My life seems to revolve around taking care of the kids, work, cleaning the house, cooking and a little sleep. Even my social life has more to do with entertaining the kids than simply being me time. Fortunately, I get to hang out with friends that have kids that are friends with my kids. So, I kill two birds with one stone. I love that. One thing, this current lifestyle leads to is the lack of opportunity to indulge in television watching. That means I should to stick to quality programs when I get the rare moment.
When I was in California, I caught a few episodes of Glee, Bones, Lie To Me, and a few others that I quite liked. However, I always end up missing most of the episodes in a season even if I think the show is amazing. This tendency helped lead to my decision to not get cable. Instead, we have a Wii so we can watch Netflix. I also watch on my computer. If I have time for a movie, I mostly like cheesy chic flicks. I try to watch one when the kids are out with their dad when I am not terribly busy working.
Somehow, while searching for something interesting but not so long, I stumbled across a tv show that sounded very out of the ordinary. It is called Obsessed. It is a reality show, but not the staged contest kind that I dislike. It is more like a documentary. I have only watched about 4 episodes, but it is fascinating. Actually, it is fascinating, creepy, desperately sad, completely insane, and then full of hope and moving on. Each episode is about two different people living with extreme cases of OCD. They discuss and document their issues and then go through 12 weeks of face-your-fears type of therapy.
I have always enjoyed biographies and real life stories, especially ones where people open up and lay it all on the line. Not only are these people sharing the darkest part of their lives, but they are finding manageable solutions to something that has plagued them for years. Although, I am easy going and can’t see any real similarities to their problems, it is inspiring to watch them tackle an issue head-on and then transform.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Two Months In Texas
Today marks the two month anniversary of our return to grand ol Texas! Yeehaw! What’s not to love???? Overall, I can say that I am thrilled to be back, but it hasn’t been all dreamy easy. Basically, it is a mix of inner peace/pure happiness and worry/adjusting.
Adjusting hasn’t been an issue for me specifically. In fact, right as we were first pulling in I felt like I’d never left. Two years flew by. Everything is familiar and my friends all look the same. Their kids had grown up a lot, but that didn’t take long to get used to. My house feels normal too. Mostly, I just put things back the way they were. The sad part is that the house needs quite a few minor repairs and I just have to be patient while I get other things going so I can get to it. Lexi & Jordan have been trying to adjust though. They have loved being back, but they get sentimental now and then when they think about their grandparents or my sister.
Another issue is money. Isn’t it always though? Money is extremely tight (actually slipping back a little), but promising. In addition to my job, I have two clients that keep me jumping. Once those take off, I am looking forward to the cash flow improving. They both seem quite happy and I know I will be able to work better once school starts and there are more moments of quiet around here.
I guess another topic is my social life, which involves friends. I love being around old friends. I have quite a few here. There is just something too special about someone who knows you over more than two decades. They know my family and who I really am. It is comforting and still fun.
My love life is exactly where I want it to be, which is essentially nowhere with a little twist. The kids and I have gone on three play dates with that guy and his kids that I mentioned in the last post. He is SOOOO nice. He doesn’t want to date yet because his divorce isn’t finalized, which I think is the right thing to do. Plus, he is clearly suffering from heartache in the emotional rollercoaster of divorce. He wants and needs a friend just as much as I do. Although I am sad he is going through this, I am very comfortable with our platonic friendship that involves a little flirting. I quite enjoy talking to him too. I think this friendship is therapeutic for both of us.
Not bad or boring for two months of my life. In one more month and a few days, my little Lexi will be starting kindergarten. More adjustments with life moving onward.
Adjusting hasn’t been an issue for me specifically. In fact, right as we were first pulling in I felt like I’d never left. Two years flew by. Everything is familiar and my friends all look the same. Their kids had grown up a lot, but that didn’t take long to get used to. My house feels normal too. Mostly, I just put things back the way they were. The sad part is that the house needs quite a few minor repairs and I just have to be patient while I get other things going so I can get to it. Lexi & Jordan have been trying to adjust though. They have loved being back, but they get sentimental now and then when they think about their grandparents or my sister.
Another issue is money. Isn’t it always though? Money is extremely tight (actually slipping back a little), but promising. In addition to my job, I have two clients that keep me jumping. Once those take off, I am looking forward to the cash flow improving. They both seem quite happy and I know I will be able to work better once school starts and there are more moments of quiet around here.
I guess another topic is my social life, which involves friends. I love being around old friends. I have quite a few here. There is just something too special about someone who knows you over more than two decades. They know my family and who I really am. It is comforting and still fun.
