what made the difference.

Third, Jordan has been sleeping in a crib until today. Should I admit that online? I have felt guilty for not transferring him to a toddler bed the minute he turned two, but I just never made it a priority. I have a few excuses like the fact that he started climbing out of his crib very early. He has had absolutely no problem getting in or out. Also, my mom and step-dad both said they slept in a crib until kindergarten.

When Jordan was a baby, I had planned to buy a toddler bed exactly like Lexi’s for him. I love that her bed and the crib match perfectly. When I went looking for the same little bed for him, I couldn’t find it. I started dragging my feet and hating the options. Last week while watching House Hunters, I saw a nursery where they had converted the crib to a toddler daybed. Suddenly, I remembered that his crib did that. In this case, waiting was the key to getting a better solution. Today, Lexi has a toddler daybed and Jordan has a toddler bed. The kids get cute little matching beds and I didn’t have to pay any money.

So, as Ellen said, “Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution!”

High School Homecoming

I didn't end up going to the homecoming assembly.  Mostly, I put off making the decision until it was the week of the reunion, which meant I hadn't made any plans to go.  It came down the a combination of a little too much work to do that day, not wanting the road trip for a one day event, and saving money.  From FB comments, it seems like it was a huge hit.  They even posted a video that they played during the assembly:



Now, I realize that perhaps that time is better forgotten...  Just kidding!   

Ebay Addiction

About once or twice a year, I get addicted to ebay. Not just any section of ebay, the one where people sell amazing home sewn outfits for little girls. I bid on way too much stuff, but I am really cheap so I do not win very often. I got lucky this week and got this really cute dress for $10. Last night, I made matching bows for it.  I have won a few more items too.   Yes, it is my idea of fun...

HS 20 Years Later

My high school class (at one of the high schools I went to) is in charge of putting on the homecoming assembly next month. It is two states away, in Utah, so I am trying to decide if it is worth the trip. It isn't the 20 year reunion. That is next summer.

I went to school with some of these people from kindergarten to third grade. We moved to Florida for a few years and then came back for Junior high and a little of high school before moving to Texas. I also went there for a few months of my senior year and ended up getting my diploma there. I knew most of the people in my graduating class. I really didn't keep in touch with any of them though, but thanks to facebook I have been able to catch up with a lot of them.

Reasons for wanting to go:

1. Simple curiosity and nostalgia can be intersting.

2. I had fun on my last trip to Utah in February.

3. I want to take the kids hiking in Utah.

4. We only live once & traveling makes everything so much more interesting.

5. I am pretty sure next summer will be crazy, so I will probably miss the reunion.

Reasons for skipping it:

1. It will cost at least $450 to travel up and back. I should use the money to get a new windshield since mine is cracked.

2. I hate to explain to everyone (who hasn't noticed on FB) that I am divorced and living with my mom

3. I will have to arrange for someone to take care of the kids while I am at the assembly. However, I am sure my friends can help me find a nice stay-at-home mom that could use the money.

4. I am wondering if I stay with the same friend that I did last time how much her son is going to hate giving up his room for us to stay in. Perhaps, he'll worry that I'll be there for six weeks again, which I will not.

5. Most of my close friends that I talk to were in the grade ahead of mine. I wonder if I’ll feel awkward without a click.

If I lived close by, I would go. I guess I still haven’t decided yet. Anyone have suggestions?

Airbrushing

For some strange reason, I haven't felt like posting personal or meaningful things going on in my life.  Possibly because there isn't much to share. 

However, I have been fascinated by the crazy drive for perfection and beauty that many Southern Californians seems to have.  Lately, that interest has made me a little more fascinated with airbrushing.  I don't really have anything negative to say about it.  As long as everyone understands that the ideals don't really exist even in women that are considered amazingly beautiful by many, I don't think it is harmful.  These are interesting: 

Famous Look-A-Like

Today, a woman at the gym came up to me to tell me that I remind her of Fergie. I’ve heard that before but this time I froze and thought about her bad publicity lately. She told me that she is a huge fan and that it was a compliment. So, I smiled politely and said thank you.

