Shortly after moving here, a neighbor lady started telling me about a wonderful parenting book that she was reading. I listened with interest especially since big changes in kids' lives bring about crazy behaviors. However, I had to smile thinking about taking advice from a SAHM mom that has 3 full time maids and 2 nannies all in an effort to take care of a household that has three kids.
About 2 weeks later (while she was off vacationing with her husband, kids and entourage), I got a copy of the book in the mail from her. I smiled at how thoughtful she was. Anyway, the book is called "The One Minute Mother" and it is by Spencer Johnson, M.D. While I am thrilled with some of the results, I don't recommend you go out and buy a copy. There are only 3 simple points that the entire book is written around.
1. One Minute Goals (use 1 sheet of paper to write down goals that you set with your child - must only take 1 minute to read)
2. One Minute Praisings (Praise good behavior, clearly identify what they did right and how it made you feel, hug or touch the child, and tell them you love them)
3. One Minute Reprimands (Reprimand poor behavior, tell the child exactly what they did wrong, pause to let it sink in, remind them that they are better than that and that they are good kids, hug them and remind them that you love them, and drop it)
The book is full of examples and such to convince people that it works. I think 2 and 3 are pretty much common sense, although in the craziness of life they may not happen as often as they should. At least for me because my two little ones are doing things all day everyday that should be addressed.
The one thing that I hadn't tried before was number 1. Once a week I started sitting down with Lexi and coming up with a one page list of goals for her, Jordan and me. I use a big marker and draw a picture next to each goal so she can "read" them. She participates in creating the list. Here are some examples:
Lexi's Goals
1. Put my crayons away everyday
2. Don't block my brother (not letting him pass through doorways)
3. Listen to my mom
4. Hug and kiss my mom more (her idea)
Mom's Goals:
1. Exercise at the beach 4 times this week
2. Complete.... (something from my to do list)
3. Hug and kiss Lexi and Jordan more (her idea)
When we are done, we tape the lists in the kids’ bedroom. Every night Lexi reads hers as part of our bedtime ritual.
We have been able to stamp out quite a few behaviors that time-outs were doing NOTHING for. The best part is that when she is doing something she isn't supposed to that is on the list I only have to remind her ONE time!!! I HATE being a broken record.
The past few days things have been getting out of hand with the kids pestering each other. It was especially annoying this morning, during our walk on the beach. I suddenly remembered that we hadn't made a list in a few weeks. We sat down this afternoon and so far we are right back on track.
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