Freckle Face Girl

Sewing Projects

2012-02-10T07:46:00.000-08:00

In November, I pulled out my sewing machine and actually started working on projects. This was quite strange for me because I don't consider myself someone who sews. In fact, my machine hadn't even been plugged in for 3 years (since I made that princess costume for Lexi). Before that, I would have to guess that I was a teenager who mainly liked to start projects so that I could get my mom to do them for me. I never minded picking out fabric and patterns or cutting out the patterns and material. After that, I just wanted my mom to make it for me. Let's be serious, she has skills...

It was probably a shock to everyone who knows me unless they just think I'm following in the footsteps of my mother and her mother before her & so on & so forth. One would have to wonder what suddenly brought this on and I freely admit that it was a combination of things (perfect storm).

1. I had no money (none, zip, nada)

2. Christmas was coming

3. I completely ♥love♥ pinterest and being inspired by them

4. On pinterest, I found an easy tutorial for a cut little shrug and a few other things

After I made the shrug and a few other simple things, I realized that I was ready for more.

After that, I found an easy tutorial for pj pants. I had that in mind when I just went window shopping and found out that fleece was on sale for 60% off. I couldn't pass that up. It worked well, so I decided to make my kids Christmas pj pants too (another sale).

My next project was the Christmas skirt below, obviously a big jump in required skills. I didn't have a pattern except for one that I bought off of ebay and my mom replicated last year. There were a few mistakes and lessons learned, but I decided not to be a perfectionist or beat myself up about them. I think that is why I hated sewing before. There is nothing like comparing yourself to a talented seamstress all of your life. It was still cute and definitely fun for Lexi to wear.

By then, it was time to focus on Christmas presents for my kids. Jordan's pre-school has nap mats. Each week, we bring king sized pillow cases to cover them. However, they didn't really cover the whole pad and the fit was quite tight. I decided to make a case out of flannel. There just happened to be a sale on flannel that week, so I decided to make a matching blanket. Once that was completed, I decided to make a dress for Lexi. I found an easy pattern that doesn't have a zipper or buttons. I also found cute fabric and made this:

At this point, it sounds like I am really taking on a new hobby, right? Well, that is where fate stepped in. When I was sewing the black bow onto Lexi's dress (last step), I broke the needle and somehow threw off the timing of the machine. I packed up my machine and was thankful that I got to do those projects.

However, kindness decided to block fate, my mom must have thought it was kind of sad that my new hobby had been shut down and offered to pay for my machine to be serviced. It is currently at the shop (takes a few weeks), but I am overflowing with project ideas. I can't wait... Yes, amazing sales, a birthday gift card to JoAnne Fabrics, and pinterest all result in projects just piling up.

Freckle Face Hermit

2011-12-31T07:47:00.000-08:00

A radical change has taken place over the last few months. It may sound strange given the fact that I work from home, but I have NEVER been a home body. In fact, I highly doubt there were a handful of days in my life when I stayed home the entire day and wasn’t feverishly ill. Not even as a brand new mom. It just isn’t who I am.

However, the shift into hermit mode began about the time the kids started school in the Fall. They went off to school and I stopped doing activities outside of my home and socializing with my friends. Sure I take and pick-up the kids from school, go to the grocery store, go to church, run errands, and occasionally socialize without any hesitation, but more than ever I am hanging out at home. Since this is so foreign to me, I can’t help but analyze the possible underlying reasons. At first, I figured I just needed a break. The exhaustion of the last few years had really caught up to me. I cut myself some slack and decided to be a little closed off. I was still opening up to friends on the phone so what was the big deal?

Now, after almost four months, I realize that I am getting worse not better. I had a few holiday gatherings that I enjoyed this month (including a QUICK trip to Miami for a company Christmas party), but most days I just stayed home. I didn’t think I would be like this during the kids’ break from school. I just haven’t felt like going out and they have seemed fine with it. I must admit that we do go on walks and bike rides. We’re not locked in the house all day every day.

As if becoming a hermit isn’t bad enough, I have even started semi-enjoying a few activities that I have never been too fond of. The most shocking one is sewing. I had not even plugged in my sewing machine in over two years. Suddenly, I have been making lots of projects and not hating it. The other shocking activity is reading. In the middle of December, I started reading Hunger Games (years after everyone else). In four days, I finished all three books in the series. Then I went into Amazon and downloaded several free books onto my Kindle (hand-me-down from my sister). Not that I hate reading novels, but I have never liked it enough to devote more than a day or two of the year to reading them.

Last week and today, I have had a chance to reflect on the last few months and the coming months and I realize that mainly I feel completely defeated. 2011 was a really hard year. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea why, premonitions do not usually spell things out. Having said that, I also see that a million little/huge great things happened that help me get by often at the last minute. I still feel beat down with no end to the tough times in sight. Despite that, I am full of hope. This is not an engulfing depression that makes me suicidal. It is just about being a hermit, which continues to persist. Perhaps, this is a passive way to deal with the issues I am facing. By hiding out, I am hoping they will just get bored and go away (all emotion and no logic). I guess on the bright side, it is never a bad thing to catch up on reading and my sewing skills definitely needed/still need improvement.

On to a new year with hopes that the future will be so bright, I’ll be able to block out some of 2011.

The Spirit of Christmas

2011-12-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

In the LDS church, everything is done by the congregation. Basically, nobody gets paid and we are all expected to pitch in. They ask different people to fill different rolls, some of which carry huge responsibilities. When I moved here, I actually was kind of bracing myself to see what they would want from me. Fortunately, I was asked to be a party planner for our church’s women’s group. That means that about five times a year, I help plan a party/dinner/gathering.

Two weeks ago, we had a nice Christmas dinner to put on. Usually, 40 to 60 women attend. The leader of the party planners invited us over to her house last month to figure out the details. We discussed the menu, invitations, decorations, and who our speaker would be. The other planners had not lived in this area for very long. They were suggesting names of men who attend church with our congregation. I sat there thinking it would be nice to have a woman from another congregation. I thought of the perfect person and suggested her name. She was one of my mom’s friends and she LOVES Christmas, but I have only seen her in passing for the past 20 years. We all decided to tell her our plans for the dinner and let her run with whatever she wanted to talk about. I wasn’t in charge of making the phone call, so I didn’t know whether she agreed or not. I didn’t find out until just a few days before that she had agreed.

When she arrived at the dinner that night, I hugged her and sat by her while we ate. I remembered why I admired her. She is very smart, intuitive, and full of love. I had no idea what she would talk about, but was completely blown away by her approach. Her topic was sad things that have happened at Christmastime that changed who you are as a person. She started with a story about herself.

She grew up in a family with eleven kids. She was right in the middle, actually #5. One Christmas when she was about seven, she awoke to find very few presents under the tree. Her family took turns passing out a present and watching the person open it. When all the presents were gone, she sat there quietly trying to conceal her sadness because there wasn’t even one gift for her and she didn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings. Her mom suddenly noticed and had a look of panic on her face. Her mom took her by the hand and led her to where she kept the fabric. She had her pick whatever fabric she wanted and told her that she planned to make a dress for her.

Our speaker asked if others had stories to share. Another lady told us about a Christmas when she was in her early 20s where she grew up in Guatemala. Her fiancé had called off their wedding and dumped her without explanation two months before this particular holiday. She had spent the last two months crying in her room and moping around their house. On Christmas Eve, her mother insisted that she get dressed and help with food preparations in the kitchen. She complied, but did so with a bad attitude until she noticed two children sweeping out her family’s garage. Immediately, she could see that they were very poor and must have come from a different part of town. They were trying to earn a tiny amount of money for their family. She suddenly lost all of her self-pity. She fixed a plate of food and cookies to give to them. The kids were so tickled by the thought of bringing food to their family. They were even more thrilled to try cookies for the first time.

This was exactly the Christmas message that I needed to hear. I had been feeling pretty depressed about not being able to splurge on Christmas this year. It was nice to be reminded that the spirit of Christmas is felt in the heart.

Jordan's 4th Birthday

2011-12-06T18:59:00.000-08:00

Jordan is officially four years old. To celebrate, we decided to have a reindeer birthday party. What could be better than combining a birthday and a Christmas party? We invited our close friends and had an amazing time. I decided to share some of the themed items:

Invite:

Reindeer Noses

Rootdeer

Cupcakes

Bean Bag Toss

Thanksgiving Post 2011

2011-11-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

This evening, I suddenly felt like I wanted to make a list of things I am thankful for. It is a little long and I don't care if anyone else reads it. It was simply a great reminder for me.

I, Freckle Face Girl, remember:

1. I am thankful for my kids and the opportunity to be their mom. A while ago, I was in a class where the teacher asked us to think about what we were born to do. I realized that I was born to be a mom. That doesn’t mean that I am perfect (far from it), but I am passionate about it and I truly feel it is one of the aspects that helps to define me.

2. I am thankful for my job. I started working for this company almost 10 years ago. Life certainly has changed since then, but they continue to give me a pay check as well as moral support.

3. I am thankful that I work from home. At times it is tougher than working in an office, but it also allows me to live closer to the type of lifestyle I think is best for me and my kids. I realize that not many people are this lucky.

4. I am thankful that my kids go to fantastic schools and have great teachers. Most importantly, they are happy.

5. I am thrilled to be raising my kids in an area where their influences are mostly positive. I am amazed that elementary aged kids here only know “bad” words to be things like stupid, duh, and shut-up.

6. I am thankful that my mom has been such a great support my whole life, and especially over the last few years. Beyond her moral support, she continues to pay my health insurance and do whatever she can for me and the kids.

7. I am thankful for my family and glad that drama is not part of the dynamics. It isn’t because we are not bursting with personality. We just believe everyone is crazy, so we don’t get offended easily/at all.

8. I am thankful for the many wonderful friends I have made in my life and the ability to stay connected to them. I am also glad for friends that treat us like family and invite us to spend holidays (Thanksgiving) with them.

9. I am thankful that I attend a church with great people who are kind, compassionate, fun, smart, and continually working to improve themselves.

10. I am thankful for the many wonderful ways that my impossible prayers have been answered. One or two were even mind-blowing.

11. I am thankful for the opportunities to help others. It is amazing how those simple acts inspire someone to pay it forward or come back and return the favor years later (see #10).

12. I am thankful that this year is coming to an end. Before this year even started, I had a premonition (link to post) it was going to be tough and it truly has been. Now, I am just hoping something will brighten up next year. – So far, I have received no premonitions either way…

13. Maybe it is cheesy to end it like this, but…. I am thankful to be single so that I don’t have to share the master suite. I just LOVE having my own walk-in-closet and bathroom.

Christmas Card Time

2011-11-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

As I have mentioned probably way too many times on this blog, I like to start working on Christmas cards in November. I even like to mail them off a bit early - beginning of December. However, this year, I have been feeling like it is just one more thing that I have to try to do. Not such a fun way to start the whole process. This was pretty much my attitude until I found some exciting news on Dayngr Girl's Blog (Dayngrous Discourse). I was one of three winners selected to receive holiday cards from Shutterfly. Now, I just have to try and get some cute pictures of the kids.

Goodbye to my Aunt

2011-11-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

My dad died of brain cancer almost exactly six years ago. Today, his younger sister lost her battle with breast cancer. He was 56. She was 54. The worst part is that my grandparents have now lost 3 of their 5 children. His older brother died last January. It doesn't matter how old you are or how old your children are, losing them is a nightmare.

Holiday Shirt

2011-11-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

I don't think it is any secret that I love holidays & getting festive. Sadly, this year I am suffering from a lack of funds. However, thanks to inspiration from pinterest, lots of ribbon and glue already owned, and a mother who always had sewing and craft projects going on – I am trying a new craftier phase of life. I even spent most of my Saturday working on several projects. My poor sewing machine had not been plugged in for 3 years.

I am posting the above Christmas tree shirt that I made for Lexi. Most of my other projects will be Christmas presents, so those I’ll have to keep under wraps. I liked how this one turned out. It was insanely easy. I simply used ribbons, fabric glue, fray check, and scissors. I think it would be even better to use non-traditional Christmas colors like soft pink and blue, perhaps I’ll try that next year.

Halloween Costumes

2011-11-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

This year, I didn't have the time, energy, or money to devote to coming up with new costumes, so I convinced the kids that we should be the same thing as last year. They dressed up on Friday and Saturday for church trunk-or-treating. We all got dressed up last night to go to a friend's house for a Halloween party. Of course, I was the only adult dressed up. That either means that I am insane, immature, or just too much fun... you decide.

Decorating Pumpkins

2011-10-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

This year, I decided that I didn't feel like carving pumpkins. Actually, I should say this week has been crazy hectic with work. I barely survived getting by on minimal activities and very little sleep. However, holidays must go on, right? I decided that we should do some kind of pumpkin decorating activity one evening. I pulled out my hot glue gun and bin full of ribbons and this is what we came up with. The kids picked out the ribbons for their pumpkins. Jordan wanted bats and spiders. Lexi wanted skulls and polka-dots. We used these as our decorations for trunk-or-treat. Maybe next year things will be a little easier and we can go all out.