When it comes to looks, I kind of wish she meant the singer and not the Duchess, but the lady was probably too old to be referring to the younger one.  In reality, I would NOT know what to do if I was this hot:

Divorcee for a Year

Today is the one year anniversary of my divorce.  Mostly, I am happy but I feel a little sad today.  I guess remembering how hard it is to finally give up on something that you believed in and invested years in brings me down a little.  So... I am sharing the latest music video that makes me smile.  It is Jason Mraz's song "I'm Yours."

Inspired by a Comment

This morning, I got a comment from an Anonymous Source.  It was back on a post from January (It's Not You, It's Me), but it sounds like the comment was about several posts.  I typed my response and realized I should probably make it a post too.

Anonymous said...


Just want a guy friend to hang out with and talk to? Are you serious? Do you understand anything about men? Apparently not, given the one track mind comment. You only care about jewelry, purses, and shopping correct? What could you possibly offer a man in terms of an exclusively platonic relationship?

Children need their fathers in their lives. Especially male children. This entire argument re nine months of pregnancy, bonding, etc? What a bunch of crap. Do you know why children, if asked if they would prefer their moms to their fathers, would choose the mom? It's because the fathers are the ones that enforce the rules and the discipline. The moms happily leave all that heavy lifting to the dads so they can be the refuge and provide the succor.

Guh.


My Reply:

Thank you for your comments. I actually find differing opinions refreshing. I found it interesting that assume that I am only into shopping, jewelry, and purses. I like sports, hiking, camping, and lots of guy stuff. I happen to have lots of guy friends (including my ex), just not here in California.  I guess they would have to come up with things I have to offer in a platonic relationship. 

As for the fathering comments (which I am guessing were inspired by a post titled Fighting for Moms), I realize that I failed to make it clear in that post that I was mainly upset about situations when custody is given exclusively to the father when their mother was the main one that had been taking care of them.  This happened to my cousin because California believes it should be 50/50.  Also, stay-at-home moms who can't afford an attorney have a HUGE disadvantage.  Her and her ex-husband were moving to different states so custody was going to be with one or the other.  The one with all the money despite STRONG evidence of abuse won in the end.  Yes - I am still very angry about it.   

Further, I have seen lots of moms go way out of their way to put their kids first in life. However, I haven't seen many dads make their kids their TOP priority, but there are some. I strongly believe that those moms who do an amazing job with their kids should get primary custody, even if the kids have a great dad. This wasn't about cutting dads or men out of their lives. It was about who is going to be the primary caregiver for kids that have to suffer through divorce. Obviously, I am pro-mom (of course excluding those who don't want it or have issues).

I don't agree with your comments on discipline, at least not in every family.  When I was a kid, even though my parents were married, my mom did everything for us including discipline.  My father was heavy handed when he did enforce rules.  I don't expect anyone else to discipline my kids.  I am happy to say that people often comment about how well behaved they are, so I know that I am doing something right - all by myself.

Ring by Cartier

During my warm-up at the gym everyday, I read magazines.  People bring in their magazines from home and leave them for others to read.  Since I am there five times a week, I get to read quite a few magazines.  You may have noticed that I am commenting more on articles and such. 

I have seen this ring, pictured above, in quite a few of the magazines.  I think it is beautiful.  I decided to find out how much it costs, despite the fact that I don't have any money or anywhere special to wear it.  I went on Cartier's website and they require an e-mail address for prices.  Since I had to sign up to find out, I thought I would share in case any of you were wondering too....

$26,700 

That makes it about the same price as my car.  Oh well...  My mom said that it would make a nice wedding ring.  Too bad I don't know any wealthy outstanding guys that are falling over themselves to marry me.  Oh & that I on my anti-dating kick, which pretty much ensures that I will not be finding someone in the near future.  To be honest though, I can't imagine having enough money to think that spending that amount on a ring is worth it.  There will always be someone who needs help.  Anyway, I think it is beautiful.

My Divorce Disease

According to a study I read about tonight, divorce is contagious.  If you haven't seen it, you can read an article about it for yourself:

Is Divorce Contagious?

I doubt anyone will be surprised by their thoughts on the matter, but I HOPE that my divorce doesn't rock the foundation of any marriages. When my parents got divorced, the negative reaction from quite a few people from church disappointed me. My family had been faithfully going there for almost 10 years. Once they split, several adults (near my parents' ages) treated us like we had a disease. I literally saw a former friend of my mom's obviously go way out of her way to avoid my brothers and me right after she had seen us. I was about 25 years old. I guess some people think the kids can spread the disease too. I saw her several times again when I was in Texas and she still clams up and has NEVER said one word to me since. Weird, right? Perhaps, I should have gone out of my way to announce my divorce to her last year. hahaha.

