Being a Single Mom

People often say to me, "it must be so difficult being a single mom" or something close to that.  I usually say that it is a lot easier than being married was.  Of course, I feel like my divorce was about kicking the frat boy out of the house.  To be fair, he did contribute financially and helped around the house.  He was great at organizing and cleaning the garage.  In fact, he has done it a hand-full of times in the last few years.  He just loves doing it and he doesn't have a garage of his own.

Like most women, I did most of the housework, child care, shopping, and errands.  None of that changed because of the divorce, which by the way was 5 years ago (can you believe it?).  There has been a few downsides though, including:

1. I guess the biggest impact has been financial.  I'm not getting a lot of child support. I chose to have the amount lowered because I knew he would struggle.  He tends to go through at least a couple of weeks of unemployment every year, so I don't always get it either.  At least, he has good intentions.  

2.The second biggest impact has been house repair things.  He is a fairly handy person and he knew a lot of people who can do some of the things he couldn't.  I never had to worry about those issues.  My house is only 8 years old, but little things tend to need repairs like the faucet on my kitchen sink or cheap light fixtures that had to be replaced.  My ex still helps me with some things, but sometimes I have to wait months until he gets around to it.  I have a home warranty so appliances and my a/c are covered.  My step-father and mom come for a month in the winter so they help with a few things.  When my brother visited, he also did quite a bit.  

3. The third thing I have noticed is the problems that come up that are a bit overwhelming.  It would be nice to share the impact with someone else.  Like last December, the transmission on my car was breaking down.  I had just paid off the car and was excited to keep it another 5 years.  Sadly, I didn't have $5k to fix it.  Those kinds of problems remind me that I am all alone in this, which isn't fun.

It isn't all bad though.  The last few weeks, I have heard quite a few comments that has me thinking that there are a lot of controlling spouses out there.  One friend said, "My husband would never let me buy that."  It was only a $30 item and they are not struggling at all.  A friend of a friend said, "My husband keeps the thermostat in our house at 78 degrees so I am used to being hot."  Both times I managed to politely smile while biting my tongue.  Another friend told me about her sister-in-law that seems like a nightmare of a wife.  Marriage is tough. 

Fortunately, I am an extremely independent person.  I think that makes being a single mom much easier.  I like making all the decisions on my own.  I can compromise, but isn't it nice when you don't have to? All the money, even though there isn't much, can be spent on things that I think are important.  Activities and vacations are all decided by me.  I don't have to watch a movie, tv show, sporting event, or even do something that doesn't seem worth it to me.  Most of what I do revolves around the kids, but that is what I choose.  I have realized that this is the perfect time to appreciate my independence.  So what if I haven't been on a date in years?  I can't afford a babysitter anyway.  ☺

Loved this Summer

This summer was one of the best ones I've had in decades. Fortunately, my workload was small enough that I wasn't at all stressed about deadlines or juggling everything.  We took a month long road trip all the way from Texas to Montana.  I tried to keep most of the driving on weekends and keep my day schedule flexible so that work would come first when needed.  We started with a stop in El Paso.  I got to spend time with a friend that I made while living in Qatar.  I haven't seen her since 1997.  If it wasn't for Facebook, I'm sure we would have lost touch forever.  Instead, our kids became friends.  They really hit it off quickly just like we did years ago.  Here is a picture below.  Don't let the sizes fool you.  My kids are tall and her's are short.  The one on the left is only a little less than a year younger than Jordan.  

  

Next, we headed to southern Utah for a family reunion with my mom's side of the family in Zion National Park.  Zion is an amazing place to hike and see nature.  We also got to see siblings, cousins, second cousins, and the kids even had third cousins there.  We've been having these reunions every two years and they are always a joy.  Here is a picture of my mom's grand-kids with all of the 6 year olds on the front row and 8 year olds in the back.