My love life is exactly where I want it to be, which is essentially nowhere with a little twist. The kids and I have gone on three play dates with that guy and his kids that I mentioned in the last post. He is SOOOO nice. He doesn’t want to date yet because his divorce isn’t finalized, which I think is the right thing to do. Plus, he is clearly suffering from heartache in the emotional rollercoaster of divorce. He wants and needs a friend just as much as I do. Although I am sad he is going through this, I am very comfortable with our platonic friendship that involves a little flirting. I quite enjoy talking to him too. I think this friendship is therapeutic for both of us.
Not bad or boring for two months of my life. In one more month and a few days, my little Lexi will be starting kindergarten. More adjustments with life moving onward.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
No Feminine Allure
Out of the people that I know who read my blog, I am not sure there are many that have experienced what I feel like revealing tonight. Sadly, when someone has gone through a rather long spell without any type of romantic connection, they begin to see themselves as non-attractive. I realize that it sounds like I am referring to some steamy passionate entanglement, but I am really talking about ANY type of interaction like flirting.
Logically speaking, I understand that I have chosen to spend the last (almost) year as close to nun-hood as possible. It isn’t the first time. Well, I take that back. I highly doubt that I have ever shunned the dating scene for an entire year. I was 30 when I got married, so the single life is something that I am thoroughly familiar with. I took quite a few breaks (several months long) back in the pre-marriage days. Breathers can be nice.
In many ways, choosing the life of a quasi-nun can feel very liberating and can be a time of great introspection. There are a lot of things that need my focus right now and I barely feel like I am keeping up. Sometimes, one more thing gets thrown into my life and it feels overwhelming.
Plus, I absolutely don’t like the whole fakeness of first dates and chit chatting with strangers who may or may not want to spend the rest of their lives being in love. It’s just not at all appealing right now. Granted, there isn’t an abundance of single men in any of the activities or hang-outs that I spend time at. In fact, mostly I see lots of moms. I rarely see any men (married or not). Truthfully, my chances of even bumping into single men are pretty low. I live in the suburbs. I only do kid/family-friendly activities. I work from home so I don’t even see my colleagues or meet many new people.
On a highly depressing note, living a nun-ish life leads a girl to feel like no normal guy could possibly be interested in her. I wonder if I am even capable of getting a guy’s attention, assuming that I would actually find one that I am interested in. I’ve forgotten how to flirt, if I ever really knew. For the sake of this rambling post, let’s pretend somehow I could get his attention. Then, what? My life is consumed by my kids and work. I would have to dig deep to even remember other interests in an attempt to carry on even one fascinating conversation.
Alas, this circle of self doubt and complete disinterest in dating will continue for the time being. Mostly, I know that it is best for me right now. However, I’d just love a little flirtatious smile or harmless wink from a half-way handsome single man near my age to signal that perhaps just maybe I still got it.
**Update: After writing this post last night, I took the kids to the pool today and happened to get what I wished for. There were a few dads there. One who was holding a baby & had two other kids started talking to me. I thought that his wife was probably on one of the beach chairs. He asked, "What do ya'll do for a living?" I told him that I am divorced and then about my work. I asked him what he does & he said that he is currently going through a divorce. Our kids played and we had a nice time. He shared a few things, but said it was hard to talk with the kids. I was friendly, but not divulging much. Before he left, he politely asked for my number to see if we could schedule a play date for the kids. Pretty harmless, right? How could someone refuse that? -- I don't know if we'll ever get together. It would be nice to have a friend. The best part of this was finding out that I am not repulsive.
Logically speaking, I understand that I have chosen to spend the last (almost) year as close to nun-hood as possible. It isn’t the first time. Well, I take that back. I highly doubt that I have ever shunned the dating scene for an entire year. I was 30 when I got married, so the single life is something that I am thoroughly familiar with. I took quite a few breaks (several months long) back in the pre-marriage days. Breathers can be nice.
In many ways, choosing the life of a quasi-nun can feel very liberating and can be a time of great introspection. There are a lot of things that need my focus right now and I barely feel like I am keeping up. Sometimes, one more thing gets thrown into my life and it feels overwhelming.
Plus, I absolutely don’t like the whole fakeness of first dates and chit chatting with strangers who may or may not want to spend the rest of their lives being in love. It’s just not at all appealing right now. Granted, there isn’t an abundance of single men in any of the activities or hang-outs that I spend time at. In fact, mostly I see lots of moms. I rarely see any men (married or not). Truthfully, my chances of even bumping into single men are pretty low. I live in the suburbs. I only do kid/family-friendly activities. I work from home so I don’t even see my colleagues or meet many new people.
