When I got married, I knew that I wanted to take on his last name. Mostly, it was because I wanted us to have kids. There is a streak of feminism running through me, but I am not whole heartedly attached to my own name. I did keep my maiden name for work though and used it for my middle name since I wasn't given one by my parents.
When I got divorced, it felt right to keep my married name because I share it with the kids. It seems easier than explaining why our last names are different. I didn't really think about it again until I read letter sent to an advice column. It was from a divorced woman who kept her married name for her child. Her ex-husband was getting re-married and his fiancé hated that she kept the name. This gave me something to think about, even though I personally feel the new fiancé should only request and not demand something of an ex-wife. It sounds like she’ll want the kid out of their lives next. However, I agree that it is odd to share the bond of a last name.
Anyway, the advice in the column was to take on her former maiden name. It said that if she wanted to share a name with her son, she should have him hyphenate his name. I am not sure I agree with that. What a pain for the kid! I don’t really know what the answer to this problem is, but it is interesting to think about. What do most divorced women do?
4 comments:
Huh, I don't know what most do. My stepmother (divorced from my father) kept her last name for the sake of my brother, and also for simplicity's sake. Changing your name can be a hassle.
I think it's up to the divorced woman whether or not she keeps her married name. The new wife needs to keep her mouth shut in this case.
I agree with Tee. I think a person should be able to change their last name or not. But I also think men should be able to decide to take their wives' last name upon getting married, so I suppose I'm non-traditional.
Technically, I never legally changed my name when I got married. I just started using my husband's last name. Even though we're separated, I still use his last name for the kids.
I'm all for both spouses using both their last names.
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