The Winds Are Changing

Starting the week off with a kidney stone could have been a sign that life was about to shift. The obvious sign that I need to start paying closer attention to my body was the first one. By refocusing on my health kick goal from New Years, I'll be sure to take a vitamin everyday and eat a little healthier so that a calcium deficiency never beats me up again. Pregnancy & breastfeeding aren't exactly easy on women. Besides the pain, I have decided to quit slacking and really work to get the baby weight off. In January, I talked the talk and seriously thought about it, but have failed to follow through. Yes - I sadly admit that I am the same weight that I was at the 6 week check-up. Exercise hasn't been the problem. I have been turning to sugar highs to combat lack of sleep. Fortunately, Jordan is finally improving with help from cereal.

Another change that I can't go into too much detail about, started with a phone call Monday night. I was offered a job working part-time from home doing something I know all about. The additional income will help with money things that have been on my mind like saving for college, 401k, a new vehicle for me in the future, mortgage payment, decent furniture, and life in general. It is just the amount of money that I figured would give us breathing room.

Because of that call, I have had to jump into action. I am making To Do Lists everyday to catch up on things that have been neglected. Getting them done now will help make working easier. I have also researched and found a good little mother's day out program for Lexi to start in the Fall. I am actually excited about it. She'll be going 2 half days a week. That should give me enough time to speed through work while entertaining Jordan. An evening or Saturday/Sunday may be necessary as well, but we'll see.

We'll I am off to go to playgroup and then run more errands ... Have a great weekend!

Dr. Pain

I have been in the hospital a total of 5 times:

1- when I was born
2- when Lexi was born
3- when Jordan tried to come early
4- when Jordan was born
5- last night

I am one of those silly people that only go to the doctor if I am on my death bed, so you can only imagine what it would take to get me to go to the emergency room at midnight. Apparently, a tiny (4mm) kidney stone will do the trick. The pain had gradually been building all weekend. I seemed to be able to manage with a couple of Tylenol though. That was until 10:30 last night. I kept waiting for the Tylenol to kick in, but no such luck. I also tried toughing it out until morning. There is a reason that most people compare this pain to giving birth. However, I would rather give birth because something wonderful results from the pain. It is also easier to have a positive attitude about babies.

So, our fun night started with me waking Steve up to tell him I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I struggled to put Jordan in his carseat and gather a few things, while Steve grabbed Lexi out of bed. Steve rushed there and dropped me off at the door. I walked in thinking that I was glad they had all my information and hoping the paperwork would be quick. Unfortunately, the computers were down. Steve parked and brought the kids in. After suffering in the waiting room for a half hour, the triage nurse talked to me and took blood then arranged a room for me. I was also given a CT scan. We sat around for a long time. I nursed Jordan and waited for strong pain medication.

In the end (3am), they just gave me a prescription and sent me on my way knowing full well that I was in lots of pain. Couldn't they have slipped me one pill? We had to find 24 hour pharmacy & wait for the pharmacist to do her magic all while dragging two little ones around. I decided it would be easier to lay down in the parking lot & have Steve run me over with his truck, but he refused.

All the fun bubbled over into today. I have had very little sleep, have taken pills that make me drowsy, have a cranky toddler, have a very unhappy baby that does not want to drink formula while I am drugged, and on top of that I have to spend the next few days trying to get this stone out of me. Yippee! The truck idea is sounding really good.

Happy Easter!

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Easter! We are having a wonderful weekend with our adopted Texas family. Yesterday, Lexi and the other kids had an Easter Egg Hunt and then we all ate pizza. This evening, we are gathering together for a big Easter Dinner. What a perfect weekend.

Randomly Spewing

There are various things/topics I have been considering for posts, but it isn’t always easy to remember any of them when I sit down at the computer. I also don’t usually have two hands free to type with. Fortunately, I am somewhat proficient at typing with one hand thanks to working at home during the first few months after Lexi was born. This morning, my mind is in a daze so I’ll just spit out some of the random ideas.

1. Recently, I was in a group of women that highly recommended the book Twilight as well as the rest of the series. They seem to worship the writer. I just smiled and listened because I hardly ever find time for reading. Several days later, one of them handed me a copy of the book to read. I picked it up and was completely engrossed. It is one of those books that draws you in. I know that means it is a great book, but that just makes me want to get the experience over more quickly. Thankfully, I finished reading it and can try to catch up on things like blogging and cleaning. Perhaps, I will wait to read the next book in the series when Jordan is sleeping through the night.

2. Last night, I caught a news clip on 20/20 about a family I used to babysit for when I was 14 years old. The wife had and affair and decided to confess to her husband. He went insane and started spreading lies about the affair with everyone they knew. Then he asked his brother-in-law to find a hitman. Of course, he went to the police & they set him up. They taped the meeting and showed it on tv. I was surprised to catch the clip because it aired several years ago.

3. (On that same topic) When I heard what the husband was saying and saw the intense way he easily lied, it reminded me of my parents’ divorce. Not that my mom cheated on my dad, but he became obsessed with telling everyone they knew ridiculous lies and making himself believe them. Now that I have moved back here, I see their friends quite often. I have been privileged to hear more about his insanity. Apparently, he actually told people that she was an internet porn star. In the Mormon community, that is a HUGE insult. I have to admit that it made me laugh. At the time, she was a 45 year old mother of 5. It is sort of a compliment.

4. I think girls make worse toddlers. They seem to hit the terrible twos earlier and harder. On the plus side, they are easier to potty train.

5. It must be difficult to come home to a cranky wife that has been dealing with a toddler that is just sick enough to be whining about everything. An evening meeting and bad traffic probably help the situation by prolonging the torture. Of course, nothing happened to make the think of this... but he did say he would be home on time tonight.

How Green Is Too Green?

Lately, a lot of the international news has focused on the ramifications of using corn for fuel. We have also heard that the broken incandescent light bulbs practically require a Hazmat team for clean up. I guess I would consider myself fairly environmentally conscious. Who isn't, right? We recycle, always seem to produce less trash than our neighbors, and do other general things. I truly believe that every one of us needs to find better ways for almost everything we do. The drive to be better should never end.

However, I must admit that since the jury is out on some items I don’t feel at all bad about not jumping on every environmental band wagon, especially this one: cloth diapers and cloth pads. I know some people swear by them, but I refuse to believe that they are not more of a pain than their disposable counterparts. I will happily salute anyone who goes to that length for our environment, but sadly I am just not convinced that this particular sacrifice is worth it. In fact, I feel sorry for women in countries like Cuba and Haiti where they don't have an option. Of course, their cloth products are nothing compared to the posh ones available here.

If anyone is looking to start a charity, there is your idea. Raise money to send advanced cloth products to countries where they desperately need them. Some good should come out if it all. Unfortunately, I am just way too private/shy about all things female to do it myself the project would tank. This post is about as close as I come to discussing these topics that are taboo for me. I chalk it up to being raised with 3 brothers.

Coupon Challenged

The biggest challenge about being a SAHM is living with less money. I have been noticing how my friends deal with it and I am pretty impressed by their shopping expertise. When it comes to clothes, I am good at finding bargains and shopping around. Groceries, however, are another story.

Considering the fact that there has always been a big black hole that eats up my shopping list between the time I write it and the time I walk in the door of the store, it is no surprise that coupons are also difficult for me to handle. I can clip them out of the newspaper. Sometimes I can even remember to take them to the store with me. If there is more than one though, I cannot seem to give them to the cashier.

Last weekend, I got the closest ever. The list and the coupons made it through the whole shopping experience. As I was walking to the front, Jordan started crying. He was hungry, so I rushed to wrap it up. I felt bad for him, so I picked him up. In the process of trying to unload the food onto the conveyor belt, pay and reload the bags into the cart while holding him and entertaining Lexi, I forgot that the coupons had been shoved into my pocket. I didn’t remember them until the food was in the trunk and we were ready to take off.