Zillions of Distractions

2011-10-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

I think it is no secret, especially to anyone who has read my blog for several years, that I simply ♥LOVE♥ holidays. Remember the old days when I used to re-design my blog for each one? Pretty crazy! My blog got too much attention in those days and now sadly has been quite neglected. These last six weeks it is mainly because of Pinterest. Who doesn't love looking at, pinning and getting zillions of great ideas about everything and anything? Of course, I have been looking at lots of holiday ideas. It is just too tempting for me. If you are into it or looking for a new addiction, check it out. I think you can follow me using frecklefacegirl01@hotmail.com or my facebook connection. The more connections we make, the more stuff there is to look at... shiny, interesting, crafty, fashionable, dreamy, silly stuff.

Tonight, I have been looking at faces that are painted up for day of the dead. I have been interested in doing that to my face for Halloween for several years. I even watched a tutorial. I don't think it will happen this year, but definitely a motivation for next Halloween.

Americans Can Cook

2011-10-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

Every afternoon (3:30 pm), Jordan and I stand outside of Lexi’s school to pick her up. There are four moms at that exit that walk their kids home on a daily basis, so we have casually talked every day for the past six weeks. For some strange reason, I am the only US born mom and consequently the only one without an accent. One is from France. One is from Venezuela. The third one is from Bolivia.

Last week, the one from France brought each of us a bundle of fresh basil from her garden. The next day, they were all curious about how we each used our basil. The French one’s father was a chef, so she regularly cooks with fresh basil. The one from Venezuela teaches gourmet cooking classes for parties at people’s homes. She planned to use her basil for one of the parties. The one from Bolivia was still thinking about how she would use it, but had thought about using it in a cream cheese mix for various different things. They all looked at me with curiosity. I told them I was going to make a homemade margherita pizza (posted a picture above as proof). They were surprised that I knew how to cook since I am an “American.”

Isn’t that funny that they thought that? Is it because Americans eat out a lot? Maybe they just think we stick to meat and potatoes, which I know a lot who do. I happen to be better at foreign dishes. To be honest, I love all things Italian. Indian, Arabic and Japanese rank high on my list of dishes too. We hardly ever go out to eat, so I have to keep it interesting. I don’t know how Americans got that reputation or if it is wide-spread, but perhaps it is time we show them that we can cook.

Contemplating Complete Forgiveness

2011-09-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

I have something I have been thinking about posting for several weeks, but I am not sure how much I am ready to reveal or honestly even deal with. One thing I know is that I don’t want to spell it out, but I think it will be completely obvious who this is about. Never-the-less, here it goes…

What happens when there is someone who plays a significant role in your life that over the course of several years gets wrapped up in something that drastically hurts themselves, you and definitely damages your relationship? What happens when this builds to the point where most of the ties must be severed in order to keep your sanity? What if you take time to at least generally forgive the person and are able to talk to them in an honest and kind way? What if after a certain amount of time, they ask for complete forgiveness and would like to TRY to restore that relationship? Not only that, but they are showing remarkable improvement through the help of a therapist and religious studies. What if that person is going out of their way to prove they are an asset in your life without expecting anything in return?

These are the basic questions I have been contemplating for the past few weeks. In general, I believe that I am a very forgiving person that doesn’t hold grudges. I honestly believe that everyone deserves a second chance if they are willing to work for it. Sadly, we are all foolish at times and take things for granted. I wish I could say that I am perfect. Sometimes, we get our best lessons in life by learning the hard way. Those lessons transform us into a much better person.

On the other hand, there is that saying - fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There is a certain amount of distrust and self protection that exists to help us survive. Where is the balance in all of this? I guess it is just a matter of taking things VERY slowly and seeing if it is possible to build enough trust. Life is so complicated.

Burning Up

2011-09-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

It is certainly time to pray for some REAL rain for Texas. We are burning up. I am glad that I live in an area where there isn't an active fire. However, we have fires to the west of us and fires to the north. Sadly, there are choking clouds of smoke everywhere. I am tired of smelling and breathing it. We even had ashes falling around our house on Monday evening. The weather has finally gotten a little cooler and now the smoke forces us to stay inside.

On Sunday, my son started announcing to people that a hurricane is coming. I don't know why. We hadn’t been discussing it or anything. I am simply hoping for a very wet tropical storm, one that lingers for several days and soaks everything.

Divorce Talk

2011-09-01T08:59:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago, I realized that so many of my posts focus on divorce and being single. Not that it is a bad topic, but I decided that I was a bit tired of the whole thing. I wanted to mix it up a little.

However, the bizarre thing about this status is that somehow it inspires people to open up and share their marriage struggles and thoughts of divorce. Plus, meeting other divorcees happens naturally. I end up hearing and talking a lot about the whole divorcee way of life. While it is quite interesting and really opens my eyes up to how fortunate I truly am, I wonder what the deeper meaning in all of this. Life is so complicated with a million different answers and directions as well as insane reasoning behind decisions and feelings.

When it comes to others, mainly I just listen without judging. I believe it is important to look at situations from diverse angles and consider all options. I bring up many different points good and bad without stating my opinion. Ultimately, relationships are so personal that only each individual can figure out what they truly want to do or are ready to do.

Through all these various discussions, I have realized that only the most fortunate people survive a divorce with a relatively small amount of money being paid to lawyers, without hateful feelings, and being able to maintain a friendship not to mention mutual respect. Life is far from easy and divorce is horrible, but I consider myself a rare lucky divorcee.

First Day of School 2011

2011-08-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

Lexi's first day of kindergarten was yesterday. She was quite excited about it and had a great day. I had no doubts that it would be good. Both she and I were more than ready for this day. The only one that got a little emotional was Jordan and that was back at home when he was missing her.

Lexi's Reading Lessons

2011-08-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

We finally finished Lexi's 100th reading lesson. Remember back in November when I posted her 55th reading lesson? Well, we got up to 74 and stalled. I had too much work and it was quite grueling to keep her focused and interested. The lessons went out the window. When we got back to Texas, Lexi’s friend (daughter of my friend) was close to finishing the 100 lessons. That gave Lexi the motivation she needed to nag me to do them.

I decided the best way to do it would be to start over again. We finished the first 20 lessons in one afternoon. Getting up to the first 50 lessons went quickly. Lexi remembered all of the sounds and sped through them. After that, we rarely did more than one lesson a day, but we kept up with it. We both really wanted to finish before school starts. Also, she has been excited for the ice cream party that I promised her from the beginning.

Kids Talk

2011-07-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

Today is the two year anniversary of the divorce. Emotionally, I am in a much better place and so is my ex. I know it was absolutely the right decision, even though breaking up a family is so difficult and shouldn’t have to happen ever. However, life has a way of helping people grow, heal and move on.

This week, I saw an article about dealing with your ex getting a new girlfriend. One of the author’s suggestions was encouraging your kids not to talk about the other parent’s life or your life. I think that advice is sad.

First of all, I can’t imagine discouraging my kids from sharing anything that affects their lives. I want them to feel like they can talk to me about anything and everything. Perhaps, that is one of the reasons my kids are non-stop talkers. I don’t want them to keep things from me. I hope by getting in this habit, they’ll come to me with everything especially during the teenage years or if anyone ever does anything to them that I NEED to know about.

Secondly, I don’t want them to feel guilty or bad about a person that is hopefully a positive influence in their lives. I wouldn’t discourage them from talking about their teachers or friends’ moms. Their dad’s girlfriend or their step-mom would be a significant part of their lives, especially since they spend every other weekend with him and most likely her.

Thirdly, kids are constantly trying to understand the world and life. Every new situation creates questions. They want to understand what things mean and how things work, especially relationships. Questions like: What will happen if they get married? What if they have a baby? How will that baby be related to me? Will that baby be related to you, mom? Will my dad still love me? Etc. Kids naturally ask questions and probably feel more comfortable asking the person who answers most of their questions, which in my experience is their mom.

I guess this point in the article struck a nerve because I am dealing with this currently. My ex has a special woman in his life that the kids spend time with. In fact, most of the time they are with him, she is too. I haven’t met her yet, but she seems like a great person and is really getting attached to the kids. I am sure that she is good for him and the kids. Since my kids are TALKERS, I have heard all about her and him and them and answered all kinds of questions. Sure, it sometimes causes moments of insecurity or self-doubt (when I think about it later after they are asleep), but overall I feel like it is a positive thing.

Then again, I am able to listen and answer from an emotionally stable place and with a level head. My point is that advice columns can be wrong. Before taking advice, think about it from all different angles and potential outcomes.

Lack of Television Obsession

2011-07-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

My life seems to revolve around taking care of the kids, work, cleaning the house, cooking and a little sleep. Even my social life has more to do with entertaining the kids than simply being me time. Fortunately, I get to hang out with friends that have kids that are friends with my kids. So, I kill two birds with one stone. I love that. One thing, this current lifestyle leads to is the lack of opportunity to indulge in television watching. That means I should to stick to quality programs when I get the rare moment.

When I was in California, I caught a few episodes of Glee, Bones, Lie To Me, and a few others that I quite liked. However, I always end up missing most of the episodes in a season even if I think the show is amazing. This tendency helped lead to my decision to not get cable. Instead, we have a Wii so we can watch Netflix. I also watch on my computer. If I have time for a movie, I mostly like cheesy chic flicks. I try to watch one when the kids are out with their dad when I am not terribly busy working.

Somehow, while searching for something interesting but not so long, I stumbled across a tv show that sounded very out of the ordinary. It is called Obsessed. It is a reality show, but not the staged contest kind that I dislike. It is more like a documentary. I have only watched about 4 episodes, but it is fascinating. Actually, it is fascinating, creepy, desperately sad, completely insane, and then full of hope and moving on. Each episode is about two different people living with extreme cases of OCD. They discuss and document their issues and then go through 12 weeks of face-your-fears type of therapy.

I have always enjoyed biographies and real life stories, especially ones where people open up and lay it all on the line. Not only are these people sharing the darkest part of their lives, but they are finding manageable solutions to something that has plagued them for years. Although, I am easy going and can’t see any real similarities to their problems, it is inspiring to watch them tackle an issue head-on and then transform.

Two Months In Texas

2011-07-15T19:22:00.001-07:00

Today marks the two month anniversary of our return to grand ol Texas! Yeehaw! What’s not to love???? Overall, I can say that I am thrilled to be back, but it hasn’t been all dreamy easy. Basically, it is a mix of inner peace/pure happiness and worry/adjusting.

Adjusting hasn’t been an issue for me specifically. In fact, right as we were first pulling in I felt like I’d never left. Two years flew by. Everything is familiar and my friends all look the same. Their kids had grown up a lot, but that didn’t take long to get used to. My house feels normal too. Mostly, I just put things back the way they were. The sad part is that the house needs quite a few minor repairs and I just have to be patient while I get other things going so I can get to it. Lexi & Jordan have been trying to adjust though. They have loved being back, but they get sentimental now and then when they think about their grandparents or my sister.

Another issue is money. Isn’t it always though? Money is extremely tight (actually slipping back a little), but promising. In addition to my job, I have two clients that keep me jumping. Once those take off, I am looking forward to the cash flow improving. They both seem quite happy and I know I will be able to work better once school starts and there are more moments of quiet around here.

I guess another topic is my social life, which involves friends. I love being around old friends. I have quite a few here. There is just something too special about someone who knows you over more than two decades. They know my family and who I really am. It is comforting and still fun.

My love life is exactly where I want it to be, which is essentially nowhere with a little twist. The kids and I have gone on three play dates with that guy and his kids that I mentioned in the last post. He is SOOOO nice. He doesn’t want to date yet because his divorce isn’t finalized, which I think is the right thing to do. Plus, he is clearly suffering from heartache in the emotional rollercoaster of divorce. He wants and needs a friend just as much as I do. Although I am sad he is going through this, I am very comfortable with our platonic friendship that involves a little flirting. I quite enjoy talking to him too. I think this friendship is therapeutic for both of us.

Not bad or boring for two months of my life. In one more month and a few days, my little Lexi will be starting kindergarten. More adjustments with life moving onward.

No Feminine Allure

2011-07-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Out of the people that I know who read my blog, I am not sure there are many that have experienced what I feel like revealing tonight. Sadly, when someone has gone through a rather long spell without any type of romantic connection, they begin to see themselves as non-attractive. I realize that it sounds like I am referring to some steamy passionate entanglement, but I am really talking about ANY type of interaction like flirting.

Logically speaking, I understand that I have chosen to spend the last (almost) year as close to nun-hood as possible. It isn’t the first time. Well, I take that back. I highly doubt that I have ever shunned the dating scene for an entire year. I was 30 when I got married, so the single life is something that I am thoroughly familiar with. I took quite a few breaks (several months long) back in the pre-marriage days. Breathers can be nice.

In many ways, choosing the life of a quasi-nun can feel very liberating and can be a time of great introspection. There are a lot of things that need my focus right now and I barely feel like I am keeping up. Sometimes, one more thing gets thrown into my life and it feels overwhelming.

Plus, I absolutely don’t like the whole fakeness of first dates and chit chatting with strangers who may or may not want to spend the rest of their lives being in love. It’s just not at all appealing right now. Granted, there isn’t an abundance of single men in any of the activities or hang-outs that I spend time at. In fact, mostly I see lots of moms. I rarely see any men (married or not). Truthfully, my chances of even bumping into single men are pretty low. I live in the suburbs. I only do kid/family-friendly activities. I work from home so I don’t even see my colleagues or meet many new people.

