One of the strange spin off issues with divorce is not knowing how to connect with former in-laws. My parents pretty much severed their relationships with each other’s extended family members when they parted ways. That had more to do with my dad’s extreme bitterness. He didn’t want contact with my mom’s family and he needed to feel like his family had his back.
The situation is quite different with our divorce. Neither of us is bitter, which helps. Steve has called one of my brothers a few times. I think he feels more comfortable talking to my side because he knows that they already know what happened. As far as I can tell, he has been avoiding his family and friends. I read that men view divorce as a huge failure and are often terribly embarrassed about it. I believe that is the case with him.
Last week, I got an e-mail from one of his cousins that I have never met in person. She wanted to know what is going on. Some of his family members read the kids’ blogs and wanted to know why we seemed to be living in California and he wasn’t. I know they deserve to know, but I hate to step on his toes. I decided to answer the e-mail as nicely as possible with minimal facts and basically left out any explanations. I know that part should come from him.
I know I am rambling, but my main point is that divorce usually puts up a barrier and alienates a spouse from the former in-laws. Perhaps it is mainly in my imagination or not really knowing how to get a new phase of the relationship started. I would like to know how to overcome that without stepping on Steve’s toes. Part of me thinks that sounds selfish like I have a right to his family even though I filed for divorce. While I really liked the in-laws, I think this relationship will benefit the kids more than anyone. I just don’t know how to go about re-starting it. Suggestions?
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