I must admit that as news of my divorce spread there was a lot of sympathy for me and sadness for the situation. Discussing details of the extreme stress, financial burden, general future worries, dealing with lawyers, and all that goes along with the ordeal probably opened some of my friends' eyes to the fact that divorce is NOT as easy as many assume it is (even smooth ones like mine). There are many reasons it is considered one of the top stressors someone can experience in life. The stereo type that a lot of people do it simply because they fall out of love is probably an urban legend - or perhaps that kind of laid back attitude makes for a boring and stressless divorce. Most of my close friends in Texas that were there for me through this seem to have very solid (ideal) marriages and seeing me deal with this turned them off of divorce. -at least I hope it did.

However, there were friends (not in Texas) and a couple bloggers that reached out to me to say their marriages were on the rocks too. Some of them said they admired my strength for pulling out. In fact, a friend who got divorced a few years ago said that to me recently. She said she would still be with her "bum of a husband" if he had not walked away.

If divorce really is a disease, it is a HELLISH one that should be avoided any way possible. Fortunately, I didn't have a long drawn out, ridiculously expensive, no holds barred, full-on battle. Those kinds are normal though and should be enough to scare most bickering couples away. If you have a friend or sibling going through a divorce, remember to ask them about the things that will scare you away from catching anything harmful.

Leveling the Playing Field

While it may seem like lately I have it out for men, quite the opposite is true. I actually tend to get along better with guys. I grew up with 3 brothers, several of my close friends are guys, and I work in a male dominated industry. I also find the hot ones highly attractive (had to throw that in).

Like most modern women though, I do have a feminist tendencies. I hate the idea of the glass ceiling and that women get $0.75 on the dollar working the same jobs. Don't we all?

This topic has been on my mind this week because of an article I read in a magazine at the gym. I found it very fascinating and have spent several days trying to find it online. Here is the link:

The End of Men

I will not lie; there are many points in the article that I enjoyed reading. In spite of this, I think there are assumptions in the article that stretch the subject farther that it deserves. Mainly that the point seems to be in the battle between the sexes, women have so much momentum that they will quickly topple the competition. The competitive female in me thinks it sounds like justice after centuries of being viewed as the lesser gender. However, in reality, I prefer equality.

Plus, the whole idea of the article isn’t that men are taking on the roles that were traditionally female. It is that women are handling it all and men are falling by the wayside. That idea not only makes me a little sad for the men missing out on life and essentially becoming obsolete, but very tired for any woman who tries to take on that much responsibility.

Fortunately, I don’t see that men are so stuck in their ways. In fact, I think every new generation is moving closer to dropping the traditional roles. My dad’s generation was vastly better than his dad’s generation. My brothers have actually impressed me with their fathering and household roles. In general, I see the walls come tumbling down, which helps both genders. This makes me all the more thrilled to see how my own kids’ lives will be affected by this movement.

Tie One On

My ex rarely wore ties, but I have always found them a little attractive.  I must admit that these take the cake:

Cake Ties

A post that is just in time for father's day.  It kind of makes me wish I knew how to create with fondant.  Then again, my father passed away and I am without husband now.  That means I should get a break buying gifts right?  No... 

Lexi & Jordan

A while ago, I mentioned that Lexi loves crafts and artwork, but I didn't post any pictures.  Yesterday, she drew this and I thought it was so cute especially for a 4 year old.  I really like how their eyebrows are above their heads for a dramatic effect. 

Fighting for Moms

Before I start, I need to say that this post has nothing to do with my ex-husband or lots of great fathers…. 