On a highly depressing note, living a nun-ish life leads a girl to feel like no normal guy could possibly be interested in her. I wonder if I am even capable of getting a guy’s attention, assuming that I would actually find one that I am interested in. I’ve forgotten how to flirt, if I ever really knew. For the sake of this rambling post, let’s pretend somehow I could get his attention. Then, what? My life is consumed by my kids and work. I would have to dig deep to even remember other interests in an attempt to carry on even one fascinating conversation.

Alas, this circle of self doubt and complete disinterest in dating will continue for the time being. Mostly, I know that it is best for me right now. However, I’d just love a little flirtatious smile or harmless wink from a half-way handsome single man near my age to signal that perhaps just maybe I still got it.

**Update: After writing this post last night, I took the kids to the pool today and happened to get what I wished for. There were a few dads there. One who was holding a baby & had two other kids started talking to me. I thought that his wife was probably on one of the beach chairs. He asked, "What do ya'll do for a living?" I told him that I am divorced and then about my work. I asked him what he does & he said that he is currently going through a divorce. Our kids played and we had a nice time. He shared a few things, but said it was hard to talk with the kids. I was friendly, but not divulging much. Before he left, he politely asked for my number to see if we could schedule a play date for the kids. Pretty harmless, right? How could someone refuse that? -- I don't know if we'll ever get together. It would be nice to have a friend. The best part of this was finding out that I am not repulsive.

What's My Name?

2011-06-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today, two different people asked me my last name and I couldn't answer. Does that seem like a dumb blonde thing or what? Fortunately, both of them knew both of the last names I go by, but wasn't sure which one I preferred. Sadly, I don't know which one I prefer either and I've been divorced for 2 years.

On the one hand, I am probably leaning more towards my maiden name. I am living in a place where quite a few people know my family so I'm classified as one of them anyways. Plus, I've been using that name for work this entire time. I started working for my company before I got married and it seemed like such a hassle to make the change, especially since I am marketing person who has lots of contacts. It would affect my e-mail, business cards, etc. Technically, it is not only my last name, but now it is officially my middle name. My parents didn't give me a middle name. When I got married, I made my maiden name my middle name. My first name, maiden name & last name are on all my documents (drivers license, passport, social security, etc). Going back to only using my maiden name also signifies in my mind that I am single and completely in charge of my own life. In a way, it is liberating but only in my mind.

On the other hand, there is a small part of me that thinks sharing my married name with my kids makes us feel more like a family. I don't want them to feel even a little alienated by the divorce. I wonder if by deciding to officially stop using our last name, it would send a signal that I am rejecting the name that is part of who they are. Of course, that is probably over thinking it, but you get my point. Also, I just don't want the hassle of officially changing it. What a pain that can be.

I've mentioned this topic of divorcing and last names before but mainly from view of the guy's new wife. As far as I know, my ex isn't very close to that next step. It would feel strange to share a last name with my ex if he has a new wife.

I guess on this one issue, I am still in limbo. For now, I tell people that I'll answer to either name, but I just don't know what I want. There may be a perk to being undecided. It will be so much tougher for people to gossip about me when half of the people know me by one name and the other half know me by another.

Who’s your Daddy?

2011-06-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love when your kids say something so ridiculously funny when they have no idea what they are saying? Tonight, I overheard this conversation between Lexi and Jordan:

Lexi, "Jordan, you have to shake what your momma gave you."
Jordan, "No, the mailman gave me this."

At this point, I am thinking... the mailman gave him something? ...and sounds like I had an affair with the mailman and he is Jordan's real dad. I just had to walk into the other room to see what he was talking about.

I asked him what the mailman gave him. Jordan pointed at his shirt. I guess when I order things online, it is really the mailman that gives it to Jordan.

Leaps of Faith

2011-05-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

When I got out of college, I took huge leaps of faith several times. Twice I decided to move to a different city (Denver & Miami) where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know where I would live and didn’t have a job. I just packed up my car and hit the road. I was quite nervous about whether or not it would work out, but I have moved almost every year of my entire life so I just went for it.

It is one of the things about me that my friends laugh at/half admire/think is insane. Getting older has slightly decreased my desire to do that, but it is clearly still part of who I am. This recent move back to Texas wasn’t completely into the unknown. First, I am still working for the company that I started with in 2002. Second, I knew that I would be moving back to my house. Unpacking has been easy since I mostly just put things where I had them before. Third, I know my way around town. Not only did I live here for two years before going to California, but my family has lived here off and on since we moved here when I was in high school. This feels like home for me. Fourth, I have lots of close friends here many of whom feel like family. There is nothing like having a long history/friendship with people. All of these points lead me to be being truly happy.

However, life is never completely perfect. I have had to get use to sharing custody. Not that there is anything wrong with it or that it has been difficult, but I am a little over protective as a mother in some ways. I think I have been doing a pretty decent job of sharing though. Unfortunately, my main concern is our financial situation. I am currently only working part-time for my company. With the very slow (practically stopped) economy in Florida, that is all they need from me. I have decided that the best way to cover the bills is to do a little consulting on the side. I know I am great at my job, but I just have to find clients. That is why I have been absent on my blog. Basically, I’m busy with another one of my leaps of faith. I just pray that this one goes as well as all the others have.

Easter Dress

2011-04-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

Even though I love holidays, Easter Sunday wasn't that thrilling for me this year. I have a huge proposal due today and it needed lots of attention this weekend. Of course, we did the whole bunny thing. The kids woke up and found their baskets. Then we got ready for church. After church, they went to a party/picnic with my mom, step-father & sister, while I worked. The highlight for me that day was wearing my new Easter dress which I got courtesy of Tropic of Me and Family. Winning something is SO exciting! Thanks Holly!!!

Sunday in my City

2011-04-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite blogs, Relish My Relish, has a Sunday tradition. She calls it Sundays in my City. She posts pictures of an activity her family experienced. Apparently, she belongs to an Australian blogging group and they all do it. It is an interesting way to see some of the great attractions from Down Under. Today, I am going to copy that idea and share a San Diego gem.

As my time in California grows short, I realize that there are many sites/activities/adventures we are going to miss. The La Jolla Cove will definitely be on the top of the list. I decided to head there this afternoon with the kids. We walked around, looked at the seals, listened to the sound of the ocean, climbed trees, and had a good time. I should probably admit that there is one thing I have not and do not plan to do in California and that is get in the ocean. Ten years of living in Florida has completely spoiled me as far as ocean temperatures go. Anything below 80 degrees is just torture. The temperature of the water here was 60 degrees today, which is beautiful to look at and that is about it.

Lucky for Me

2011-04-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

At church, there are a few young families that have one or both of the spouses in the military. Recently, a mom that is about my age had her husband deployed. The thing that makes her story unique is that they have quite a few very small children. In fact, they have a daughter Lexi’s age (5), a son Jordan’s age (3) who has down syndrome, and twins (boy and a girl) that are almost one. She is a SAHM that has her hands full even when her husband is around to help.

One of her personality traits that seems to help her get through (clearly survive emotionally) is her ability to share her babies. They are often passed around and are quite comfortable with strangers. I have realized that my over protective tendencies do not make me a very good at this, so I admire it in others. I also recognize what a wonderful gift to be able to share with others. It is amazing the amount of happiness that comes from cuddling, rocking, and caring for a baby even if only for an hour or so. Sometimes I see women who are not able to get pregnant, or women who have all their children grown, or women whose kids are just a little older find this pure joy from loving on her babies.

Today, I got that honor. Normally, I am hesitant about offering to do that for someone I don’t know well. Not because I don’t want to help, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about an acquaintance doing it. However, it was the last class at church, Relief Society, which is the class for adult women to attend. She is the chorister for the two songs that are sung. It was coming time for the opening song and she looked a little flustered, so I held out my arms. She got a huge smile on her face and handed me her daughter and apologized for the baby’s crankiness. Suddenly, I was full of love. I bounced her sweet baby then stood up and rocked with her for a few short minutes before she fell asleep. I got to spend the class cradling a baby and felt so lucky the whole time. I was sure to let her know that I would be happy to help ANYTIME!

Summer of Fun

2011-04-05T13:45:00.000-07:00

I have been so swamped with work lately that I haven't really had time to think about moving back to Texas. Now, I realize it is five and a half weeks away and there is so much to do (including lots of work still). However, I am full of excitement. I have decided that this summer is going to be GREAT with lots of pool time. Plus, our weekdays will have themes to ensure that it will be a blast even when it isn't. We are going to have:

Manic Mondays (cleaning, running errands, & grocery shopping)
Taco Tuesdays (make some type of Mexican food for dinner)
Wacky Wednesdays (some very silly/high energy fun activity)
Themed Thursdays (pirate day, princess day, dragon day, etc)
Freaky Fridays (not quite sure what yet)

I realize that labeling things doesn't necessarily make them fun, but they sound better and sometimes that counts for a lot. My kids are already looking forward to it.

Emerging as Myself

2011-03-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

This week, I read an article in a magazine about Botox that inspired a whole train of thought and an extremely strange analogy. Yes, I am weird. I am not in any way an expert of Botox. In fact, I have never even seriously thought about getting it and I only know a few people who have had it. Mainly, I just like reading studies about almost anything. This particular one said that although Botox only works for a few months, many patients who do it a few times in four months happen to see results up to 20 months. Their conclusion was that paralyzing the muscle actually gives the skin time to repair itself.

Now, for the strange analogy – for the past few weeks I have been thinking about how I am feeling more alive than I have in a long time. About a year ago, I posted about losing myself here: Lost My Spit Fire

I know that besides going through divorce, coming to California to live with my mom has been difficult for me, personally. No, not in any of the ways one might easily guess. My mom works full time and is laid back. She doesn’t meddle at all or even try to pry into my life much, just in a caring helpful way. My problem is that I am a fiercely independent person. I prefer to take care of myself, handle everything by myself, and I never ask for help. I am the one that helps others. I was even the main breadwinner for most of my marriage. Deciding to move here was not easy for me. However, I knew it was the best decision for me because I could continue working part-time and still be able to take care of my kids full-time. That felt significantly important to me. (I am not saying that it would be the best choice for anyone else or even for me at a different point in my life.)

Many changes have occurred since then. Recently, I have realized that it is time for the next phase of life. Preparing to go back to being completely self-sufficient is giving me a breath of fresh air. Although money will be extremely tight for a while, I am thrilled to know that I will be back on my own. As I look back on these past almost 2 years, I now realize that being here was enormously beneficial for me. Yes, I felt a bit paralyzed like I wasn’t moving forward or really doing anything with my life other than being the kind of mom that I wanted to be. Yet, just like Botox, being paralyzed allowed me to heal. I am genuinely at peace, more confident, appreciative of my current situation, and even, dare I say, incredibly cheerful.

Brother's Wedding

2011-03-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

This weekend, my youngest brother is getting married. Sadly, the kids and I will not be attending. They live in ~~the middle of nowhere~~ Montana, which means that buying three plane tickets to their miniature airport would be very expensive. A long road trip isn't in the cards either. I just have too much work to take that much time off. This is always my busiest time of year. Plus, we'll be driving half way across the US soon enough when we head back to Texas in two months.

Having said all that, I really do wish I could be there. Family events are always a wonderfully hectic time and I am mainly sad that my kids will miss out on the fun. We are still making efforts to be part of the wedding and get into the spirit of it all. Last week, Lexi decided that we should draw pictures of them getting married. Her masterpiece is above. As for my art work, I chose to dig deep and really get to the heart of their characters. I call it “Normal Girl marries the Mad Hatter.” - (remember that big sister = master taunter)

To be fair, I am posting a real picture of them. I wish them the best. The kids are excited to get another aunt!

By the way, none of my family members read my blog. They are vaguely aware it exists, but they just aren't blogging people.

Loving the Green Today

2011-03-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

St Patty's Day is always a big deal for us. My mom is half Irish and always had to make it fun. Of course, we're celebrating it this year in silly little ways. Last night, I made sure the kids had green pjs so they would wake up and not get pinched. I guess that means I can't pinch them either. This morning, I had them help me make green tinted oatmeal, which left me with a green index finger for the day. We'll find other little ways to celebrate, but sadly I have a huge deadline tomorrow morning. I've been working practically around the clock and have not had time or energy to devote too much to this day, but you can bet we're wearing our shamrocks & enjoying it.

Incredible & Edible

2011-03-05T18:01:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, the kids & I happened to come across a display of cakes created by a local cake decorating club. We were all amazed. I just had to take pictures to show them to my mom & sister. As I was looking through them, I decided to share them on my blog too. All I can say is WOW!

Underlying Stress

2011-02-23T13:54:00.000-08:00

My life is full of stress right now. Not necessarily the bad kind though, except that lots of stress makes sleeping tricky and keeps issues nagging somewhere in the back of my brain – always looming and attacking. I have been told that I have a great ability to hide stress well, which seems like a bit of a paradox when I have also been told that all of my emotions show up on my face. I guess it has more to do with the fact that I don’t complain and can easily carry on in life even when I am under pressure.

One thing I can’t do, when stressed, is blog. I am just too busy going over everything in my head and tend to be private about that until I solve it internally. Right now, my biggest concern is money (future money), which is such a boring topic really. Do we ever really have enough of it? I never do. Somehow, I always get by though.

