Parental Tolerances

Parenting styles are extremely fascinating to me. For the most part, I believe that many parents are good at it in their own ways. While kids generally come with their own little personalities, they seem to quickly adapt to our parenting styles. In a family with only one child, this may be more difficult to pin point. A family that has several children with similar characteristics makes identifying learned behaviors from their families easier.

In general, I think a lot of it is a mixture of priorities and tolerances. We all have our own opinions on what is valued behavior, acceptable behavior, and intolerable behavior. Of course, the two extremes are easiest to spotlight.

For instance, I am quite strict when it comes to how my kids will dress, their willingness to eat what they are given/healthy foods, early bed time, sitting with restraints on in the car/stroller/grocery cart, not whining, and being verbally kind to others. When my kids act up on any of these issues, I react quickly and consistently essentially nipping it in the bud. Consequently, my kids have learned not to press their luck on these things.

On the other hand, there are things that I tend to encourage that sometimes need to be reined in. Some people might not know this, but I have a shy streak, which has mostly disappeared with age. I am also quite critical of myself. I often think that this can be a real draw back in life. I believe that an outgoing, sometimes assertive, talkative and friendly personality would be beneficial. Both of my kids certainly don’t have issues with being shy and overly quiet. In fact, it is quite the opposite. They are over the top. They like being the center of attention even in huge groups, which can be a great thing. It isn’t so great when they need to be a little more reserved and practically silent, like at church. Lexi is capable of quiet entertainment, but Jordan can rarely manage it. During these moments, I wish it was more of a priority for me.

I have friends that I consider fine parents that have completely opposite views than I do. I also have friends that value some of the things I do, but not others.  One of the reasons people can’t be perfect is that we can’t be on top of everything all of the time. I doubt that would even be helpful to kids.  They need to relax about a few things so they don't feel the need to rebel.  We all pick and choose our priorities and they help to shape our lives and our kids. This is just one more way that we are all different and it is wonderful.