Listening To Wisdom

When I was 12 years old, my dad’s baby sister, who was 18 or 19 at the time, got engaged and married. She was exceptionally beautiful, book smart, and naive. She had gone off to BYU, a.k.a. land of the meet & marry quickly. The engagement was very short and the wedding was set for the end of Christmas break. It was a typical inexpensive Mormon wedding with everyone pitching in.

During the hustle and bustle leading up to the event, I remember there being a lot of conversations between my mom and aunts about the groom. They all agreed that he was a very nice guy, but that she was making a big mistake. They thought that she should date other guys because she could do better. In the Mormon culture, she wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary and certainly nothing different then they had done. Perhaps that is why they could see she would not be happy with this particular guy. He didn’t have the drive and ambition that she did. Even back then, I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t listen to them and at least postpone the wedding. I wish I could say that she knew what she was doing, but sadly they were right. He ended up being a career student. He finally got his PhD, but is working as a grounds keeper on Temple Square. She worked to put both of them through school and has been the main bread winner throughout their lives. He is “a nice guy,” but their marriage has not been a happy one. She should have listened.

I suppose this post sounds like it is about choosing the right guy or one of the negative points of the Mormon culture. However, it is about listening to those who have your best interests at heart especially when you are young and stubborn.

Because of my baby sister, I have been thinking about the transition from living at home to becoming an adult and how many decisions can end up affecting us for the rest of our lives like the major we choose, the jobs we hold, the first job after graduation, the guy we may or may not marry, etc. Now, I believe in change and that NOTHING is permanent, but decisions do take us in a direction at least for a while.

Isn’t it strange that someone would be so close minded during a time when big changes are taking place? Perhaps some of you are surprised that I seem to be calling my sister out on the carpet. It isn’t that odd in my family to say what is on our minds without offending each other because we usually just blow off everything we don’t agree with.

This time of life has been on my mind though thanks to her struggles. If I knew then what I know now...I would have made different decisions. Not that I have regrets, but life brings wisdom and a bit of foresight. I may have applied for scholarships and loans in order to go to Texas A&M rather than BYU. I most likely would have picked a different major like construction management (more money in a male dominated industry) or marketing (which my career has turned out to be in). Those changes would have allowed me to jump up the career ladder faster. Then perhaps I would have made more money for things like better vacations. Yes, we all have a bunch of "What Ifs" but hopefully life has taught us to at least listen open-mindedly to people who care about us and have lived a little longer.

Sleeping Single

When you think of married couples, you don't picture them sleeping separately. The funny thing is that for us, procreation leads to sleeping apart. It started with Lexi. We quickly realized that we would both be better off in different rooms. Steve felt that getting a decent amount of sleep would help him to function at work. I liked being near the tv or computer so I would have something to do during late night feedings. Babies are sweet, but waking up in the middle of the night to sit in a dark and silent house is just not fun. I wanted something to keep me from nodding off. For the first few months, I slept in the guest room or on the couch.

When Jordan was born, there was no question that we would do the same thing. It started the first night we brought him home from the hospital. There were a few nights of being together at Christmas due to guests filling up the place. Other than that, my husband and I live as roommates. We hang out and talk for an hour or two after Lexi is in bed and then part with a simple kiss. It is starting to feel like we have been doing this a long time even though Jordan is almost 3 months old.

With Lexi, I was back in the bedroom right before the 3 month mark. Her sleep time started lengthening more and more, so it wasn’t bad. Then, she began sleeping through the night right at 3 months.

Even though I have used the exact same methods with Jordan, he still wakes up STARVING every 3 - 4 hours. I try to slip in the pacifier to coax him into sleeping longer and it works for half an hour or so. Maybe I shouldn't complain because once I feed him, he goes right back to sleep. I tried giving him formula one night to see if that would hold him over for longer, but it was worse. He woke up & screamed for 2 hours. That is a big deal for a baby who doesn't cry much. I guess since he was early, I should be thinking that this is more like 2 months.

For now, my hubby & I are roommates. He has nobody to snuggle with, but he can sprawl out on the bed. He can also get some much needed sleep so he can have the energy to help clean, cook, and take care of the terrible two year old. I'll just continue to carry on with sleep deprivation. Fun times!

Missing Miami?

This morning for the first time since we moved here, I miss Miami. Actually, I should clarify that I miss Miami Beach. I watched part of the Today Show on location there. The beautiful water, warm weather (it isn't exactly cold here), and happening scene all made me think about the great things there. I couldn't help but wonder if I would have taken the day off of work so we could take in the excitement.

What am I saying? I don't have to take the day off to have fun with my kids. We may not be hanging out on the beach, but we are going to the park. I would even drive them down to the beach here (Galveston is not nearly as pretty), but I have one kid that is 3 weeks into potty training and another breast feeding. That hour and a half drive each way would not be fun. Ok, part of me still misses it. The burbs just can't compete in some ways.

Valentine Romance

Tonight, I am making my husband's favorite meal, lasagna and homemade French bread. There is nothing like onions & garlic breath to spice up your love life. Good thing we're having chocolate cream pie for dessert.

Advice for a Friend

Lately, I have had several friends contact me asking for advice on major life issues. While I am normally good at coming up with points they should consider, this is not exactly a good time to get my brain in gear. Months of very little sleep has created a fog around my brain, which in turn has depleted my IQ.

