I have something I have been thinking about posting for several weeks, but I am not sure how much I am ready to reveal or honestly even deal with. One thing I know is that I don’t want to spell it out, but I think it will be completely obvious who this is about. Never-the-less, here it goes…
What happens when there is someone who plays a significant role in your life that over the course of several years gets wrapped up in something that drastically hurts themselves, you and definitely damages your relationship? What happens when this builds to the point where most of the ties must be severed in order to keep your sanity? What if you take time to at least generally forgive the person and are able to talk to them in an honest and kind way? What if after a certain amount of time, they ask for complete forgiveness and would like to TRY to restore that relationship? Not only that, but they are showing remarkable improvement through the help of a therapist and religious studies. What if that person is going out of their way to prove they are an asset in your life without expecting anything in return?
These are the basic questions I have been contemplating for the past few weeks. In general, I believe that I am a very forgiving person that doesn’t hold grudges. I honestly believe that everyone deserves a second chance if they are willing to work for it. Sadly, we are all foolish at times and take things for granted. I wish I could say that I am perfect. Sometimes, we get our best lessons in life by learning the hard way. Those lessons transform us into a much better person.
On the other hand, there is that saying - fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There is a certain amount of distrust and self protection that exists to help us survive. Where is the balance in all of this? I guess it is just a matter of taking things VERY slowly and seeing if it is possible to build enough trust. Life is so complicated.
3 comments:
It's hard to trust again. There are family members who don't communicate with me, so I don't with them. I feel I have forgiven them, but that doesn't mean I want them back in my life or want to be cozy with them.
Then there is my mother, who was pretty much absent while I was growing up and who I thought I would be estranged from for the rest of my life, but like you said, she has gone out of her way time and again to try to make it up to me. We have a good thing going now, and I'm glad I let her back into my life.
Just the fact you are considering reestablishing a relationship shows your heart. You care and are loving. I think that's wonderful, and I think your heart will steer you in the right direction.
I tend to be quick to put things in the past and move ahead. I also believe others deserve second chances, after all, we all make mistakes. Then again, there are people in my life that I choose to keep very clear boundaries with for the sake of my sanity, and the health of my family. Every case is different. Taking it slowly is a rational way to approach it.
Yes..life is very complicated. Trust yourself.
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