My stress this time has more to do with moving back to Texas than anything. I’ll just say that my current income doesn't quite cover the bills much less leave money for important things such as food, gas, etc. Something big has to happen, which could be my boss hiring me full-time, keeping my part-time job and doing consultant work on the side, getting a new job that would take me away from home/kids, winning the lottery (too bad I don’t buy tickets), or another option that hasn’t yet presented itself. Of course, the first two are probably my preference. I have ideas of what I can/want/would be willing to do. In three months, I’ll be back in Texas and dealing with this head on, so for now I am just lulling over the scenarios and dreaming of easy answers.

Valentines Cookies

2011-02-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, my mom, sister and I saw a demonstration about cookie decorating. The fun would have ended there if my sister and I were left up to it. However, my mother was inspired. She decided to make the sugar cookies a few days ago. Today, she made the icing and got the two of us to help her decorate. It was actually a lot easier than any of us imagined. Of course, I just had to make one or two specifically for my favorite little Valentines - Lexi and Jordan.

Change of Heart

2011-02-07T08:42:00.001-08:00

Last November after a particularly rough week or so, my kids asked me if we could go to church. I had grown weary of searching for inexpensive ways to entertain them. This actually sounded like a good idea. The LDS church is an entire three hours on Sunday. The first hour, the whole congregation meets together. After that, they split up into classes and there is a huge program just for kids. Not only would my little ones be entertained, but I would get about 2 hours of a break, which I desperately needed.

Now, I know that is not the most honorable motivation for attending church, but as I have learned with the gym… it is not so much what gets you to go, but the actually going that is the good part. Should I even be admitting that? Probably not, but I am.

A funny thing happened that day; I realized that it wasn’t so bad. It isn’t that I ever hated going to church. However, when you are not going it is easy to think of all the reasons that you don’t want to go or don’t even like it. In fact, I enjoyed the serenity that the little break gave me.

I decided that we would attend throughout December too. There were two motivations for that – a healthy break from the kids and my love of Christmas songs/hymns. In that month, I quite enjoyed my experiences there from simple things like adult conversations, hearing about others overcoming their various struggles (simple and complex), seeing truly happy families/couples, as well as religious doctrine. I have always enjoyed studying religions.

This experience carried over into January, but instead of going mostly for the break, I was actually enjoying it. I still had some of my reservations though. One day, the class conversation sparked several personal and happy memories. My heart was immediately softened and I began to listen with more of an open mind. While, I realize that I do not understand some of the trivial things that had bothered me before, I do know following my true heart usually leads me in the right direction. Besides, no matter what, when someone is working on improving their spirituality and inner peace good things happen. I am certainly better off today than I have been in a while. I also have a better understanding of many aspects of my life.

Birthday Celebration

2011-01-30T22:26:00.000-08:00

We celebrated my birthday with my mom and sister at the Cheesecake Factory. I love that place. I always make sure that we get there before 5pm. That way we get the lunch portion, which is still HUGE.

Sharing a Birthday

2011-01-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I discovered that I share a birthday with one of my favorite artists, Sarah McLachlan. I especially like that she is five years older than me. Happy Birthday Sarah!

Lexi Turns Five

2011-01-26T13:17:00.000-08:00

Today, Lexi turns five years old. I was in bed this morning when the kids woke up. I listened to their usual banter and wondered when she was going to remember that today is THE big day. She has been telling everyone about for the past several months. Surprisingly, it took about five minutes. She got excited and suddenly announced to Jordan, "I am five today and ready for kindergarten!" I couldn't help but laugh. I am ready for her to go too.

We don't have anything huge planned. We took brownie bites to the YMCA for her to share with the kids and teachers. She also has her annual physical this afternoon. This evening, we're making her favorite dinner - lasagna, which will be followed by a Tangled cake. She can't wait to taste all that hair. She is also excited to open presents of course.

Going Gray

2011-01-24T21:32:00.000-08:00

About a year ago, my mom started considering letting her hair go gray. She even selected the book, “Going Gray” by Anne Kreamer, for her book club meeting. The ladies showed up and seemed to have an interesting discussion about vanity and aging. My mom announced to them that she was going to try it. She planned to start by lightening her hair a few shades and then cutting it short once the roots grew in.

To be completely honest, I thought it was a horrible idea. She looks young and has plenty of energy so why would she give up this fight? Mainly, I also couldn’t imagine red hair sprinkled with gray. I just thought it would kind of clash or something. She argued that she just wanted to try it and if she discovered that she didn’t like it, she would start dying her hair again. In our family, we give our opinions but do not get emotionally invested in the outcome and certainly never expect each other to take it.

My mom did exactly what she planned to do and guess what… it turned out just fine. In fact, I actually think her natural red goes very well with the new blondish-gray hair. Plus, she has quite a bit more red than I expected for someone approaching 60 years old.

A few months ago, I was surprised to find out that my aunt (dad’s sister) had also taken up the same quest. Today, she was featured in the Salt Lake Tribune: Silver Sisters Lead the Way in Gray Roots Movement.

She is the one in the middle named Barb Shelley.

The interesting thing is that I am actually glad they did this little experiment. They have paved the way for me. I have never dyed my hair, although I did lighten it once or twice in college. I have always planned to cover up gray hair once they start taking over, but I never ever considered the alternative. At this point, I still only have one that I find once or twice a year. I mentioned it before here: Gray Hair

I saw my little gray hair the other day and promptly plucked it out. One day though, when it comes with lots of friends, I will probably just leave it and not worry about dying it. I'll just be happy that I can spend money and time on other things.

Type Casting for Romance

2011-01-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

In theory, I believe it is a little sad and confining to type cast an actor or a person for that matter. However, I realize that I don’t like movies where Robin Williams is a bad guy. I refuse to see them because even the idea sickens me. This week, I’ve discovered that I also don’t like to think about Enrique Iglesias as a cheater. I finally got around to looking up one of his most recent videos on YouTube:

I don't even consider myself a big fan, but he does remind me of Miami and I can't help but smile. The video doesn't. It definitely does not give off warm fuzzy feelings. After watching it, I had to go watch his older videos that are much more romantic (albeit stalker type love):

Excuse #4 for Not Dating

2011-01-14T09:04:00.000-08:00

Excuse #4:

I guess this one is mostly about not feeling quite whole/having self-doubt. Right now, I don't have a lot to offer.

1. I have some debts to pay off. Divorce isn't exactly cheap and child support hasn't been steady. I am scraping by some months.
2. I am living with my mom and step-dad, which isn't something I feel like explaining to a potential partner (just the internet world here - whole other post).
3. Giving my time isn't even easy. One of the most productive blocks of time for working is in the evening after the kids are in bed. The rest of my time is devoted to them.
4. It is tough to have meaningful telephone conversations when the kids are always getting into something or bickering in the background. If it is difficult to talk to my friends that are moms, how would it work with a guy that I am interested in?
5. Being a single mom is exhausting and leaves little energy for anything else.

I could probably come up with a long list, but basically it comes down to the fact that I would like someone very special or nobody. I don't feel like I have a lot to share or the ability to attract the right guy at this time, so I'd rather be alone.

Excuse #3 for Not Dating

2011-01-12T15:47:00.000-08:00

Excuse #3:

I don't meet dateable men in my daily life. My normal week involves entertaining the kids, working from home, a little grocery shopping, and working out at the YMCA. Plus, the best time for us to go to the YMCA is 10 am to noon. The only other people there at that time are stay-at-home moms and senior citizens. Of course, I see single dads at the zoo or Sea World when I take the kids on the weekend. For me, it doesn’t feel right to flirt or show interest in those circumstances.

The only other option is online dating. Although I have a few on-line profiles and get some interesting responses, I just can’t get excited out it. Mainly, I realize that you can tell a lot about a person within minutes of meeting them in person. Exchanging e-mails, telephone numbers, and texts before you even know if you are interested is a slightly uncomfortable method. I am not opposed to it, but just not motivated to do it at this point.

Excuse #2 for Not Dating

2011-01-10T18:48:00.000-08:00

Excuse #2:

California is just a pit stop in my life. Ok, so it is two years in limbo land. I don't plan to stay here and really have no desire to make strong ties with anyone. I realize that two years is a long time for a pit stop, but there it is... I see it as temporary.

Along that note - This morning, I got a call from my tenant in Texas. They are looking for a house and would like to know if I would be willing to let them out of their lease early (6 months left). I would LOVE to, but the timing isn't right at all for me. I am sure that my company isn’t ready to talk about full time yet. I want it & they want it. How torturous is that?

Excuse #1 for Not Dating

2011-01-09T22:06:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have become friends with a few people that are single parents. While part of me completely loves this status more than I should, I also recognize that there is a small amount of loneliness in always being surrounded by two beautiful kids and not having someone to truly share our lives with. I just can't seem to get excited about dating though. I tried it for a few months about a year ago and decided to hold off. Lately, I feel the need to explore my reasoning. I plan to post some of my excuses (lame or not) over the next few days.

Excuse #1:

When you have kids, anything that isn't a great date is just a huge waste of time. I would much rather spend that time with my kids. Let's face it; most dates are just not worth it when you have something better to do. Being a mom means that I ALWAYS have something better going on.

My Dad's Brother Died

2011-01-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

My dad's brother died this week. I am not really sad, but I am in shock. It has been five years since my dad passed away and I can't believe his parents are burying another child. Both of their sons are gone now. I think losing a child is the most horrible thing ever, no matter how old you are. Here is his obit (minus some details):

Lloyd, 62, died Monday, Jan. 3, 2011, due to complications from pneumonia. Services will be held on Saturday, Jan. 8. Burial with military honors will follow at the cemetery.

He was born in Logan, Utah, on April 9, 1948, and was the oldest child of Maurice and JoAnn. He graduated from Kuna High School.

He served as a sergeant in the Vietnam War from 1968 to 1970 and was honorably discharged. He was awarded the Purple Heart and Bronze Star for his service.

Lloyd will be remembered for his passion for his cows, horses, dogs and grandchildren. His lifelong dream was to be a rancher, which he was through and through.

He had a great sense of humor and was always teasing everyone.

He is survived by his wife, four children, and his 8 grandchildren. He is also survived by his parents and his sisters. He was preceded in death by his brother, Larry.

Bracing for the New Year

2011-01-04T09:48:00.000-08:00

Isn’t it odd that many of us seem to spend the first week or two of each New Year bracing to see what it will bring? We are a bit nervous about whether or not it will be a good year. If last year was particularly rough, we hope and pray that this one will be a huge improvement. If we had a great year, we are extremely anxious that the pendulum will swing the other way. Lots of people, who claim not to be overly superstitious, look for little signs that will give clues as to what’s to come. It is almost humorous that the changing of a number such as 2011 (simply mankind’s way of keeping track) causes numerous emotions.

To be honest, I can’t remember having one year that I would deem as “bad.” Sure there were years when it seemed like lots of things hit hard, but in those years good things happened too. Sometimes the good and bad things carried over into the following year. Life seems to be more of a crazy mixed up ball of uncertainty that does not pay attention to a silly thing like what month or year it happens to be. However, outward randomness is not necessarily a negative thing. At least it is always interesting.

I am not sure where I am going with this. This little post is probably just a pep talk I am trying to give myself. I am trying not to view the negative occurrences that have recently happened as signs of what is to come. It all started one day, last month. I suddenly had a feeling of dread come over me. I felt like something terrifying is going to happen, but that in the end everything would turn out better than it is now. I have no idea what this means or when it will happen.

I would like to believe it has something to do with my ex being laid off last week. Sure I will not get child support for a while, but then maybe he’ll get a better job and be able to move on with his life. Even better, perhaps it means I’ll meet Mr. Wonderful and I’ll be extremely nervous about the new feelings. Beyond those two, I start to really dread what could be coming my way. With all my heart, I hope it isn’t that my company decides they don’t have enough work to keep me employed. I haven’t exactly been busy for the last few months. Plus, I desperately hope they can put me on full-time in the late summer so that my Texas plans will be a reality.

Despite the fact that being nervous is just a useless waste of energy, I am still bracing for whatever may come my way. Please be mostly kind…2011.

Happy New Year & Goodbye Shopping!

2010-12-29T09:13:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year again, when many people make resolutions. I always like to spend at least a few moments to review the previous year, think about the upcoming year, and re-set my priorities. This year, I don’t have much to rehash, but I am looking forward to possible big changes this summer.

I am planning to move back to my house in Texas. Now, I wish I knew how or if it will all work out, but that is my plan. My tenant’s lease ends on July 31st. I would really like to get Lexi enrolled in kindergarten there, which starts the middle of August. My dream/ideal situation is for my company to put me back on full-time in September. I can enroll Jordan in the same place that Lexi was going before we left. He would start right after Labor Day. Sounds like a great plan, but I know life often takes us in different directions. I still really want this one though.

While my company is doing ok, the economy in Florida has been suffering. There are not a lot of contracts out there. I am desperately praying we win one so that they don’t have to worry as much about agreeing to the full-time. My other option is to look for a job, but I am hoping I don’t have to go that route.

In order to make this transition easier, I realize that I am going to need money. Most situations in life are easier with money, right? Knowing that, I have decided that it is time to become an extreme penny pincher. I have never been very good at it, but I am certainly going to try.

So, here is to a New Year of penny pinching for the greater good!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! I just love this time of year. Spending time with family and a general sense of cheer just make life seem a bit better.

We don't have anything too exciting planned this year. Unlike last year, no family members are coming to stay. Since we're living with family, we still get the benefit of spending the holidays with loved ones. We have also tried to help a few people who are less fortunate than we are this year.