  

Next, we headed to central Utah.  I have a good friend, Annette, there.  I've known her since 7th grade.  I just love her.  We stayed with her & her family.  We got to enjoy hiking in the area and celebrate the 24th of July.  The 24th is a state holiday in Utah.  It is also called Pioneer Day to celebrate when the pioneers came into Salt Lake.  The state celebrates much like the 4th of July with fireworks, parades, and bbqs.  Here is a picture of Annette and me at the Spanish Fork Parade:

Our next stop was Butte, Montana.  My mom and step-father live there.  My brother, his wife, and 5 kids live in the next little town.  I have another brother that lives about 4 hours away also in Montana.  We got to spend time with all of them.  To be honest, I have mixed feelings about Montana.  I think it is a beautiful place to be in the summer.  I also find it sad how hard the economy has fallen since the mines shut down in the 1980s.  I have never been in a place that has such amazing architecture and infrastructure from 100 years ago contrasted by extremely poor and fairly backwards current residents.  It was quite depressing.  I always felt overdressed, especially in Butte.  I think the people of Walmart originated there, except maybe not as yucky/sexy/trashy more like constant sweat pants wearers.  At least, they are all friendly.  One of the things we loved was touring ghost towns.  It is amazing that people would build up a beautiful town with town halls and then pack up and leave overnight.  

kids with their cousins in a ghost town

with more cousins  

When we were done in Montana, we made our way back to Texas with a few stops in Utah.  We spent a few more nights with Annette before taking off.  We also stopped at Arches National Park one day to hike for an hour.

We only stayed in a hotel one night on the way back.  It was a lot of driving, but I realized that I was tired of being in the car and living out of a suitcase.  Sadly, once we entered Texas we were only a little more than half way home.  This is one HUGE state.  

It wasn't a perfect trip, but it was certainly great.  

Hidden Freckles

Many of you may have freckles you don't even know about....

My Love Life

In case anyone is wondering about my love life, this basically sums it up nicely...

5K Miracle

On Saturday, I ran a 5k.  I know lots of people do this and I have done it in the past, but I am in complete shock that I did.  I stopped running several years ago.  Every time I tried, I could push myself to 20 minutes and then I'd be hobbling around for the next few days.  My knees have been a huge problem.  I decided it was time to give up on running.  So how did this 5k happen?

There was a Blood Drive/Fun Run activity through a regional area at church (a.k.a. Stake).  My ex decided he wanted to take the kids for the day (VERY RARE OCCURRENCE).  Since I wasn't sure that he would actually come, I decided that we would go to the activity and run/walk the 1 mile if we felt like it.  I also planned to donate blood.  That morning, the kids went with their dad and I headed to the church.  I felt silly doing the 1 mile without the kids, so I decided just to give blood.  When I got there, I found out that they were not able to schedule the blood donation portion.  I basically had nothing to do and no real reason to be there.  Several different people told me that I had a few minutes to sign up for the 5k.  For no real reason, I just did.  I pinned the number on and went to the back of the group (about 250 people).  I had no strategy or plan other than realizing I'd be limping for the next few days.  I thought I'd regret it.

The race started and I had my phone in one hand and my car keys in the other.  That shows how unprepared I was. I just started running and weaving around all of the strollers/families with kids.  Right before the first mile was done, I heard someone I was passing say "Hi Stephanie."  I looked back and it was an acquaintance/friend from church.  I quickly decided that I liked her pace and would just start running next to her.  She is really into yoga and even teaches it, but has been running the last few weeks to prepare for this.  We chatted and stayed together.  I think running with her made both of us continue on without any breaks.  Our official time was 32 minutes and 11 seconds.  It isn't a great time, but I am happy about it.

I am most happy about my knees.  I haven't had one ounce of pain.  This is incredible!!!  I can't say the same about my thigh muscles though.  They are quite mad at me.....  I guess I can start doing this more often.

Birthday Post

My mom has a Pinterest board that features people laughing or smiling really big.  She tells me that looking at these photos makes her happy.  There is an infectious cheery feeling that comes from seeing others elated.  I think it is a type of happiness that we need more of.  That is why I decided to post the picture above.  It isn't the kind of picture that I like to share.  My eyes are closed and I look pretty silly, but it is undoubtedly a special moment.  My kids are around me and I am talking to one of my best friends.  I think that is why my mom snapped the photo. It was taken 3 days ago at Lexi's birthday party.

