Feeling Weird

There are so many things I could write about, but mainly we are on pins and needles waiting for something to happen with my MIL. For some reason, I don't feel like it is appropriate for me to post about the first named storm of the year, our progress on the house, the Miami Heat, or life in general. However, I realize life goes on even when it is being overshadowed by a bigger issue. Perhaps tomorrow, I will write about other things.

Along with those strange feelings of guilt, I have been wondering why we feel weird about planning for death. It is an event that we know is going to take place, but planning it or discussing it with others seems to be bit taboo. I think it is part of the American culture. When I lived in the Middle East, I was amazed at how open and well they handled death. I learned a lot from them. Perhaps, that is why I feel less strange about discussing the process then others. I realize that my recent posts might make some uncomfortable, but it is real life and that is what my blog is about. So, anyone who doesn't like it simply can stop reading for a while.

Update on the Situation:

My MIL is still slipping away a little more each day, but she is a fighter. Yesterday, when Steve's brother left hospice, she didn't want him to go. She held up her arm to stop him. I personally think he is the last link in the chain holding her here. To be honest, he has been a drug addict for 24 years and regularly experiences all of the most negative things that go along with that. He doesn't dabble or experiment; he is a full blown crack addict. Over the years, he has been homeless (quite often), arrested, in and out of rehabs, penniless, always looking for another job, and other things you can imagine. Unfortunately, she is his enabler and continuously rescues him at the expense of herself. She knows he is not going to be ok when she is gone and there is nothing we can do to convince her of that. I believe that is why she is still fighting. I am not sure what it will take to make her feel at peace with the situation, but I hope she doesn't continue to torture herself. Perhaps, she will realize that he isn't fine with or without her. We can only hope that her passing will inspire him to change.

Steve and his family have come up with a pretty good plan for my MIL's service. Since she doesn't belong to a church, they decided that the big beautiful gazebo at the hospice residence is the perfect place. It is next to a pond and the gardenia bushes in the area create a wonderful fragrance in the air. The Hospice Chaplin will speak and Steve also wants to speak. Friends and family will be invited, but there are not many nearby so it will be small. I envision a moment to remember her and think about what we can learn from her life.