I had planned to hold back on shopping, but as usual I kept finding things that I knew Lexi and Jordan would love. On top of that, my sister and mom enjoyed getting things for them. They will be very spoiled come Christmas morning. It will certainly be fun seeing their excitement.

Holiday Cheer

2010-12-17T14:47:00.000-08:00

I took the kids with me to the post office this morning to send off a few packages. As expected, the line was out the door and there were only two clerks. I had prepared Lexi and Jordan as well as myself for the long line. We didn't mind so much, but everyone else was grumpy and complaining loudly.

After about 15 minutes of waiting, Jordan started singing, "We wish you a Merry Christmas!" He sang it fairly loud and quite cheerfully. Quite a few people around us cracked a smile. It reminded me that "the best way to spread holiday cheer is singing loud for all to hear." Thanks Buddy the Elf.

San Diego Snow

2010-12-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

Lexi and Jordan just love snow, pretty much like all kids, especially ones that rarely get to experience it. Today, in fact, Jordan saw a snowball fight on television and was very excited to have one. I had to explain that we would not be having one today. He was quite sad and questioned why. Well... I explained that we don't have any snow and the temperature actually made it all the way to 80 degrees. In stead, we made snow flakes to hang up.

Now He is Three

2010-12-02T08:23:00.000-08:00

Jordan's birthday was yesterday. He is actually three now. The funny thing is that every day he jumps on the scale and ranges between 31 and 33. Whenever I tell him his weight, he would turn to be and say "No, I am two!" Yesterday though, he was 31.4. He said, "Yeah, I AM 31."

Favorite Black Friday Activity

2010-11-26T22:35:00.000-08:00

Last night, I decided to give shopping on Black Friday a try. I had done it once before back when I was married and we went to spend Thanksgiving with his Grandma, Aunt and cousins. His three cousins are all girls about my age and they love to go to Kohls every year. We got up early and got there about 4 or 5 am, whenever it opened that year and were able to go right in. We were able to get one cart and we would take turns standing in line while the rest of us would gather items. Later, we went to Panera Bread for breakfast. It was actually quite fun.

Sadly, my experience this year was nothing like that. First, I decided to go to Toys-R-Us at 10pm when they opened. Second, I couldn't get anyone to go with me. My mom and sister are still suffering from jet lag from their trip to Egypt and have been going to bed around 7:30 or 8pm every night. I probably should have picked Walmart at 5 or 6am and they would have been up for it.

I arrived at Toys-R-Us right at opening time to find an overly crowded parking lot and a line that wrapped around the entire building. In fact, the end of the line was directly in front of the door. I had to follow it all the way around. The first half of the circle went rather quickly, which gave me false hope. That was when they let in the first 300. Then about every 15 minutes, we moved up in line. They were letting 50 people in every time 50 had left. I kept waiting thinking that it couldn't take THAT long. Plus, Jordan's birthday was on my mind (Dec 1st). I thought that this was a good opportunity for me to shop for the kids without them. It ended up taking exactly two hours to get in the front door. I was still optimistic at that point. It was only midnight. I decided to grab a few things as well as a gift for Jordan and head home. As I was winding through the store, I noticed the extremely long line for the registers. I couldn't believe it, so I asked how long it was taking. I was told about an hour and a half to two hours. That is when I put my stuff down and headed right home, because I knew I was defeated.

From these experiences, I have learned that going with a fun group and making it more of a social outing is the only way that Black Friday should even be considered (for me anyway). From now on, I'll save my shopping for less busy times.

This brings me to my usual Black Friday activity, which is working on Christmas cards. I just love sending them out at the beginning of December. I planned to work on them today, but Lexi was also excited about making cards this year. I helped her make some for her friends. I'll have to start working on mine tomorrow. If any of the regular blog readers want to get on my list, just send me your contact info at: frecklefacegirl01@hotmail.com.

Truly Blessed

2010-11-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

My favorite holiday is here again. Mostly, I love the food and spending time with family, but it is also a wonderful time to remember all of the things that I am thankful for like:

1. Healthy and happy kids
2. A great job that I can do from home
3. Generous family members
4. Amazing friends
5. Dreams of a better future that we seem to be moving closer to all the time

I would like to wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you get to spend it with people you love.

Not In Pre-school, But Fine

2010-11-18T22:14:00.000-08:00

When people find out that Lexi isn't in pre-school this year, they give me judgmental looks. I just tell them that I am teaching her how to read and that she gets to play with the kids at the YMCA every day. She also has Jordan to play with. I’m almost tempted to tell people that I am homeschooling her just to see if that is more acceptable.

I’ve been wondering, when did pre-school become the norm? It wasn’t normal when I was a child, at least not in Utah. I am not saying it is a bad thing. In fact, I think pre-school is wonderful, but I can't afford it this year. If I had the money, I'd like her to attend at least twice a week. However, I feel that it is optional and not necessarily better.

Another mom at the YMCA doesn’t have her son in pre-school either. She asked me what are some of things I worry about that Lexi might have problems with when she gets to kindergarten. I don't really have any. She mentioned that she heard that standing in line and raising hands was an issue for some non-pre-schooled kids. Seems too simple to worry about that for any child. I already know that Lexi doesn’t have a problem with either of those.

A good friend in Texas had complained about being judged for not enrolling her kids in kindergarten, which is odd because she was a teacher before she became a stay-at-home mom. In addition to a tight budget, her decision also had to do with the fact that she just wanted to spend as much time with her kids as she could. All moms know that kids grow up too quickly. Lexi wasn’t even two when my friend told me about feeling judged. I didn’t see what the big deal was at the time and frankly, I still don’t.

My friend even taught her two oldest kids to read very well before they started kindergarten. They have been the top readers in their classes. She told me about the lesson manual she used and warned me that it requires a lot of patience and can be grueling at times, but that the rewards were worth it. I have been working on it with Lexi this year mainly because she is ready and needs a challenge. Yesterday, she completed her 55th lesson out of 100. I made a little video so everyone can see her progress. Here she is reading part of the story that was in her lesson that we did later:

Yes, she plays it up for the camera. Here is a photo of the story:

Gift of Sanity

2010-11-12T21:55:00.000-08:00

Last year for Christmas, my mom gave the kids & me a membership to the YMCA. Little did I know at the time, that it would be the best gift ever for reasons I wouldn't have guessed.

Sure I was excited about working out more; I envisioned a fantastic goddess-like body that hasn't materialized.  I was also thrilled that the kids would get to interact and play with other kids in playcare, while I worked out. The YMCA allows for kids to be in their care for two hours a day while the parents are on the property. I must be honest and admit that sometimes my main motivation for going is for the kids' social lives. There have even been times that I wanted to go mainly for my workout.

Lately though, it has been very clear that going there is the key to my sanity. Not only am I a single mom, but I am a full-time single mom. I don't share custody (because he is in Texas). My kids are not in a mothers' day out program or pre-school. I don't have a babysitter. There is a RARE occassion where my mom will watch them after I put them in bed so that I can run a quick errand or even less often while I go to a movie with my sister.  For the most part though, I don't get any breaks.  My mom is certainly willing, but I realize that she works too hard to have the energy for silly/loud kids.

As for "me time," I have come to consider me time the time when I am in the shower pretending that I can't hear them arguing and the time that they are in bed sleeping and I am working for my company. Good thing I like my job.

Back to the point, going to the Y means that I have a 2 hour break. I don't have to worry because they are well cared for and I am easy to find if anything should go wrong. It is nice and quiet during the time I go, which is 10 am to noon, when only other moms and senior citizens are there. Plus, exercise gets my blood pumping and reduces my stress.  I can feel a huge difference in my ability to be patient and handle the constant chatter on days that we go. Thanks to the YMCA I have survived this last year and I know I'll be ok for the half of next year that I'll be living here.

National Cemeteries

2010-11-11T21:10:00.000-08:00

Veterans Day evokes a lot of national pride for most citizens of the US and reminds us to be thankful to the soldiers that fought for our freedoms. For me, National Cemeteries really bring that reverence home. My mother and grandmother (her mother) have instilled in me a general appreciation for cemeteries. We used to spend Memorial Days driving around to various cemeteries to drop flowers off at the graves of deceased loved ones.

It wasn't until 2005 that I grew to have an additional appreciation for National Cemeteries. That was the year that my dad passed away and was laid to rest in the Houston National Cemetery. The grounds and ceremonies are an amazing tribute to the soldiers. I have also visited the National Cemeteries in Arlington and South Florida. They are all impressive and humbling.

Several weeks ago, I started thinking about when I took my kids to visit my dad's grave in December of 2008, which was three years after he died. If we were living there, we would definitely go this year too. I think it is a tradition that I will start as soon as we move back. What a wonderful way to kick off the month of December and also teach my kids a great lesson in life. Here is a photo I took then:

Values Wheel

2010-11-10T22:32:00.000-08:00

The other day, I read a magazine during my warm-up at the gym that had interesting advice. A psychologist was trying to explain to women how they can determine if I guy is relationship worthy. I agree that women can get twitterpated & forget the important things when it comes to love. She suggested that women should sit down and draw two circles, one inside the other.

In the inner circle, there should be a list of things she absolutely can't live without in a relationship. If a guy has the qualities in the inner circle and there are lots of mutual romantic feelings, he is relationship worthy. The outer circle should be a list of things that would be nice or a bonus. I think mainly that outer list is there because women like to give a guy they like the benefit of the doubt. It may be a way of acknowledging things that you like, but don't NEED.

I decided to make a Values Wheel. I came up with a few things for the inner & outer circles:

I actually think the outer circle should be created once you have someone you are thinking seriously about and just want to add their traits that you like. To be honest, I just think these kinds of tasks are more like fun little quizzes than actual decision assistance.

Let the Christmas Prep Begin

2010-11-09T22:21:00.000-08:00

It seems like a lot of people like to complain about Christmas decorations and shopping happening earlier and earlier every year. Not me. I just love October, November, and December. I happen to like Halloween and Thanksgiving décor though, so I’ll wait until the beginning of December to start putting up the Christmas ones. There are a few Christmas things that I do like to start doing in November though – listening to Christmas music, preparing Christmas cards, and shopping.

The Christmas music has more to do with teaching my kids the songs. This year, I think we might go caroling at my mom’s work (the retirement home). Lexi and Jordan know quite a few songs, but it doesn’t hurt to get them down pat and learn a few more. I may even make a video of them singing to post on here in December.

As for the Christmas cards, I just like to send them off the beginning of December. In order to do that, I need to get a decent picture this month. That is the toughest part. To make it easy, I will just order photo cards that I can pick up at the store. Next, comes addressing and stamping all of them. This whole process has to start this month in order for them to go out the first part of December. Now that I think about it, I’ll probably be putting that off this whole task for at least a week or two.

In reality, I just want to do the shopping. Unfortunately, funds are a little low this year. I have been given a great coupon for this weekend though. It is for 30% off of Gap, Banana Republic, & Old Navy for as many times as I want to use it. I know someone who works for the Corporate Headquarters and they do this every year. The best part is that 5% of the purchases goes to the charity she picked, which is Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I love that one.

Shopping, Christmas cards, and Christmas music… how I love it all even in November.

Munchkin Houses

2010-11-08T22:28:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned that we are living on a small mountain? It is a rather famous little mountain in San Diego for several reasons, but the main one is because there is a huge white cross on the very top that is a Veterans Memorial. I posted a picture here: http://frecklefacegirl.blogspot.com/2009/08/views-near-our-house.html.

There is a lesser known attraction on the mountain as well. It is more of an Urban Legend. I first heard the story about four years ago, when I came out to La Jolla to visit my mom. She told me all about the "Munchkin Houses." According to the legend, several little people that starred in the Wizard of Oz used their earnings to build small houses on Mount Soledad. I immediately liked the story. It just sounds cool, but I was skeptical because I had read a story about how the little people didn't get paid very well from the movie. She even took me to see the houses:

They really are cute houses with small doors, steps, and gates. Supposedly, according to the legend, there were four original houses, but a few of them have been renovated for regular sized people. I decided to look it up on the internet recently. I read that it is just an Urban Legend.

That is probably true, but there has to be more to the story. It also said that the houses don't have smaller features. That part of the fact finding is wrong. Perhaps, they were not built for little people, but the doors, steps, gate, and a few other things are definitely not normal sized. It also says that the houses sit down from the road making them look smaller. That isn't true either. In fact, the second picture definitely shows that this one is quite higher than the road. I took this picture sitting in my vehicle, which is a crossover and fairly high off the ground.

While the story is interesting, the best part about the houses is how unique they are. I happen to like architecture, but these houses are special. They have inspired a whole Urban Legend for heaven sakes.

Turkey Day

2010-11-07T16:29:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. It is fun to get together with family or friends or both and just enjoy each others' company. Of course, munching on great food is always nice too. I even love hosting it. This year, we don't have any exciting plans, but we are still looking forward to it. Lexi and Jordan talk about Turkey Day all the time.

Today, I wanted to give Lexi something to do that was quiet during Jordan's nap. I handed her some paper and told her to draw a turkey. I had no idea what it was going to look like. We haven't been drawing or coloring turkeys this year. A little later I went to see her drawing and was blown away. She even drew a hat! Some times I can't believe that she is still only four.