The number one reason, that my cousin’s divorce has stressed me out and turned me off of men is the custody battle. In California, there seems to a huge movement to view fathers as equally capable of taking care of kids (which I know that quite a few are). Like lots of ideals, the drive to force this equality often comes at the expense of people who don’t deserve to be penalized. In this case, it is the mothers. This topic really gets my blood boiling. While I can appreciate the role of a good father, I can’t stand the fact that great mothers have to give up 50% or more custody of their kids.  I mainly see it as a way to rip out a mother's heart.  Many men seem to fight for custody so that they don't have to pay child support.  I wish California judges & lawmakers would wise-up.  Here are some reasons:

**What does it take to make a baby? For a man, it simply involves sex during a fertile time. I am guessing that most men don’t even have baby making on their mind during this act. In fact, they do it hundreds of thousands of times without resulting in a baby. For a woman, it involves sex, pregnancy (9 months of discomfort and often many horrible symptoms), and many sleep interrupted nights to feed the baby (usually a task mainly handled by moms).

I found this interesting quote:

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~Aristotle

There is no question for mothers, who have about 9 months of carrying the little guy or girl. The bonding begins quite early for moms.

**What about the number of possible off-spring? Men are physically capable of producing 100s of babies in their life time. Average women can only reproduce during an approximately 20 - 25 year span and at most have 5 – 8 babies. (Mrs. Duggar is not normal.) Most women in the US will have 1 – 3. For great moms, they become the most valuable people in her life.  I have learned that it is NOT easy to share them with anyone including grandparents, teachers, friends, etc. 

I can also come up with lesser reasons why the bias should favor moms…

**Does equality in parental duties really exist? How many studies have shown that even when there are 2 working parents, the woman still does the majority of the housework and parenting tasks? I am not saying that men can’t do it, just that mothers tend to go out of their way to make sure things run smoothly while many men are happy to step back. I have been told by quite a few divorced fathers here in California (that have 40% or more custody) that they didn’t do nearly as much as they do now. …hmmm

**What about adding the little touches that mom's usually handle? I can’t count how many times I have seen a cute little kid with mismatched clothes and messy hair and realized that they were with their dad that day. I am not going to say that kids must look cute all the time, but they should be put together most of the week. Dressing for success is important for school too. People are treated according to how they present themselves. Quite a few men don’t seem to think that this is worth the effort. Let’s face it, dressing kids often involves an argument and so does brushing girls’ hair. I know this seems like a lame reason, but it used to really bother me when I saw what my sister looked like after spending the weekend with my dad.

**Is it even what the kids want?  Most people I know have a closer bond with their mothers.  I would like to know how many people out there would have picked their fathers if their parents split up while they were young.

I am not suggesting that kids shouldn't spend time with their dads.  A good or great father is a wonderful thing for a kid to have.  I just think that 50% is way too much.  If you agree and you are a woman, avoid divorce in California.  If you are a man & disagree, I guess this is the state for you. 

Anyway, my arguments are not well though-out. This is mostly an emotional response to seeing the agony of a great mom (my cousin) who has to fight to keep her kids when her ex is anything but a good father. 

Loving Vi-Carrie-ously

My cousin’s awful divorce has completely turned me off of dating. We all know that dating can lead to marriage which can lead to divorce. I know that is very dramatic outlook, but that is how I am feeling so I am going with it for now.

Since I am still pro-romance and mushy love, I have decided to just enjoy chic flicks. In light of that… Could there be a better time for the latest Sex In the City movie to come out? I think not! I have already seen it twice, which is really saying something since I rarely see any movies at the theater, especially non-kid ones.  I can probably count about 5 movies I have seen over the last 4.5 years.

I know some people were not impressed with Sex In the City 2, but I love it because:

1. The girls were back together. Oh how I’ve missed them and their silly antics.

2. The gay wedding only further goes along with why I support gay marriage – amazing weddings that would do wonders to boost the economy.  Talk about over the top...

3. I can’t stop singing, “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!” I may have just become a fan of Liza Minnelli.

4. I am a huge sucker for the Middle East. I was afraid that it would be more Morocco than Middle East, but they pulled it off beautifully (hollywoodish of course). Now, I want to go back for a visit. I am also dying to go to Morocco, but that has been a fantasy for a while and is un-related.

5. The wild fashion has made me want to go into a shopping frenzy. To be honest, there were LOTS of outfits that I did not like, but those probably inspire me to go shopping too. Perhaps, I should just admit that I like shopping for clothes. Maybe someday I’ll have money for that kind of spending.

6. The men in the movie are hot. I have always loved the talk dark & handsome look that BIG and Aidan so easily qualify for in different ways. Samantha’s two flings are pretty HOT too.

