Roots of Envy

Lately, quite a few friends have shared news with me that made me feel happy for them and GLAD it wasn’t me. Of course, my two recently divorced friends that got re-married were on the list. When one of them shared the news, the only thing that popped into my head was… “You actually have to plan a wedding for a second marriage? What a pain!” Thankfully, I kept that to myself.

The other bit of good news was from a friend that is pregnant and about to have her third. She has two sons, one six months younger than Lexi and the other one is a little younger than Jordan. I would have thought that this might bring about feelings of envy since I wanted three kids, but no. Mainly, I was glad not to be pregnant. That really is such a miserable and uncomfortable state. In the last year, I have come to realize that I am quite happy with my two kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I am just hoping that if I find a Mr. Right, that he will have a few young kids of his own.

Neither of these news flashes brought about feelings of envy, but there was some news from a friend about two months ago that hit hard. This friend had been offered a dream job with a ridiculously large salary in Italy. I would LOVE to live in Italy and quite a few other countries. I spent several days stuck in the pit of horrible envy (not the hateful kind, just the depressed & wished that was me kind).  Probably the worst part of it all was that the move wasn’t even wanted. How could that be? I just don’t get it.

To sum this up, marriage and pregnancy are not going to make me feel envious, but a life altering experience in a foreign country will. I guess some things never change.

Feeling Old

It is funny what things make a person feel old.  For the past several months, it has been the fact that someone I knew from Jr High, Shawn Lindsay, was running to be a State House Representative in Oregon.  It makes me feel even older than knowing that my 20 year high school reunion is next summer.  He won yesterday, so I can't continue to pretend that he was just way too young for this type of thing.

Predatory Dating

Since my divorce, I have come across several chics in similar situations that are handling it quite differently. I like to call their approach to being single – predatory dating. It is the way I describe people (mostly women) that make getting married a number one priority.

I know 4 chics that got divorced about the same time or a bit after I did. Most of them had very valid reasons for getting divorced, which makes me a little sad with the whole marriage thing.  All four of them have decided that they were going to get married again ASAP. It is like they are on some crazy mission. Two of them have succeeded so far. Another one is in a relationship with "the one." The last one, whose divorce wasn't finalized until the beginning of this summer, is dating up a storm. She goes out 3 - 5 times a week with different guys. I am guessing that it is only a matter of time for her.

I realize that predatory dating isn’t completely odd. Everyone knows someone that likes to jump from relationship to relationship with little down time. I honestly hope it works for all of them, but I worry that being in a hurry could lead to rash decisions. Like they say, “Permanent decisions should not be made on temporary feelings.” With such a deliberate agenda, how can they be sure that they are not making the same mistakes?

I guess jumping back into it might be healthier than going the other way like I am doing. I just can’t get excited about dating. How do single moms (especially full time moms like me) find the time or energy to even put themselves out there?

Trick-or-Treating 2010

We took pictures before heading out the door for trick-or-treating last night.   As you can see, we dressed in an Alice in Wonderland Theme.  I love doing themes, but I know it will not be too long before Lexi and Jordan will want to do their own thing.  For now, I'll enjoy it. 

Last Names

When I got married, I knew that I wanted to take on his last name. Mostly, it was because I wanted us to have kids. There is a streak of feminism running through me, but I am not whole heartedly attached to my own name. I did keep my maiden name for work though and used it for my middle name since I wasn't given one by my parents.

When I got divorced, it felt right to keep my married name because I share it with the kids. It seems easier than explaining why our last names are different. I didn't really think about it again until I read letter sent to an advice column. It was from a divorced woman who kept her married name for her child. Her ex-husband was getting re-married and his fiancé hated that she kept the name. This gave me something to think about, even though I personally feel the new fiancé should only request and not demand something of an ex-wife. It sounds like she’ll want the kid out of their lives next. However, I agree that it is odd to share the bond of a last name.

Anyway, the advice in the column was to take on her former maiden name.  It said that if she wanted to share a name with her son, she should have him hyphenate his name. I am not sure I agree with that. What a pain for the kid! I don’t really know what the answer to this problem is, but it is interesting to think about. What do most divorced women do?