I guess I will continue to clip coupons and make an effort, but I have realized that I am truly coupon challenged.

Listening To Wisdom

When I was 12 years old, my dad’s baby sister, who was 18 or 19 at the time, got engaged and married. She was exceptionally beautiful, book smart, and naive. She had gone off to BYU, a.k.a. land of the meet & marry quickly. The engagement was very short and the wedding was set for the end of Christmas break. It was a typical inexpensive Mormon wedding with everyone pitching in.

During the hustle and bustle leading up to the event, I remember there being a lot of conversations between my mom and aunts about the groom. They all agreed that he was a very nice guy, but that she was making a big mistake. They thought that she should date other guys because she could do better. In the Mormon culture, she wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary and certainly nothing different then they had done. Perhaps that is why they could see she would not be happy with this particular guy. He didn’t have the drive and ambition that she did. Even back then, I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t listen to them and at least postpone the wedding. I wish I could say that she knew what she was doing, but sadly they were right. He ended up being a career student. He finally got his PhD, but is working as a grounds keeper on Temple Square. She worked to put both of them through school and has been the main bread winner throughout their lives. He is “a nice guy,” but their marriage has not been a happy one. She should have listened.

I suppose this post sounds like it is about choosing the right guy or one of the negative points of the Mormon culture. However, it is about listening to those who have your best interests at heart especially when you are young and stubborn.

Because of my baby sister, I have been thinking about the transition from living at home to becoming an adult and how many decisions can end up affecting us for the rest of our lives like the major we choose, the jobs we hold, the first job after graduation, the guy we may or may not marry, etc. Now, I believe in change and that NOTHING is permanent, but decisions do take us in a direction at least for a while.

Isn’t it strange that someone would be so close minded during a time when big changes are taking place? Perhaps some of you are surprised that I seem to be calling my sister out on the carpet. It isn’t that odd in my family to say what is on our minds without offending each other because we usually just blow off everything we don’t agree with.

This time of life has been on my mind though thanks to her struggles. If I knew then what I know now...I would have made different decisions. Not that I have regrets, but life brings wisdom and a bit of foresight. I may have applied for scholarships and loans in order to go to Texas A&M rather than BYU. I most likely would have picked a different major like construction management (more money in a male dominated industry) or marketing (which my career has turned out to be in). Those changes would have allowed me to jump up the career ladder faster. Then perhaps I would have made more money for things like better vacations. Yes, we all have a bunch of "What Ifs" but hopefully life has taught us to at least listen open-mindedly to people who care about us and have lived a little longer.

Sleeping Single

When you think of married couples, you don't picture them sleeping separately. The funny thing is that for us, procreation leads to sleeping apart. It started with Lexi. We quickly realized that we would both be better off in different rooms. Steve felt that getting a decent amount of sleep would help him to function at work. I liked being near the tv or computer so I would have something to do during late night feedings. Babies are sweet, but waking up in the middle of the night to sit in a dark and silent house is just not fun. I wanted something to keep me from nodding off. For the first few months, I slept in the guest room or on the couch.

When Jordan was born, there was no question that we would do the same thing. It started the first night we brought him home from the hospital. There were a few nights of being together at Christmas due to guests filling up the place. Other than that, my husband and I live as roommates. We hang out and talk for an hour or two after Lexi is in bed and then part with a simple kiss. It is starting to feel like we have been doing this a long time even though Jordan is almost 3 months old.

With Lexi, I was back in the bedroom right before the 3 month mark. Her sleep time started lengthening more and more, so it wasn’t bad. Then, she began sleeping through the night right at 3 months.

Even though I have used the exact same methods with Jordan, he still wakes up STARVING every 3 - 4 hours. I try to slip in the pacifier to coax him into sleeping longer and it works for half an hour or so. Maybe I shouldn't complain because once I feed him, he goes right back to sleep. I tried giving him formula one night to see if that would hold him over for longer, but it was worse. He woke up & screamed for 2 hours. That is a big deal for a baby who doesn't cry much. I guess since he was early, I should be thinking that this is more like 2 months.

For now, my hubby & I are roommates. He has nobody to snuggle with, but he can sprawl out on the bed. He can also get some much needed sleep so he can have the energy to help clean, cook, and take care of the terrible two year old. I'll just continue to carry on with sleep deprivation. Fun times!

Missing Miami?

This morning for the first time since we moved here, I miss Miami. Actually, I should clarify that I miss Miami Beach. I watched part of the Today Show on location there. The beautiful water, warm weather (it isn't exactly cold here), and happening scene all made me think about the great things there. I couldn't help but wonder if I would have taken the day off of work so we could take in the excitement.

What am I saying? I don't have to take the day off to have fun with my kids. We may not be hanging out on the beach, but we are going to the park. I would even drive them down to the beach here (Galveston is not nearly as pretty), but I have one kid that is 3 weeks into potty training and another breast feeding. That hour and a half drive each way would not be fun. Ok, part of me still misses it. The burbs just can't compete in some ways.

Valentine Romance

Tonight, I am making my husband's favorite meal, lasagna and homemade French bread. There is nothing like onions & garlic breath to spice up your love life. Good thing we're having chocolate cream pie for dessert.

Advice for a Friend

Lately, I have had several friends contact me asking for advice on major life issues. While I am normally good at coming up with points they should consider, this is not exactly a good time to get my brain in gear. Months of very little sleep has created a fog around my brain, which in turn has depleted my IQ.

The first friend that called had a tricky scenario about whether or not she should marry someone. Given the fact that she is extremely bright (I’d say genius), I wasn’t too worried about helping her. She probably just needed someone to bounce ideas off of or just talk it through to. I can always half way listen.

Another friend (from Miami) sent me an e-mail that has really thrown me for a loop. The issue is SO huge that I am hesitant to step in because she will probably follow my advice. I am putting it out there so that we can come up with several ideas for her. As a little background, she has a teenage (15 or 16 years old) son that is quite shy and has always struggled in school. This is the e-mail she sent:

Things have been really hectic at my home. My son is going through a major depression (including hospitalization at Christmas). It is so stressful and hurtful when your kid is not happy. He is so "unsocial" that he just hangs out in his room. I feel so bad for him and I cannot fix him. He was on Prozac for a couple of months, but it made things worse. Now they are trying to get that out of his system so he is not taking anything. He goes back to the doctor on Wednesday and she is going to try him on another medication. It is worrying me so much because I cannot have him get worse again. He was talking about killing himself. I don’t know what to do anymore, Stephanie. Do you have any suggestions? He does not want to talk to me. He just tells me to leave him alone.

If it were me, I would call a family friend that is a very good therapist here in Houston. Whatever he said, I would do. I would also never leave the kid alone. We’d be stuck like glue so he would not have a chance to do anything horrible. I know that every teenager would hate to get that much attention from their mother, but that is what I’d do. Please leave comments with your advice, so that I can try to help her.

By the way, two very sad posts in a row does not mean that I am sad. Quite frankly, I am too tired to be depressed.

Sad Day

Today, the world lost a very lovely girl. I blogged about her in June shortly after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. I received news that my friend's fiancé passed away this morning. It is difficult to understand why a stunningly gorgeous, sweet, and fit girl in her mid-twenties would fall so quickly. Two years ago, everyone was shocked by how fast my seemingly healthy father deteriorated and died from the same thing. Cancer has no favorites.