The first friend that called had a tricky scenario about whether or not she should marry someone. Given the fact that she is extremely bright (I’d say genius), I wasn’t too worried about helping her. She probably just needed someone to bounce ideas off of or just talk it through to. I can always half way listen.

Another friend (from Miami) sent me an e-mail that has really thrown me for a loop. The issue is SO huge that I am hesitant to step in because she will probably follow my advice. I am putting it out there so that we can come up with several ideas for her. As a little background, she has a teenage (15 or 16 years old) son that is quite shy and has always struggled in school. This is the e-mail she sent:

Things have been really hectic at my home. My son is going through a major depression (including hospitalization at Christmas). It is so stressful and hurtful when your kid is not happy. He is so "unsocial" that he just hangs out in his room. I feel so bad for him and I cannot fix him. He was on Prozac for a couple of months, but it made things worse. Now they are trying to get that out of his system so he is not taking anything. He goes back to the doctor on Wednesday and she is going to try him on another medication. It is worrying me so much because I cannot have him get worse again. He was talking about killing himself. I don’t know what to do anymore, Stephanie. Do you have any suggestions? He does not want to talk to me. He just tells me to leave him alone.

If it were me, I would call a family friend that is a very good therapist here in Houston. Whatever he said, I would do. I would also never leave the kid alone. We’d be stuck like glue so he would not have a chance to do anything horrible. I know that every teenager would hate to get that much attention from their mother, but that is what I’d do. Please leave comments with your advice, so that I can try to help her.

By the way, two very sad posts in a row does not mean that I am sad. Quite frankly, I am too tired to be depressed.

Sad Day

Today, the world lost a very lovely girl. I blogged about her in June shortly after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. I received news that my friend's fiancé passed away this morning. It is difficult to understand why a stunningly gorgeous, sweet, and fit girl in her mid-twenties would fall so quickly. Two years ago, everyone was shocked by how fast my seemingly healthy father deteriorated and died from the same thing. Cancer has no favorites.

Sharing a Gem

As many of you know, I am a bingeing Ebay addict. It isn't a full time addiction. The madness only hits 3 - 5 times a year, but it hits hard. Once I spend too much, I quit cold turkey and don't even check out the deals for a few months. I currently happen to be getting over a binge that was quite fun. Like every time, it started when I wanted to buy some cute outfits for Lexi. I buy her play clothes at all the normal places, but every once in a while I like to buy unique outfits. I start looking in the handmade/custom clothing for little girls section on Ebay. Before I know it, I have bid on way too many great things and I actually hope I lose many of them. I won quite a few this time and in the process, I found a wonderful seller. Her name is duvalldiva. Not only does she fit my criteria, of being a talented mom that is trying to make money, but she is a great seamstress that uses a serger. I got two wonderful outfits from her. Here is a picture and video of the adorable Valentines outfit:





Now, I realize the point of Ebay is to compete for items and therefore it would be smart to keep a gem like this seller a secret. On the other hand, I will not be checking out her stuff for the next few months. I also think the items she currently has for sale are not quite as cute and the prices have gone up a little. On the other hand, she is a rising star so her OOAK (one of a kind) outfits are still cheaper than the big sellers. By the time I get back to my addiciton, she'll be out of my cheap price range. Because of that, I might as well help her in her quest for the big bucks.

Exciting News

My cousin-in-law, a.k.a. Princess & Johnsy, gave birth to Rosemary last night. I just love baby news, especially when it means my kids will have more wonderful playmates at family gatherings.

35 Going on 12

Today is my 35th birthday and I have mixed feelings about it. I obviously have no problem admitting my age. My 35th one reminds me of a goal I set. In my late 20s, I decided that if I didn’t have a husband when I turned 35, I would get pregnant and be a single mom. I mentioned this plan to my mom and to my surprise; she told me that out of all the women she knows I would be a great single mom. About six months later, I became friends with Steve. We talked about lots of things and I mentioned this goal to him. He responded by saying that I should look him up (as in he would be happy to “father” my child). Now that I am 35, we have two kids together and he isn’t interested in a third. Perhaps, I should remind him of the offer tonight when we all go out to dinner. At least I will get a laugh out of it.

Turning 35 doesn’t really bother me, but I wish it was happening in a few months, simply because I would like to look better. Who wants to be 15 lbs over weight (I went to the doctor)? On top of that, I got my hair cut and I am less than thrilled. It was just taking too long to blow dry, so I wanted it quite a bit shorter. I went to the salon & showed the stylist that I wanted it to be about an inch past my collar bone. I walked out with a really short bob that would be extra cute if I was 12 years old.

Thirty five is just another number and I am happy to be where I am in life, but I could do without the extra weight and the silly hair cut. Hopefully both of those will improve in the next few months & I can spend most of this year celebrating and not really feeling like I could actually be 35.

Starting A Play Group

Don't let the title of this post fool you, I am not starting a play group. We have been invited to join one that some ladies are starting. This morning, they had the first gathering. We had a potluck breakfast at someone's house and talked about what we'd like to do and when we'd like to meet. I guess we'll be having fun every Friday. As far as activities go, we will be doing a monthly brunch and a monthly field trip other than that we'll figure things out.

Sounds fun, right? While I know that these outings are exactly what all of us need (especially Lexi) I can't help but feel a tad bit guilty about having too much fun. My poor husband is slaving away at work while I am enjoying being a SAHM. Even on the worst days, I'd rather be home. The only things I really miss are the pay checks and contributing to my 401k. Shhhh, don't tell him how great it truly is.