Just Posting

2010-11-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

This year, my blog has clearly been neglected. Too bad this isn't one of those situations where I can blame it on someone else. Not that I am into that, but knowing I could would be cool. Unfortunately, I have simply lost interest for the most part and for no tangible reasons. However, this month has been different. Some of you may be wondering if I joined the NaBloPoMo (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Well, I haven't.

For years, I have seen other blogs, which I follow, join and I have enjoyed their frequent posts. I always thought that there wasn't any way I could produce that many topics in one month. I also wondered if I would even have the motivation to try. Besides, I am not a blogger that comes up with a fascinating topic and adds lots of creative/humorous insight. I wish I could be like that. My posts are basically about a bunch of drivel on this and that. Sometimes, I don't even like my blog because I feel like I am much more pessimistic or negative on here than I really am. Perhaps, I just get inspired by negativity, which frankly sucks.

Anyway, see... blah, blah, blah about this and that. I guess this proves my point. If I keep up with my little quest of posting almost every day this month, you can be sure that there will be more randomness chatter about this and that. - Don't say you haven't been warned.

Sister Wives

2010-11-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

Those of you who have read my blog for a while might remember that I liked the show Big Love. I was fascinated by it at least for the first season and most of the second. Sure there were times, when some of the topics bothered me, but it was all part of the drama.

When the new reality show about polygamy came out recently on TLC, I was mildly interested. I don't really get into many television shows, but I figured that I would watch and episode or two of Sister Wives. However, I can't bring myself to watch even a minute of it. I happened to catch an interview that they did on the Today Show before any of the episodes aired. The whole thing just made me sick to my stomach. I can't even watch the interview again.

Unlike the majority of Americans, I have seen several polygamists. There are quite a few of them in Southern Utah. In fact, on our way back from visiting friends last February, we happened to see 4 young wives in the restroom at the outlet mall in Saint George, Utah. They are easy to spot because they really do dress like the women on the compound of the Big Love show. They have big poufy hair, braids, and traditional dresses. Even Lexi noticed that there was something unusual about them. We exchanged polite smiles. The ones on the compound are raised that way and are used to being so different.

I have also known of a few that try harder to blend in with the general population. They dress normal, don't live in compounds, and have regular jobs. Whether they live on a compound or not, even in Utah, they are considered weird. I actually have a tougher time understanding why the women living more normal lives would agree to be a sister wife. After watching the Sister Wives interview on the Today Show, I just can't see how any woman could find it appealing. The worst part though was when he talked about falling in love with one woman and then another and then another and then another. He made it sound like he just had to have these women because he fell for them. Please! It sounds like he has a hormonal problem. I am definitely skipping this one.

**I should note that polygamy is no longer practiced by members of the LDS church (aka Mormons). When someone decides to become a polygamist, they are usually excommunicated.

Roots of Envy

2010-11-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

Lately, quite a few friends have shared news with me that made me feel happy for them and GLAD it wasn’t me. Of course, my two recently divorced friends that got re-married were on the list. When one of them shared the news, the only thing that popped into my head was… “You actually have to plan a wedding for a second marriage? What a pain!” Thankfully, I kept that to myself.

The other bit of good news was from a friend that is pregnant and about to have her third. She has two sons, one six months younger than Lexi and the other one is a little younger than Jordan. I would have thought that this might bring about feelings of envy since I wanted three kids, but no. Mainly, I was glad not to be pregnant. That really is such a miserable and uncomfortable state. In the last year, I have come to realize that I am quite happy with my two kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I am just hoping that if I find a Mr. Right, that he will have a few young kids of his own.

Neither of these news flashes brought about feelings of envy, but there was some news from a friend about two months ago that hit hard. This friend had been offered a dream job with a ridiculously large salary in Italy. I would LOVE to live in Italy and quite a few other countries. I spent several days stuck in the pit of horrible envy (not the hateful kind, just the depressed & wished that was me kind). Probably the worst part of it all was that the move wasn’t even wanted. How could that be? I just don’t get it.

To sum this up, marriage and pregnancy are not going to make me feel envious, but a life altering experience in a foreign country will. I guess some things never change.

Feeling Old

2010-11-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

It is funny what things make a person feel old. For the past several months, it has been the fact that someone I knew from Jr High, Shawn Lindsay, was running to be a State House Representative in Oregon. It makes me feel even older than knowing that my 20 year high school reunion is next summer. He won yesterday, so I can't continue to pretend that he was just way too young for this type of thing.

Predatory Dating

2010-11-02T14:44:00.000-07:00

Since my divorce, I have come across several chics in similar situations that are handling it quite differently. I like to call their approach to being single – predatory dating. It is the way I describe people (mostly women) that make getting married a number one priority.

I know 4 chics that got divorced about the same time or a bit after I did. Most of them had very valid reasons for getting divorced, which makes me a little sad with the whole marriage thing. All four of them have decided that they were going to get married again ASAP. It is like they are on some crazy mission. Two of them have succeeded so far. Another one is in a relationship with "the one." The last one, whose divorce wasn't finalized until the beginning of this summer, is dating up a storm. She goes out 3 - 5 times a week with different guys. I am guessing that it is only a matter of time for her.

I realize that predatory dating isn’t completely odd. Everyone knows someone that likes to jump from relationship to relationship with little down time. I honestly hope it works for all of them, but I worry that being in a hurry could lead to rash decisions. Like they say, “Permanent decisions should not be made on temporary feelings.” With such a deliberate agenda, how can they be sure that they are not making the same mistakes?

I guess jumping back into it might be healthier than going the other way like I am doing. I just can’t get excited about dating. How do single moms (especially full time moms like me) find the time or energy to even put themselves out there?

Trick-or-Treating 2010

2010-11-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

We took pictures before heading out the door for trick-or-treating last night. As you can see, we dressed in an Alice in Wonderland Theme. I love doing themes, but I know it will not be too long before Lexi and Jordan will want to do their own thing. For now, I'll enjoy it.

Last Names

2010-10-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

When I got married, I knew that I wanted to take on his last name. Mostly, it was because I wanted us to have kids. There is a streak of feminism running through me, but I am not whole heartedly attached to my own name. I did keep my maiden name for work though and used it for my middle name since I wasn't given one by my parents.

When I got divorced, it felt right to keep my married name because I share it with the kids. It seems easier than explaining why our last names are different. I didn't really think about it again until I read letter sent to an advice column. It was from a divorced woman who kept her married name for her child. Her ex-husband was getting re-married and his fiancé hated that she kept the name. This gave me something to think about, even though I personally feel the new fiancé should only request and not demand something of an ex-wife. It sounds like she’ll want the kid out of their lives next. However, I agree that it is odd to share the bond of a last name.

Anyway, the advice in the column was to take on her former maiden name. It said that if she wanted to share a name with her son, she should have him hyphenate his name. I am not sure I agree with that. What a pain for the kid! I don’t really know what the answer to this problem is, but it is interesting to think about. What do most divorced women do?

Halloween JibJab

2010-10-19T16:33:00.001-07:00

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

What could be better on a rainy day than playing around with JibJab and laughing with the kids? We even cast my brothers in the Monster Rap.

Halloweenie Time

2010-10-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

Remember back when I used to have a new design for every holiday? Well, I still LOVE holidays, but I'm in a horrible funk when it comes to my blog. Whenever I sit down, I seem to forget the topics I've come up with. So... for now, I'll say that we're doing well. We're out doing lots of fun things. We have our Halloween costumes and are excited to wear them. I am still trying to balance working at home and entertaining kids. I am still NOT dating, but I'm trying to remember why people think it is fun to date. More and more, I am realizing that being a single mom has quite a few advantages. There really isn't anything new to report, but soon I'll try to get to one of the topics swirling around in my head.

Waiting Game

2010-09-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

Ellen has a great stand-up show where she talks about how crazy life can be and that we should embrace procrastination. The idea can make some mom’s cringe and feel like they aren’t doing their best, but in many instances it is a great strategy. Lately, I have accomplished a few things that I had put off doing and found that the procrastination turned out to be the ideal approach.

First (and probably the best one) is all about potty training Jordan. Lexi wasn’t a tough child to potty train, but there were some upheavals and changes in our lives during that time that caused setbacks (a return to accidents). Since everyone claims that potty training boys is so much harder, I was not looking forward to the process with Jordan. I decided that I was going to wait until he was three. A few friends that did that said it was easy. I started Lexi right at two.

The first time Jordan went in the potty was at Christmas (a little after he turned 2). I have been able to get him to go right before his baths for months. He has been showing more and more of the signs that he is ready. Finally, a month ago it became too obvious that he was more than ready even though he will not be three for two more months. I put a pair of big boys on him and haven’t looked back. He only had three accidents (half accidents since he stopped himself) and two of them were outside. I believe this easy success has to do with his personality, his knowing exactly what to do from watching Lexi, and from me waiting until he showed ALL the signs of being ready.

Second, I started teaching Lexi to read last summer. She was doing fairly well, but it was taking a lot of patience on my part. Several of my friends had described the need for this kind of patience when teaching a child to read. Unfortunately, too much was going on last year for me to muster it. I just put the lessons away. I decided to start again a few weeks ago and have been completely pleased with her progress. It is so easy for her and me now. She is jumping way ahead of me and loving every minute of her lessons. If I decide to teach Jordan to read in the future (rather than relying on pre-school or school), I will definitely wait until he is four and a half. I know that is what made the difference.

Third, Jordan has been sleeping in a crib until today. Should I admit that online? I have felt guilty for not transferring him to a toddler bed the minute he turned two, but I just never made it a priority. I have a few excuses like the fact that he started climbing out of his crib very early. He has had absolutely no problem getting in or out. Also, my mom and step-dad both said they slept in a crib until kindergarten.

When Jordan was a baby, I had planned to buy a toddler bed exactly like Lexi’s for him. I love that her bed and the crib match perfectly. When I went looking for the same little bed for him, I couldn’t find it. I started dragging my feet and hating the options. Last week while watching House Hunters, I saw a nursery where they had converted the crib to a toddler daybed. Suddenly, I remembered that his crib did that. In this case, waiting was the key to getting a better solution. Today, Lexi has a toddler daybed and Jordan has a toddler bed. The kids get cute little matching beds and I didn’t have to pay any money.

So, as Ellen said, “Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution!”

High School Homecoming

2010-09-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

I didn't end up going to the homecoming assembly. Mostly, I put off making the decision until it was the week of the reunion, which meant I hadn't made any plans to go. It came down the a combination of a little too much work to do that day, not wanting the road trip for a one day event, and saving money. From FB comments, it seems like it was a huge hit. They even posted a video that they played during the assembly:

Now, I realize that perhaps that time is better forgotten... Just kidding!

Ebay Addiction

2010-09-12T14:45:00.000-07:00

About once or twice a year, I get addicted to ebay. Not just any section of ebay, the one where people sell amazing home sewn outfits for little girls. I bid on way too much stuff, but I am really cheap so I do not win very often. I got lucky this week and got this really cute dress for $10. Last night, I made matching bows for it. I have won a few more items too. Yes, it is my idea of fun...

HS 20 Years Later

2010-08-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

My high school class (at one of the high schools I went to) is in charge of putting on the homecoming assembly next month. It is two states away, in Utah, so I am trying to decide if it is worth the trip. It isn't the 20 year reunion. That is next summer.

I went to school with some of these people from kindergarten to third grade. We moved to Florida for a few years and then came back for Junior high and a little of high school before moving to Texas. I also went there for a few months of my senior year and ended up getting my diploma there. I knew most of the people in my graduating class. I really didn't keep in touch with any of them though, but thanks to facebook I have been able to catch up with a lot of them.

Reasons for wanting to go:

1. Simple curiosity and nostalgia can be intersting.

2. I had fun on my last trip to Utah in February.

3. I want to take the kids hiking in Utah.

4. We only live once & traveling makes everything so much more interesting.

5. I am pretty sure next summer will be crazy, so I will probably miss the reunion.

Reasons for skipping it:

1. It will cost at least $450 to travel up and back. I should use the money to get a new windshield since mine is cracked.

2. I hate to explain to everyone (who hasn't noticed on FB) that I am divorced and living with my mom

3. I will have to arrange for someone to take care of the kids while I am at the assembly. However, I am sure my friends can help me find a nice stay-at-home mom that could use the money.

4. I am wondering if I stay with the same friend that I did last time how much her son is going to hate giving up his room for us to stay in. Perhaps, he'll worry that I'll be there for six weeks again, which I will not.

5. Most of my close friends that I talk to were in the grade ahead of mine. I wonder if I’ll feel awkward without a click.

If I lived close by, I would go. I guess I still haven’t decided yet. Anyone have suggestions?

Airbrushing

2010-08-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason, I haven't felt like posting personal or meaningful things going on in my life. Possibly because there isn't much to share.

However, I have been fascinated by the crazy drive for perfection and beauty that many Southern Californians seems to have. Lately, that interest has made me a little more fascinated with airbrushing. I don't really have anything negative to say about it. As long as everyone understands that the ideals don't really exist even in women that are considered amazingly beautiful by many, I don't think it is harmful. These are interesting:

Famous Look-A-Like

2010-08-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

Today, a woman at the gym came up to me to tell me that I remind her of Fergie. I’ve heard that before but this time I froze and thought about her bad publicity lately. She told me that she is a huge fan and that it was a compliment. So, I smiled politely and said thank you.