Sharing a Gem

As many of you know, I am a bingeing Ebay addict. It isn't a full time addiction. The madness only hits 3 - 5 times a year, but it hits hard. Once I spend too much, I quit cold turkey and don't even check out the deals for a few months. I currently happen to be getting over a binge that was quite fun. Like every time, it started when I wanted to buy some cute outfits for Lexi. I buy her play clothes at all the normal places, but every once in a while I like to buy unique outfits. I start looking in the handmade/custom clothing for little girls section on Ebay. Before I know it, I have bid on way too many great things and I actually hope I lose many of them. I won quite a few this time and in the process, I found a wonderful seller. Her name is duvalldiva. Not only does she fit my criteria, of being a talented mom that is trying to make money, but she is a great seamstress that uses a serger. I got two wonderful outfits from her. Here is a picture and video of the adorable Valentines outfit:





Now, I realize the point of Ebay is to compete for items and therefore it would be smart to keep a gem like this seller a secret. On the other hand, I will not be checking out her stuff for the next few months. I also think the items she currently has for sale are not quite as cute and the prices have gone up a little. On the other hand, she is a rising star so her OOAK (one of a kind) outfits are still cheaper than the big sellers. By the time I get back to my addiciton, she'll be out of my cheap price range. Because of that, I might as well help her in her quest for the big bucks.

Exciting News

My cousin-in-law, a.k.a. Princess & Johnsy, gave birth to Rosemary last night. I just love baby news, especially when it means my kids will have more wonderful playmates at family gatherings.

35 Going on 12

Today is my 35th birthday and I have mixed feelings about it. I obviously have no problem admitting my age. My 35th one reminds me of a goal I set. In my late 20s, I decided that if I didn’t have a husband when I turned 35, I would get pregnant and be a single mom. I mentioned this plan to my mom and to my surprise; she told me that out of all the women she knows I would be a great single mom. About six months later, I became friends with Steve. We talked about lots of things and I mentioned this goal to him. He responded by saying that I should look him up (as in he would be happy to “father” my child). Now that I am 35, we have two kids together and he isn’t interested in a third. Perhaps, I should remind him of the offer tonight when we all go out to dinner. At least I will get a laugh out of it.

Turning 35 doesn’t really bother me, but I wish it was happening in a few months, simply because I would like to look better. Who wants to be 15 lbs over weight (I went to the doctor)? On top of that, I got my hair cut and I am less than thrilled. It was just taking too long to blow dry, so I wanted it quite a bit shorter. I went to the salon & showed the stylist that I wanted it to be about an inch past my collar bone. I walked out with a really short bob that would be extra cute if I was 12 years old.

Thirty five is just another number and I am happy to be where I am in life, but I could do without the extra weight and the silly hair cut. Hopefully both of those will improve in the next few months & I can spend most of this year celebrating and not really feeling like I could actually be 35.

Starting A Play Group

Don't let the title of this post fool you, I am not starting a play group. We have been invited to join one that some ladies are starting. This morning, they had the first gathering. We had a potluck breakfast at someone's house and talked about what we'd like to do and when we'd like to meet. I guess we'll be having fun every Friday. As far as activities go, we will be doing a monthly brunch and a monthly field trip other than that we'll figure things out.

Sounds fun, right? While I know that these outings are exactly what all of us need (especially Lexi) I can't help but feel a tad bit guilty about having too much fun. My poor husband is slaving away at work while I am enjoying being a SAHM. Even on the worst days, I'd rather be home. The only things I really miss are the pay checks and contributing to my 401k. Shhhh, don't tell him how great it truly is.

Nursing It Along

In October, I wrote about my desire to give breast feeding a fair shot this time. This is my update post. To my amazement, it is actually working and it is true that it REALLY sucks (yes: pun intended) for a while, but it gets better. What I would like to know is why do lactation consultants say that if it hurts, the baby is not latching correctly? Fortunately, there were lots of great nurses at the hospital that knew better. They told me that I was doing it right, but that it just takes a few weeks to toughen up. Plus, I was told that fair skinned people are usually more sensitive (great – I have a higher chance of skin cancer & bf hurts more).

I would have to say that the first two and half weeks were quite hellish. Right about that time, I had serious thoughts of quitting. When I was about to pull my hair out, I decided to call the lactation consultant. She happened to be booked up for the day and then mentioned her prices, which had gone up significantly. She told me I could check out a few websites or we could schedule an appointment. I decided to go another day or two on my own. Suddenly, by the end of week 3, it was a LITTLE better (lots of emphasis on a little). I guess mainly the sore nipples were not as bad.

I guess I should mention how I managed to get that far. You would think that after all the pain of birth, that breast feeding could be a little easier on the mommas. Sore nipples and engorgement are nightmarish by themselves, but throw in a squirmy toddler who wants hugs that end up bumping the painful knockers and it is too much. For the nipples, I used lanolin and gel patches. One side hurt so badly, that I pumped & dumped for a few days so that it could heal a little. I was also switching between the cradle hold and the football hold. For engorgement, I started feeding him every 2 hours, which made doing anything else practically impossible. I think avoiding engorgement kept me going. For sanity, I pumped and gave him a bottle once or twice a day at 2.5 weeks (no problem with nipple confusion btw).

I kept all of that up and engorgement subsided around four and a half weeks. There was still some pain though, but I decided to keep going until 6 months. Now, I am at 6 weeks and I would have to say that everything is ok. I am certainly not ready to rave about it, but I no longer think about how happy I will be when I quit. I still pump and give him a bottle almost every day usually when we are going out. I am a little shy about doing it in public. When I haven’t brought a bottle, I have gone to Steve’s truck. I have fed him once at the park with a blanket over him, so hopefully I’ll get use to that soon.

The biggest advantage at this point is that breast feeding takes less planning. I know the list of positives is long, but less planning is my current motivation.

Working on Being Healthier & Happier

I am coming to the end of my first week of eating healthier and exercising. My goal is to exercise (long fast walk or exercise video) at least 4 times a week & I have done that this week. I am not even counting the calories burned by breast feeding & the million trips up and down our stairs every day. Those are just bonus calories. Actually, I am not really counting calories or restricting the quantity at this point. I am just making better choices.

Like most women, I want to lose weight. How much? We don't have a scale, so I can't say. I do know how much I weighed right before giving birth & I'll find out how much I lost when I go to the doctor for the 6 week post check-up. I also know what weight makes me feel like looking in the mirror rather than avoiding it.

To kick start my motivation, I got my non-maternity clothes out of the attic (I put them in there when we moved here instead of unpacking them). Now, everything old seems new again. By going through the clothes, I realized two things:

1- The pickins are slim. Apparently, I bought one pair of jeans right after I had Lexi (they are a little big on me), but must have worn workout clothes or been mostly naked for the sizes during maternity leave.

2- I am going to have to do some shopping when I get down to the size of most of my clothes because they are almost all summerish or businessish (9 years of living & working in Miami). Fortunately, shopping is another motivator for me.

This morning, I received an e-mail from a close friend that I have known for 20 years (yes, back in good old Jr High). She started a blog called Not So Skinny Me. Apparently, she is also on a quest to get back her girlish figure. BTW, I still think of her as a hottie, since we had many years of ballet & dance classes together. I know there are a lot of girls out there in our situation. Perhaps, we can all work to motivate each other. Check out her blog & join in with motivational comments.

Driving Away the Men

Being up several times a night (every 3 - 4 hours) means that I get a chance to watch a LOT of tv. Most of it is mind numbing, but I got a chuckle out of this story: Pretty in Pink. Apparently, men dislike the color pink so much that it is actually a deterrent for this county jail. After testing the new design for my blog, I remembered the story. Yes, it is a lot of stinky pink, but I also heard that pink makes you look younger & my birthday is approaching. I need to do something to minimize the dark circles under my eyes. So, deal with it!

Another New Year

We really enjoyed the holidays this year. Christmas brought lots of presents for Lexi, which she loved. Plus, I was spoiled with a mother’s ring with all of our birth stones from Steve. He even shocked me by saying we could add another birth stone if we have another baby. Anyone who has spoken to him over the last 9 months has heard him say that he is done having kids and that he is going to get a vasectomy. When I laughed about him mentioning another child, he just said “IF.” I guess this is a topic for another post.

December has flown by and here we are in the New Year. I can hardly believe it. My new baby is a month old and my little toddler is going to be 2 at the end of this month. Life sure goes by quickly.