On a highly depressing note, living a nun-ish life leads a girl to feel like no normal guy could possibly be interested in her. I wonder if I am even capable of getting a guy’s attention, assuming that I would actually find one that I am interested in. I’ve forgotten how to flirt, if I ever really knew. For the sake of this rambling post, let’s pretend somehow I could get his attention. Then, what? My life is consumed by my kids and work. I would have to dig deep to even remember other interests in an attempt to carry on even one fascinating conversation.
Alas, this circle of self doubt and complete disinterest in dating will continue for the time being. Mostly, I know that it is best for me right now. However, I’d just love a little flirtatious smile or harmless wink from a half-way handsome single man near my age to signal that perhaps just maybe I still got it.
**Update: After writing this post last night, I took the kids to the pool today and happened to get what I wished for. There were a few dads there. One who was holding a baby & had two other kids started talking to me. I thought that his wife was probably on one of the beach chairs. He asked, "What do ya'll do for a living?" I told him that I am divorced and then about my work. I asked him what he does & he said that he is currently going through a divorce. Our kids played and we had a nice time. He shared a few things, but said it was hard to talk with the kids. I was friendly, but not divulging much. Before he left, he politely asked for my number to see if we could schedule a play date for the kids. Pretty harmless, right? How could someone refuse that? -- I don't know if we'll ever get together. It would be nice to have a friend. The best part of this was finding out that I am not repulsive.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
What's My Name?
Today, two different people asked me my last name and I couldn't answer. Does that seem like a dumb blonde thing or what? Fortunately, both of them knew both of the last names I go by, but wasn't sure which one I preferred. Sadly, I don't know which one I prefer either and I've been divorced for 2 years.
On the one hand, I am probably leaning more towards my maiden name. I am living in a place where quite a few people know my family so I'm classified as one of them anyways. Plus, I've been using that name for work this entire time. I started working for my company before I got married and it seemed like such a hassle to make the change, especially since I am marketing person who has lots of contacts. It would affect my e-mail, business cards, etc. Technically, it is not only my last name, but now it is officially my middle name. My parents didn't give me a middle name. When I got married, I made my maiden name my middle name. My first name, maiden name & last name are on all my documents (drivers license, passport, social security, etc). Going back to only using my maiden name also signifies in my mind that I am single and completely in charge of my own life. In a way, it is liberating but only in my mind.
On the other hand, there is a small part of me that thinks sharing my married name with my kids makes us feel more like a family. I don't want them to feel even a little alienated by the divorce. I wonder if by deciding to officially stop using our last name, it would send a signal that I am rejecting the name that is part of who they are. Of course, that is probably over thinking it, but you get my point. Also, I just don't want the hassle of officially changing it. What a pain that can be.
I've mentioned this topic of divorcing and last names before but mainly from view of the guy's new wife. As far as I know, my ex isn't very close to that next step. It would feel strange to share a last name with my ex if he has a new wife.
I guess on this one issue, I am still in limbo. For now, I tell people that I'll answer to either name, but I just don't know what I want. There may be a perk to being undecided. It will be so much tougher for people to gossip about me when half of the people know me by one name and the other half know me by another.
On the one hand, I am probably leaning more towards my maiden name. I am living in a place where quite a few people know my family so I'm classified as one of them anyways. Plus, I've been using that name for work this entire time. I started working for my company before I got married and it seemed like such a hassle to make the change, especially since I am marketing person who has lots of contacts. It would affect my e-mail, business cards, etc. Technically, it is not only my last name, but now it is officially my middle name. My parents didn't give me a middle name. When I got married, I made my maiden name my middle name. My first name, maiden name & last name are on all my documents (drivers license, passport, social security, etc). Going back to only using my maiden name also signifies in my mind that I am single and completely in charge of my own life. In a way, it is liberating but only in my mind.
On the other hand, there is a small part of me that thinks sharing my married name with my kids makes us feel more like a family. I don't want them to feel even a little alienated by the divorce. I wonder if by deciding to officially stop using our last name, it would send a signal that I am rejecting the name that is part of who they are. Of course, that is probably over thinking it, but you get my point. Also, I just don't want the hassle of officially changing it. What a pain that can be.
I've mentioned this topic of divorcing and last names before but mainly from view of the guy's new wife. As far as I know, my ex isn't very close to that next step. It would feel strange to share a last name with my ex if he has a new wife.
I guess on this one issue, I am still in limbo. For now, I tell people that I'll answer to either name, but I just don't know what I want. There may be a perk to being undecided. It will be so much tougher for people to gossip about me when half of the people know me by one name and the other half know me by another.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Who’s your Daddy?
