Today, two different people asked me my last name and I couldn't answer. Does that seem like a dumb blonde thing or what? Fortunately, both of them knew both of the last names I go by, but wasn't sure which one I preferred. Sadly, I don't know which one I prefer either and I've been divorced for 2 years.
On the one hand, I am probably leaning more towards my maiden name. I am living in a place where quite a few people know my family so I'm classified as one of them anyways. Plus, I've been using that name for work this entire time. I started working for my company before I got married and it seemed like such a hassle to make the change, especially since I am marketing person who has lots of contacts. It would affect my e-mail, business cards, etc. Technically, it is not only my last name, but now it is officially my middle name. My parents didn't give me a middle name. When I got married, I made my maiden name my middle name. My first name, maiden name & last name are on all my documents (drivers license, passport, social security, etc). Going back to only using my maiden name also signifies in my mind that I am single and completely in charge of my own life. In a way, it is liberating but only in my mind.
On the other hand, there is a small part of me that thinks sharing my married name with my kids makes us feel more like a family. I don't want them to feel even a little alienated by the divorce. I wonder if by deciding to officially stop using our last name, it would send a signal that I am rejecting the name that is part of who they are. Of course, that is probably over thinking it, but you get my point. Also, I just don't want the hassle of officially changing it. What a pain that can be.
I've mentioned this topic of divorcing and last names before but mainly from view of the guy's new wife. As far as I know, my ex isn't very close to that next step. It would feel strange to share a last name with my ex if he has a new wife.
I guess on this one issue, I am still in limbo. For now, I tell people that I'll answer to either name, but I just don't know what I want. There may be a perk to being undecided. It will be so much tougher for people to gossip about me when half of the people know me by one name and the other half know me by another.
3 comments:
I had never considered the name change issue from this angle before. I didn't change my name when I married. I said it was to keep work and home separate but really it was because I am lazy oh and his family, well they really suck!
If I were in your situation it would be weird to actively change my name from that of my kids. I think that you are lucky to be able to us both names in different situations and as long as that works, it is a great thing.
Tough situation and I honestly don't know what I'd do. Since my maiden name was a bit of a bear, I'd probably keep my married name. For ease and also for what you mentioned: less hassles to share the same last name as the kiddos.
I think if you like your married name, keep it. Even if your ex remarries. Because who cares? Heh.
I would keep my married name because I prefer it to my maiden name, and it's also my kids' last name.
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