I need to preface this by saying that I love silicone. My mother, bless her heart, believes that breast augmentation is a practice on line with Chinese foot-binding and says that women filling their chests with bags of water is barbaric and cruel. And as a 60 year-old aging feminist that is her right. But as a 27-year-old male living in South Florida, it is my right to say that the recent trend towards artificial breasts is one of the great social advances of the 21^st century.

Friends of mine, most of whom have never gotten to experience the endless hours of fun that are augmented tits, often say to me "No, no, I don't think I could ever date a girl with implants. Girls who get them are obviously messed up. They must have self-esteem issues or are overly concerned with their appearance." Okay, first of all, what is better than a girl with self-esteem issues? Those are the ones who will do pretty much anything to get your attention and affection, up to and including, apparently, cutting themselves open and artificially inflating their chests. Second, look around you: It is hard to go one afternoon of grocery shopping in Dade County without seeing at least a few silicone racks. Are you trying to tell me they are all deeply, deeply in secure and nuts? No, of course they aren't. They just want to look good like everyone else in this crazy place we call South Florida. And it won't be long until eliminating surgically enhanced women from your dating pool makes your choices very, very slim. In more ways than one.

It used to be that the only women you saw with implants were porn stars and chicks in their forties who needed them to keep their rich husbands from running off with the 19-year-old babysitter. But no more. Go out to any high-end restaurant in Coral Gables or South Miami and see how many women over 30 there do NOT have implants. I say do NOT because on a recent night out at one of said establishments, I was hard pressed to find a woman in the place who was not carrying a couple bags of silicone in her D-Cup bra. And it was fantastic. It has become not only socially acceptable, but now socially expected for women with any money to restore their youthful chests once they hit a certain age. Perhaps it is the pervasive culture of superficiality in South Florida. Although during my two years in Orange County, not exactly a hotbed for intellectual thinking and deeper meaning, I don't remember seeing this much silicone. I will give credit to the one aspect of Latin Culture I can get behind: The expectation that men will mess around on their wives. So women feel they need to compete at any costs to keep this infidelity to a minimum and: Voila! I'm copping cheap feels just by walking around on a crowded day at Merrick Place.

But it's not just the cougars and Desperate Housewives going under the knife. A trip to Tavern in The Grove on any given Thursday will garner coed after coed after coed with surgically enhanced racks. Now, again, I am sorry to say I must have missed the ball on this one. When I was in school, I think I knew two girls who had got implants, and both were actresses. Now? I am hard pressed to walk around campus at UM without seeing a good amount of silicone. Yes, the skinny High School Band Geek A-Cups have decided that reinventing yourself in college not only means lying about having a boyfriend back home, but also includes a new pair of tits. And at a school where BMW's outnumber Saturns about 5 to 1 in the student parking lot, it is not surprising that girls at younger and younger ages are able to do this. Are they all insecure and undesirable? Not to me they're not. A nice set is a nice set, whether they were given to you by God or by the South Florida Center for Cosmetic Surgery. (Thank you, Super Claudia!)

And finally, I would just like to say that people need to stop calling breast implants "fakes." They are not fake. You can touch them, taste them, play with them and a whole slew of other enjoyable things with them. I know, because I have, and those things are DEFINITELY real. They are just not natural, and there is a marked difference. Not that I am a bastion of political correctness here, but I think the term "fake" would imply that when the girl gets home she just takes her tits off and puts them in a drawer next to her fake hair (extensions) fake nails (acrylics) and fake eyelashes. But hose tits, no sir, those stay on. Artificial or Implants seem like better terms.

So God bless the Breast Implant. Whether you are an aging beauty trying to stay young, or a young girl trying to get hotter, I am all for using any tool you can. And it seems like more and more women are. A day will come soon, and probably sooner than you think, when women who do not have augmentations will be considered the freaks and weirdoes, and not the other way around. But love them or hate them, you have to admit you are seeing a lot more silicone than you used to. And I'm loving every minute of it.

Tags: Silicone, artificial breasts, South Florida, Latin Culture, Desperate Housewives

Labels: bloggers, South Florida

October 2005
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009