Don't you just love when your kids say something so ridiculously funny when they have no idea what they are saying? Tonight, I overheard this conversation between Lexi and Jordan:
Lexi, "Jordan, you have to shake what your momma gave you."
Jordan, "No, the mailman gave me this."
At this point, I am thinking... the mailman gave him something? ...and sounds like I had an affair with the mailman and he is Jordan's real dad. I just had to walk into the other room to see what he was talking about.
I asked him what the mailman gave him. Jordan pointed at his shirt. I guess when I order things online, it is really the mailman that gives it to Jordan.
Lexi, "Jordan, you have to shake what your momma gave you."
Jordan, "No, the mailman gave me this."
At this point, I am thinking... the mailman gave him something? ...and sounds like I had an affair with the mailman and he is Jordan's real dad. I just had to walk into the other room to see what he was talking about.
I asked him what the mailman gave him. Jordan pointed at his shirt. I guess when I order things online, it is really the mailman that gives it to Jordan.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Leaps of Faith
When I got out of college, I took huge leaps of faith several times. Twice I decided to move to a different city (Denver & Miami) where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know where I would live and didn’t have a job. I just packed up my car and hit the road. I was quite nervous about whether or not it would work out, but I have moved almost every year of my entire life so I just went for it.
It is one of the things about me that my friends laugh at/half admire/think is insane. Getting older has slightly decreased my desire to do that, but it is clearly still part of who I am. This recent move back to Texas wasn’t completely into the unknown. First, I am still working for the company that I started with in 2002. Second, I knew that I would be moving back to my house. Unpacking has been easy since I mostly just put things where I had them before. Third, I know my way around town. Not only did I live here for two years before going to California, but my family has lived here off and on since we moved here when I was in high school. This feels like home for me. Fourth, I have lots of close friends here many of whom feel like family. There is nothing like having a long history/friendship with people. All of these points lead me to be being truly happy.
However, life is never completely perfect. I have had to get use to sharing custody. Not that there is anything wrong with it or that it has been difficult, but I am a little over protective as a mother in some ways. I think I have been doing a pretty decent job of sharing though. Unfortunately, my main concern is our financial situation. I am currently only working part-time for my company. With the very slow (practically stopped) economy in Florida, that is all they need from me. I have decided that the best way to cover the bills is to do a little consulting on the side. I know I am great at my job, but I just have to find clients. That is why I have been absent on my blog. Basically, I’m busy with another one of my leaps of faith. I just pray that this one goes as well as all the others have.
It is one of the things about me that my friends laugh at/half admire/think is insane. Getting older has slightly decreased my desire to do that, but it is clearly still part of who I am. This recent move back to Texas wasn’t completely into the unknown. First, I am still working for the company that I started with in 2002. Second, I knew that I would be moving back to my house. Unpacking has been easy since I mostly just put things where I had them before. Third, I know my way around town. Not only did I live here for two years before going to California, but my family has lived here off and on since we moved here when I was in high school. This feels like home for me. Fourth, I have lots of close friends here many of whom feel like family. There is nothing like having a long history/friendship with people. All of these points lead me to be being truly happy.
However, life is never completely perfect. I have had to get use to sharing custody. Not that there is anything wrong with it or that it has been difficult, but I am a little over protective as a mother in some ways. I think I have been doing a pretty decent job of sharing though. Unfortunately, my main concern is our financial situation. I am currently only working part-time for my company. With the very slow (practically stopped) economy in Florida, that is all they need from me. I have decided that the best way to cover the bills is to do a little consulting on the side. I know I am great at my job, but I just have to find clients. That is why I have been absent on my blog. Basically, I’m busy with another one of my leaps of faith. I just pray that this one goes as well as all the others have.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Easter Dress
Even though I love holidays, Easter Sunday wasn't that thrilling for me this year. I have a huge proposal due today and it needed lots of attention this weekend. Of course, we did the whole bunny thing. The kids woke up and found their baskets. Then we got ready for church. After church, they went to a party/picnic with my mom, step-father & sister, while I worked. The highlight for me that day was wearing my new Easter dress which I got courtesy of Tropic of Me and Family. Winning something is SO exciting! Thanks Holly!!!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday in my City
One of my favorite blogs, Relish My Relish, has a Sunday tradition. She calls it Sundays in my City. She posts pictures of an activity her family experienced. Apparently, she belongs to an Australian blogging group and they all do it. It is an interesting way to see some of the great attractions from Down Under. Today, I am going to copy that idea and share a San Diego gem.