Halloween JibJab

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

What could be better on a rainy day than playing around with JibJab and laughing with the kids?  We even cast my brothers in the Monster Rap. 

Halloweenie Time

Remember back when I used to have a new design for every holiday?  Well, I still LOVE holidays, but I'm in a horrible funk when it comes to my blog.  Whenever I sit down, I seem to forget the topics I've come up with.  So... for now, I'll say that we're doing well.  We're out doing lots of fun things.  We have our Halloween costumes and are excited to wear them.  I am still trying to balance working at home and entertaining kids.  I am still NOT dating, but I'm trying to remember why people think it is fun to date.  More and more, I am realizing that being a single mom has quite a few advantages.  There really isn't anything new to report, but soon I'll try to get to one of the topics swirling around in my head.

Waiting Game

Ellen has a great stand-up show where she talks about how crazy life can be and that we should embrace procrastination. The idea can make some mom’s cringe and feel like they aren’t doing their best, but in many instances it is a great strategy. Lately, I have accomplished a few things that I had put off doing and found that the procrastination turned out to be the ideal approach.

First (and probably the best one) is all about potty training Jordan. Lexi wasn’t a tough child to potty train, but there were some upheavals and changes in our lives during that time that caused setbacks (a return to accidents). Since everyone claims that potty training boys is so much harder, I was not looking forward to the process with Jordan. I decided that I was going to wait until he was three. A few friends that did that said it was easy. I started Lexi right at two.

The first time Jordan went in the potty was at Christmas (a little after he turned 2). I have been able to get him to go right before his baths for months. He has been showing more and more of the signs that he is ready. Finally, a month ago it became too obvious that he was more than ready even though he will not be three for two more months. I put a pair of big boys on him and haven’t looked back. He only had three accidents (half accidents since he stopped himself) and two of them were outside. I believe this easy success has to do with his personality, his knowing exactly what to do from watching Lexi, and from me waiting until he showed ALL the signs of being ready.

Second, I started teaching Lexi to read last summer. She was doing fairly well, but it was taking a lot of patience on my part. Several of my friends had described the need for this kind of patience when teaching a child to read. Unfortunately, too much was going on last year for me to muster it. I just put the lessons away. I decided to start again a few weeks ago and have been completely pleased with her progress. It is so easy for her and me now. She is jumping way ahead of me and loving every minute of her lessons. If I decide to teach Jordan to read in the future (rather than relying on pre-school or school), I will definitely wait until he is four and a half. I know that is what made the difference.

Third, Jordan has been sleeping in a crib until today. Should I admit that online? I have felt guilty for not transferring him to a toddler bed the minute he turned two, but I just never made it a priority. I have a few excuses like the fact that he started climbing out of his crib very early. He has had absolutely no problem getting in or out. Also, my mom and step-dad both said they slept in a crib until kindergarten.

When Jordan was a baby, I had planned to buy a toddler bed exactly like Lexi’s for him. I love that her bed and the crib match perfectly. When I went looking for the same little bed for him, I couldn’t find it. I started dragging my feet and hating the options. Last week while watching House Hunters, I saw a nursery where they had converted the crib to a toddler daybed. Suddenly, I remembered that his crib did that. In this case, waiting was the key to getting a better solution. Today, Lexi has a toddler daybed and Jordan has a toddler bed. The kids get cute little matching beds and I didn’t have to pay any money.

So, as Ellen said, “Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution!”

High School Homecoming

I didn't end up going to the homecoming assembly.  Mostly, I put off making the decision until it was the week of the reunion, which meant I hadn't made any plans to go.  It came down the a combination of a little too much work to do that day, not wanting the road trip for a one day event, and saving money.  From FB comments, it seems like it was a huge hit.  They even posted a video that they played during the assembly:



Now, I realize that perhaps that time is better forgotten...  Just kidding!   

Ebay Addiction

About once or twice a year, I get addicted to ebay. Not just any section of ebay, the one where people sell amazing home sewn outfits for little girls. I bid on way too much stuff, but I am really cheap so I do not win very often. I got lucky this week and got this really cute dress for $10. Last night, I made matching bows for it.  I have won a few more items too.   Yes, it is my idea of fun...