When it comes to looks, I kind of wish she meant the singer and not the Duchess, but the lady was probably too old to be referring to the younger one. In reality, I would NOT know what to do if I was this hot:

Divorcee for a Year

2010-07-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

Today is the one year anniversary of my divorce. Mostly, I am happy but I feel a little sad today. I guess remembering how hard it is to finally give up on something that you believed in and invested years in brings me down a little. So... I am sharing the latest music video that makes me smile. It is Jason Mraz's song "I'm Yours."

Inspired by a Comment

2010-07-20T13:10:00.000-07:00

This morning, I got a comment from an Anonymous Source. It was back on a post from January (It's Not You, It's Me), but it sounds like the comment was about several posts. I typed my response and realized I should probably make it a post too.

Anonymous said...

Just want a guy friend to hang out with and talk to? Are you serious? Do you understand anything about men? Apparently not, given the one track mind comment. You only care about jewelry, purses, and shopping correct? What could you possibly offer a man in terms of an exclusively platonic relationship?

Children need their fathers in their lives. Especially male children. This entire argument re nine months of pregnancy, bonding, etc? What a bunch of crap. Do you know why children, if asked if they would prefer their moms to their fathers, would choose the mom? It's because the fathers are the ones that enforce the rules and the discipline. The moms happily leave all that heavy lifting to the dads so they can be the refuge and provide the succor.

Guh.

My Reply:

Thank you for your comments. I actually find differing opinions refreshing. I found it interesting that assume that I am only into shopping, jewelry, and purses. I like sports, hiking, camping, and lots of guy stuff. I happen to have lots of guy friends (including my ex), just not here in California. I guess they would have to come up with things I have to offer in a platonic relationship.

As for the fathering comments (which I am guessing were inspired by a post titled Fighting for Moms), I realize that I failed to make it clear in that post that I was mainly upset about situations when custody is given exclusively to the father when their mother was the main one that had been taking care of them. This happened to my cousin because California believes it should be 50/50. Also, stay-at-home moms who can't afford an attorney have a HUGE disadvantage. Her and her ex-husband were moving to different states so custody was going to be with one or the other. The one with all the money despite STRONG evidence of abuse won in the end. Yes - I am still very angry about it.

Further, I have seen lots of moms go way out of their way to put their kids first in life. However, I haven't seen many dads make their kids their TOP priority, but there are some. I strongly believe that those moms who do an amazing job with their kids should get primary custody, even if the kids have a great dad. This wasn't about cutting dads or men out of their lives. It was about who is going to be the primary caregiver for kids that have to suffer through divorce. Obviously, I am pro-mom (of course excluding those who don't want it or have issues).

I don't agree with your comments on discipline, at least not in every family. When I was a kid, even though my parents were married, my mom did everything for us including discipline. My father was heavy handed when he did enforce rules. I don't expect anyone else to discipline my kids. I am happy to say that people often comment about how well behaved they are, so I know that I am doing something right - all by myself.

Ring by Cartier

2010-07-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

During my warm-up at the gym everyday, I read magazines. People bring in their magazines from home and leave them for others to read. Since I am there five times a week, I get to read quite a few magazines. You may have noticed that I am commenting more on articles and such.

I have seen this ring, pictured above, in quite a few of the magazines. I think it is beautiful. I decided to find out how much it costs, despite the fact that I don't have any money or anywhere special to wear it. I went on Cartier's website and they require an e-mail address for prices. Since I had to sign up to find out, I thought I would share in case any of you were wondering too....

$26,700

That makes it about the same price as my car. Oh well... My mom said that it would make a nice wedding ring. Too bad I don't know any wealthy outstanding guys that are falling over themselves to marry me. Oh & that I on my anti-dating kick, which pretty much ensures that I will not be finding someone in the near future. To be honest though, I can't imagine having enough money to think that spending that amount on a ring is worth it. There will always be someone who needs help. Anyway, I think it is beautiful.

My Divorce Disease

2010-07-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

According to a study I read about tonight, divorce is contagious. If you haven't seen it, you can read an article about it for yourself:

Is Divorce Contagious?

I doubt anyone will be surprised by their thoughts on the matter, but I HOPE that my divorce doesn't rock the foundation of any marriages. When my parents got divorced, the negative reaction from quite a few people from church disappointed me. My family had been faithfully going there for almost 10 years. Once they split, several adults (near my parents' ages) treated us like we had a disease. I literally saw a former friend of my mom's obviously go way out of her way to avoid my brothers and me right after she had seen us. I was about 25 years old. I guess some people think the kids can spread the disease too. I saw her several times again when I was in Texas and she still clams up and has NEVER said one word to me since. Weird, right? Perhaps, I should have gone out of my way to announce my divorce to her last year. hahaha.

I must admit that as news of my divorce spread there was a lot of sympathy for me and sadness for the situation. Discussing details of the extreme stress, financial burden, general future worries, dealing with lawyers, and all that goes along with the ordeal probably opened some of my friends' eyes to the fact that divorce is NOT as easy as many assume it is (even smooth ones like mine). There are many reasons it is considered one of the top stressors someone can experience in life. The stereo type that a lot of people do it simply because they fall out of love is probably an urban legend - or perhaps that kind of laid back attitude makes for a boring and stressless divorce. Most of my close friends in Texas that were there for me through this seem to have very solid (ideal) marriages and seeing me deal with this turned them off of divorce. -at least I hope it did.

However, there were friends (not in Texas) and a couple bloggers that reached out to me to say their marriages were on the rocks too. Some of them said they admired my strength for pulling out. In fact, a friend who got divorced a few years ago said that to me recently. She said she would still be with her "bum of a husband" if he had not walked away.

If divorce really is a disease, it is a HELLISH one that should be avoided any way possible. Fortunately, I didn't have a long drawn out, ridiculously expensive, no holds barred, full-on battle. Those kinds are normal though and should be enough to scare most bickering couples away. If you have a friend or sibling going through a divorce, remember to ask them about the things that will scare you away from catching anything harmful.

Leveling the Playing Field

2010-06-30T22:28:00.000-07:00

While it may seem like lately I have it out for men, quite the opposite is true. I actually tend to get along better with guys. I grew up with 3 brothers, several of my close friends are guys, and I work in a male dominated industry. I also find the hot ones highly attractive (had to throw that in).

Like most modern women though, I do have a feminist tendencies. I hate the idea of the glass ceiling and that women get $0.75 on the dollar working the same jobs. Don't we all?

This topic has been on my mind this week because of an article I read in a magazine at the gym. I found it very fascinating and have spent several days trying to find it online. Here is the link:

The End of Men

I will not lie; there are many points in the article that I enjoyed reading. In spite of this, I think there are assumptions in the article that stretch the subject farther that it deserves. Mainly that the point seems to be in the battle between the sexes, women have so much momentum that they will quickly topple the competition. The competitive female in me thinks it sounds like justice after centuries of being viewed as the lesser gender. However, in reality, I prefer equality.

Plus, the whole idea of the article isn’t that men are taking on the roles that were traditionally female. It is that women are handling it all and men are falling by the wayside. That idea not only makes me a little sad for the men missing out on life and essentially becoming obsolete, but very tired for any woman who tries to take on that much responsibility.

Fortunately, I don’t see that men are so stuck in their ways. In fact, I think every new generation is moving closer to dropping the traditional roles. My dad’s generation was vastly better than his dad’s generation. My brothers have actually impressed me with their fathering and household roles. In general, I see the walls come tumbling down, which helps both genders. This makes me all the more thrilled to see how my own kids’ lives will be affected by this movement.

Tie One On

2010-06-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

My ex rarely wore ties, but I have always found them a little attractive. I must admit that these take the cake:

Cake Ties

A post that is just in time for father's day. It kind of makes me wish I knew how to create with fondant. Then again, my father passed away and I am without husband now. That means I should get a break buying gifts right? No...

Lexi & Jordan

2010-06-08T06:01:00.000-07:00

A while ago, I mentioned that Lexi loves crafts and artwork, but I didn't post any pictures. Yesterday, she drew this and I thought it was so cute especially for a 4 year old. I really like how their eyebrows are above their heads for a dramatic effect.

Fighting for Moms

2010-06-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

Before I start, I need to say that this post has nothing to do with my ex-husband or lots of great fathers….

The number one reason, that my cousin’s divorce has stressed me out and turned me off of men is the custody battle. In California, there seems to a huge movement to view fathers as equally capable of taking care of kids (which I know that quite a few are). Like lots of ideals, the drive to force this equality often comes at the expense of people who don’t deserve to be penalized. In this case, it is the mothers. This topic really gets my blood boiling. While I can appreciate the role of a good father, I can’t stand the fact that great mothers have to give up 50% or more custody of their kids. I mainly see it as a way to rip out a mother's heart. Many men seem to fight for custody so that they don't have to pay child support. I wish California judges & lawmakers would wise-up. Here are some reasons:

**What does it take to make a baby? For a man, it simply involves sex during a fertile time. I am guessing that most men don’t even have baby making on their mind during this act. In fact, they do it hundreds of thousands of times without resulting in a baby. For a woman, it involves sex, pregnancy (9 months of discomfort and often many horrible symptoms), and many sleep interrupted nights to feed the baby (usually a task mainly handled by moms).

I found this interesting quote:

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~Aristotle

There is no question for mothers, who have about 9 months of carrying the little guy or girl. The bonding begins quite early for moms.

**What about the number of possible off-spring? Men are physically capable of producing 100s of babies in their life time. Average women can only reproduce during an approximately 20 - 25 year span and at most have 5 – 8 babies. (Mrs. Duggar is not normal.) Most women in the US will have 1 – 3. For great moms, they become the most valuable people in her life. I have learned that it is NOT easy to share them with anyone including grandparents, teachers, friends, etc.

I can also come up with lesser reasons why the bias should favor moms…

**Does equality in parental duties really exist? How many studies have shown that even when there are 2 working parents, the woman still does the majority of the housework and parenting tasks? I am not saying that men can’t do it, just that mothers tend to go out of their way to make sure things run smoothly while many men are happy to step back. I have been told by quite a few divorced fathers here in California (that have 40% or more custody) that they didn’t do nearly as much as they do now. …hmmm

**What about adding the little touches that mom's usually handle? I can’t count how many times I have seen a cute little kid with mismatched clothes and messy hair and realized that they were with their dad that day. I am not going to say that kids must look cute all the time, but they should be put together most of the week. Dressing for success is important for school too. People are treated according to how they present themselves. Quite a few men don’t seem to think that this is worth the effort. Let’s face it, dressing kids often involves an argument and so does brushing girls’ hair. I know this seems like a lame reason, but it used to really bother me when I saw what my sister looked like after spending the weekend with my dad.

**Is it even what the kids want? Most people I know have a closer bond with their mothers. I would like to know how many people out there would have picked their fathers if their parents split up while they were young.

I am not suggesting that kids shouldn't spend time with their dads. A good or great father is a wonderful thing for a kid to have. I just think that 50% is way too much. If you agree and you are a woman, avoid divorce in California. If you are a man & disagree, I guess this is the state for you.

Anyway, my arguments are not well though-out. This is mostly an emotional response to seeing the agony of a great mom (my cousin) who has to fight to keep her kids when her ex is anything but a good father.

Loving Vi-Carrie-ously

2010-06-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

My cousin’s awful divorce has completely turned me off of dating. We all know that dating can lead to marriage which can lead to divorce. I know that is very dramatic outlook, but that is how I am feeling so I am going with it for now.

Since I am still pro-romance and mushy love, I have decided to just enjoy chic flicks. In light of that… Could there be a better time for the latest Sex In the City movie to come out? I think not! I have already seen it twice, which is really saying something since I rarely see any movies at the theater, especially non-kid ones. I can probably count about 5 movies I have seen over the last 4.5 years.

I know some people were not impressed with Sex In the City 2, but I love it because:

1. The girls were back together. Oh how I’ve missed them and their silly antics.

2. The gay wedding only further goes along with why I support gay marriage – amazing weddings that would do wonders to boost the economy. Talk about over the top...

3. I can’t stop singing, “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!” I may have just become a fan of Liza Minnelli.

4. I am a huge sucker for the Middle East. I was afraid that it would be more Morocco than Middle East, but they pulled it off beautifully (hollywoodish of course). Now, I want to go back for a visit. I am also dying to go to Morocco, but that has been a fantasy for a while and is un-related.

5. The wild fashion has made me want to go into a shopping frenzy. To be honest, there were LOTS of outfits that I did not like, but those probably inspire me to go shopping too. Perhaps, I should just admit that I like shopping for clothes. Maybe someday I’ll have money for that kind of spending.

6. The men in the movie are hot. I have always loved the talk dark & handsome look that BIG and Aidan so easily qualify for in different ways. Samantha’s two flings are pretty HOT too.

7. I don’t have any friends out here and no real desire to make any, but it is so fun to think about hanging out with the girls/long time friends. Maybe I need to take a trip so I can hang out with one of my old friends. Then again, I have a good one planning a vacation here in July.

8. The movie is a nice escape away from some of my stressors. Once in a while, I love movies that take your mind off of your own life.

I guess I’ll end the list there. Eight is an odd stopping point, but those just came flowing out. To add more to the list, I would have to really think and it is Friday. Plus, I have been working way too hard.