Looking back, I realize that 2007 wasn’t the uneventful year I had been hoping for, but some wonderful things happened. At the beginning of the year, we were living on South Beach. Steve worked in downtown Miami. Lexi went to daycare and spoke more Spanish than English. I was working as a Marketing Manager at the same place I had been for the past five years. My work life revolved around going after a huge project. It was all I could think about day and night. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be due to blatant political corruption. My view of politics will forever be tainted. In the Spring, we went in with my brother on a cheap house in Montana. Our original plan was to flip it, but later opted to rent it out for a while. In May, I found out I was pregnant, which we had been “working on” since January. June brought another big change. We started a big job hunt for Steve and he flew to Houston for interviews. He accepted a great one and then the moving process began. We arrived at the end of July and I officially became a pregnant SAHM. Lexi and I have enjoyed our time together. In September, Lexi and I took a trip to Virginia for Steve’s Granny’s 90th birthday. After that, life was basically uneventful until Baby Jordan was born the beginning of December. He has brought amazing happiness to our family.

Looking ahead, I realize this year could hold many interesting surprises just like every year does. We would like to buy another house and we are planning to attend my family reunion in July at the Grand Canyon. Other than that, I guess anything goes except for my resolution which is to get in shape. Actually, calling it a resolution makes it sound like a wish. This is more of a MUST/WILL do thing. I am no longer pregnant or devoting most of my life to work, so the time is now. Lexi, Jordan and I will have fun eating healthy food, exercising, and doing outdoor activities. I am looking forward to it. We will also maximize our time with Steve, who has a lot going on at work, but still finds the energy to help out at home.

Merry Christmas

Christmas Morning

Falling Behind

Excuse me while I catch up on life. So far, being a mom to a toddler and a new born isn’t that hard (at least emotionally). In fact, it is easier than being very pregnant and taking care of a toddler. At least I have more energy and my body is not screaming about being uncomfortable all the time. The main problem is that there are just not enough hours in the day to deal with other things like sleep, catching up on e-mails, talking to friends, blogging, making birth announcements, sending out thank you cards, cleaning the house, baking lots of Christmas goodies, organizing my desk, etc. I did manage to finish wrapping gifts, make treats for Steve’s work, and buy a few more gifts. Not much, right?

Fortunately, help is coming tonight. My sister is flying in. I am looking forward to her entertaining Lexi and holding Jordan in order for me to rush around the house and catch up on a few things. Unfortunately, time will still be limited. The fact that I am nursing every 2 hours & it takes about 30 - 45 minutes each time pretty much leaves little time for life. No wonder I am falling behind.

That reminds me... today is the day that I was scheduled to be induced. Thankfully, that is all behind me. I guess I am not that behind. Some things were early & other things have been delayed & neglected. Perhaps, I'll find a balance soon.

Christmas Tag

I received this Christmas Meme by e-mail. It has been a long time since I have been tagged. This one was festively fun, so anyone interested can consider themselves tagged.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bag?

Wrapping paper

2. Real tree or artificial?

Real tree – I love the scent

3. When do you put up your tree?

the weekend after Thanksgiving or first weekend in Dec

4. When do you take down your tree?

New Year's Day

5. Do you like eggnog?

It is ok, but everyone knows I prefer HOT CHOCOLATE.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

Nothing specific stands out

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Sort of – last year my mom brought back a hand carved Joseph, Mary & the baby from Poland. I don’t have a whole scene though.

8. Hardest person to buy for?

My mom – she has everything she needs and can buy anything reasonable that she wants.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

I would have to say kids in general.

10. Worst Christmas gift you've ever received?

For several years after my parents divorced, my father bought Loews gift cards for me. There wasn't even one near me in Miami. He could have gone to the Target right by Loews.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Mail of course

12. Favorite Christmas movie?

Christmas Vacation – I can recite the whole thing

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

November

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

No –shared a few though

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Do I have to choose one? I am a huge fan of all Christmas goodies. My diet starts in January.

16. White or colored lights?

White

17. Favorite Christmas songs?

Little Drummer Boy

18. Traveling for Christmas or stay home?

Home, but my sister & father-in-law are coming.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?

Yes

20. Angel or Star on top of tree?

Actually a bow

21. Open presents Christmas Eve or Morning?

One on Christmas Eve that is always new pjs so that our morning pictures look cute. This is a family tradition that I love.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

Christmas parties for adults only – kids are one of the best parts of Christmas. I know lots of people that disagree though.

23. What I love most about Christmas?

Being with family and friends, giving gifts, building anticipation for Christmas morning, gobbling Christmas goodies

Birth Story of My Big Premie

It all started last Friday when I wasn’t feeling very well. Besides an extra dose of exhaustion, I felt like I had menstrual cramps. These were not the same symptoms I felt the week before, so I decided to just take it easy. I did not want to call the doctor. Around noon, I had not improved so being the wise person that I am, I decided to finally read the check list of reasons to call that the hospital had given me the week before. Guess what? Menstrual-like cramps was on there. I called the doctor’s office and had to go through the whole explanation of how I don’t feel contractions. The nurse seemed a little miffed, but told me to come into the office at 2:30pm. I put Lexi down for her nap right away.

I woke Lexi up just in time to make a mad dash. She was still out of it, so I ended up carrying her through the parking lot and into the office. I wondered if I would be scolded, but my options were limited. They took me right in for an ultrasound. Judging by the size of the baby’s belly, they thought he would weigh less than 6 lbs. They also noticed that the amniotic fluid was low. My doctor told me that she wanted me to go right to the hospital and check in. Of course, I called Steve and asked him to come to my rescue. I wondered how much of an adventure this would be considering I had Lexi with me. Fortunately, it was a very short walk.

When we got to the maternity ward, I peeked into my friend’s room to see if she was still there. We had visited her and her new baby the night before. Apparently, she had just checked out. With no more distractions, Lexi and I headed back to Labor and Delivery (L&D). I filled out a few papers and they checked us into a room. I was being hooked up to monitors while Lexi was exploring the room and entertaining the nurses. My phone rang and to my surprise the caller ID showed that it was my friend’s mom. Somehow, she knew I was at the hospital. It turned out that my friend’s husband spotted me going in. She offered to pick up Lexi and help us out over the weekend. Steve arrived fairly quickly though.

My night in the hospital consisted of steroid shots for my premie’s lungs, trying to increase the amniotic fluid through IV, and being monitored. The whole thing seemed strange. Probably because the only other time I was in the hospital was when I gave birth to Lexi. Plus, it was the first time I slept away from her.

The next morning, I was given another steroid shot and a more extensive ultrasound. This time, the baby was estimated to be about 7 lbs and the amniotic fluid was much better. Things were fairly calm except that the contractions monitor revealed that instead of peaks and valleys, I was stuck at 5 (out of 12). I guess it was one LONG contraction that had lasted hours. When the doctor came to see us (about noon), she told me that she could release me, but that I would just be back that evening for delivery. I was already dilated to 4 or 5 cm. She gave me the option of inducing & I took it. I called my friend’s mom to ask if she would take care of Lexi. She dropped everything and came to pick her up. Steve rushed home to grab the camera. While he was gone, my water was broken, the Pitocin drip was started, and I was even given an epidural before feeling any pain.

Steve and I just chatted over the next few hours while my legs were tingling. A little after 3pm, the nurse checked me again and I was dilated to 7cm. She realized that she had not put a catheter in, so my full bladder was probably slowing down the progress. She drained it and at 4pm I was officially 10 cm. The doctor had me push through 4 contractions and out popped Jordan. His official birth time was 4:07 pm. I guess it is true, the second time is MUCH easier. In fact, I think all births should go like this. I only ended up with 3 stitches.

My premie was born weighing 6 lbs 9 oz and being 18.25” long. Not bad for being less than 36 weeks along.

We're Home

This is just a quick post to let you all know that we are home. I was released from the hospital Monday night, but Jordan had jaundice and they wanted to keep him under the lights. We spent yesterday going back and forth to the hospital so I could breast feed him, which is going very well by the way. More later...