7. I don’t have any friends out here and no real desire to make any, but it is so fun to think about hanging out with the girls/long time friends. Maybe I need to take a trip so I can hang out with one of my old friends. Then again, I have a good one planning a vacation here in July.

8. The movie is a nice escape away from some of my stressors. Once in a while, I love movies that take your mind off of your own life.

I guess I’ll end the list there. Eight is an odd stopping point, but those just came flowing out. To add more to the list, I would have to really think and it is Friday. Plus, I have been working way too hard.

For now, I will leave the love life to Carrie and other characters in movies. Unless of course, the stars align and I get hit on by….

Or even…

Dream on, right?

Lexi singing Hot n Cold

I have been crazy busy with work and also stressed out about a few different things.  Fortunately, being a mom means that there is always some comic relief.  Last night, we painted our nails the new "Who the Shrek Are You" color from Opi.  Can you tell we are excited about seeing the movie?  Anyway, Lexi took the opportunity to entertain us while hers were drying:

Mother's Day 2010

Wedding Crasher

Last weekend, I crashed my first wedding (that I can remember anyway). Before you write me off as a tacky chic, let me say that I can justify it a little. I promise that I didn’t show up at a random wedding and pretend to be a relative of Aunt Bertha. I also didn’t show up at a wedding where I was the long lost love of the groom hoping that he would call it off. Those two things, I wouldn’t do.

My cousin was the Maid-of-Honor in a wedding that was held here in San Diego. She stayed with us for the weekend. She invited Lexi, Jordan and me to go with her on Saturday. Normally, I would say no, but she had submitted an RSVP for her and her four kids. Unfortunately, she is going through a nightmarish divorce and last week the judge decided that her abusive (soon to be ex) husband should get the kids for the weekend. (That could launch me into several different topics, but I’ll refrain. It just gets my blood boiling.)

Anyway… we went to the wedding. I thought it might be a nice for her to have moral support and the distraction of my kids. Besides, this was the bride's fourth marriage and she is only 32. I figured that if it hadn’t happened before, it was time for someone to crash one of her weddings. What I hadn’t counted on was the fact that my cousin and I were seated at the bride & groom’s table. Oh well. Fortunately, the kids were all off at their own little party upstairs. I decided to play it pleasant, but quiet. I had a nice time, but still couldn’t help laughing at the bride when her nipple/boob popped out of her dress while she was on the dance floor. I turned my head and tried to hide my snickering.  Now you know, I am not only a wedding crasher, I laugh at others during embarrassing moments.

Lucky Book Winner

This morning, we held the contest to find out who won Palace Beautiful.   The lucky winner is....(drum roll please) .... Shokufeh.  Congrats!!! 

For those of you who are interested in reading the book (but didn't happen to be the lucky one today), feel free to order one from amazon:

Palace Beautiful

The amazon price is only $11.55.  They even have a used one for $7.22.

Barnes & Noble is another option:

Palace Beautiful

Blogger Love

For the past year or so, I have almost fell completely out of the blogging world.  I cut back on the number of blogs that I keep up with and have lost most of my readers in turn.  Fortunately, those who are left are all gems. 

To my surprise, a few minutes ago, I actually got a blogging award.  I swear it has been a decade since that has happened, so I am more than thrilled!  THANKS Dayngrous Discourse!  I am especially honored given the fact that you truly are the queen of social media. 

The award looks amazingly mouth-watering, right?  It is my turn to pass it on to five great blogs (avoiding a few that I like that Dayngrous picked):

1. Aerin's Cranberry Blog
2. The Diva's Thoughts
3. Relish, My Relish
4. Crazy Bloggin' Canuk
5. Gluten-Free Girl

Please check out the blogs above and if you own one of the ones I picked, go ahead and pass on the award.

Book Contest

For many, tomorrow (April 15) is a stressful day. This year, I am quite excited about it because my friend, Sarah DeFord Williams, is going to be experiencing one of the most thrilling days of her life. Tomorrow, her book, Palace Beautiful, is going to be released!!!! (amazon link)

I met Sarah when we were 16 right after my family moved to Katy, Texas. We went to the same school and church. I was always impressed by her creativity, artwork, and musical skills. Of course, I had no idea that she would one day become an accomplished writer. We went off to different colleges and I think I only saw her a few times after that. Fortunately, through the magic of FB and blogs we have been able to catch up.