My birthday is today.  I'm 41 now.  That age neither depresses nor excites me.  It is just a fun day with lots of people giving me well wishes.  I honestly believe that life goes better when people are sending positive thoughts your way.  It is a day when I truly love Facebook, which isn't something that I have felt lately.  FB has been a messenger of sadness for the past few weeks for many different friends.  Today, I choose to cherish the good times spent with the many people that have carved a place in my heart.  I feel loved and full of love.

Santa Thing

This year, quite a few people have told me that their kids, who are in 5th and 6th grades, still believe in Santa.  I don't know if that is happening all over the US, but it seems to be rather common here.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it is because Texans tend to get very festive.  There are quite a few homes here that rival Clark W. Griswold's.  Perhaps it has something to do with technology advances.  With online orders and overnight shipping, it doesn't seem that far fetched.  Kids can even track Santa's progress on a website. Movies have also gotten better, even though they all still raise questions and doubts when trying to convince the audience to believe.

Isn't it interesting how parents all handle Christmas and Santa differently?  One of my brothers decided long ago that absolute truth is vital in a parent/child relationship.  I've seen his children struggle a little because they would really like to believe in Santa.  However, I don't think his strategy hurts them at all.  I have friends who play up the Santa story.  My mom didn't ever go overboard, but she still likes to say something like you have to believe to get presents.

I tend to fall in the middle of extremes on many things.  When it comes to Santa, I just say we do not know all the details.  I tell the kids that people try to figure out the mystery all the time, but we wake up on Christmas morning and there are presents waiting for us.  It allows me a little room to be wishy washy.  I think this approach gives them room to believe and have a healthy amount of doubt.  Santa isn't all about the kids though.  It turns out, that I get to enjoy the element of fantasy that Santa brings to Christmas.    

A Song that Makes me Smile

This song makes me smile, so I'm posting it.  I really like Imagine Dragon.

Steam Punk Halloween

Lexi and Jordan decided to dress up as Steam Powered Giraffe for Halloween.  Lexi dressed up as a Walter Girl (like Aunt Paige) and Jordan was The Spine.  Very few people in Houston know what steam punk is so explaining their costumes was difficult.  Everyone (even teenage boys) thought they were awesome anyway.  The costumes weren't that tough.  I guess the toughest part was Lexi's dress, which my mom made.  

60 Days of My Fitness Pal

A little over 60 days ago, a friend on Facebook mentioned an app called MyFitnessPal.  It is basically a calorie counter.  I have always heard that people who keep track of what they are eating tend to eat less.  That is a decent idea, but had always seemed like a pain.  Keeping track with an app sounded interesting, so I downloaded it. Almost every food item imaginable is on there, so you rarely have to calculate calories of what you are eating.  It only requires a simple search. Also, you can log into your account using their website if you would rather not use an app.

Once the app was downloaded, I added my current information like weight and height.  I also entered how much I want to weigh.  I put about 10 pounds less (thanks to the 5 lbs weight gain over the summer), which is my ideal weight.  If I had entered my dream weight that would be an additional 5 lbs.  I didn't really have a plan, but decided to start with that.

It also gave me the option to link with other friends (I could search for them or use ones from Facebook).  It is the community thing so we can encourage each other.  That may seem intimidating, but it really isn't.  It does not announce how much you weigh, what you are eating, or even if you gain weight in a week.   It does let them know things like "frecklefacegirl burned 237 calories doing 60 minutes of walking" and "frecklefacegirl completed her food and exercise diary for 11/12/13" and "frecklefacegirl lost 0.2 lbs since her last weigh-in!"  Yes, these are all recent posts. Notice how exciting that last one looks with the exclamation mark and everything!!!  Yeah, 0.2 lbs!!!  Pretty silly since a whole week had gone by, but it is something.  I have about 5 friends on there and they all seem to be progressing at similar rates.  I have read that the slower you lose it, the longer it stays off.  I hope that is true.

Sixty days have passed and with very little effort, I am 9.6 lbs lighter.  While I completely realize that losing almost 10 lbs in 60 days is no bragging matter, I'm glad that I am doing it.  I have eaten things like Halloween candy, a donut, and even gone out to eat.  I just make adjustments during the day to allow for it.  It also tracks Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Calcium, and Iron.  

If any one reading this wants to join, go ahead & add me.  I am using the name "frecklefacegirl." We can celebrate staying the same weight or losing 0.2 lbs together.