As my time in California grows short, I realize that there are many sites/activities/adventures we are going to miss. The La Jolla Cove will definitely be on the top of the list. I decided to head there this afternoon with the kids. We walked around, looked at the seals, listened to the sound of the ocean, climbed trees, and had a good time. I should probably admit that there is one thing I have not and do not plan to do in California and that is get in the ocean. Ten years of living in Florida has completely spoiled me as far as ocean temperatures go. Anything below 80 degrees is just torture. The temperature of the water here was 60 degrees today, which is beautiful to look at and that is about it.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Lucky for Me
At church, there are a few young families that have one or both of the spouses in the military. Recently, a mom that is about my age had her husband deployed. The thing that makes her story unique is that they have quite a few very small children. In fact, they have a daughter Lexi’s age (5), a son Jordan’s age (3) who has down syndrome, and twins (boy and a girl) that are almost one. She is a SAHM that has her hands full even when her husband is around to help.
One of her personality traits that seems to help her get through (clearly survive emotionally) is her ability to share her babies. They are often passed around and are quite comfortable with strangers. I have realized that my over protective tendencies do not make me a very good at this, so I admire it in others. I also recognize what a wonderful gift to be able to share with others. It is amazing the amount of happiness that comes from cuddling, rocking, and caring for a baby even if only for an hour or so. Sometimes I see women who are not able to get pregnant, or women who have all their children grown, or women whose kids are just a little older find this pure joy from loving on her babies.
Today, I got that honor. Normally, I am hesitant about offering to do that for someone I don’t know well. Not because I don’t want to help, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about an acquaintance doing it. However, it was the last class at church, Relief Society, which is the class for adult women to attend. She is the chorister for the two songs that are sung. It was coming time for the opening song and she looked a little flustered, so I held out my arms. She got a huge smile on her face and handed me her daughter and apologized for the baby’s crankiness. Suddenly, I was full of love. I bounced her sweet baby then stood up and rocked with her for a few short minutes before she fell asleep. I got to spend the class cradling a baby and felt so lucky the whole time. I was sure to let her know that I would be happy to help ANYTIME!
One of her personality traits that seems to help her get through (clearly survive emotionally) is her ability to share her babies. They are often passed around and are quite comfortable with strangers. I have realized that my over protective tendencies do not make me a very good at this, so I admire it in others. I also recognize what a wonderful gift to be able to share with others. It is amazing the amount of happiness that comes from cuddling, rocking, and caring for a baby even if only for an hour or so. Sometimes I see women who are not able to get pregnant, or women who have all their children grown, or women whose kids are just a little older find this pure joy from loving on her babies.
Today, I got that honor. Normally, I am hesitant about offering to do that for someone I don’t know well. Not because I don’t want to help, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about an acquaintance doing it. However, it was the last class at church, Relief Society, which is the class for adult women to attend. She is the chorister for the two songs that are sung. It was coming time for the opening song and she looked a little flustered, so I held out my arms. She got a huge smile on her face and handed me her daughter and apologized for the baby’s crankiness. Suddenly, I was full of love. I bounced her sweet baby then stood up and rocked with her for a few short minutes before she fell asleep. I got to spend the class cradling a baby and felt so lucky the whole time. I was sure to let her know that I would be happy to help ANYTIME!
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Summer of Fun
I have been so swamped with work lately that I haven't really had time to think about moving back to Texas. Now, I realize it is five and a half weeks away and there is so much to do (including lots of work still). However, I am full of excitement. I have decided that this summer is going to be GREAT with lots of pool time. Plus, our weekdays will have themes to ensure that it will be a blast even when it isn't. We are going to have:
Manic Mondays (cleaning, running errands, & grocery shopping)
Taco Tuesdays (make some type of Mexican food for dinner)
Wacky Wednesdays (some very silly/high energy fun activity)
Themed Thursdays (pirate day, princess day, dragon day, etc)
Freaky Fridays (not quite sure what yet)
I realize that labeling things doesn't necessarily make them fun, but they sound better and sometimes that counts for a lot. My kids are already looking forward to it.
Manic Mondays (cleaning, running errands, & grocery shopping)
Taco Tuesdays (make some type of Mexican food for dinner)
Wacky Wednesdays (some very silly/high energy fun activity)
Themed Thursdays (pirate day, princess day, dragon day, etc)
Freaky Fridays (not quite sure what yet)
I realize that labeling things doesn't necessarily make them fun, but they sound better and sometimes that counts for a lot. My kids are already looking forward to it.
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