About a month ago, she received several galley copies (which I now know are advance soft-cover copies that are given out for people who write reviews). She decided to have a little contest on FB and somehow, despite the fact that I am usually unlucky, I won one. She even wrote a great note and signed it for me.

Of course, I could rave about what a fabulous book it is, but most of you would think I was just saying that because we are friends. Instead, I am posting a review from an unbiased party:

Review

I am also posting an article written about her:

Article

Besides the fact that I am very happy for her, I am posting about her book because I have decided to have a contest. I think someone else should get the thrill of winning her amazing book, so I am going to draw names on April 23rd. You can enter by leaving a comment or e-mailing me at frecklefacegirl01@hotmail.com. Please let me know that you are interested and provide a way for me to contact you in case you win.

I will print out the entries & put them in a bowl for Lexi to draw. Then, I will post the winner’s name (or blog identity) & contact them for their address so I can send a copy of this great book.

Lost My Spit Fire

Recently, someone I have only known for a short time described me as an introvert. While I can certainly see their reasoning for that, I was taken back because that really is not my personality. Sure I can be reserved with strangers and a little introspective at times, but I doubt anyone has thought of me as much of an introvert before.

Last March, when I came out to California for six weeks, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I was already sure that divorce was in my near future, but I was not satisfied with any of my options. When I got here, my mom politely told me that I looked horrible and had pretty much lost all of my personality. My boss seemed to notice a difference during my trip too. He mentioned that I seemed to be coming back to life, which is a little odd since we had only been speaking on the phone and he had not seen me in person. I am guessing that my state of mind was just that obvious.

Several of my brothers have mentioned over the last few years that I have lost my fire. I used to be so spunky, opinionated, and full of life. Sure there are flashes of it at times, but I am not full of sparks like I used to be. So, what happened? Thinking about this makes me a bit sad. However, I believe it is more like a thick fog hiding the inner spark.  Eventually, I can get most of it back.

I think the first wave of fog happened when I was working for an evil company in Miami. I swear the owner was el Diablo. There were quite a few back stabbing Beelzebubs in training as well. While I was never a main target, I learned to watch my back and live in a state of nervousness. I worked there for three LONG years.  Even though it was nine years ago, I still wake up with nightmares about it, which I know is completely ridiculous. 

The dense fog certainly came during the last few years of marriage. While I am still not going to go into detail here, I will say that there were amazing days when everything was too perfect. Most people saw us on those days and thought we had the kind of relationship they dreamed of. Unfortunately, the great days would quickly be followed by a day of insanity when I had no idea what was going on and couldn’t sleep. I was extremely stressed out. The next day would be a recovery day, full of mostly numbness. The last year was the worst when the cycle was every three days – good, horrendous, numb (repeat). It doesn’t take long to slip into a survival mode just to cope. I feel like I was holding my breath during the horrendous days. 

While, my personality is making more appearances, I realize I am still more comfortable living in survival mode at least around people I haven’t known for a long time. I have some ideas on how to find myself again, but they are all quite off-the-wall like moving to Turkey. If you know me, you know I would absolutely do it.  The problem with those kinds of dreams is that they are not easy to make into reality. For now, I sit and wait for the time that I am back to being me.

Break-up Song

Some people like to have a break-up song to help them delve into their emotions.  I prefer to laugh, so I like
P!nk's "So What."  For those of you who aren't P!nk fans, she is always a bit irreverent (some might say offensive - so don't watch if it might bother you).

Funny Music Video

Twilight What Have You Done to My Wife?

Secret to Women

This evening, my brother sent me a text.  He found a girl that he really likes.  He asked me to give him tips.  He told me that she often says he is sweet, so I am guessing that she likes him.  Under these circumstances, I think that women are pretty easy to sucker in.  ☺

My advice is that girls love lots of little sentimental gestures like flowers, love notes, flirtatious texts, etc.  I also told him that he should call her darling or sweetie.  Basically, I think girls will put up with a lot if they are romanced in the little ways by a guy they like.  If she doesn't have to put up with much, then he is even better off giving her that kind of attention. 

Is there anything I forgot to tell him? What other things make nice girls go gaga (... & I don't mean Lady Gaga)?