When I was 12 years old, my dad’s baby sister, who was 18 or 19 at the time, got engaged and married. She was exceptionally beautiful, book smart, and naive. She had gone off to BYU, a.k.a. land of the meet & marry quickly. The engagement was very short and the wedding was set for the end of Christmas break. It was a typical inexpensive Mormon wedding with everyone pitching in.
During the hustle and bustle leading up to the event, I remember there being a lot of conversations between my mom and aunts about the groom. They all agreed that he was a very nice guy, but that she was making a big mistake. They thought that she should date other guys because she could do better. In the Mormon culture, she wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary and certainly nothing different then they had done. Perhaps that is why they could see she would not be happy with this particular guy. He didn’t have the drive and ambition that she did. Even back then, I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t listen to them and at least postpone the wedding. I wish I could say that she knew what she was doing, but sadly they were right. He ended up being a career student. He finally got his PhD, but is working as a grounds keeper on Temple Square. She worked to put both of them through school and has been the main bread winner throughout their lives. He is “a nice guy,” but their marriage has not been a happy one. She should have listened.
I suppose this post sounds like it is about choosing the right guy or one of the negative points of the Mormon culture. However, it is about listening to those who have your best interests at heart especially when you are young and stubborn.
Because of my baby sister, I have been thinking about the transition from living at home to becoming an adult and how many decisions can end up affecting us for the rest of our lives like the major we choose, the jobs we hold, the first job after graduation, the guy we may or may not marry, etc. Now, I believe in change and that NOTHING is permanent, but decisions do take us in a direction at least for a while.
Isn’t it strange that someone would be so close minded during a time when big changes are taking place? Perhaps some of you are surprised that I seem to be calling my sister out on the carpet. It isn’t that odd in my family to say what is on our minds without offending each other because we usually just blow off everything we don’t agree with.
This time of life has been on my mind though thanks to her struggles. If I knew then what I know now...I would have made different decisions. Not that I have regrets, but life brings wisdom and a bit of foresight. I may have applied for scholarships and loans in order to go to Texas A&M rather than BYU. I most likely would have picked a different major like construction management (more money in a male dominated industry) or marketing (which my career has turned out to be in). Those changes would have allowed me to jump up the career ladder faster. Then perhaps I would have made more money for things like better vacations. Yes, we all have a bunch of "What Ifs" but hopefully life has taught us to at least listen open-mindedly to people who care about us and have lived a little longer.
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