New Arrival

My sister, the one any only Freckle Face Girl, has asked me to declare to the world that she has had her baby! Little Jordan was born at 4:15 houston time and I (Auntie Paige) got his first picture in a text message not two seconds ago! He is adorable! Six pounds nine ounces, and 18 1/4 inch tall. Imagine how large he would have been if they'd waited a month!

There are no problems, he's breathing just fine and he's been bathed and swathed. As soon as I get some e-mailed pictures I'll guest post them here :)

-Auntie Paige

Sending the Cards Early

I don’t know if most people have strategies for when they send out Christmas cards, but I usually send them near the beginning of December. It is a great thing to check off the "To Do List." I also figure that people start decorating right after Thanksgiving, so they are already in the holiday spirit. Plus, some people display their cards as part of their festive décor. I guess I could even rationalize by saying it is fun to be one of the people that kick off the card sending frenzy. I try to get most of them done near Thanksgiving.

This year, I have sent them before December. That is right, they have all been mailed. I will blame it on two things (because nothing is ever my fault). One, there is an entire week of November after Thanksgiving. How can I possibly wait an entire week for December to start so that I can put them in the mail? I hate having them sit around staring at me. Two, I am trying to get all of my Christmas preparations done early so that I can be ready for the baby.

My family and friends already know that I am a wacko for holidays, so they shouldn’t be too surprised. As for Steve’s contacts, they will just have to get used to it. Soon, they will come to expect it from me.

I'm an Aunt Again!

Early this morning, I received a text message with a picture from my brother. His baby girl, Rachel, was born last night. That makes 5 for him. He didn't send any information besides that.

For Frustrated Toy Shoppers

A few weekends ago, one of my friends told me that she intends to buy toys that are not made in China for Christmas. Two thoughts ran through my head:

1. Good Luck!
2. I received a catalog last Easter that had lots of items made in the USA & Europe.

I did not think I kept the catalog, since I usually do not hold on to things like that, but I found it this weekend. Here is a link to their website: Magic Cabin. I am sharing this, because there may be other Christmas shoppers out there that have the same goal. This is not a recommendation, because I have never ordered from them before. They also seem to be a bit pricier than items from Toys-R-Us, but what do you expect when it comes from a country where wages are not pennies a day?

Now, I must get back to my online Christmas shopping. I was hoping to have more hands-on shopping this year, but I am supposed to be "taking it easy."

Two Ate Too Much

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful. We laughed and talked with everyone there. Lexi played with the kids and jumped right in whenever an adult read or did an activity with them. Not only did we enjoy the company, but two of us really stuffed ourselves. Our bellies were out there. You can see it in the picture above. I am the one on the left. The one on the right is going to have a baby girl the day after tomorrow. She'll be pushing hers out while I am trying to keep mine in a little longer.

Morning in the Hospital

My new thanksgiving thankful list should include the fact that I was just released from the hospital. This morning, I was feeling a tremendous amount of pressure and pain, so I called the doctor. She told me to go to the hospital.

I called my husband to come home from work and then called a friend to ask if I could drop off Lexi. Fortunately, she was more than willing to help out. She even offered to come pick Lexi up, but I know she has 3 little ones and that task can be quite difficult. After dropping Lexi off, I came back to pack a bag (just in case) and Steve showed up a few minutes later. We headed to the hospital.

Apparently, I am already dilated to 2cm and my contractions were 4 minutes apart. The baby's heartbeat was fine, but he is sitting VERY low. They decided to give me 3 injections of tributerol. I was told if it worked, I could go home and if it didn't they would keep me. I am only 34 weeks. Lucky for me, it did the trick. I was sent home with the instructions to "take it easy" and "drink plenty of liquids."

--Nothing was mentioned about bedrest & of course I didn't want to ask. I guess I am free to enjoy a relaxing Thanksgiving & my hubby has to make the dishes I promised to bring.

Thankful For

The last few nights have been rough with very little sleep. The worst was last night because of pressure and pain that goes beyond being uncomfortable. I am going to have to give in and call the doctor this morning, which I HATE to do. Rather than continuing to rant about myself, I am going to think about being thankful.

Looking back over this year, I realize that a lot has happened and that we are in a better place in life. I have a lot to be thankful for including:

1. A healthy pregnancy (being able to get pregnant again)
2. Moving from Miami to Houston
3. Becoming a SAHM so I can spend loads of time with Lexi
4. Having great friends nearby
5. A happier husband, who seems to be recovering from the death of his mother
6. Upcoming visits/help from family members
7. Spending 4 days with my husband for Thanksgiving weekend (big help with the crazy toddler)
8. Having a toddler that is excited about all things Christmas, including the music
9. Spending this holiday with good friends
10. Four days of cool weather starting tonight (first half of the week highs in the 80s, second half highs in the 50s)

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. When I was working, the joy of having a 4 day weekend was one of the primary reasons. I also love spending the day with family and friends in a relaxed atmosphere. How often do you get together just to eat good food and hang out? As soon as it is over, you have a month of excitement while you prepare for Christmas. That is why – It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

A Decade of Collecting

Before I moved to Miami, I was into scrapbooking, card making, crocheting, and most things crafting chicks like to do. I can’t pinpoint an exact reason that I basically stopped doing them. Perhaps it was the fact that I didn’t have any friends there that were into it. ...or possibly the long hours of designing and creating things at work on the computer, left me with little desire to spend time cutting & pasting things together.

That is when, I began using the computer to design Christmas cards. Many years after designing the company Christmas cards and having 500 ordered, my personal ones were not so thrilling. Several times, I even bought the generic ones with the cutout for the picture to be slipped into. **I should admit that I made my own wedding invitations and programs and a few other things, but most of the time everything was ALL computer generated.

Now that I have been a SAHM for about 3 months, I am beginning to think crafting would be fun again. It all started about 2 weeks ago when a friend hosted a Christmas card stamping party. When I got the invitation, it sparked a new interest in making Christmas cards. The class was full of people I had known prior to moving to Miami. They were quite shocked when I revealed my lack of crafting for the past decade. It was fun to sit and chat with the girls. I enjoyed the time with them and the fun of digging in without using a mouse or keyboard.

For several years, I have been thinking about the advantages of each method. I have old scrapbooks and I have a new one that I made digitally and printed. I printed several copies of the new one to share with family members 2 years ago for Christmas. Doing it the traditional way would have been a nightmare. I have also created numerous cards over the years with the computer. There are things I really enjoy about using the computer for crafts, but I have also missed the layered affect and bit of that homey feeling.

When I got home from the stamping party, I decided to sift through my crafting bins. Would you believe I have five big ones? Ten years of ignoring that part of me meant that I would continually forget what I had, so when a new project came up I just went out and bought more. I don’t even want to reveal how many paper cutting tools I have. It is embarrassing.

In light of my rekindled interest and the discovery of mountains materials and tools, I think I am going to put extra time into my cards this year. I don’t have to worry about being burned out on company Christmas cards, so why not? Perhaps, I can find a way to mix the best of the digital world and craft world. I usually send out about 50, so we’ll see how I am feeling over the next few weeks.

Everyone Is Feminine

Lexi calls everyone “she.” She knows the difference between boys and girls. She even takes great pleasure in pointing them out. When we are out anywhere, she points at girls and says “She’s girl.” If it is a boy, she says “She’s boy.” For the most part, I don’t think anything about it.

However, when it comes to referring to her dad in a feminine sense, I can’t help but laugh until I cry. He always crinkles up his nose and gives me a strange look. It is especially funny when she calls his soft sided lunch cooler “Dada’s purse.” Like when Lexi told me, “She’s get dada’s purse from she’s truck.” Yes, Dada was getting his cooler out of his truck.

