Isn’t it odd that many of us seem to spend the first week or two of each New Year bracing to see what it will bring? We are a bit nervous about whether or not it will be a good year. If last year was particularly rough, we hope and pray that this one will be a huge improvement. If we had a great year, we are extremely anxious that the pendulum will swing the other way. Lots of people, who claim not to be overly superstitious, look for little signs that will give clues as to what’s to come. It is almost humorous that the changing of a number such as 2011 (simply mankind’s way of keeping track) causes numerous emotions.
To be honest, I can’t remember having one year that I would deem as “bad.” Sure there were years when it seemed like lots of things hit hard, but in those years good things happened too. Sometimes the good and bad things carried over into the following year. Life seems to be more of a crazy mixed up ball of uncertainty that does not pay attention to a silly thing like what month or year it happens to be. However, outward randomness is not necessarily a negative thing. At least it is always interesting.
I am not sure where I am going with this. This little post is probably just a pep talk I am trying to give myself. I am trying not to view the negative occurrences that have recently happened as signs of what is to come. It all started one day, last month. I suddenly had a feeling of dread come over me. I felt like something terrifying is going to happen, but that in the end everything would turn out better than it is now. I have no idea what this means or when it will happen.
I would like to believe it has something to do with my ex being laid off last week. Sure I will not get child support for a while, but then maybe he’ll get a better job and be able to move on with his life. Even better, perhaps it means I’ll meet Mr. Wonderful and I’ll be extremely nervous about the new feelings. Beyond those two, I start to really dread what could be coming my way. With all my heart, I hope it isn’t that my company decides they don’t have enough work to keep me employed. I haven’t exactly been busy for the last few months. Plus, I desperately hope they can put me on full-time in the late summer so that my Texas plans will be a reality.
Despite the fact that being nervous is just a useless waste of energy, I am still bracing for whatever may come my way. Please be mostly kind…2011.
3 comments:
I totally get where you are going with this. There are serious trepidations about each new year because we are uncertain as to what it will bring. We think of each new year as a new beginng, an opportunity to start over.
I am nervous about my upcoming move to Atlanta. I am excited about the move but nervous at the same time. What if my job won't transfer me? What if I get there and can't find a job? What if I hate the apartment I chose to live? What if I can't find a network of friends? What if....What if.... I can what if all day but in my heart of hearts I look past my nervousness and trust that things will work out because they always do. God has ALWAYS worked it out for me so I know he will continue to do so.
Hold onto faith, mama. Hugs....
I hope 2011 is a great year for you and your family.
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