Since my divorce, I have come across several chics in similar situations that are handling it quite differently. I like to call their approach to being single – predatory dating. It is the way I describe people (mostly women) that make getting married a number one priority.
I know 4 chics that got divorced about the same time or a bit after I did. Most of them had very valid reasons for getting divorced, which makes me a little sad with the whole marriage thing. All four of them have decided that they were going to get married again ASAP. It is like they are on some crazy mission. Two of them have succeeded so far. Another one is in a relationship with "the one." The last one, whose divorce wasn't finalized until the beginning of this summer, is dating up a storm. She goes out 3 - 5 times a week with different guys. I am guessing that it is only a matter of time for her.
I realize that predatory dating isn’t completely odd. Everyone knows someone that likes to jump from relationship to relationship with little down time. I honestly hope it works for all of them, but I worry that being in a hurry could lead to rash decisions. Like they say, “Permanent decisions should not be made on temporary feelings.” With such a deliberate agenda, how can they be sure that they are not making the same mistakes?
I guess jumping back into it might be healthier than going the other way like I am doing. I just can’t get excited about dating. How do single moms (especially full time moms like me) find the time or energy to even put themselves out there?
4 comments:
Well, it's one thing when a person doesn't have kids, but it's another when they have little people to think about.
I'm not trying to say that a divorced person isn't entitled to happiness, but I agree with taking it slow.
With that said, I don't see why everyone has to be married or in a relationship. Those are fine things. But there is also a lot of risk there, and a lot of unknowns.
I wish there were more examples of happy single people out there. There are many examples of happy second and third marriages, of course. I think caution is okay, however, particularly after someone has been burned.
I suppose I just dislike the idea of needing someone else, of absolutely having to have someone else to be okay (not that any of your friends are that way). I'm uncomfortable with that, personally. It's a little like the beautiful dream that everyone wants to buy into that may or may not be real.
I'm with you, where do single moms find the time? I can barely find the time to do everything I NEED to do AND make time for basics (for me) like getting my hair cut. I can't imagine dating 3 or more times a week. I wouldn't be in a hurry to remarry. I really don't trust anyone else with my children's well-being.
Gosh, I have no idea. But some people really don't want to feel alone, so maybe it's better for them to find another spouse right away.
It is true that I shouldn't compare myself to them. All four of them got married really young and I was 30. I guess it probably feels natural for me and for them it is like they are missing something. Plus, like Dayngr, I RARELY leave my kids with other people even my family, who are perfectly great with them.
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