Oh, I can’t leave out when she called him the highest honor in her vocabulary, “a Princess.” It started off innocent enough. She said, “Lexi a Princess. Momma a Princess. Dada a Princess.” After a little snicker, I politely explained to her that boys don’t like to be called Princesses (ok, some might, but she isn't ready for that lesson).

As anyone can imagine, my very guys-guy/sports loving/construction type of husband is looking forward to having another boy in the house. I guess all this girly-ness is just a little much. At least, she likes football.

Take It To the Street?

When I was 9 years old, a cute little neighbor girl (3 or 4 years old) was riding her big wheel across the street when a car came whipping around the corner. I don’t remember all the details and probably never heard the extent of what happened, but she was in the hospital for what seemed like months. That incident just drove into my mind the reason my parents had nagged us about safety and the fact that kids should NEVER play in the street.

I have come to assume that this is something all parents warn their kids about, but apparently NOT. I am hoping that I live in a bizarre little neighborhood where playing in the street seems to be encouraged and that this is not an American fad that developed while I was living in Miami. I just can’t figure it out. Perhaps the neighbor parents are from a younger (possibly latch-key) generation that never learned to stay out of the street. I wish I could even say that it is just one rouge family, but sadly most of the kids (all ages) are in the street every single day, even the cute little 2 year old girl.

If there was no other place to play, I would probably be more understanding. We all have backyards though. There is also a grassy park less than a block away. They do not monitor their kids in the street, so what would be the big deal of them being in the park by themselves?

To be fair, I can understand that kids who are 7+ years old need room to ride bicycles. Still, what happened to teaching them to get out of the way of cars? One mom, who happened to be outside when we were coming home one evening, actually half jokingly told us that we were ruining all the fun. We politely chuckled. Hello – don’t you know that the street is for vehicles not kids?

I am sure I have become known as the over protective mom. I actually insist on holding my daughter’s hand when we are near the street. I don’t let her play there either. We go to the park or the backyard for that. I guess my children will have no neighborhood friends. We’ll just drive over to my friends’ houses so they can play with kids that are also not allowed in the street.

That is So Nice

The ever so kind Princess of The Princess and Johnsy Blog has graciously selected me for the Nice Matters Award. She even posted a picture of the two of us. Her award has inspired me to stop complaining and start being nice again, because really that is more like my usual self (most of the time).

Given the fact that I am basically a nice person, I prefer to read blogs of people that I consider nice too, which means selecting 5 will be difficult. Here is my list in alphabetical order:

Aerin from A Cranberry Blog: She is a mother to twin toddlers, a full time (plus) working woman, deep thinker, great writer, avid reader, and still finds time to pop by my blog. She is also very down to earth and kind.

Annie: I really do not want to like someone that only gained 10 pounds during her pregnancy. On top of that, she came home like a week ago has lost the 10 pounds as well as an additional 15. However, I must give her the award. She is such a nice person. If you click on the link you can also see pictures of her little baby and that is always nice.

JAG from Nothing to Show But This Brand New Tattoo: She has been through a lot, but keeps her head up and always encourages others.

PageWize (my sister): Although her scary Halloween themed blog seems like it would be from some monstrous weirdo, she is nice. Actually, the blog theme is my fault. I have decided to award her this honor because she was kind enough to be Lexi’s nanny two summers ago. Then, last summer she was kind enough to fly to Miami to help me entertain Lexi on our long drive/move out here. …and she is going to spend her winter school break here helping me with Lexi and the new baby. What other college kid would put up with a demanding sister like me? That means she is pretty nice.

Sofi from A New Blog, A New Day: I bumped into her several times around Miami when I was looking my absolute worst and she always said Hi. She is just nice like that. I also like her blog. Her writing is always entertaining and edgy enough to keep me coming back.

There you have it. Bloggers who are very nice and deserve attention for it.

All About Complaining for 6 More Weeks

Yesterday, one of my friends told me that she can’t believe I am this far along and I never complain. Boy, do I have her fooled or what? You can bet that I started laughing. Me? Never Complain? Steve would certainly disagree. Would you believe that Lexi has started rubbing her back and pretending that it hurts? I can’t even hide my complaints with a little mimic around. I wish I could be the ultra-happy pregnant woman, but I saw a poll the other day that said something like 20% of women don’t like being pregnant. Well, that is me. I just want the baby already. Six weeks feels way too long.

I also was surprised by the numerous compliments I received yesterday. I actually made an effort to blow dry my hair, but that wasn’t the reason. Everyone that complimented me said something about me being such a cute pregnant lady. It didn’t take me long to put two & two together and realize that all of these comments came from mothers. I believe it must have been out of pity. They saw the big swollen belly and said to themselves, “that poor girl is gigantic.” They also must have reflected on the end of their pregnancies and felt sorry for me.

Last week, my mom was kind enough to confirm my suspicion about pregnancy being harder the older you get. She had me when she was 20 and my sister right before she turned 35. The energy level, recovery and everything was much easier in her 20s. I will be turning 35 a little after this baby is born. So, I feel I am entitled to continue my complaining streak at least for 6 more weeks. After that, I will complain about being sore, engorgement, my belly not shrinking fast enough, etc. etc. etc.

I am certainly a fun person to be around. Don’t you wish you were spending the holidays with me?

Halloween Costumes

This is us at Halloween! Yes, I know I am HUGE. I wish I could say that it was part of the costume, but no....

Happy Halloween!

Tex Ren Fest

As you can see, we finally made it to the Texas Ren Fest and it was a hit. I pretty much over did it, but it was worth it. By the time we got back to our vehicle, I felt my feet throbbing and aches and pains all over. We will probably go again next year when I will NOT be pregnant.

I have been wanting to go for years. My mom, sister & brother have been raving about it. A bunch of my friends here said I should definitely go. I heard that lots of people dress up, the performers are talented, and that there is lots of shade trees. I asked my mom about restroom facilities because I imagined port-a-potties, which do not appeal to me normally & certainly not when I am pregnant. Still, I didn't know quite what to expect. I would have to say that it was nothing like the make-shift festival I had originally envisioned. I guess it would be closer to a Disney-type setting, which is strange for an event that is only 8 weekends out of the year. There are lots of shows, street performers, shops, restaurants, and restrooms.

The costumes were definitely interesting. I would have to say that hot-pants/tights are quite unattractive at least 99% of the time. Kilts are fine as long as the guy does not keep announcing that he is going commando. Cleavage is also something that shouldn't always be shown. When they have to be lifted from the waistline to be shoved into a corset, perhaps modesty is a better route. The festival seems to attract a lot of the strange people from Houston. Coming from Miami though, we found most of the people, costumes, and shows rather mild (this is the Bible Belt).

We had a great day. I think next year will be even better, at least for me. We will probably even dress up the kids for added fun.

Be Freckle!

When Lexi says, "Be Careful!" It comes out, "Be Freckle!"

Snippets

While being a SAHM is the best (& lowest paying) job I have ever had, I have to admit that I don’t always feel like I have exciting things to share with others. When blogging or friends and former co-workers send me an e-mail asking how things are going, I don’t want to bore everyone with tales of toddler craft making and trips to the playground. Then again, it is not like working is all that thrilling either. What did I tell people back then?

Instead of a great entry, I am just going to share little snippets of life and things I have been thinking about.

1. 8 weeks to go before I push this baby out... funny, but that seems like FOREVER!

2. We have been invited to share Thanksgiving with some great friends that are like family. Actually, I practically lived at their house during a year of high school. My friend no longer lives around here & probably will not be back for Thanksgiving, but I am friends with her siblings and parents too. Yippee for Holiday gatherings with family-ish people!

3. Last night while sitting on the couch, I told my husband all about an article I read at the OB’s office. It was about sex during pregnancy. Most of the article was the standard blah, blah, blah. There was one thing that stood out though. The point of the article was that most men find the curves of a pregnant woman very feminine and attractive. I laughed so hard I almost cried. I find it funny because it feels more like a huge uncomfortable beer belly to me. Suddenly, I mentioned that he can’t say that I never talk dirty to him. Of course, his comeback was that I talked so dirty that it was gross!