For now, I will leave the love life to Carrie and other characters in movies. Unless of course, the stars align and I get hit on by….

Or even…

Dream on, right?

Lexi singing Hot n Cold

2010-05-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

I have been crazy busy with work and also stressed out about a few different things. Fortunately, being a mom means that there is always some comic relief. Last night, we painted our nails the new "Who the Shrek Are You" color from Opi. Can you tell we are excited about seeing the movie? Anyway, Lexi took the opportunity to entertain us while hers were drying:

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-07T13:11:00.000-07:00

Wedding Crasher

2010-04-28T17:19:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I crashed my first wedding (that I can remember anyway). Before you write me off as a tacky chic, let me say that I can justify it a little. I promise that I didn’t show up at a random wedding and pretend to be a relative of Aunt Bertha. I also didn’t show up at a wedding where I was the long lost love of the groom hoping that he would call it off. Those two things, I wouldn’t do.

My cousin was the Maid-of-Honor in a wedding that was held here in San Diego. She stayed with us for the weekend. She invited Lexi, Jordan and me to go with her on Saturday. Normally, I would say no, but she had submitted an RSVP for her and her four kids. Unfortunately, she is going through a nightmarish divorce and last week the judge decided that her abusive (soon to be ex) husband should get the kids for the weekend. (That could launch me into several different topics, but I’ll refrain. It just gets my blood boiling.)

Anyway… we went to the wedding. I thought it might be a nice for her to have moral support and the distraction of my kids. Besides, this was the bride's fourth marriage and she is only 32. I figured that if it hadn’t happened before, it was time for someone to crash one of her weddings. What I hadn’t counted on was the fact that my cousin and I were seated at the bride & groom’s table. Oh well. Fortunately, the kids were all off at their own little party upstairs. I decided to play it pleasant, but quiet. I had a nice time, but still couldn’t help laughing at the bride when her nipple/boob popped out of her dress while she was on the dance floor. I turned my head and tried to hide my snickering. Now you know, I am not only a wedding crasher, I laugh at others during embarrassing moments.

Lucky Book Winner

2010-04-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

This morning, we held the contest to find out who won Palace Beautiful. The lucky winner is....(drum roll please) .... Shokufeh. Congrats!!!

For those of you who are interested in reading the book (but didn't happen to be the lucky one today), feel free to order one from amazon:

Palace Beautiful

The amazon price is only $11.55. They even have a used one for $7.22.

Barnes & Noble is another option:

Palace Beautiful

Blogger Love

2010-04-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

For the past year or so, I have almost fell completely out of the blogging world. I cut back on the number of blogs that I keep up with and have lost most of my readers in turn. Fortunately, those who are left are all gems.

To my surprise, a few minutes ago, I actually got a blogging award. I swear it has been a decade since that has happened, so I am more than thrilled! THANKS Dayngrous Discourse! I am especially honored given the fact that you truly are the queen of social media.

The award looks amazingly mouth-watering, right? It is my turn to pass it on to five great blogs (avoiding a few that I like that Dayngrous picked):

1. Aerin's Cranberry Blog
2. The Diva's Thoughts
3. Relish, My Relish
4. Crazy Bloggin' Canuk
5. Gluten-Free Girl

Please check out the blogs above and if you own one of the ones I picked, go ahead and pass on the award.

Book Contest

2010-04-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

For many, tomorrow (April 15) is a stressful day. This year, I am quite excited about it because my friend, Sarah DeFord Williams, is going to be experiencing one of the most thrilling days of her life. Tomorrow, her book, Palace Beautiful, is going to be released!!!! (amazon link)

I met Sarah when we were 16 right after my family moved to Katy, Texas. We went to the same school and church. I was always impressed by her creativity, artwork, and musical skills. Of course, I had no idea that she would one day become an accomplished writer. We went off to different colleges and I think I only saw her a few times after that. Fortunately, through the magic of FB and blogs we have been able to catch up.

About a month ago, she received several galley copies (which I now know are advance soft-cover copies that are given out for people who write reviews). She decided to have a little contest on FB and somehow, despite the fact that I am usually unlucky, I won one. She even wrote a great note and signed it for me.

Of course, I could rave about what a fabulous book it is, but most of you would think I was just saying that because we are friends. Instead, I am posting a review from an unbiased party:

Review

I am also posting an article written about her:

Article

Besides the fact that I am very happy for her, I am posting about her book because I have decided to have a contest. I think someone else should get the thrill of winning her amazing book, so I am going to draw names on April 23rd. You can enter by leaving a comment or e-mailing me at frecklefacegirl01@hotmail.com. Please let me know that you are interested and provide a way for me to contact you in case you win.

I will print out the entries & put them in a bowl for Lexi to draw. Then, I will post the winner’s name (or blog identity) & contact them for their address so I can send a copy of this great book.

Lost My Spit Fire

2010-04-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

Recently, someone I have only known for a short time described me as an introvert. While I can certainly see their reasoning for that, I was taken back because that really is not my personality. Sure I can be reserved with strangers and a little introspective at times, but I doubt anyone has thought of me as much of an introvert before.

Last March, when I came out to California for six weeks, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I was already sure that divorce was in my near future, but I was not satisfied with any of my options. When I got here, my mom politely told me that I looked horrible and had pretty much lost all of my personality. My boss seemed to notice a difference during my trip too. He mentioned that I seemed to be coming back to life, which is a little odd since we had only been speaking on the phone and he had not seen me in person. I am guessing that my state of mind was just that obvious.

Several of my brothers have mentioned over the last few years that I have lost my fire. I used to be so spunky, opinionated, and full of life. Sure there are flashes of it at times, but I am not full of sparks like I used to be. So, what happened? Thinking about this makes me a bit sad. However, I believe it is more like a thick fog hiding the inner spark. Eventually, I can get most of it back.

I think the first wave of fog happened when I was working for an evil company in Miami. I swear the owner was el Diablo. There were quite a few back stabbing Beelzebubs in training as well. While I was never a main target, I learned to watch my back and live in a state of nervousness. I worked there for three LONG years. Even though it was nine years ago, I still wake up with nightmares about it, which I know is completely ridiculous.

The dense fog certainly came during the last few years of marriage. While I am still not going to go into detail here, I will say that there were amazing days when everything was too perfect. Most people saw us on those days and thought we had the kind of relationship they dreamed of. Unfortunately, the great days would quickly be followed by a day of insanity when I had no idea what was going on and couldn’t sleep. I was extremely stressed out. The next day would be a recovery day, full of mostly numbness. The last year was the worst when the cycle was every three days – good, horrendous, numb (repeat). It doesn’t take long to slip into a survival mode just to cope. I feel like I was holding my breath during the horrendous days.

While, my personality is making more appearances, I realize I am still more comfortable living in survival mode at least around people I haven’t known for a long time. I have some ideas on how to find myself again, but they are all quite off-the-wall like moving to Turkey. If you know me, you know I would absolutely do it. The problem with those kinds of dreams is that they are not easy to make into reality. For now, I sit and wait for the time that I am back to being me.

Break-up Song

2010-04-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

Some people like to have a break-up song to help them delve into their emotions. I prefer to laugh, so I like
P!nk's "So What." For those of you who aren't P!nk fans, she is always a bit irreverent (some might say offensive - so don't watch if it might bother you).

Funny Music Video

2010-04-07T13:38:00.001-07:00

Twilight What Have You Done to My Wife?

Secret to Women

2010-03-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

This evening, my brother sent me a text. He found a girl that he really likes. He asked me to give him tips. He told me that she often says he is sweet, so I am guessing that she likes him. Under these circumstances, I think that women are pretty easy to sucker in. ☺

My advice is that girls love lots of little sentimental gestures like flowers, love notes, flirtatious texts, etc. I also told him that he should call her darling or sweetie. Basically, I think girls will put up with a lot if they are romanced in the little ways by a guy they like. If she doesn't have to put up with much, then he is even better off giving her that kind of attention.

Is there anything I forgot to tell him? What other things make nice girls go gaga (... & I don't mean Lady Gaga)?

Don’t Drink, Don’t Smoke, What Do You Do?

2010-03-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

I must admit that at this point in my life, the concept of dating is difficult for me. Not because I am attached to my ex or anything, but because I don’t feel that I very much to offer. I don’t even have anything interesting currently going on in my life to share. Let’s face it:

1. I live with my mom & step-dad

2. I work part time from home (very little money and no exciting “how was your day?” stories to share)

3. I have two small children, which makes finding time to date difficult and adds a much bigger commitment for any guy interested in a long term relationship

4. No time for current hobbies or other activities (non-kid oriented) to add an element of excitement to my life for discussions

A normal day for me consists of waking up between 6:30 and 7:00 am. I get the kids breakfast and check e-mails. Sometimes I have a little work that I have to do. We go to the YMCA from 10 am to noon, where I work out with other moms and lots of senior citizens. We get back around 12:30 and have lunch. Jordan takes a nap around 1, while Lexi does crafts and I take a shower and then work. That lasts until about 4pm. I work on making dinner or cleaning up the house until my mom and step-dad get home from work. We eat dinner and do a few things before I put the kids in bed between 7:30 and 8 pm. After they are asleep, I stay up working for about 3 hours.

See….all work and no play make Stephanie a dull girl and certainly not a fun date. Quite depressing!

Happy St Pat's Day

2010-03-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! We don't have anything amazing planned, but will be festive in little ways like dressing up. Plus, we had green french toast for breakfast and will probably go to watch the Irish dancers that are coming to my mom's work (retirement home) this afternoon.

Workout Successsssss

2010-03-10T16:19:00.000-08:00

This week, I decided to kick my workouts up a notch. I have many reasons including the fact that swimsuit season is fast approaching and I would like to enjoy my time on the beach this year. For the last two days, I have been spending an hour and a half working out at the gym. I now realize that working out is so effective because it makes your body so sore that you have no desire to head to the kitchen for a cookie. I guess my kids will have to figure out how to prepare their own meals and snacks. They will certainly starve if they wait for me to hobble all the way over there.

Let Down

2010-03-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

Some times coming home from a vacation feels so good. Other times, it is not fun to go back to reality. The kids and I had a great time in Utah. It was fun being around friends, catching up with people I hadn't seen in too long, having my kids play with other great kids, and just enjoying a change of scenery. Plus, I had so many more people that I wanted to catch up with, but didn't get a chance to.

Being back hasn't been exactly great. It didn't help that I came back to a big work deadline.

I especially miss my friend, Annette, whom I stayed it. I realize that I feel a little lonely here in California. It was amazing spending time with a best friend. I had someone cool to talk to every day.

Also, I actually met a nice guy while I was there. We went on 4 great dates and hit it off. I enjoyed being excited about a guy. A good looking nice guy is a rare thing, but I know how long distance relationships go. It is hard enough to have a regular relationship for single parents.

We are back now and getting into our normal routine. I have decided that it is time to really hit a few of my new year’s resolutions. I am back to loving the gym and eating healthy. I guess I can already check off the going on a date or two.

Favorite Mountain

2010-02-24T07:56:00.000-08:00

My favorite mountain of all time is located in Utah. It is Mount Timpanogos. At first glance, it may seem like an ordinary mountain, but it really is different. First, there is a dead Indian Princess across the top (see diagram below). I grew up hearing two different legends both ending in her death. One was that she sacrificed herself to save her tribe. The other one had to do with being so sad that the love of her life was killed. It is a fun story and makes the mountain easy to identify, but that isn't the only great thing about the mountain.

The second thing I love is the Cave, which is a national park. The formations throughout the cave are so interesting and the hike to it is great for all ages. Seeing the mountain again has definitely been one of the highlights of this trip. Perhaps, I'll have to come back in the summer so I can take the kids on the hike.

Stuck in Utah

2010-02-22T13:49:00.000-08:00

Friday night, I was driving back from a friend's house (who lives about 2 hours north) to the place where I am staying here in Utah when my car suddenly started beeping and warning me that it was overheating and that I should shut the engine off. I managed to pull over to a gas station and pop open the hood. There was definitely smoke or steam coming out of the engine and the plastic tank where the coolant/anti-freeze goes was empty. Fortunately, I had lots of offers for help (one good thing about Utah). I dragged the kids into the gas station and bought anti-freeze. A few guys helped pour it in and one told me that I should be good to go.

I set off again and didn't get very far before it happened again. I pulled off to the side of the freeway to let it cool off and started making calls for help/advice. Fortunately, a friend offered to come help even though I was about an hour south and it was freezing cold. He found me on the side of the freeway. He looked under the hood and the tank was empty again! He filled it up and helped me get to the next gas station with multiple stops because of more overheating warnings. Once there, he opened up the radiator and saw that it was completely dry. He put anti-freeze directly into it. He told me that it should take care of it. Then, he said goodbye and to call him if I have ANY more problems. I was able to drive all the way back to where we are staying without more overheating warnings thanks to him. One good thing about Utah is the nice people. I am sure he had better things to do on a Friday night than freeze his butt off with me.

Anyway, the check engine light is still on so I do not want to head back to California until whatever else is going on with the vehicle is fixed. Can you imagine being stuck in Death Valley with two little kids? My car is being towed up to the Saturn Dealer in Salt Lake today. Who knows when I'll get to go home? Once again, I am very thankful my friend and her family here that have made me feel so welcome without any signs of being sick of our LONG vacation. I was sure they'd want to kick us out by now.