4. At the breastfeeding class last week, there was a chic about to have her 4th. She was invited by the LC to talk about some things that have worked for her. She mentioned that her favorite way of dealing with having several kids and a new baby is a sling. My sister-in-law, who is about to have her 5th, has been annoying me with sling talk for years. Since the class, I have been thinking a lot about chasing a toddler while taking care of a baby and trying to get some things done around the house. Plus, I have a friend struggling with this issue now. New babies just love to be with their moms (ALL THE TIME). I had two different carriers with Lexi. She loved them, but both were uncomfortable for me. With a little research and asking around, I have stumbled on this sling. It is also supposedly great at helping moms breastfeed discreetly. I bought it, so we’ll see. By the way, I am thinking 4 to 6 months at the most (not the 2+ years they advertise).

5. Saturdays have pretty much lost their excitement. They are more like normal days because my husband often ends up working that day (for at least half the day). Back in my working days, it was always the highlight of the week. Even when he worked, I didn’t. I have used the last few to scrub the house because no play dates are scheduled. It is just another day to entertain the wild toddler. Sundays often take him away too, but I feel it more on Saturday.

6. I have been dying to go to the Texas Renaissance Festival for years. Now, that we live here it is a must do. Between Steve working and the heat, I have yet to go. I am pushing for this weekend. Hopefully, he’ll be off and the weather will cooperate. I don’t know how I will do on my feet all day, but if we wait much longer I know it will be too tough.

See nothing too exciting, but a few things going on.

Bah, Humbug

For the past few years, Steve and I have been spoiled during the holidays. Two years ago, we spent Thanksgiving with my immediate family in Texas and Christmas with his in Florida. Last year, we went to see his extended family in Virginia and then to California for Christmas with my immediate family. I always enjoy spending time with family members for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This year will be different though. None of our relatives live in Texas and I will not be able to travel. Perhaps, I should have considered that when planning this baby. Actually, fertility just doesn't work like that for us.

You can bet that I thought about getting my family to come to us this year, but it isn’t going to happen. All of my brothers live in a little town in Montana and so they will be surrounded by family. I would still make an effort to talk them into coming, but one of them has a baby coming right about Thanksgiving time. (Party poopers!) I seriously tried to talk my mom into coming. Her husband has a daughter that lives on the north side of Houston. We could all have a happy Thanksgiving here with the bonus of my mom cooking. Unfortunately, she is a nurse on call for both holidays.

I don’t mind cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I have done it several times, but it is a lot more fun when family is around. We divide up the cooking responsibilities of menu and then once it is done everyone digs in. The talking, laughing, and crazy antics last the entire time. Cooking a big meal like that for just us is rather non-festive feeling. I cook everyday, so Thanksgiving just has more side dishes.

Fortunately, Christmas will include my sister. In this case, I see her more as a captive though. I don’t have a lot of faith in my ability to pull off an amazing Christmas seeing as though I will have probably just gotten out of the hospital. I am sure I will have all of the shopping and preparation ready, but Steve and Paige may have to do the cooking and create a lot of the excitement.

This year is a big Bah, Humbug! I'm glad it is for a good cause though.

Because I Don’t Want Breastfeeding to Suck …So Much

Yesterday evening, I attended a breast feeding class. I have been thinking about going to one since I was pregnant with Lexi. Actually, I really wanted to, but with my father’s death 2 months before she was born and working full time, I just didn’t feel I was up to it. Plus, I felt it was more important for us to do the birthing class. Scheduling time for that was about all I could handle at the time.

As many of you know, the first time around, breast feeding did not go so well. By the time we left the hospital, I was cracked and bleeding. Then came engorgement. I had no idea how horrible that was going to be. It didn’t take me long to fall in love with the breast pump and reunite that love every 3 hours. Let’s just say that I did NOT have a problem with production (quite the opposite).

There were many factors that made that time in my life a living hell including working at home trying to put in 40 hours with deadlines at the crazy point of the year in marketing, knowing that I would be back in the non-pump friendly office in a few short months, my husband losing his job less than a month after she was born, and numerous 2-hour trips to visit my mother-in-law who was in and out of the hospital and well on her way to losing her battle with cancer. While, I was so happy to have my sweet little baby I will freely admit that was a nightmarish time of life. Needless to say, the stress of breast feeding was just another issue for me to deal with, so I pumped and Lexi was fed breastmilk in a bottle for 3 months.

Since then, I have been bound and determined to have a much better experience the second time. It would be pretty impossible to have a similar or worse experience, so my odds are great. In general, I feel optimistic because I am not working, none of our close relatives have terminal cancer, and life is just going better. Breastfeeding will work this time, right? Well, I am not going to give up easily. Hopefully, this baby is a great at latching and if not, I have a lactation consultant that lives close by.

10 Week Countdown

When I was working, several of the younger girls asked me why I would want to go through pregnancy again knowing that it is uncomfortable and then very painful at the end. I told them that after being so uncomfortable for a while, you look forward to giving birth. It is not only about having a new baby, but moving out of the big belly stage. They seemed so fearful and fascinated that I had to point out that about half of the world's population is women. Most of them give birth at least once. Many of them go on to do it several times. It is part of life.

I am already at the stage where I am looking forward to giving birth. I have started watching "Birth Stories," A Baby Story," and "Bringing Home Baby," which I haven't done since I was pregnant with Lexi. I have also gone back to look at pictures and read what I wrote about giving birth to Lexi. I'll post it again for those feeling fascinated by this lately too:

Lexi's Birth Story

Thursday morning, we got up to go to the hospital. I had only slept 4 good hours and perhaps 1 more if you add up all the cat naps. I was just too excited. Steve seemed like he was taking forever. I made a breakfast burrito for him and packed our bags in his truck to speed things up as much as possible. He even wanted to stop at Starbucks to get himself a cup of coffee, but I told him I was just too insane right now for that. I was trying my best to act calm, but inside I was nuts. He was getting excited too, but was calm and wanted to live in the moment. I had tried to warn him the night before that I would be like this. Even if it had taken a total 1 minute to get there, I would have been crazy. I know how impatient/neurotic I can be about some things.

As soon as we got into the administrative office to sign papers, I was completely relaxed (which is how my crazy impatient-ness always goes). There was another couple in there and the wife was sitting in a wheel chair. She was already suffering from contractions and doing some of the breathing techniques. They started talking to us. I whispered to Steve not to tell her how dilated I was because she might be jealous that I am not in pain. They signed their papers and were sent to their room. We signed ours and were told to go to room 5, which was a mistake because that was their room. We were switched to 3 and the process began.

I changed into the gown (sounds so elegant). My doctor checked and found out that I was 5.5 cm dilated and everyone was amazed that I felt so good. My doc said that she was happy that I was being induced because without the pain, I could end up having the baby at home or in traffic on the way to the hospital. I was just happy that I had progressed to that level with virtually no pain. I started thinking about my grandma, Lorena (the one Lexi is named after), and about all the stories of her great tolerance for pain. I hoped that this would carry me throughout the birth, but knew better than to believe in it. It only took a few minutes for me to realize that was not going to be the case. Having my water break proved that. It was quick but agonizing. Plus, that was Steve's first ick moment. He handled it well.

The nurses hooked me up to the monitors, took blood, inserted the IV into my hand and started the pitocin drip. I started feeling the contractions right away and the pain gradually increased over the next few hours. Steve plugged in our CD player with a Sarah McLachlan CD to set a nice atmosphere. I have to admit that the contractions never got unbearable. When the nurse told me that I was dilated to 7 cm, I still said that I was ready for the epidural. I wanted to be able to relax before the pushing came. For some reason, I had a feeling that would be difficult. The anesthesiologist came in and sent Steve out. While they prepared and did the epidural, the anesthesiologist and nurse talked about how amazed they were that I didn't ever complain and was so calm. They decided that I just handle pain well and they wanted to clone me. I sat there not saying much and just kept thinking that things had been fine, but that this wasn't over yet.

I had the typical epidural story. Having the IV put in my hand hurt worse than the epidural or the catheter. Once it was in, Steve and I talked and joked for the next hour and a half. He told me that he wanted to run to his truck to get a Tums. I said that I was feeling something weird down there like I have to poop. He said he would be quick.

Right after he left (seconds), the doctor came in and said that I was dilated to 10 cm. They started setting up the room and I was anxiously waiting for Steve to return. He still wasn't back when they wanted me to start pushing. My doctor and nurse told me to grab my legs and they started cheering me on. We did the typical 3 sets of 10 seconds of pushing during contractions. We went through this twice before Steve got back. When he walked into the room, he looked a little frustrated and nervous about what he had missed. Apparently, he had been out in the hall trying to convince the security guard that his wife was in room 3 and not in room 5. It wasn't long before the next contraction started and he had to quickly join in by grabbing a leg and coaching on my right side.

The pushing went on for about 30 - 45 minutes with the doctor going to check on the woman in room 5. Then, the doctor came in and apologized because she had to perform an emergency C-Section. She told us that she called another doctor from her office to come and take over and that he would be here shortly. We all were listening, but as she turned around to walk out, Steve asked where she was going. I said to do the C-Section and he let out a big sigh of relief. He told us that he thought she was going to do an emergency C-Section on me. That explains why he suddenly looked so startled and nervous.

Anyway, the pushing continued and the other doctor showed up. Lexi actually moved down and crowned quickly, but then made little or no progress after that. He decided that they needed to turn off the epidural because he wanted me to push harder. He told me that it would take about an hour to wear off, but that I would get stronger & stronger as it did. That began what I consider as the next stage of pushing. The doctor pushed on my perineum to try to move delivery along. After several contractions, he told me that he needed to make a little more room for the baby to come out. I think that was a nice way of saying that I was getting an episiotomy. Unfortunately, I knew exactly what he was going to do.

We continued with the endless pushing and my original doctor came back to take over. She joked that the baby was waiting for her. By then, I was getting really tired and the epidural had disappeared. What could we do, but continue on? Everyone else in the room was getting excited. Steve had touched Lexi's head and was really into his role as coach. It didn't take long for the doc to say that I was pushing very well and she was surprised that I hadn't delivered already. She said that the cord must be wrapped around the baby's arm or leg. She pulled out the scissors and made even more room. By then, I was in so much pain that tears were rolling down my face. The nurse grabbed my hand and had me feel the top of Lexi's head. Even with that, I wasn't sure I could take any more of it, but I kept my mouth closed and pressed on. They all coached like crazy and her head finally popped out.

Although that was amazing progress, it didn't get any easier. I was fully bawling from the pain and each new step including delivering her shoulders and the rest of her body was excruciating. They plopped her on me and I barely had the awareness to care. The doctor announced that the delivery was so difficult because Lexi's umbilical cord was too short. She also said it was a good thing that Lexi wasn't born next week because the extra weight would have made an emergency C-Section probably the only option. Thank goodness, they induced me.

Next, I saw Steve cut the umbilical cord and he looked so happy. Unfortunately, I still had to deliver the placenta, which was fast, but horrible. Steve was torn between comforting me and wanting to look at Lexi, so I told him to go hold her. I was in agony as the doctor stitched me up. She took about 20 minutes. Steve looked down to see what was taking her so long. He held up his fingers to let me know that the cut was about 2". I asked the doctor how many stitches I was getting. She thoughtfully avoided the question and said it was several layers. Right then, I knew recovery was going to be hard.

I finally got to hold Lexi when the stitching was done. I removed the night gown and she latched on to my breasts fairly quickly. It was nice to be at that stage. I had her with me for about 30 minutes and then they took her to the nursery to be cleaned up and checked. I sent Steve with her. For 2 hours, I sat in the room trying to comprehend it all. My friend (Amanda), who was in the waiting room, came to talk to me. That was nice to have her there. We talked about all that happened, which I think was emotionally healthy for me.

Steve came back and we were transferred to one of the little rooms. Apparently, all the suites were full for the night. While lying in that room, I suddenly realized the extent of the pain of the stitches. I couldn't focus on anything, but the pain. I am not usually one to ask for things or complain, but I was at my wits' end. I called for the nurse to bring something to take the edge off. They called the pharmacy and got Motrin. They also gave me witch hazel pads and cream. It took a while to kick in, but the second I was able to think I suddenly became very sad that Lexi wasn't with us. I got up and made Steve walk me to the nursery to get her. They wheeled her to us and we headed back to our room. As I gingerly sat on the bed and held her, I felt a love that I never thought imaginable. My heart swelled and hasn't been the same since.

Pink Ribbons Galore

Tomorrow is Houston’s Race for the Cure. I have participated in the Miami events for the past several years and have really enjoyed them. In fact, I am quite sad that I will not be doing the Houston one this year. I love walking and running, but a 5k feels a little too difficult this late in pregnancy (in my next life I’ll make sure I am younger when I have kids).

Beyond feeling like this is a good cause, I have been hit with news about breast cancer twice this week. The mother of one of my closest friends passed away. She had a double mastectomy 17 years ago. That was only the beginning. From then until now, her cancer battle has been nonstop. She has been the strongest fighter I have ever and probably will ever know. Her will to live completely boggles my mind. I can’t even fathom the pain, treatments, and heartbreaking news that she has encountered for that long. Doctors had written her off so many times that her family couldn’t even keep count. My heart breaks for my friend and her family and all they have been through including losing her.

This week, I also got a letter from my grandmother informing me that my aunt (dad’s sister) was just diagnosed with breast cancer. The letter wasn’t very informative, but my grandmother lives in her own little world in the mountains of Idaho. I doubt she understands much about cancer or the stages. Basically, she said she is praying that my aunt lives for quite a while rather than go quickly like my dad. The sad thing is that I don't think she has anyone to take care of her in anyway no matter if she only needs a simple procedure or more radical treatment. It will not be easy.

While I will not be physically participating tomorrow, my heart will be at the 5k. I will just have to nibble on pink M&Ms this year. Next year though, I will be there in full force with the jogging stroller and actually running for the cure.

Hibernating Hermit

I am not quite sure how or why it has happened, but upon my return from Virginia I have morphed into hibernating hermit. Yes, I am a bit of a shut-in. Sure, we have gone out, but during the week (without Steve) it mostly consists of hour-long morning walks and quick trips to the grocery store. This certainly isn’t normal for me considering that I usually get cabin fever within half a day. I have been thinking about the reasons for me to act so out of character and I have come up with a few.

First, I feel like I have been pregnant for years. I have heard that the second pregnancy feels longer, but I don’t think my back or belly realizes that there was a break between Lexi’s birth and this pregnancy. I wish they would stop sending complaints to my brain. There is nothing I can do about it, so shut up! ...and, what is with the sharp pains shooting up from my tailbone? I don’t really care for those.

Second, it is now October. I would really like to experience a day when the temperature doesn’t hit 90+. I want to do outside activities, but the third trimester and heat just don’t mix well. I have even found a bunch of different festivals and fall events that look fun in decent weather. I have made it a new habit to check the 10 day forecast on weather.com almost every day. Please weather gods give this pregnant Houstonian a break soon before I am just too big to enjoy it.

Third, Lexi came back with a cold. It isn’t that big of a deal unless you consider that most of my friends have new babies. There is no way that I want to subject them to that, because they’ll probably want to return the favor in a few months. I would rather avoid it.

I think this streak is going to have to end soon though. The longer we stay inside the more wound up Lexi gets and the more exhausted that makes me. Help... I have fallen and I can’t get up! Next week, I will work on crawling out of this huge hole I have somehow dug during my lazy streak.